This sound really deep.

i will definetly read this tomorrow when i get off work

not the greatest but it is decent, hard to follow

i only cried at the last part

well as you did point out, it's not perfect, the concept is great though, i really think it is.

But i think a concept like that needs some time to sink in, sorry, words are failing me.

But long story short, for a concept like this it needs to be longer, with less rushed conversations, more emotional buildup, because when it's this short there's not enough time to let it really affect you.

Your story needs polishing, but you ave a great idea!

Keep writing! :D

I feel that if it was a bit longer you could have been much better. Still a good read though.

>>803443803443  >>803450803450  >>803470803470  >>803478803478  

Thanks all, but this is only a cut of the entire story. I promise to release it sometime in full, but for now, it is staying sacred inside of my Word saves.

you put to march in this for a short amount of time, i think it's an grate idea but it's to rushed also the idea about Twilight working out Scootaloo secret was a cool idea i think that make a grate story like how Twi worked it out and how Twi and Dash getting used to raising Scoot.

>>803514803514

Here is a hint, there is more to the photo album than meets the...words...yea, that'll work. Think of this story as a memory/flashback.

Like said before, this is the short version, I have an extended version in the making.

[Things you will find explained in chronological order: How Twilight and Rainbow first started dating, when things got worse, when it got better, marriage (includes the wedding bracelet), the days before Twilight learns about Scootaloo, then after...the rest is to be found out.]

>>803531803531  >>803470803470

That was the plan, sorry

Also sorry if it was really that sad, but greater things to come, I promise.

>>803546803546

ohhhhhh ok i can't believe i didn't work that out i'm so good good at working things out

>>803443803443

I hope you like it, just read some of the comments first.

How Rainbow feels while Twilight is gone: A7X - So Far Away

How Twilight feels while away from Rainbow: Foo Fighters - Learn to Fly

The entire story could be based off of this one: Foo Fighters - Everlong  (Acoustic Version)

All links are YouTube.com. If it doesn't work, let me know.

Dashie's only loves are Stallions and Men

>>868421868421

Super face hoof. That is why it is a ship fic. It takes what you think you know, and twists it into a spinning vault of confusion. You mind gets mind fucked, then you ask yourself: "Why did I even read it if it is a ship fic, with TwiDash?"

I've made my point. All arguments are invalid.

>>868477868477 I read shipfics and clopfics all the time, you silly filly billy no-dilly!  I only read ships and clops that are either really good or filled with mare/woman on stallion/guy! AHHH HA FUNNY!

>>868506868506 I'm sorry, but I really can't respect anybody today. Even on the simple things.

Oh, and Gears..... deserves a 10/10 for awesome.

>>868520868520 FUAAAAAARKKK.... AND YOU DESERVE A 10/10 FOR BEING A BETTER PONY THAN ME!

I don't know whether or not to like this, so I won't do either.

The bad side:

There were many points of the plot missing. I understand this was a one-shot, but i've seen descriptive one-shots often. Like why Twi volunteered for the army, larger description of their relationship could be better, why Rainbow left could use more description. Ultimately it needs more description.

Good side:

It was a great story, with a great idea. There weren't too many grammar errors, but there were some.

>>885569885569 Thanks for the info, and I have taken all of these points into consideration many times. I am rewriting this story, and actually might make it two chapters for all of the missing parts. Originally this was to take my mind off of other stories, but will be revised.

>>885610885610 I'll be more than happy to re-read it!

Wow this is good

>>980285980285 Thanks!

Favorited, I hope more can be added, this is touching, also the Rarity thing probably needs to be answered, it sounds like she is with Fluttershy? And did she get back and if so earlier? same time? later?

>>20453212045321

I've been having a lot of issues with writing as of late. I want to add more to this and explain everything, but it's hard right now. I do apologize if it never comes, but some day. Some day I hope to carry it out. Thank you, though.