Gestro
Joined 11th Feb, 2012 ·
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For those that have read: Thanks for reading. If you liked it, go ahead and give a thumbs up and a favorite. Praise and criticism are all welcome. Hope you enjoyed.
796482
Okay, Hrm. Criticisms. Well, okay:
At the end of the sixth to the last paragraph your ending quote is open. Fix it (it's usually a manual fix, since smart quotes aren't really that smart.)
That being said, faved and upped. Congrats.
797997
Thanks. Now I just have to find the quotation in question.
Which I can't find.
I must be stupid. I blame just waking up.
Twilight let out a breath that she didn’t even know she was holding. She was relieved to hear that Spike didn’t think badly of her. “I know Spike, but-“ <--
If you're looking at it with a fixed font (e.g. Courier) or a sans serif font (e.g. Helvetica) it won't appear.
798060
Ah, good catch. Thanks.
Gorgeous. This is just . . .
That was really endearing.
Good job, my friend.
Those of us who have seen many summers, who know our personal winters are coming soon, can take heart from this story - although it's perhaps sad that Princess Celestia gives better advice than the human "experts" on such matters.
Thank you for this. I will add it to my burgeoning collection of situations which are best addressed by asking "What would Twilight Sparkle do?"
I'd like to see more of this. How each of the other girls (and maybe a few of the background ponies) helps her deal with her thoughts.
799712
My intention was to just leave it as a short one-shot. However, if I can come up with something decent, I may add a bit more.
799728 Glad to hear it! It's an excellent premise with some good writing, so I hope you can come up with a continuation. I'll keep this tracked just-in-case.
799745
If not, I've got a few ideas that I'm going to start capitalizing on. So if anything, keep an eye out for future stories as well.
I liked this. It wasn't overly dark, but rather mature. I'll be honest, this gave me something to think about: not mortality, but opening up to your friends more. Thank you.
I've got a... thing... with this. I say thing, because it's not really an issue or problem. Hang up? Dunno... anyway.
The story has this huge build up, then, it just sighs to the end. Twilight didn't want to talk to her friends and everything so when she does, we're left with that hang time of 'what if.' Then Spike goes and dismisses it without issue by telling her not to worry about it and talk to her friends more. Now, I know that's how a lot of issues work (the person making a mountain out of a mole hill) and Spike is quite young to really understand, but it's just... bleh? no... fwoo?
And it works wonderfully. It really does. Like I said, it's not a problem and, in fact, more of a strength, but... Gah! I can't articulate what I mean.
Just, good story and such. I'll... just go now...
<-- that should be dejected...
800164
I wasn't really building up to a climax though. It may seem like it, and that's really bad on my part then. I don't see it much as dismissal either, and more of a reassurance that her friends are with her when she needs them. As for Spike, I always imagined that, even though he was a bit young, that he was a bit ahead of his years from being around Twilight so often.
But it's good that you pointed these things out. I used to have a teacher that told me, "If someone points out something that they think is wrong in a story, and you can't explain it, then you need to fix it." No matter how small, obscure, irrelevant it is. I thank you for bringing these up to me. I always appreciate the feedback.
800195
Well that's just it though. I don't think it's wrong; it does help the story even if you didn't mean for that buildup to be there. I'll give this another shot.
On the subject of mortality, buildup, ask friends... dah... Ok, so I was basically expecting an answer. You know, maybe some sage advice from Spike or something. Maybe he says something instead of just completely blowing Twilight's concerns out. Furthermore, she just accepts that like, 'oh well I got it off my chest so it's all good now.'
Again, this is NOT a bad thing. It's a very good thing. There is no answer for mortality and it really is a good idea to talk to friends and family about it. You even feel better after you do, you really do. It's just... the way you do it just... it makes me feel sad. Really sad.
800220
Yeah, I was just trying to go more for reassurance than flat-out answers. That was more the focus of the story. But like I said, I do appreciate your feedback. Thanks again. :D
I was rather impressed by this story, I myself enjoy Spike/Twilgiht friendships (though I seriously which there were a LOT more romance) but I really liked this. Young as Spike may be, he knowns when a friend is in destress and will do any and everything that he can to aid them, it would be a burden to the young dragon and I find it would help if it was a bit older...also just for the sake of being very, very stupid....what is mortality?
800238
Basically, it's the state of being subject to death. Knowing your own mortality is knowing that you are subject to the whim of death at any moment.
Also, I don't do romance, sorry. Never was my forte, and never had much interest in writing in it.
800238
You say for the sake of being stupid, but that question is extremely dense. Basic answer is death, that the body eventually expires. Dealing with mortality is dealing with the idea that you will one day die.
But it's so complicated because souls and what-not. It's a huge philosophical question. I'm not going to go into debate here, on this guy's wonderful story, though.
800251 Ahhh...in other words....living in fear of something that none can avoid? But I love the way you said it...very professinal. (Spelled that wrong). Thank you dear sire.
It's alright, everyone is into different things, and not everyone enjoys the same subject, I can in no way judge you for such poitions, good sire.
800266
Not really living in fear, just being aware of.
800260 Agreed and thank you vey much, you learn something new everyday, I guess hahahaha.
800277 Hmmmm....you know, that does make sense.......
It's kinda more sad that she talked about it with Spike...after all he is going to watch everyone from mane six become older and finally he is going to watch them dead. He is a dragon, he is going to live for much more years than an average pony.
Check this out.
http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/167552/community-written-story