I'm a long time science fiction and animation fan who stumbled into My Little Pony fandom and got caught -- I guess I'm a Brony Forever now.
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This story is a sequel to At the Gorge
July, YOH 1500 (one month After Luna's Return): With Big Mac hurt, Applejack exhausted, and Granny Smith napping, what's a ten-year-old filly who wants adventure and excitement to do? Play outside, of course! In the never-boring Everfree ...
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Oh boy. Looking forward to seeing what she comes up with.
(And some of her comments make me wonder just how many other myths foals across Equestria are going to keep believing in, after Nightmare Moon proves real...)
There's a lot of explaining here...
If the paragraphs were shorter, it'd be easier to get the point- many things readers will figure out naturally/instantaneously for themselves.
E.G. If it's hot outside, telling exactly how hot it is is not as impacting as just saying that it was pretty hot.
Keep in mind that people already have a decent sense of the characters, so you don't really need so much flavor text, it just sorta clutters the paragraph.
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Well, notice how quickly everypony was willing to believe Luna had turned back into Nightmare Moon later on, in "Luna Eclipsed"?
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The point is Apple Bloom's point of view on these events. Also, some of them (such as Big Mac leading the defense of Sweet Apple Acres against the monsters) are purely SWSV canon rather than vanilla-canon.
And failing to describe canon characters because "everybody knows about them" is lazy writing.
Well, I definitely expect her to get into trouble. That filly is too brave for her own good.
On another note, I really want to see that siege that the Apple Clan was fighting off.
The Crusaders may not have formed yet, but the stage is still set for a Crusader-grade terrible idea. Apple Bloom will definitely survive this. I just hope she'll learn from it.
Found a small error you have oen instead of one.
This is fun! Thanks for sharing.
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Thank you, Chibi, fot noticing the typo and the story.
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Part of my point is that Apple Bloom used to do this sort of thing alone, which is actually more dangerous.
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I think that it's obvious that Apple Bloom is going to get into trouble -- from some points of view.
Heh, so Apple Bloom has a measure of her families courage, but still has the full foolishness of youth. No wonder Applejack was so protective of her is she gets up to things like this if she is left alone. Combined with her intelligence I wonder how many ideas for extreme crusades where hers or Scootaloo's? Still as the time with the beast of flame swamp, she isn't entirely without resources, so let's see what happens next.
Heh. You did a great job of showing us Equestria through the eyes of a ten year old filly. I think this is one of the more adorable depictions of little Bloom, due as much to her (foolishly so) reckless and spunky behavior here. I do wonder how her family will react when they learn she sneaked off into the Everfree* -- heart attacks followed by grounding for a month, most likely!
I also enjoyed the description of the Battle of Sweet Apple Acres as the monsters poured out of the Everfree. I suppose they were reacting to Nightmare Moon's presence more than any command of hers to 'Go and attack Ponyville'?
I'm looking forward to the next chapter and to seeing what sort of trouble this headstrong little filly gets into.
* -- This is also nightmare fuel to me given that I recently read some accounts of mysterious disappearances in national forests. Most of the victims were Bloom's age or younger, and many of them vanished while out of their parents' view for literally just seconds, often while less than fifty feet away. Even knowing that most were abductions or animal attacks doesn't stop a chill from going along the spine at the thought of how easily something similar could happen to a little filly.
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The thing I kept in mind as I wrote this is that this is very early Season One Apple Bloom, and that means that she has not yet found friends able to keep up with her determination, imagination and insanity. In particular she hasn't yet made friends wit Sweetie Belle, whose relative
sanitytimidity gives Bloomie a reason not to always do the most dangerous thing.She's not totally bereft of common sense. (That's the 3-year-old Apple Bloom in Barely Rescued, who is both a toddler and not anchored by Applejack). It's just that to her life is one big adventure and she's confident that if she runs into something too tough for her she'll just hide from it or dodge and run away, and nothing too bad will happen to her.
I modelled this on myself at ten. The world seemed a lot safer to me back then, even though I was like 5 feet tall and scrawny. It wasn't -- it's just that, at ten, I had no idea of how rapidly things could go utterly and irreperably wrong.
Really, it's a wonder I'm alive.