The Life and Times of Benjamin Inventor (Part 1)

by Bsherrin

An Unexpected Lesson

Memories

When we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted
To sever for years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder thy kiss;
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this.
The dew of the morning
Sunk chill on my brow-
I felt like the warning
Of what I feel now.

“Poems of Love and Loss”, The Equestrian Encyclopedia of General Knowledge

Playing the courtier always made me hungry, so I headed back to Pierre’s for some lunch. I was thinking about what I was going to eat when the Magic spoke up again.

Guardian? She asked, rather tentatively.

Yes, Magic?

I’m sorry.

About what?

About not trusting you.

Bah, I thought. What nonsense is this?

The ugly one, said the Magic, meaning Lady Silver’s soul. You knew exactly what to do and say. And you didn’t lie, not even once. I was just…angry.

Eh, well. Who does she have in her miserable life? Anypony? No. I have You, AJ, the Apples, the Brickle sisters, ponies like Adding Machine. Who does she have? And You’re far more deserving of a title than she. My Lady Magic. Yes, I thought, I like that. Lady Magic.

Oh, Guardian, said the Magic and She would have blushed if She were a mare.

Time for lunch, my Lady, I thought as I stepped in the open back door of the café. Pierre made me most welcome and I shared some apples (Red Delicious) and a snifter of Apple Brandy (10 years old) with him in the kitchen. We talked about this and that and, as always, mares. Pierre quite fancied Lyra. He even knew Lady Silver from when she was a schoolfilly and told me how the other unicorns had once glued her hooves to her desk when she fell asleep in class.

Pierre kissed me on both cheeks as I stood to go and I returned the same. An odd custom, particularly between stallions, but not objectionable. Replete, I walked to the Post Office which was just across from City Hall. The postmistress Summer Breeze, an attractive young pegasus, was on duty, sorting mail. I enjoyed watching her move as I opened the Post Office door. Pegasi are smaller than other ponies and are extremely graceful, even on the ground.

“Why, it’s Mr. Inventor,” she exclaimed, tossing some letters into a bin. “Good afternoon and a good harvest.”

I smiled and nodded. “Thank you, Postmistress. You’re looking very fit, as always. You truly do grace our Ponyville skies.” Sunny had taught me how to talk to pegasus mares. It was a good thing she did since when I polled a pegasi cutie mark, I got nothing at all. Zero. Not sure why that was, but it meant I had to learn pegasi customs the old-fashioned way. For example, if I’d been interested in a romance with Summer Breeze, I’d have said, “You truly do grace my skies.”

Summer Breeze’s cheeks and wing edges turned a bright red and she looked to one side. “Oh, Mr. Inventor, you’re shameless! You’re Courting Applejack Apple and here you are, saying such things.” She smiled as she said it, though.

“That certainly doesn’t stop me from complimenting a valued and attractive mare, Postmistress,” I said. “And I daresay Storm Spotter would agree with every word.” Storm Spotter was Summer Breeze’s paramour; Rarity had mentioned his name offhoof to me one day when we were talking about pegasi. Sunny also told me pegasi rarely married but did form pair bonds which were much the same. They usually didn’t last more than a few years, though.

“Now, you just stop!” she said, blushing even more. “What can I do for you today?”

I pulled out the Brickleback Farm deed. “A special delivery for tomorrow, if you please. To Marguerite Brickle of Brickleback Farm.”

Summer Breeze pulled out a small form and wrote on it. “Let’s see, that’ll be…12 bits.”

I handed over the coins. “And if you could have Ditzy Doo deliver it, I’d be most obliged. Ma Brickle has used her before.”

Summer Breeze stopped writing and looked up at me, a strange expression on her face. “Wait…you want to use Derpy to deliver this?”

“’Derpy’. Yes, that was the other name she used. Is there a problem?”

“Why…why, no. It’s just that…well…I mean, Derpy! Nopony has ever asked for Derpy before,” said Summer Breeze. She quickly finished the form and handed me the receipt.

“Derpy’s timely delivery of Ma Brickle’s letter to me might well have saved Brickleback Farm,” I added, putting the receipt in my pouch.

“I…I can’t believe it. Derpy! Well, who’d have thought?”

“A valued member of your staff, I’ve no doubt,” I said, nodding. “Well, I’m off. It was good seeing you, Postmistress. May the Wind be at your back.”

I turned to leave and heard a tentative, “Mr. Inventor?”

I turned back. “Please, we know one another well enough now. Call me ‘Benjamin’ or ‘Ben’ if ‘Benjamin’ is too long.”

“Summer,” said the pretty pegasus, as she raised the countertop and stepped out from behind the counter. She came a few steps toward me. “Um…Benjamin…no, Ben…um, well…some of us mares were wondering…” Summer flexed her wings once which meant she was embarrassed or troubled.

“Please, Summer, go ahead.”

“Well, I know unicorns are private and all,” she started, then laughed and looked up at me. “Not us pegasi, no sir; we all know everything there is to know about one another. No secrets between us, nope.” Summer looked down at the ground and flexed her wings again.

Summer went on, looking up at me. “It’s just that…you always say such sweet things to pegasus mares and...actually, even the stallions like you and you know how they don’t like groundpounders…” Summer blushed again and covered her mouth with a hoof since “groundpounders” was considered somewhat rude.

I smiled to put her at ease. “Go ahead, Summer. Pegasus stallions in the Guard called me far worse.”

Summer flashed me a smile, then finished in a rush. “Well, we were wondering…that is, the other mares and I were wondering…if, if you had a pegasus lover in Canterlot because, because even though you’re a unicorn you treat pegasus mares so well…not like some ponies who treat us like we’re flighty and dumb and…not that you’re anything other than a gentlestallion all the time, of course…and, well, the way you look at us mares sometimes with that faraway expression you have like you’re remembering somepony else and, gosh, I’m just running on and on, but since most ponies are asleep today I wanted to ask you since I’ve never really had a chance to talk to you by yourself and I didn’t want to come to your workshop and…”

I started to reassure Summer and tell her some platitude when all at once memories of my time with Sunny came rushing back. Our train ride, dancing together, laying side my side, me holding her in my hooves, preening her, walking on the beach, long conversations. All of it along with the feelings I thought I’d safely tucked away. I felt tears start to run down my muzzle.

“Ohnonono,” said Summer who jumped forward, stood on her rear hooves and threw both front hooves around my neck. “Oh, please, Ben, don’t cry! I didn’t mean it, I didn’t mean it, I didn’t mean to hurt you!” Summer started to cry as well. Still standing, I buried my head in her neck and sobbed, holding nothing back. Her wonderful, wild scent was so like Sunny’s it made my heart ache even more.

We stood like that for a few minutes until I’d cried myself out, soaking Summer’s neck and side with tears and mucus.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know, I’m sorry!” a tearful Summer said as I finally raised my head, collected myself and took a step back. She had both hooves covering her mouth and her muzzle was stained with tears.

I blew my nose on the handkerchief I always carried. “Summer,” I started, still choked.

“Yes, oh, I’m so so sorry!” she said, wiping away tears with her hooves. Her wings were half flexed in distress.

“Here, don’t use your hooves,” I said as I used a second handkerchief to wipe her face. “Summer,” I started again once I cleared my throat. “Do you know what it’s like to have a One True Love?”

Summer looked thoughtful, then looked down at the ground. “No,” she said. “Not really.”

I breathed in and out several times. “Then you are most fortunate. For us few, us blessed and cursed few, it is both wonderful and terrible. I would not trade my memories for anything, and until I meet the Stallion in the White Suit, they will stay with me, are a part of me and shape my living each and every day. Ah, Summer Breeze, you who outshine the clouds in their beauty, I must thank you.”

Summer gave me a quick smile. “There you go again…wait, what? What’d I do?”

“You gave me a release I needed. I thought I’d given all of myself to Applejack, but there was that last, small part I’d kept back. I’ve found it again. Thank you, Beautiful Pegasus Mare,” I said, and gave her a full bow.

“Quit it, quit it, quit it!” she said, stomping her front hooves and starting to cry again. I stood and wiped her muzzle until she stopped.

Once she recovered, I put away the handkerchiefs. “Well, it’s been quite a day,” I said. Summer nodded vigorously. “Summer, I hope Applejack and I will see more of you and Storm Spotter this Winter. I’d very much like to spend time with both of you.”

“I’d like that, too!” Summer said. “Actually, I think I’ll close early today and go find Stormy. I’d…I’d like to go flying with him before we start preparing for Winter.”

“A capital idea! Please give him my best.”

After Summer cleaned herself up in the bathroom, we walked outside. Summer locked the Post Office, turned to me, raised up on her rear hooves and with her right front hoof on my chest, kissed me on both cheeks and touched my nose with hers, a pegasus ritual I didn’t know but certainly enjoyed. Farewell over, Summer went back to all fours and turned into the Wind.

“I’m glad we’re friends,” she said over her shoulder as she spread her wings.

“As am I, Summer Breeze. Fly well!”

“‘Bye!” she said and, after waving a hoof, shot off into the sky. I waved back and wondered idly if pegasi ever went anywhere slowly. It seemed they were always in a hurry to get somewhere, and when they got there they were in a hurry to leave, exactly the opposite of Earth ponies. No wonder Applejack and Rainbow Dash fought sometimes.

I turned from the Post Office and walked through a silent town. I made myself a bet Summer would turn my comments into some tragic story of a pegasus mare lover dying in my hooves and then me standing on a cliffside inconsolable with grief, mane blowing in the Wind as I contemplated suicide. She’d tell the other pegasi mares, of course, and I realized I could flirt with them even more outrageously now. I laughed to myself as I wondered if the Encyclopedia listed compliments for pegasus mares.

I got to the edge of town and turned around. I love this place, I thought, I love it more than anyplace I’ve ever been. And I love the infuriating, complicated and wonderful ponies, too; I’d do anything to keep them safe and happy. I turned back around to head for the workshop when I heard a *click* and felt magic wash over me. My whole body tingled and I quickly looked around to see if there was anypony close casting a strong spell. No, nopony near; I was alone.

Guardian, said Lady Magic, and it was as clear as if She were standing next to me.

My Lady? I said. What’s happening? I can hear You!

Yes, my Guardian. You’ve accepted your role on this World. I can speak to you now where before you could barely hear me.

Well, well, well! I thought. Say, do I get my costume and cape now?

My Lady Magic laughed like ringing bells. No, my vain Guardian, no cape. Nopony must know just yet, not even your Beloved.

I held up my right hoof and cast the most basic of spells, a magic ball to give light. A blue flame appeared with a WHOOSH and shot up into the air three or four feet. Whoa! I thought, flexing after I’d doused the flame. Level up! I also realized I could feel the ground beneath my hooves and the sky above me. I breathed in the clean, crisp air and felt very much alive.

Thank You, my Lady. Thank You for this.

You’re welcome, Guardian. You have one last task today, though.

I had about three hours until Sunset and was more than ready. Derpy, I thought.

Derpy, said Lady Magic. I nodded and cast the Pony Locator spell.

An Unexpected Lesson

Remember always that the left hand is the weapon of assault, the right being held for purposes of defense, or occasionally used for severe and crushing punishment. Of course, this remark does not imply that you are never to let drive with left and right in rapid succession, which is often done when opportunity offers, especially when you have to resort to “infighting,” but it is laid down as a broad maxim, and should be followed when you are “out-sparring.”

“The Art of Self-Defense”, The Equestrian Encyclopedia of General Knowledge

“Thou art the Spring in my year and the Rain in my Summer.”
“Thou art a precious, tender-hearted pigeon egg.”
“Celestial of body and delicately shaped of wing, let us fly to the greatest heights together.”
“Rare, best-tempered cuckoo-bud, sing with me in yonder cloud.”

“Compliments for Pegasus Mares”, The Equestrian Encyclopedia of General Knowledge

Somewhat to my surprise, Derpy lived about five minutes from the workshop. Most pegasi who lived on the ground at all lived on the other side of town closer to Cloudsdale.

I made it to Derpy’s cottage in about 10 minutes. It was the standard Ponyville four-room cottage, neat and well-kept. The lawn was raked and mowed and the grass had gone dormant for the year. I walked up and knocked on the door.

After a minute or so Derpy answered. She opened the door slowly and looked out, then when she saw me opened it all the way.

“Why, Mr. Inventor! What are you doing here?” Derpy at once realized her faux pas and stepped back, opening the door all the way. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t expecting visitors. Please, come in.” Derpy’s voice was as soft and pleasant as I remembered; it was velvet for the ears.

“Miss Doo,” I said as I walked in. “Please pardon the unannounced visit. Your cottage is on the way to my workshop so I thought I’d drop by.”

“Yes, I know. I watched you build it and was amazed at how you could set bricks with magic.”

We sat in a clean and pleasant front parlor. Derpy had a book sitting on a magnifying glass next to a small wingback chair; I assumed that was the only way the poor filly could read.

Derpy brought me some chamomile tea and had a cup herself. She sat in her chair and said, “I am glad to see you, Mr. Inventor. You’re my first visitor since I moved here.”

I took a sip of tea which was very good and said, “Oh? How long have you lived here?”

“A year next month,” Derpy said, sipping her own tea.

A year! I thought. And no visitors during all that time. How odd. Then I put it all together; Summer’s reaction when I asked for Derpy, the way Applejack, the friendliest of all ponies, ignored Derpy when she delivered the letter, no visitors. Most likely ponies ostracized her because of her deformity, perhaps without even thinking about it. She must have led a terribly sad and lonely life.

“I’ve asked the Postmistress to use you for a special delivery tomorrow,” I said, setting my cup down on the tea tray.

“You did? Why, thank you, Mr. Inventor. Nopony has ever asked for me before.” Derpy went on sipping her tea.

Well, nothing ventured. “Miss Doo…” I said.

“Call me ‘Derpy’, please. Everypony else does.”

“And I’m ‘Benjamin’ or ‘Ben’ if ‘Benjamin’ is too long.”

Derpy just smiled in thanks, put her cup down and demurely folded her hooves in front of her.

“Derpy, what I’m going to tell you I ask you to please keep to yourself. I’m a healer and I believe I can fix your esotropia. Esotropia is a congenital condition – that means you were born with it…”

“I know what it ‘congenital’ means, Mr. Inventor. I’m not stupid, you know.”

“Why, of course you’re not, Derpy. Please forgive me if I implied…”

“And it’s very mean of you to come to my house and pretend you can fix my eyes. Nopony can fix my eyes.” Derpy’s voice had grown louder as she was talking. It still wasn’t very loud, but she had knotted her front hooves together and was certainly agitated.

Derpy went on. “Mother took me to several doctors when I was little including two in Manehatten. They said there was nothing they or anypony else could do. So I’ve had to live with it. Now, if you’d please leave, I certainly don’t need yet another pony pointing out I have crossed eyes.”

Well, this went downhill fast, I thought. I rose at once and made a half bow. “Please excuse my intrusion, Derpy. I didn’t mean to offend you. I’ll see myself out.”

I turned toward the door and was reaching for the knob when I heard Derpy let out a small sound. I turned back to see she had her hooves over her eyes and was crying quietly. I sighed, then reached for the door knob again.

“I thought you were different,” Derpy said. “You talked to me. You looked right at me. I thought you were different!” Derpy yelled the last word and lowered her hooves.

Uh, Lady Magic? I thought.

Wait, She said.

Derpy jumped out of her chair, hooves raised. My body instinctively went into a fighting crouch until I realized what I was doing and relaxed. I Knew what to do now.

“You made me hope again! You…made…ME…HOPE!!” screamed Derpy, standing on her rear hooves and smashing her left and then her right hoof into my jaw in time with the last four words. Her right actually wasn’t bad but her left was weak. I’d had far worse in the dojo during practice with the Guards, so I let my head roll with the punches making sure I kept my eye on her hooves as they connected. Like I’d told my students, never underestimate your opponent and watch those hooves!

Derpy fell sobbing to the floor after the fourth punch. She’d given me a nose bleed, but it wasn’t much. Derpy was smaller than Summer Breeze so she was easy enough to pick up. I cradled her in my front hooves, then sat back down in the chair I’d just left.

Sing, said Lady Magic.

I cleared my throat and sang a nursery song I’d heard mares singing to their foals when I lived in the palace:

Hush little filly, don't say a word,

Papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird.

And if that mockingbird won't sing,

Papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring.

And if that diamond ring turns to brass,

Papa's gonna buy you a looking glass.

And if that looking glass gets broke,

Papa's gonna buy you a billy goat.

And if that billy goat won't pull,

Papa's gonna buy you a cart and bull.

I had my muzzle against Derpy’s head while I sang. She sobbed and sobbed like her heart would break; her body vibrated with it. I guessed she’d been holding in her grief and rage for years, perhaps since she was a filly. By the Lord of Hel’s black and hairy tail, this has been a day for volatile emotions, I thought.

Soon Derpy became quiet. When I felt her stir, I put her down and helped her to stand. She looked at me with her sweet, tear-stained face and said, “Gahhh! Ben! I hit you! *hic* I’m so, so sorry! I haven’t hit anypony *hic* since I was a little filly *hic*.”

I leaned back and waved a hoof. “Not a’tall, not a’tall, Derpy. Just a little dust-up between friends. You should see what the Royal Guard does during sparring matches. Talk about punches! By the way, make sure hit from your hip, not your shoulder; spin into your opponent as if you were punching your opponent with your hips.”

“Still, I *hic* hit you. I…I *hic* don’t know what *hic* came over me *hic*.”

“There are any number of ponies in Canterlot who would envy you those punches, Derpy,” I said.

Derpy actually giggled, then hiccupped again.

“Somepony has the hiccups,” I said. “Say, why don’t you go in the kitchen and drink some water while I go in the bathroom and clean up a bit myself.”

Derpy nodded, so I got up and headed for her bathroom. It was a little girly with penguins on the shower curtain and flowered wallpaper. Her mirror was as large as possible for the wall although it was the only one I’d seen in the house. I looked myself over. Not bad. I washed the blood off my muzzle and saw my nose had stopped bleeding a good while ago. I had a slight knot on the left side of my jaw but some ice from Sweet Apple Acres should take care of that.

I wet a washcloth and walked back into the parlor to find Derpy drinking down a glass of water. When she put it down, I wiped off her face, and then had her turn around so I could wipe the blood off of her neck and shoulder. Some had dripped on her left scapula, so I rubbed that as well.

“Ow!” said Derpy as her wing twitched.

I put down the washcloth and felt the muscles where the wing joined her frame. I didn’t need to be a healer to feel they were swollen and knotted.

“Derpy, what in Equestria have you been doing? I’m surprised you can fly on this wing.”

“Oh…well,” she said, looking back at my hooves as I rubbed the base of her wing. “There were more special deliveries during harvest than we expected. I had to do those along with my regular rounds.”

“Honestly, Derpy, who does your preening? They’ve certainly missed this.” Sunny told me pegasi paired to preen each other from the time they could fly. There were also groups of three, four and even five. It was a most pleasant and intimate way to spend time and the best possible way to learn about another pegasus. Using magic made it far easier, too, although it was great fun doing it by hoof.

Derpy looked down at the floor again as I rubbed her flight muscles. “Nopony,” she said quietly. “I do my own preening.”

The ultimate exclusion in pegasus society. Stunned, I stopped rubbing, then started again.

“Well, young mare, this is most definitely your lucky day. I’m better at preening than most pegasus stallions and at least as good as most mares. I’m a mechanic, you know.”

Derpy looked back at me again, eyes wide. “You’d do that for me? Nopony has ever done anything like that for me.”

“Get comfortable, my dear mare, and prepare yourself for a treat! Where’s your massage oil?”

“In the bathroom under the sink,” said Derpy as she started to lie down on the parlor rug.

I fetched the oil, a sweat scraper then got myself a large glass of water from the kitchen; you had to keep your mouth moist when you preened. If I weren’t a healer I’d have had Derpy take foalsmane or something similar to relax her muscles, but I thought I’d use a shortcut and do it myself.

I came back in the parlor to find Derpy stretched out but still stiff; clearly she wasn’t used to anypony touching her. Well, no matter. I made sure we had plenty of room on either side for her wings, and then straddled her with my hind legs, resting my tail on her haunches. I rubbed massage oil into her left scapula and she groaned out loud, and then started to relax.

I used a touch of magic to take down the swelling, then rubbed the muscle some more until it was flexible. I did the same to the right scapula, and then massaged her shoulders and back muscles. Derpy must have stored her stress in her lower back since I had to use magic twice to get it to unknot. By then Derpy was making contented noises.

“Wonderful! This what a massage is like? S’great,” she muttered.

Once I’d finished the massage, I used a sweat scraper to scrape off the oil. I had a couple of wet towels ready, so I heated those with magic and gave her a vigorous rub including around her ears and the muscles on her neck. Derpy’s body was really very good, fit and toned from her constant flying. Like anypony, though, her body needed some maintenance and hadn’t been getting it. I used magic to align her spine, too, and was pleased when the vertebra clicked back into place.

“Just lie there a moment and I’ll be right back.” Derpy didn’t answer, just made a slight humming sound.

I washed my hooves in the kitchen sink and, then magically cleaned the towels of oil and hung them in the shower to dry. I straddled Derpy again and started to tug and preen the primaries on her left wing with my mouth, taking a sip of water every now and then. Derpy had the usual gamey pegasus taste overlaid with a mix of charcoal and something sweet like honey. It was very pleasant if completely different than Sunny’s cotton sheet flavor.

Derpy shifted a little, and then relaxed completely for the first time.

“So good,” she said. “Very, very good. Tingles. Can feel you on my back. Lucky, lucky Applejack t’ have somepony. Like stallions but they don’t like me. M’eyes, ya know?” Sunny used to drift exactly the same way when I preened her. Brought back good memories, it did, memories which were no longer painful.

I moved onto the secondaries and then the coverts. By then Derpy was making a low, steady hum, almost like a beehive. All pegasi did it when they were completely relaxed and in a sort of fugue state. Derpy’s hum was a slightly higher pitch than Sunny’s. More good memories.

I finished my water, got some more and started on the right wing. While I was working on the right secondaries, I used the smallest, lightest touch of magic to strengthen the lateral rectus and inferior oblique on each eye, then added just a touch of length to the lateral on the right eye. I Felt Derpy’s eyes glide into place, both in perfect balance. I hadn’t realized I was holding my breath until I let it out around one of Derpy’s coverts.

Derpy was in a deep, deep sleep when I finished, almost a coma. This was normal for a very tired pegasus and I wondered how many years it had been since she’d had a decent night’s sleep. I rinsed out the cup and put it in the drain board, filled the water tank which was almost empty, checked the hot water tank, filled that, then put away the massage oil and sweat scraper. I used the bathroom myself and then cleaned up a bit with a washcloth. I went back in the parlor and made sure all was in good order (no blood on the furniture, that sort of thing), then lifted Derpy with magic and floated her into her bedroom.

I pulled back a bedspread which was covered with romping kittens and slid Derpy under the sheets. I made sure no candles or lamps were burning, shut her bedroom door, gave the rooms one last inspection and then shut the front door behind me. Whew, what a day.

It was about half an hour to Sunset which meant I had just enough time to get some food and some ice. I trotted to Sweet Apple Acres, my breath steaming in the cold air. Frost tonight, I thought, as I let myself in. I crept upstairs and checked on the family who were all sound asleep, then loaded a sack with the leftovers from the kitchen. I got some ice from the icehouse, wrapped it in a towel, and then used magic to hold it against my jaw as I trotted back to the workshop.

I got to the workshop just as the Sun set. I had to admit, I was more than glad to get home and have something to eat at my own table. And eat I did, almost like an Earth pony. I had enough leftovers when I finished for a few more meals, so I put most of the vegetables in my replenished icebox and left the fruit out on the kitchen table. I debated reading some more in The Equestrian Encyclopedia of General Knowledge but decided it could wait.

So this is what it’s like to be a Guardian, I thought, as I went up to bed. I like it. Still want the cape, though.