• Member Since 10th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Mystical Rainboom


You may know of my power, but you may never know my limits- ?????

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Every few months, certain homes in Ponyville are raided and all the food disappears. Nothing seems to stop the thief who is known as the Midnight Muncher!

Every few months though it's always the same houses, the Mane 6. Now that the Mane 6 are fed up with this madness beyond compare, what are they gonna do?!

Ranked Mystery for those who like to solve a simple amateur case.

(Had this for a while, but never got around to posting it.)

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 4 )

This is fun little idea, but I have problems with its pacing. It's far too quick. You need to break everything up more distinctly. Every section should feel like its own little mini-chapter. The discussion about the Muncher to catching the Muncher to the magic dream sequence all happens in the same breath.

Your humor could also use some work, but it wasn't terrible. It just wasn't gut-busting either. Overall, this is a passable, serviceable story. You get a like.

7768339 Thank you for your feedback

Not a bad story at all. I mean it wasn't something I would consider really good writing or anything, or even a really good plot line but a good starting point to get better at writing!

Have a great day :D

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