Everyone needs to relax sometimes, especially those who deal with more responsibility and pressure than the average pony would ever comprehend. So when Ambassador Power finds Celestia and Luna in a stressed-out state, he offers to introduce them to the newest minotaur sporting innovation in guaranteed relaxation.
Golf.
(A stand-alone, no prior-reading-necessary part of the Triptych Continuum, which has its own TVTropes page and FIMFiction group: new members and trope edits are welcome. )
Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.
Chapters (1)
I haven't even read this, and the second I saw the word "golf", I knew exactly what was going on.
I tried golf for a while; I was told it was an excelent way to relax.
Blatant. Lies.
Very funny stuff. Possibly the best use of golf in fiction that I've seen.
In my experience, another day older and deeper in debt.
...Often with a sore back, a sunburn, and at least one new blister for my trouble.
Golf isn't relaxing at all.
I was forced to watch Golf games on TV as a kid. Start to finish. My Grandmother was an evil, evil woman.
Golfing ponies?
Oh boy, another Estee fic. This is going to be a journey.
...So what about Mini-golf?
I object to golf as a complete waste of lovely space, but this brings up even better reasons, Bravo.
I'm not much of a drinker. Occasionally with friends. Rarely alone. Never spirits. After a round of golf the clubhouse bar never looked so good, the beer never tasted so sweet.
The minitour solution would be welcome too. A pity clubs here are so expensive.
I imagine smashing up a golf cart would be enormous fun.
This makes so much sense.
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More like Mino-golf, I bet.
Gotta love your minotaurs, Estee. And golf as described here fits them perfectly.
No, you see, what's relaxing about golf is watching the suffering of the poor patsies you persuaded to come along by telling them how relaxing it is. It doesn't work if they don't play.
Having played caddy for my father when I was young, I can absolutely confirm the fact that golf courses have malevolent tutelary spirits who ensure your ball goes anywhere but where you want it to go.
Bravo. Especially for the bait-and-switch over the nineteenth hole, I was so sure it was going to end in an orgy of drinking in the clubhouse to relax, as is normal for humans. Having it be a Rage-hole for working out your anger issues was inspired.
At first, I thought of this version of the game as "golf for masochists." Then I read the comments, and I was enlightened.
This may be the only time that second sentence will ever be uttered on the Internet.
In any case, a fascinating take on the subject, working beautifully with the established setting. (Also, a new word to add to the vocabulary for this universe: "truespeech." Plus a suggestion of how earth ponies treat their abilities in other countries. Very intriguing.) Thank you for this.
After golf, even the most intractable conundrum seems easy, trivial, no sweat territory, nothing to get worked up over. Whatever it is, it can't be harder, more frustrating or more soul sapping than that }#**#{[# fifth hole with the [}%*+#{}^* bunker just left of the green on the *#}%+=#][# downward slope!
Golf resets your frustration meter so that you can actually enjoy the rest of your life. No matter how badly it sucks!
Going to a driving range and hitting golf balls at the collection cart is a great way to relax. Real golf? Not so much.
Golf is just so boring to me. This story was highly entertaining instead. It was a great look at seeing more of minotaur culture and seeing all three pony magics working together. You write the sisters very well as always.
So do the earth ponies in Mazein also hold to the Secret? Maybe it could be different in another country.
Edit: I've been thinking after reading this story again and remembering the other hints you've dropped. There was definitely a minotaur who spent time with the sisters during the Discordian Era, who they apparently remained friends with long enough for both to establish their nations after the fact. Is it possible for a non-pony to have had one of the Elements?
Another day older and deeper in debt?
7474150
Redundant [ri-duhn-duh nt]: see redundant.
7474535 The driving range is the most relaxing part. You just hit those little balls as hard as you can and watch them fly away!
But the rest... so much effort to make the ball go into the tiny hole.
That's why I dig my own! (Alondro drives into a 50-meter-wide crater) Another hole-in-one! Yay!
7474357 I owe my (golf) balls to the company store!
It's cute, but it leaves out the reason those of us who play continue to do so; those glorious moments when everything goes -right- instead of wrong.
I'm not sure I like the story. Yes, it's funny, but the common range of error on the part of an ordinary golfer is more than horrible enough without deliberately making every hole the windmill hole.
Oh crap. They took the 17th hole from TPC Sawgrass and made the island moving?! And they even removed Angelo's Alley?
Par for the course must be somewhere north of 300 strokes.
That was a glorious, beautiful line.
It takes balls to play like the minotaurs do. And clubs. And a few bottles of prime whiskey don't hurt afterwards.
If you forgive the pun, this describes golf players to a tee
hilarious as usual.
did you intend to tie it into the <inernational ring games> making Golf an official sport again?
Ah golf, the first historical record of it being played is of it being banned.
It is interesting that is seems the local earth ponies don't hide their powers. If that's the case it seems almost impossible for word not to get back to equesria itself.
They've yet to have car parks, or fairways that go alongside car parks, and the embarrassment of a ball going through someone's car window. Then having to hunt down the owner, and explain yourself. And having to let other people go through as you hack away on the tee. The flashbacks...
The most accurate depiction of golf in fiction I've ever seen. That rhino, man...
So there is a sequel right? Each a chapter for somepony (or a pair). Twilight goes through and expects it to be calming, but freaks out over the fact it's not. Fluttershy turn into flutter rage. Aj and Rd try to figure out whose better. Rarity loses her composure. And finally pinkie... No idea what to do with her.
Also the cmc and background ponies would be cool.
Boone: I gotta work on my game.
Stratton: No, no, no, don't think of it as work. The whole point is just to enjoy yourself.
https://youtu.be/0Dy2fo6E_pI
7476573
I don't know; only Earth Ponies would know, after all. Or Alicorns, but they aren't talking. I imagine they just 'manage' the terrain as far as the other races know, with a big wink while saying it.
Hopefully I'm not the only one who would love to see a story based on that.
I will always prefer mini-golf to regular golf. Even if I'm not that good at it.
i remember a line in a book, i think it was by Tom Clancy: "you know why they called it Golf? because Shit was taken."
I hate sand. It's rough, coarse; and it gets everywhere... But you, you're soft, smooth...*CREEPER WARNING!!*
*Celestia bucks Alondro in the face.*
7475373 Trixie! What's the par for this Equestrian course?
It's... 1,006.
*thousands of strokes later*
derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/12/20/789031__safe_meme_equestria+girls_trixie_rainbow+rocks_dragon+ball+z_dragonball+z+abridged_vegeta_over+9000_subversion.jpg
That is one of the best Super Mario Crazy Golf courses I have Ever seen described.
Pity the 19th hole isnt Berrys.
7474150
You and me both.
And both my grandfathers liked to play golf. Willingly, apparently... I think I have new respect for them.
Pretty much any real game of golf.
I reviewed this story as part of Read It Later #63.
My review can be found here.
Wait. What?
Even Celestia herself is familiar enough with the Crusaders to know of their almost supernatural attraction for tree sap?
7982334
Letters, she gets letters, she gets letters every day...
Between Twilight's frustration-filled missives and the mayor's submitted disaster relief forms, Celestia doesn't need to have met the CMC to be very familiar with their sap-stained body of work.
Came here from the TV Tropes page.
Read through most of the stories now. Something's been bugging me about this 'verse, and I think I've finally figured out how to put it into words. It feels like Mazein golf.
8047379
Then I apologize for having wasted your time and presume I'll never see you again.
Sorry...
(Also, in terms of total devastation wrought, this is the single best negative review I've ever received.)
8047984
What the heck are you talking about?
I'm saying the 'verse itself feels like Mazein golf. As in, everything about the universe seems like it was deliberately designed to make things go badly for the characters. It bugs me because I've consistently seen it referred to as "My Little Pony: Reality Ensues" or "a more realistic take on the 'verse." I'd be more inclined to call it "My Little Pony: Murphy's Law Ensues" only with more deliberate intent.
(Ok, so why is it calling you 8047984?)
8047984 That's the comment number! When you click the little '>>' symbol on the upper right of a post, it drops the comment number into the reply here because that's how Fimfic is indexing them. Reason is because you can change your username anytime you want, so if the code were like >>Estee#CommentNumber and Estee then namechanged, all the old replies would break.
Though, amusingly, it looks like you accidentally replied to yourself instead of Estee and uh. I don't know how that happened unless you somehow edited your own post to reference it
And the first owner of a Golf course in Equestria will be Discord. An opportunity to enrage ponies legally and of their own volition? The chance to create something beautiful that try to reinvent itself as it goes and be creative with the torture?
I bet Discord would own a Golf course just to prove the Sisters that he can in fact have a job. And both Princess would come to play.
What a weird goddamn story.
8655335
Thankee on the typo spot: fixed.
As for the line breaks, that's fallout from one of Knighty's updates. Just about everything written under the pre-update system has them. Extermination takes a while.