Pinkie Pie listens to a story by Derpy, when the fourth wall cracks open.
My first fic. Please leave constructive critism! Unless you want to compliment me. Then do that.
Hope you enjoy!
Here, have a few mustaches
You know what this needs?
Hey, you know Lyra? She gave me this 'thumb', thing, told me to give it to an author whose story I liked flat bit down. You can have it.
After reading through both chapters, here's what I found
1. A good many run-ons in both chapters.
2. Little descriptive information given about certain events and scene changes. Remember, you want your readers to entertain your readers, but it seems like each event is just listed off as the come and go.
3. Just gonna guess that Ch.1 was mistakenly put in bold?
4. A few pieces of dialogue in Ch 2. seem out of order.
Please don't hurt me
everything need him
Sorry. This is my first story, so I'm a little (or alot) bad at this.
Hope you enjoyed anyway!
Fourth wall perimeter breach. Engaging P.A.R.T.Y. distraction protocol.
I enjoyed it. not bad for a 1st fic
Hope you like!
Awe story, very funny! I like the first person perspective
cant read anything, this story needs to be corrected
i do like>>805743805743
In what way does it need to be corrected? What parts the story are wrong?
I like that last part you added to the pinkie promise also first
Good concept. Frankly I don`t like author insertations, nor such casual language.
anne must meet Lyra!! doit!!
I was planning on doing that near the end of the story. Like: They have a massive party and Lyra freaks the hell out of Anne by yelling, "OHMYGOD SHES A HUMAN!!!!!" And following her around.
Crap, how many times does the fourth wall have to be breached before they find a permanent fix!
The trouble is that Pinkie Pie just keeps on Breaking it!
Why Pinkie! Why must you breach the fourth wall! Do you see the pain you cause!