Twilights first kidnapping

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Twilights first kidnapping

somepony decides to kidnapp twilight.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 10 )

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Ratmandango

Ratmandango #1 · Jul 26th, 2016 · · · Not the Reaction we Were Hoping for... ·

Meh.

CasperSantiq

CasperSantiq #2 · Jul 26th, 2016 · · · Not the Reaction we Were Hoping for... ·

7426048 wait for it...

Ratmandango

Ratmandango #3 · Jul 26th, 2016 · · · Not the Reaction we Were Hoping for... ·

7426059

Just a second longer...

Comment posted by Athanlyvette deleted Jul 26th, 2016

AetherToast

AetherToast #5 · Jul 26th, 2016 · 3 · · Not the Reaction we Were Hoping for... ·

twamatized

Did you even spellcheck or anything else that rudimentary?

CasperSantiq

CasperSantiq #6 · Jul 26th, 2016 · · · Not the Reaction we Were Hoping for... ·

7426783 that was intentionally misspelled. not that you would notice or anything.

CoffeeMinion

CoffeeMinion #7 · Jul 26th, 2016 · · · Not the Reaction we Were Hoping for... ·

This could use a bit of copy editing, and some of the parenthetical asides work against you, but overall this is pretty funny! I like how you maximize the absurdity of everything going on, especially Dash getting splatted cartoon-style, and Twi reacting the way she does to her kidnappers.

Again though, the moments where you say things like "just go with it" undermine the humor. Good absurdity thrives on relatively "straight" narration, in the sense that it provides a crystal clear view of the ridiculous things that are happening, but doesn't go so far as to tell us that it's judging those things as ridiculous--it leaves that to the reader.

So I think you're off to a strong start. But I would still encourage you to try to find someone to help go over it for typos and such. (Sadly, as much as I would otherwise be willing to volunteer, I don't have time right now between work and other commitments.)