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hitman61live 442162

Joined May 2012
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    hitman61live's Stories (4)

    • -115-
      Short story in style of music.

      6,003 words · 434 views · 19 likes · 5 dislikes
    • Turn Around, and Pick up the Pieces
      a oneshot TwiDash
      1,327 words · 568 views · 15 likes · 6 dislikes
    • Disavowed
      A second person fan fiction. Multi-Chapter. (Now a "Teen" story.)
      14,606 words · 181 views · 6 likes · 3 dislikes
    • Sinister Equestria
      There is a war approaching, and the only way it can be stopped, is by the Drivers!
      9,145 words · 203 views · 4 likes · 2 dislikes
    x

    Part one: Outside

    Pain is Temporary. Pride is Forever.

     

                       “Twilight, why did you have to do it?” Rainbow sat at the library couch, her hind hooves propped on the coffee table. In her lap sat a photo album with the title “Wife and Daughter”.

               

            Rainbow took a look to the other side of the room, and then opened the book. Inside were hundreds of photos taken of Rainbow, Twilight, and Scootaloo. The first dozen of the photos where of a wedding day: Twilight and Dash exchanging vows, with the friends, the after party, returning to the hotel, and one long night.

                       Further along where photos in a part that was called “Adoption “. In the years that have followed, Twilight and Rainbow have shared so much: love, hate, pain, happiness, and trust. There was one thing they could never add to their happiness, and that was with being mares, they couldn’t have fillies or colts with each other.

               

            That changed when Scootaloo’s truth was found out. She had no parents, no life with a mother, or father. She hid the pain, but Twilight had seen through it, and confronted her. In the midst of the action, she and Rainbow both agreed on an idea that required Scootaloo’s answer. The end is happy, a single ‘yes’ was all it took.

               

            “Mom, why are you looking through that album?” Scootaloo stood by Rainbow and rubber her eyes.

               

            “Oh, here, sit by me so I can tell you another story.”

               

            “You already have told me them all.” The filly looked into her mentors, her mother’s eyes. Tears filled the cyan mare’s eyes.

               

            “Yes, but not why Twilight left.”

               

            “You said she was out for a walk, and was captured and…” the filly could only break down into tears.

               

            “I…I lied.” Rainbow took her eyes from the filly, this is the worst thing she has ever done.

               

            “What, why…why, and where is she?”

               

            “I didn’t want you to try and find her, but she is in the war, the war between griffons and unicorns.”

               

            “So she isn’t d…dead?”

               

            “No, of course not. At the time it was hard for anypony but me to understand. She was forced to go, along with Rarity; poor Fluttershy. In the end I knew this day would come, but never…”

               

            She was cut off by a knock at the door. Rainbow about gagged, the thought of a knock at this late time could only mean one thing. “Oh god, please don’t say we lost…” With a slam the door flew open. The only thing that Rainbow and Scootaloo could see was an outlined unicorn from the light. Something is wrong with her though, her front right leg looks…skinnier.

               

            “Twi…is that you?”

               

            A tear could be seen on the unicorns face, from eye to floor. She collapsed downward.

               

            Rainbow jumped to her marefriend…her wife, and help Twilight up. “Twilight, what happened?!”

               

            “It was horrible, I had to attack the griffons, and k…ki…” Her words trailed out as she began to cry heavier.

               

            Rainbow held the mare, brushing a hoof through her mane. “Shh, it is alright Twi, I am sure you didn’t mean for it to go that way.” Rainbow looked closer at the front right leg. It was all there, but at the knee was bent back, which rested on a crutch. “What happened to your leg?”

               

            “I fell from a magic helicopter, and split my hoof. I will be able to walk again, but will still have a slight limp.”

               

            “Oh Twilight, please don’t ever let them take you again.” Scootaloo ran to the mares, and jumped to Twilight’s back.

               

            “Scootaloo, I never was forced to do anything.” Twilight looked to the floor. “I volunteered.”

               

            A loud smack sound came from the room. Twilight’s lowered head was now to the right, now with a growing red mark on her left cheek. “Twilight! You lied to me?! You told me you were forced to go, and now tell me this! I can’t trust you if you are going to LIE!” Rainbow turned away, and headed up the steps, giving a, “goodnight Scootaloo.” The upstairs door slammed shut.

               

            Scootaloo could easily see how much this hurt Twilight, and never left her back. “If it is alright, can I just sleep on your back tonight?”

               

            Through her choppy voice, Twilight spoke, “of course, and you know I missed you a lot.” She turned her head and was met by a smile. She returned the smile and headed upstairs. Figuring that the chances of sleeping in the bed were very low, Twilight placed a large pillow on the floor, and lay down on top of it.

    Tears can stain the world with pain, but happiness is the answer to fixing…

     

    Part two: Faint

               

            Morning came fast, and things felt as if they would get better. Twilight must have been horribly misinformed. She awoke to a light feeling, and realized Scootaloo was gone, she jumped up. It was way too early to be going anywhere, especially for a filly. That wasn’t the only thing she realized was different. Twilight raised a hoof to find her wedding bracelet…gone.

               

            It happened. She was left alone. Her family was gone, everything she knew was gone. There was no time to wait, it was time to find her wife, and fix this all.

               

            Twilight grabbed a map from her desk, and made a plan. “First I’ll ch-check the east, then w-work to the west. I will leave no s-stone unturned!”

               

            *Three hours later*

               

            “I can’t believe it, I have looked everywhere, and there is no sign of Rainbow or Scootaloo. None of my friends knew where she went, or at least didn’t tell me.” She looked to her hoof, the bad one, and dropped the crutch. The pain was there, but it was worth every moan, every limp, and every tear.

               

            “I will find you, I will fix this, and I will save our lo…” Twilight stopped when she heard sniffling. She followed subtly to where the sound was coming from. To her amazement, it was Scootaloo, hidden inside a tunnel. “Scootaloo?”

               

            “Mom!? She jumped up and ran to the older mare.

               

            “Where is Rainbow?”

               

            “Right here.”

               

            Was it the training for war, or just the pain she had inside? Twilight didn’t know, but something forced her to do what she did next. She took her good hoof and forced it into Rainbows chest. Dash responded by letting out a grunt of pain. This is what Twilight was waiting for. The cyan mare landed on her back, as Twilight hopped on top of her.

               

            The look in Rainbow’s eyes was all it took. She was scared and hurt. “Rainbow…why did you leave…why did you leave me?” Her words trailed off as she collapsed on top of the pegasus, tears running over Rainbow’s chest.

               

            Twilight never received an answer right away, just what sounded like Rainbow crying from under her. Twilight pushed her muzzle into the other mare’s chest, as to hide her own crying.

    …love.

               

            Finally she spoke between sobs, “I was scared Twilight. I was scared and hurt. You left me to go and chance your life! What would I have done if you never returned back home?” She looked to the lavender mare, and pulled Twilight up closer to her face with her hooves.

               

            “I’m sorry…I’m sorry. Please, I never wanted to hurt anypony!”

               

            “If you would have never made it home, I wouldn’t have been able to take it. Twilight, I’m not…I’m not strong enough.”

    [Tell me what you think! Not meant to be perfect, with normal mistakes. So, if you would like to see the original (With EXTENDED ending), click here: Turn Around, and Pick up the Pieces. Link will be closed soon.]

    Comments ( 25 )

    #1 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
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    This sound really deep.

    i will definetly read this tomorrow when i get off work:twilightsmile:

    #2 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
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    not the greatest but it is decent, hard to follow

    #3 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
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    i only cried at the last part :applecry:

    #4 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
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    well as you did point out, it's not perfect, the concept is great though, i really think it is.

    But i think a concept like that needs some time to sink in, sorry, words are failing me.

    But long story short, for a concept like this it needs to be longer, with less rushed conversations, more emotional buildup, because when it's this short there's not enough time to let it really affect you.

    Your story needs polishing, but you ave a great idea!

    Keep writing! :D

    #5 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
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    I feel that if it was a bit longer you could have been much better. Still a good read though.:raritystarry:

    #6 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>803443  >>803450  >>803470  >>803478  

    Thanks all, but this is only a cut of the entire story. I promise to release it sometime in full, but for now, it is staying sacred inside of my Word saves.

    #7 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
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    you put to march in this for a short amount of time, i think it's an grate idea but it's to rushed also the idea about Twilight working out Scootaloo secret was a cool idea i think that make a grate story like how Twi worked it out and how Twi and Dash getting used to raising Scoot.

    #8 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
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    :fluttercry:

    #9 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>803514

    Here is a hint, there is more to the photo album than meets the...words...yea, that'll work. Think of this story as a memory/flashback.

    Like said before, this is the short version, I have an extended version in the making.

    [Things you will find explained in chronological order: How Twilight and Rainbow first started dating, when things got worse, when it got better, marriage (includes the wedding bracelet), the days before Twilight learns about Scootaloo, then after...the rest is to be found out.]

    #10 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>803531  >>803470

    That was the plan, sorry :fluttershysad:

    Also sorry if it was really that sad, but greater things to come, I promise.

    #11 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>803546

    ohhhhhh ok i can't believe i didn't work that out i'm so good good at working things out

    #12 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>803443

    I hope you like it, just read some of the comments first.

    #13 · 47w, 1d ago · · ·
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    How Rainbow feels while Twilight is gone: A7X - So Far Away

    How Twilight feels while away from Rainbow: Foo Fighters - Learn to Fly

    The entire story could be based off of this one: Foo Fighters - Everlong  (Acoustic Version)

    All links are YouTube.com. If it doesn't work, let me know.

    #14 · 45w, 4d ago · · ·
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    Dashie's only loves are Stallions and Men

    #15 · 45w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>868421

    Super face hoof. That is why it is a ship fic. It takes what you think you know, and twists it into a spinning vault of confusion. You mind gets mind fucked, then you ask yourself: "Why did I even read it if it is a ship fic, with TwiDash?"

    I've made my point. All arguments are invalid.

    #16 · 45w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>868477 I read shipfics and clopfics all the time, you silly filly billy no-dilly!  I only read ships and clops that are either really good or filled with mare/woman on stallion/guy! AHHH HA FUNNY! :pinkiehappy:

    #17 · 45w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>868506 I'm sorry, but I really can't respect anybody today. Even on the simple things.

    Oh, and Gears..... deserves a 10/10 for awesome.

    #18 · 45w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>868520 FUAAAAAARKKK.... AND YOU DESERVE A 10/10 FOR BEING A BETTER PONY THAN ME!

    #19 · 45w, 1d ago · · ·
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    I don't know whether or not to like this, so I won't do either.

    The bad side:

    There were many points of the plot missing. I understand this was a one-shot, but i've seen descriptive one-shots often. Like why Twi volunteered for the army, larger description of their relationship could be better, why Rainbow left could use more description. Ultimately it needs more description.

    Good side:

    It was a great story, with a great idea. There weren't too many grammar errors, but there were some.

    #20 · 45w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>885569 Thanks for the info, and I have taken all of these points into consideration many times. I am rewriting this story, and actually might make it two chapters for all of the missing parts. Originally this was to take my mind off of other stories, but will be revised.

    #21 · 45w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>885610 I'll be more than happy to re-read it!

    #22 · 42w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Wow this is good

    #23 · 42w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>980285 Thanks!

    #24 · 16w, 12h ago · · ·
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    Favorited, I hope more can be added, this is touching, also the Rarity thing probably needs to be answered, it sounds like she is with Fluttershy? And did she get back and if so earlier? same time? later?

    #25 · 15w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>2045321

    I've been having a lot of issues with writing as of late. I want to add more to this and explain everything, but it's hard right now. I do apologize if it never comes, but some day. Some day I hope to carry it out. Thank you, though.

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