2 - You're Fine Now, Right?
Chapter Two
You’re Fine Now, Right?
Daring Do met her attacker with practiced hooves, surprised at how much concentration she had to put forth to counter Ditzy’s quick jabs.
“Gosh, Sis! You’ve been practicing!” she acknowledged between parries, ducking away from a swift swipe at her ear.
“I – was – always a – better fighter!” Ditzy grunted between kicks, finally catching her sister in the hind leg just above the mustard mare’s hoof.
Daring squeaked at the pain and doubled her efforts, landing a series of painful punches on top of Ditzy’s head.
Her golden eyes swiveled in their sockets.
Daring barked a cruel laugh. “Not always, little sister,” she taunted, bumping a hoof against the space between her wonky eyes.
Muffin-scented steam blew from Ditzy’s reddening ears before she returned to her fierce attack.
“YOU RUINED MY LIFE!” she screamed, pummeling Daring with two hard slaps across the face.
“YOU RUINED MINE FIRST!” Daring yelled back, sliding out of the way of a powerful buck and knocking aside a stray hoof with her wing.
Ditzy’s wrath quelled a bit. “What did you say?”
Daring took several deep breaths. “I said… that… phew!” She twisted in place, cracking her spine as she gasped for air. “Oh, Luna’s nipple… I am out of shape…”
Ditzy tapped her hoof against the ground as Daring recovered. She took advantage of the moment by inspecting herself for any noticeable wounds. A large dark spot was appearing on her ribcage and the top of her head was pounding obnoxiously, but at least she hadn’t drawn blood. Daring’s lip was cut enough for a few red drops to pool, but both of them had seen much worse.
“O-o-o-o-oh, gosh,” Daring wheezed, shaking stars from her vision. “Wow. I guess sittin’ around all day writing stories takes its toll on a body, huh?” She glanced at Ditzy and frowned. “How come you’re not tired?”
“I’m the local mailmare,” she explained. “I fly all across this town every day. Not to mention my part-time job at Hoover’s Movers.” She rubbed the back of her neck. “I, uh… don’t get many hours there anymore.”
Daring didn’t notice her sheepishness, finally getting a hold of herself with a final, collective breath through her nostrils. “Okay… back to fighting?” she asked.
“No! You said that I ruined your life before you ruined mine. What in Equestria is that supposed to mean?”
A heavy silence fell over the sisters as both stared bewilderedly into the other’s eyes. Or eye, at least.
“You… don’t remember?” Daring whimpered.
“Remember what?”
The yellow pegasus offset her jaw. With a determined gait, she stomped to the front door where she had dropped her luggage several minutes earlier. She reached into a side pocket of the largest suitcase with her mouth and removed a familiar tome. Then she fluttered back to Ditzy and spat the book on the ground before her.
“Can you guess what this one’s about?” she asked, hammering the cover of Poison Whispered Kiss.
Ditzy tried to act innocent, but her furrowing brow betrayed her. “How did you write it with only one mare?” she asked.
“I added a character,” Daring explained in a troubled tone. “A native, like him. Somepony he knew his whole life. It made it… easier to write, I guess, adding a backstory like that.”
Noticing the tears in Daring’s eyes, Ditzy let out a despondent sigh. “Look, Daring, I’m sorry about that, okay? I know you loved him, and honestly you would have been better for him. And Luna knows he shouldn’t have led you on like that. But for whatever reason, he fell for me—” Daring winced. “—and there’s nothing we can do to change that.”
Daring snorted. “I know, Ditzy. Believe me, I know. Besides…” She stole a brief glance at her sister’s misaligned eyes. “I did much worse to you than you did to me.”
She was surprised when Ditzy shrugged. “It really was an accident,” she stammered.
“I’ll never get it out of my head,” Daring muttered. Cold chills ran down her neck. “One good smack between the eyes and you were out, falling helplessly to the rocks below…”
“No need to bring your prose into this,” Ditzy deadpanned.
Daring chuckled a bit. “Why were we fighting so high up, anyway? If we were closer to the ground, that fall wouldn’t have been half so nasty.”
Ditzy lifted her shoulders again. “We were young, energetic pegasi. Our tempers went up: we went up.”
“I’m just glad you survived,” Daring admitted.
“Gee, thanks,” Ditzy grumbled. Daring’s laugh grew stronger.
“No, really! I was so scared, Ditz. I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this before, but… when I flew down there and saw that you’d hit your head…” She shuddered. “It was gross, Ditz. Seriously, your skull was cracked clean open. I thought your brains were gonna spill out. I was sure you were dead.”
“Thanks, Daring, I’m really glad you dropped by to tell me this.”
“Oh, quit it. You’re fine now, right? Well… more or less.” She giggled as Ditzy’s eyes swiveled.
“Good thing he was so powerful,” Daring continued, “and that he loved you so much. I don’t even know if Celestia herself could have healed that wound as well as he did.”
Ditzy lifted a hoof to the back of her skull. There wasn’t even a scar. “Love is a powerful magic,” she breathed.
“Hmm,” Daring hummed in sad agreement. She sighed and shifted her weight. “Well, I guess that’s it then.” She clicked her tongue and bent down to grab the book. One of Ditzy’s front hooves came down on its cover.
“I think that, uh… I’ll keep this one, actually,” she said, sliding the novel beneath her. “Payback for the damage to my house.”
Daring’s eyes swept over the messy, hoof-pocked kitchen and front room. A smile twitched at one corner of her mouth.
“I guess that’s a fair trade,” she agreed. After a brief silence, Daring Do turned around and walked toward her luggage and the door. Just as she reached it, somepony pushed it open from the outside. The wood smacked Daring across the face, sending her sprawling into her pile of suitcases.
“I’m home, Mommy!” Dinky Doo exclaimed as she burst through the open doorway. In the distance, three blank-flanked fillies waved goodbye and zoomed away on a scooter.
“Daring!” Ditzy yelped, hurrying to her fallen sister’s side.
“Daring?” asked Dinky, following her mother to the yellow mare. “Daring Do!?”
The famous pony scampered to her hooves as if recharged by the sound of her own name. She flashed the youngster a winning smile and tousled her spiky grey mane. “The one and only,” she added proudly.
Dinky squealed. “Mommy, look! Daring Do is in our house!”
“Actually, she was just leaving,” Ditzy replied, giving her sister a meaningful look. “I think she has another big adventure to brave.”
Hesitantly, Daring gathered her things with her tail and wings and trotted around the still open door. “Sorry, kid, but she’s right. I’d love to stay and chat, but I’ve gotta go… find… stuff.” Her grin was weak, but Dinky was too star struck to care.
“All right then, Miss Do!” she chirped. “You better hurry fast! Nice to meet you!”
She beamed at her aunt. Daring laughed softly at her innocence.
“Back atcha, kid,” she said.
Ditzy wrapped a foreleg over her daughter’s shoulders. “Why don’t you go up to your room and start getting ready for bed? I’ll be up in a minute to get a bath started.”
“Okay, Mommy!” Dinky obeyed. “Bye-bye, Miss Daring Do!” she added before bounding up the stairs.
“Bye!” Daring echoed, waving with a pained expression. She turned to Ditzy when the foal was out of sight. “What’s her name?”
“Dinky Doo,” Ditzy answered, “with two O’s.”
Daring laughed. “Yeah, well… we can’t all be action heroes, I suppose.” She winked. Ditzy didn’t even smile.
After another click of her tongue, Daring started out the door. “This isn’t how I expected this visit to go at all,” she said over her shoulder, “but I’m still glad I got to see you. Even if we got in a little squabble.”
“We’ve had much worse,” Ditzy reminded.
“That we have,” Daring said, nodding. She stopped in her tracks three or four pony-lengths from Ditzy’s front door. Twisting her head far enough to look her sister in the eye, Daring asked, “She’s not adopted, is she?”
Ditzy’s stomach lurched. “Excuse me?”
“Dinky. She’s not adopted. She’s his, isn’t she?”
Ditzy said nothing. Daring nodded.
“Yeah, I thought so. She’s the same color as his eyes, the timeline works out just right… heh. I had no idea you even got that far with him. I probably would have put that in the book. Readers love that kind of stuff.”
“Daring…”
“Of course, then I’d probably have to start calling it a ‘Teen’ series rather than being for ‘Everyone’. My publishers are really cracking down on accurate ratings.”
“Daring.”
“Heck, maybe you forgot about it. Maybe you’ve told that ‘adoption’ lie so many times to the folks in Ponyville that you started to believe it yourself.”
“Leave, Daring.”
“Yeah, yeah, Ditz, just one more thing. Before I go, I wanted to tell you that—”
The Doo’s door slammed shut. Daring sighed again.
“—I’m sorry.”
As the sun dipped closer to the horizon, Daring Do bowed her head to her knees and started toward the center of town. No use coming up with Plan B on an empty stomach. With the scent of Ditzy’s muffins lingering in her nose, Daring decided to look for a confectionary. Perhaps all she needed to forget about her sister’s bitterness was a nice, quiet meal in a humble bakery, the likes of which she was sure to find in a place as boring as Ponyville.
{-DD-}
As Daring Do pushed herself toward the palace’s highest tower, she wondered if the Sultan had yet succumbed to Celestia’s night. If for some reason he was still awake, her job was about to get much more complicated.
With a quiet backstroke of her wings, Daring reached the uppermost balcony. Her lightly padded hooves made no noise against the structure’s cold granite, but she remained still for several seconds, wary of the unicorn guards posted at the balcony below her. They had not noticed her ascent; neither were they alerted by her landing. With a victorious grin, she crept into the Sultan’s chambers and narrowed her eyes in the darkness.
Just as she suspected, the royal tower was divided into three chambers. The largest hosted a wide array of native sculptures, rugs, draperies, and other Haissanic furnishings. The remaining rooms were the Sultan’s private quarters, in which he presumably slept, and a mysterious third. Daring hoped to find the enchanted carpet therein. Like an agile serpent, she wove past looming idols and meticulously decorated vases. Every item in the largest chamber was worth a fortune, but Daring was focused on obtaining the palace’s rarest artifact.
The giant archway leading to the mysterious third chamber was filled with a fine, velvety curtain of the deepest red. Daring was reminded of blood and pulled back the barrier with her teeth. If this room truly held the fabled Flying Carpet, enchanted with ancient alicorn magic, booby traps were sure to spring upon her at any moment. She moved into into the pitch black chamber, letting the curtain sway shut behind her, posed to dodge from any sign of danger.
Daring tried to regulate her breath as her heart hammered against her ribs. Oh, how she wished she was a unicorn in these moments! A simple spell would have illuminated the lightless room. How was she to find the carpet and avoid the traps if she couldn’t see her own hoof in front of her face? She snorted out of habit and flinched at her own mistake. The Sultan might have heard that! Perhaps he was stirring in his neighboring bedchambers, or perhaps he was already trotting toward the red curtains. Or perhaps…
Daring felt the unmistakable tingle of warm breath behind her ear.
Rainbow Dash gasped, leaping away from her book with enough force to knock her own front door open. She grumbled at herself got back onto her hooves with a few expert flicks of her wings. With remarkable speed, Rainbow careened back into her house, slammed the door shut behind her with her tail, and scooped up the book from its spot on the floor in one fluid motion. A multi-colored streak painted the air between her doormat and her bed where she reopened the book on her pillow and kept reading.
She spun around and lashed out a hoof to catch her company in the neck, but a thick foreleg was already lifted to block it. With a single snap of her wings, Daring pulled herself away from the unseen stranger. Squinting through the dark, she dove at his vague outline to land a good punch on his jaw. With a brilliant flash of light, the stallion disappeared. Daring gulped before slamming into the floor, sliding at least four feet on her chin.
“A strange place to find a thief.” A rich, resonant voice pierced the darkness, smoother than the curtains behind her. “I would think the golden statues or gem-embedded amulets would prove more interesting to your greed than these.”
“I’m not spurred by greed,” Daring countered, crouching defensively.
“Then why invade my palace, little thief?”
“I’m not a thief!” she shouted, lunging toward the voice. Her target teleported again, but Daring was ready this time, using her wings to stay airborne.
“Ah, you learn quickly,” the Sultan’s voice complimented from another corner of the large chamber. “I would like to learn something on this night as well. Why did you invade my palace?”
Daring gritted her teeth. She whipped her head to and fro, searching for the exit, but the velvet curtains allowed passage to no traces of light. She was completely disoriented, a feeling that put her on edge more than she cared to admit.
“Turn on a light,” she bargained, “and I’ll tell you.”
There was a brief pause filled only by the steady flaps of Daring’s wings.
“Very well,” agreed the Sultan, and a spark of magic whisked through the air. It collided with a chandelier hung high above their heads, igniting a great many candles at once. The room was filled with warmth and light, but Daring’s hope dropped to cold, dark depths.
The chamber was devoid of carpets, let alone enchanted ones. Instead, scores of musical instruments lined the walls like art pieces, gleaming with careful polish. The floor, too, boasted impressive piles of various music makers, from tiny bongos to grand pianos. The Sultan himself stood far from Daring, leaning against a colorful marimba as he eyed her with genuine interest.
“You seem disappointed,” he remarked. Daring hung her head with a tired sigh.
“I… didn’t expect this,” she admitted.
“Getting caught?” the Sultan asked with a hint of amusement.
Daring shot him an impatient glance. “The instruments,” she corrected, gesturing with a hoof. “I thought this room had… carpets.”
Why was she telling him this? Perhaps the magic carpet was in his bedroom, or hidden among the statues of the central chamber! Daring was one of the fastest ponies alive: she could outrun him, with or without his impressive teleportation spell.
Her hopes were dashed when the Sultan began to laugh. It was not a cruel or sympathetic laugh. Instead, it seemed to be relieved.
“There is no magic carpet, Daring Do,” he said with a smile. “It is only an old fable.”
Daring blinked and backed away. “How did you know my—”
“We met earlier today,” the Sultan explained. “I am not surprised that you do not remember. We were both in disguise.”
Widening in realization, Daring’s eyes scanned over the Sultan’s handsome, dark blue coat, his long, ice-blue-and-silver mane, his striking, periwinkle eyes…
“You’re the stallion from the market,” Daring realized out loud. “The one who told me about the carpet.”
The Sultan laughed again. “Indeed, Miss Do, it was I. To finally be honest with you, I have known of your presence in my country since the moment you arrived.”
Daring felt weak and vulnerable for the first time in several years. “But… how?”
“I orchestrated all of it, Miss Do,” he continued. “I was behind every catalyst that led you to this exact moment. I knew you would not respond to a direct invitation to my palace, so I devised another way to meet you.” He bowed deeply. “And I must say, it was worth every hour. I am honored, Miss Do.”
Daring blushed and readjusted her trademark headgear. “So… there’s no carpet?”
“No.”
“And you’re not going to arrest me?”
“Correct.”
“And you were behind all of this… just so you could meet me?”
“Privately,” he added.
Daring did a double take. “What?”
The Sultan smiled suavely. “Miss Do, you must understand. You wisely keep a low profile among your own kind, but everypony knows and fears the name of Daring Do among the underworld, and everypony knows and lauds your name among the overworld.”
“The… overworld?”
“Nobility. Your Princess, for example. The King of Caballo, the Queen of Cheval, the Dragon Empress. Me. We have all been made aware of your existence and accomplishments, despite your valid efforts to keep secret your identity.”
Daring cursed under her breath. “Why?” she asked. “My Princess raises the Sun and Moon. Why would She care about me?”
The Sultan looked surprised. “Your Princess cares for all her subjects. Even so, you are a mare among mares, Miss Do. Surely you know that.”
“Everypony’s special,” Daring argued. “So I happen to like exploring. Big deal!”
“You have saved the world from wicked threats a dozen times over.”
“So has She! So have a hundred other ponies through history!”
“Ah,” the Sultan sighed, taking several deliberate steps closer to Daring, “the heroes of the past. What are they if not tools to shape the heroes of the present?” He leaned forward, ruffling his great, azure wings. “And you, Miss Do, are the greatest of all.”
Wings? For the first time, Daring noticed the regal appendages sprouting from his back. Her eyes darted from his wings to his long, spiraled horn. “You’re an alicorn?” she asked in disbelief.
The Sultan chuckled. “Of course. Surely you did not expect a unicorn to rule a country.”
Daring shuffled her front hooves sheepishly. “I… didn’t notice.”
“Does it trouble you?” he asked.
Her eyes locked with his mildly violet pair. “It… doesn’t. I’m not easily troubled.”
The Sultan grinned. “And that is one of the many things I like about you, Miss Do,” he said.
They stood in silence for a long moment. The Sultan seemed unaffected, but Daring searched for a suitable topic to break it.
“What is this room?” she finally asked. The Sultan seemed pleased by the question.
“It is my personal collection,” he answered, taking time to cast his eyes over each instrument. “I have a deep passion for music, you see, and through my years I have taken it upon myself to learn to play as many as I can.”
Daring lifted an eyebrow. “You can actually play them?”
“Of course.” One corner of his mouth lifted. “Would you like to hear?”
She gave a startled cough. “Uh… no offense, Mister Sultan, but I this is all a little too weird for me. I came to collect a magic carpet, not be serenaded by a royal admirer.”
“Please, Daring,” the Sultan implored, taking up a sitar in his magical, silvery aura, “do not call me Sultan. I am Al-Qafzah al-Ula, and you may call me Alula.”
Rainbow snickered. “A loo-la?” she said aloud, bursting into mocking laughter. “What kind of a name is Alula?” Her cackles were met with another sound originating from her stomach. She winced at its grumbles, glancing at the clock on the wall.
“Gosh,” she muttered to herself, running a hoof through her mane, “have I really been reading all day?” With a reluctant glance at the half-finished novel, Rainbow Dash used one of her feathers as a bookmark and hurried out her front door. Sugarcube Corner sounded like just the place to wolf down a casual evening meal, and then she could learn what Prince Alula—“Hee hee!”—had in store for her hero. She could hardly wait to get back to Daring Do.
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Rainbow Dash: preparing fangasm in three... two... one...
Oh hell yes!
Couple of minutes with pure epicness :D
Oh, boy. Wait until she realizes who actually got the poison kiss. She'll never look at ol'Featherbrain the same way again.
Holy fuck... That's all I can say really. Best wishes!
820741
And so Rainbow's heart exploded that day.
Oh hey. Hey sis. Remember that time I ALMOST MURDERED YOU AND YOUR UNBORN CHILD!?
Seriously, this is a maybe a little too intense.
822811 Euugghh... when you put it that way it is!
*SORT-OF-NOT-REALLY-SPOILERS!(morelikejustinsightfromtheauthor)* Daring was more devastated by the accident than she lets on. She's seriously scarred by it, but uses expert flippancy and sarcasm to make it "not a big deal" and ease her mind. And Ditzy definitely WAS NOT pregnant with Dinky when they fought over the stallion. You'll get more detail to the backstory by the end, I promise.
823595
Okay. Then we have:
Oh hey. Hey sis. Remember that one time I ALMOST MURDERED YOU!?
A little better, but not all that much.
Yeah, it is realistic, but it's a kind of realistic people aren't necessarily comfortable with- especially here since we're dealing with what in the show is an Adventuring Archaeologist caricature- I know when I see Daring Do I expect adventure fun times with a Chaotic Good protagonist. You've ditched the D&D alignment tables and given the ponies more human hearts, which caught me in a full on broadside.
I would like this story a lot more had the summary actually prepared me for it. You either need to throw up a dark tag or give a better description, because I don't really think the sad tag cuts it here(preferably the better description, because for all the drama I don't really see this as going too dark). They say don't judge a book by it's cover, but by golly the name, description and illustration made me expect adventure fun times with the Doo sisters, and not a family scarred by a near fratricidal incident.
823718 Hmm... your argument is valid. Very valid. I originally had a much more lighthearted premise for this whole thing, but having Daring be the cause of Ditzy's derpedness was too golden to pass up.
You ask for a better description? Then by Jove, YOU SHALL HAVE IT!! I'm afraid I like the picture too much to let it go, though. Guess some ponies will just have to be broadsided.
Super cool name/pic, bee-tee-dubs. Thanks for the Fav + help.
(I read over your comment to make sure I covered everything, and now all I can see is me vomiting a giant "Dark" tag.
)
Ah, man. Watching Rainbow Dash's reaction to her hero breaking down in tears isn't going to be pretty.
... Good luck to Daring, she shan't survive one of Pinkie's parties...
Or Rainbow's overjoyed fangasm...
Warning: Incoming fangasm...
Dude...
I want to read the Daring Do book! Can you write that, as well?
Alula i am sooo confused
this wasnt t he best chapter but still going to read on 
SHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEET.
So that's why the Doctor isn't Dinky's dad in here. Huh.
Interesting backstory. Derpy outfighting Daring Do is one of those things stranger than fiction (only this is fiction too...
)
RD: so, you're here looking for some ancient mystical artifact guarded by a terrible creature? That's why you're covered in bruises?
error 404
DD: uh, no, actually, I fought my sister, Ditzy, and turns out she's in better shape than I am.
RD:
Oh, 'dis is gon' be good!
I love the emotion and interaction between Daring and Ditzy. It all feels very real, and you've done a great job coming up with a backstory for them. All very well-written.
And then Dashie went with Daring on her next adventure...
The door slammed in Daring's face
"-I'm sorry"
static.fjcdn.com/comments/MANLY+_2745a8b8f754eb4bde9f94b283f84eca.jpg
So... let's see if I'm keeping score right: Daring - You fought and sent her crashing to the ground where she almost died, You ruined her life due to the injury which has among other things caused her to be nick-named 'Derpy' (which you had a laugh at) , attempted to steal her stallion, ran off and sold your adventures (highly edited), abandoned your mother after your father's death, didn't bother to keep up with her and know she had a 7 year old daughter... oh and you flaunt and boast about being a rich writer when Ditzy is having trouble making ends meet.
Ditzy- ... Wait... I'm coming up with a blank here... OH right... the stallion fell in love with you instead of Daring.
....
Karma, I need a train to run Daring over... please.
(Loving this so far)
How did I know I'd instantly love this story when I finally sat down to read it? Oh yeah, because you wrote it.
Loving the characterizations and the back-story you give the sisters. You are seriously one of my favorite pony-writers right now.
God.... I hate Alicorns. They think they are so goddamn special! When all they are are some sort of mutant freak!
“Oh, Luna’s nipple… I am out of shape…”
Oh, right, this is the reason I was shy in approaching the story. The Darkness.
Are you afraid of The Dark? I sure am.
Oh well. On to the next chapter.
“Twilight’s been ordering a bunch of really rare books on phoenixes that burnt up all of the library’s funds for the next couple of months" oh, ambiguous sentences. I love you so.
*glances at the clock* Gosh, have I really been reading all day?
I really wanna like Daring in your story. Making her taunt Ditzy in the middle of a dramatic family scuffle is one way to do that.
"Mustard mare," huh? I've heard of LUS, but I dunno how to categorize *that*. F'naaa.
LuLz... nice little bit about Hoover's Movers.
You spelled "Jee" wrong... eh... whatever.
"Ditz." That's a great and obvious way to shorten things.
Oh gawd. Dinky is a Daring Do fan.
Oh. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh. Oh... so Dinky ISN'T adopted. Nifty, and a good way to tie into this backstory you're telli--er... showing us through dialogue. Ahem. Seriously, though. Nice twist.
I'm starting to see your penchant for references.
Stop making Rainbow Dash so adorable, dammit. The blood's rushing to my spirit fibres.
"Resonant"... nice adjective.
Just curious. What would a pegasus want with a flying carpet anyways?
It's nifty how you manage to give the Daring Do novel snippet an exposition of its own, delivered between the italicized lines. It's like Ponkyception.
So, uh, is Alula an indirect means of detailing for us the much-fabled stallion of the Sisters Doo's past?
RD uses her own feathers as bookmarks? That's gotta be painful.
I think you won me with that "Hee hee" at the end. If nothing else, I'm tempted to read this story just to see how cute you can make Rainbow Dash.
-SS&E
i'm arabin so i wander if Al-Qafzah al-Ula
mean the First Jump ????
I don't know why, but I just burst out laughing after reading this.
...I'm a terrible person.
Typo?
Oh you, you genius.
Ponky, remember when we first met? I followed you not for your stories, but your other talents. I regret not reading your works earlier.
Your satire is amazingly intermoven into amazing storytelling and character development, along with nearly flawless dialogue.
You're the man I wish I was.
Derpy Hooves best Daring Do in a fight....I can think of nothing more awesome! There's more to Ditzy than meets the cross eyes.
Derpy is best pony.
The comment below mine is quite correct
Huh, a romance subplot in a Daring Do novel? One wonders how Rainbow Dash will react to this lovey-doveyness.
My reaction to imagining Ditzy fighting:
... Him?? Hmmm...
Why so many people hate Daring? I like Ditzy and her equally.
Ahh. Poetic Justice, at it's finest.
Interesting... although I kinda think Daring and Ditzy made up a bit too quickly. Other than that, great chapter!
Lolwut.
Oh, Rainbow Dash. If only you knew what was waiting at Sugarcube Corner...
Alula being a funny name... that a shout out?
I usually don't leave editing advice on years-old completed stories, but this paragraphing error had to be brought up:
That third paragraph breaks the rule of "new actor, new paragraph." Especially given that both characters are female, you lead the reader down a garden path; it is only at the word "Ditzy's" that the reader is forced to backtrack and reinterpret in order to understand that you've switched actors mid-paragraph from Ditzy to Daring. A paragraph break would have done wonders:
I would also suggest another paragraph break before "Her golden eyes," but that one is not required. If you add that, though, you'll have to add another break before "Daring barked a cruel laugh."
That aside, I'm really liking the story so far.
wow daring do is beyond manipulative in this chapter. speaking as somebody with a manipulative older sister i can see the signs all over her actions and dailouge. she is truly despicable.