Once again, I find this story to be rather enjoyable... To laugh at.

For one, your setting yourself up to punch canon in the stomach. I'd like to see how you can make Luna owning a strip club, AND managing it instead of her kingdom canon.  Then the fact that she lets the Crusaders dance for the colts even though at this point she probably knows the technicality of it. WHY do the Crusaders kidnap DT and SS? I know that they want to get back at them, but they're not mean enough to kidnap them. WHY do the Crusaders know about scandals and bondage but not know a single thing about strip clubs? (Why are they called strip clubs, they wear no clothing anyways!)

Secondly, while it's not a pure wall of text; it's more of a wall of text with tiny cracks in it.

Also, your going to have to really explain the sudden maturity. I have no idea why the heck it happened, other than to forward the plot. (Hehe, get i- *Hit by brick*)

Lastly, I don't want to hear that they "did a flashy dance" SHOW me the flashy dance. How did they figure out how to do it? What moves did they do? (Don't get TOO descriptive, avoid inappropriate terms to avoid the Mature Tag.) WHAT routine did they remember?

I'm not even going to look for the grammar mistakes, I've seen a lot worse grammar, so that's not your big problem right now. If your doing this for laughs, keep writing...

... But if your trying to make a story that people will enjoy, and not pick on; then I suggest you try something different. There is NOTHING to salvage from this. I can see a few ways to clear up holes, but it would still be laughable at best.

This is pretty good.  btw what happened to this fanfic on Fanfiction.net?  It looks like crud now with so many grammer mistakes & such that it looks like a child or troll wrote it.  every single chapter.  It's not how I remember it when you first uploaded it.  I think a hacker got into your account & messed with it.