Celestia spends another night in her room, thinking about the past, and making a path for her future.
A/N: This was originally part of a large tale I was calling “Lunae Tragoedia”, then canon destroyed my fanon, so the story was no longer plausible, which I’m fine with, but it did completely halt production on this story. I chose to edit this chapter as it was easily capable of being a different story completely.
I’m an amateur writer and don’t take myself too seriously, this is likely riddled with small grammatical errors, although I tried to hammer out any continuity errors.
As this stands, this is a one-shot.
Chapters (1)
Earn your damn happy ending. Good luck, princess.
Here's the thing. I took one look at the story and said there is now way that I am reading this. The paragraphs look daunting and I do believe you could break them down more to be more pleasing to a simple reader. Now I know you hold yourself to lower standards since you don't take yourself seriously, but just a little effort can go a long way. On letters, you should italicize so that it stands out amongst the regular font paragraphs. Stories are judged by how they look. If there are less paragraphs that are large in size, it's less pleasing than a story with many short paragraphs. This is all things that could help better your story. Keep writing!
-Magic
797969
I will look into figuring out how to make the story less intimidating to look at.
I was actually not sure what to do with the letters. I wrote this on Microsoft Documents, and a lot of my features, such as different fonts, were not available here. Usually letters are in size 10 corsiva, while my story is in size 12 arial. This option wasn't available here, so I lost one of my favorite tools. Thankyou for the suggestion on how to handle that here.
EDIT: and now I can't get italics to work... I feel like a ripe fool right now <3.
I haven't read it - I probably will later, but for now let my say, your 'forward' (and I think you meant 'foreword', which would also be the wrong word for what's supposed to be a synopsis) is useless.
It doesn't remotely tell the potential reader what the story is about. All of the things you wrote are irrelevant when I'm deciding what stories to read. Just tell us what the story is about. If you think all the stuff up there is important for the reader to know, throw it in as an author's note at the end of the text, not as the first thing any potential reader sees.
798008 Well noted.
"I'm afraid mischievous little Philomeena here took the occasion to have a little fun with you, Fluttershy. Say you're sorry, young lady."
Yep i would say shes female not male.
Dont really get it somewhat, Celestia doesn't care for anything, especially hates Luna , but will give her Equestria.
Actually wait, she just sent or will send Twilight a letter to not trust Luna, then will disappear without trace...
i see.
798053
Fixed that error. Later in that same text I refer to Philomena as a she, so I did know that, I just had a text error, and didn't notice it, sowwy.
797993You should just use google docs like Foxxy and I do. It's way more efficient than any software or program. Just use your account and get to writing. This is all the advice I can give you. Hope this helps!
-Magic
798130
Yeah, Googledocs.
I copy/pasted it right from there actually.
here is where I originally worked on it.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1cfGDP9-tnZPXIV_CIxX9TaqEYPHw56xSd05CkMHZrBE/edit
(Kujii is an old pen-name of mine)
...Are you implying there is a way to drag what I wrote there onto this site without loosing the format?
Do you just not post your stories here?
798134 Wow that actually looks cool. Unfortunately, it will not show up here. The italics and some indentation will be needed on this site. Color and other things can also be added on the chapter edit on this site. Just look at the google doc for reference and transcribe it to here.
-Magic
798206
Yeah, 'cept I have Italics in my post on this sit, and it's just not working. The letters have the italics code around them, as well as several other words that are in italics on the google doc. I'm not sure what's wrong
798230 Try taking away the code and then re-adding it.
-Magic
Alrighty, read it, and I have a few thoughts to offer.
Frankly - it was near-unreadable. your grammar and formatting simply make the text unpleasant to read. No matter the story's merits, that is a vital flaw.
Paragraphs! Lots more of them, please. Paragraphs all over the shop.
Light illuminates things, light is not itself something that can be illuminated.
'There was one room in the castle that sunlight did continue to blaze unopposed however, for just as there was one room of the castle that remained unlit for all eternity, there was a room that never failed to shine.' - ugh...
That sentence is typical of the whole story - a run-on mess of bad grammar that means nothing, says nothing. I know exactly what you're trying to say, but the way you write is, well inelegant and ungrammatical.
Compare:
'There was one room in the castle that sunlight did continue to blaze unopposed however, for just as there was one room of the castle that remained unlit for all eternity, there was a room that never failed to shine.'
and
However, there was one room wherein sunlight did still blaze. Just as there was one room which remained unlit for all eternity, there was one which never failed to shine.
I pick on a single sentence, but the whole story is like that. It could be really rather nice, but it needs a great deal of work. You need to eliminate unneeded clauses, ensure your cases and numbers agree and so on.
I hate to sound so negative, but I really did find little to redeem the text and - and this is critical - I so very, very dearly wish someone had pointed out all of my manifold flaws as a writer twenty years ago when I first put pen to paper. As such, I feel rather bound not to pull my punches when I read a story like this.
For The Love Of God - Steve Vai and some bigass orchestra for I don't know what reason.
Canon never destroys fanon. #AlternateRealityTag