just your average guy that wants nothing more than to become a professional writer/artist/animator someday.
Being treated cruelly just for what you like to do is no fun. thats why Sketch Pad is leaving home for good, hoping to find somepony that will appreciate him for who he is, even if that means giving up everything in the process. but, when one story ends, another, more happy story takes its place. this is my first story so constructive criticism is appreciated.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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You have caught my interest.
Ok, you've got a great introduction and foundation. Let's see if you can turn this into a kick-ass story!
For a first-timer, your story is really good! I would really like to see where this goes!
Thanks guys, if this were under normal circumstances and no one payed any attention to me, I probably would have written the rest half- heartedly. I'll make sure not to disappoint!
Well you did ask for constructed criticism, So here goes:
Chapter 1:
I feel this is being far too rush,You could have easily devoted a chapter about his normal life on the farm, How his father treats him on a day to day basis and how the town treats him instead ust telling us, It could have also allowed for some character buildup and Give us a rough Idea what type of character he is.
This also caused the emotional scene to be less impactful, We didnt feel sad he had to leave him much because all your saying is that HE matters to him the most but we dont see much of a reason why ( This also shows that a scene with the town would have easily solved this issue as we dont know what you mean by he is outcasted by them)
I do like the set up of this story but I really think you need to slow down the pace of this story and allow for character building and give us a general history and feeling to the story.
4/10
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Chapter 2:
Again, The same issue seems to be happening here, The scenes seems to come and go out of nowhere and go in an instant.
A good example of this is the Pinkie Pie Introduction and Party, The introduction last for about 7 Lines and then just 2 more lines they are at the party,You could have given time to let him explore the town ,This would have allowed you to give a General feels of the story and allow the character to have some kind of emotion
The party scene is obviously just to get him to know where a job was (BTW, Why would he just walk away from his own party?) plus, He really should be a bit more socially akward as you said in one of the lines that he had no friends and being shund by the community would cause a Littlebit of a problem.
I also dont like how you just flat out made it who the character he will fall for be, It just makes it a tad bit duller for the all round story as you know how it general story will end.
6/10
(BTw, I want to know that I do NOT HATE this story, I just wan to point out where you could improve and maybe for a future story, I am no writer in any strech of the imagination and probably never will be but I just wanted to give you my honest opinion and Didn't mean to offend you if I did)