This story is a sequel to Story of Diane Pie
Now that she has a family, can Diane become her own pony? Can she find her own Cutie Mark? And can she find her calling in life?
Chapters (10)
- Member Since 26th Mar, 2016
- offline last seen Mar 31st, 2018
Middle Ground
Good or Evil? I'm more in the Middle.
Middle Ground
Joined 26th Mar, 2016 ·
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Middle Ground · 13k words · 617 views
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Cool. I don't want to sound rude, so do you want me to be completely honest with my review or sugarcoat it a little?
7509548 I want you to be totally honest with me. I can take it.
7510958 Alright then, here we go.
While I can definitely say it's an interesting concept, it feels like it's either way too sugary sweet or the moment is too tense and you don't feel well. I also feel like the romance's a little bit forced, with some kind of awkwardness between the two that leaves a sour taste in my mouth. I feel like you don't have a good grip on the characters, like you're struggling to tie all the loose ends, only leaving more and a bad sense of no accomplishment. As a personal nitpick, I'm not a personal fan of first person stories, but that's just me. I feel like it's too big of a sob story for Diane that leads into a 'perfect' character.
Yet there are some great parts as well! I really like the mystery around Bitter Sweet and the odd anger he's filled with when tested, but there's something weird about it I can't put my finger on. The grammar and spelling are absolutely perfect, and I really enjoy the level of detail, but I also want to apologize because I feel a little biased considering my dislike for first person stories and canon characters shipped with OCs, but I want to apologize just in case.
7510958 I also don't want to be rude because this feels like I'm boasting, but I feel very proud of my likes and views. I think you should check out my stories sometimes!
7511166 Thank you for a number of reasons and yes, I will admit that I also had some 'raised eyebrow' moments while writing this and I do agree that maybe it might be a bit too perfect and I will try to fix that in future stories. As for the first-person stories, I figured the readers should at least get to know the characters in question, though I will admit I might have rushed the resolution of the conflict here and there. Thank you for your criticism, and be sure to look forward to more later on.
7511166 Also before I forget, I'm actually debating whether the cannon characters like Diane and Bab Seed get together with the OCs. I know writers have done this a billion times already, but I'm actually unsure to go through with it....
7511387 Just consider how badly you want it. If you really think it would be good, try it out, but be sure your ready for the criticism.