• Member Since 2nd Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen 45 minutes ago

cornholio4


E

Harry was raised in Equestria by Diamond Tiara's family but not as a Pony Malfoy and had became an allicorn which is kept secret but certain things in his old world want him back.

Also posted on Fanfiction

Dumbledore bashing, Harry/Twilight

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 40 )

? I'm not sure what story you were trying to tell but it needs a lot of work. The sentence structure is bizarre and the dialogue is wierd. You should ask someone to help you work on this so that it makes sense. Also, never put authors notes sighing the story. Before or after is fine but never, ever, ever in the story.
Errors hurt. Be more careful before continuing. Best of luck! :pinkiehappy:

Ah, I knew this familiar...

BECAUSE I WAS ONE OF THE MANY WHO TOLD YOU TO FIX YOUR GRAMMAR! :twilightangry2: I mean, dude, the story concept is fine, but you have to check re-read your works before you post them. There are a LOT of mistakes here, and to list them all would just be a pain. I suggest either getting a beta-reader or at least learning to write better.

You do have potential as a writer, you just need some work.

792497
sorry I dont like the idea of betas for 2 reasons

1. I dont know how it works
2. I dont like the idea of sending my files to someone else, it just sounds too risky for me

792526

Well, here's exactly how a beta-reader works.

One, its just like working with an editor. You write out a rough draft of a story, and he/she will take a look over it and point out (and fix) any grammar and spelling errors you may have. They may also provide insight as to how to improve your story by asking several questions in the story about aspects you may have glossed over or completely overlooked. Also, you don't have to send files to anyone; you can just use Google Docs and have both you and your editor on at the same time to do real-time editing (it also helps if you have Skype to talk to each other). And if you're afraid about theft of ideas and what not, don't be.

792663
okay thats fine and dandy but how do I get one?

:rainbowhuh: just why is everyone hating this story? I like it

:facehoof: i'm trying to figure out how its getting so many red thumbs down:rainbowhuh:

792946
think it means too many people dont like my grammar mistakes

795344
That is usually what it means. I like the concept, but the execution is lacking.

813633
Same here. I can get through a story with bad grammer if the concept is interesting, most of the time. The concept has to be very interesting for me to do so.

Well I have changed my mind abouut having a beta
please respond if you are interested

i remember a quote from a Tvtropes page, 'not even fate take albus dumbledore seriously any more', can't wait to see how the old fool embarrasses himself

Keep up the good work. Thanks.:pinkiehappy::rainbowlaugh:

Nice.... Just.. I don't think that Dumby(Yes, I know it is a weird nickname.) would drop his wand like that. :rainbowderp:

Keep up the good work. Thanks:twilightsmile:

792924 me 2 hey... buy any canse would you need an OC makeing person right now or later on?

I didn't see errors but I'm unobservant. 791916

may I have MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:flutterrage:

A fanfic about me? I'm so honored!

Any idea if this will get any updates?

"Harry Trotter" is fin, in context..

My 2nd MLP HP Xover, the first one i did was called Harry Potter: the Boy Who Now Is a Pony which I got on my fanfiction account and is complete! I thought what happened if Harry was raised in Ponyville this will be a Harry/Twilight fic. I also got this uploaded onto fanfiction! Also I will be combining chapters if they are too short!

Where did this story go?

10992993
Wasn’t happy with it sorry to say

10993381
Then, you were Sad with it?
But alas, you could have edited it?
Or, was it really that bad?
and still, you kep the refference to the story you disowned?

10994119
Sorry plus I was cringing at parts including the pairing and yet I keep this one up

10994121
Cringing is what happens to some old stories.

795344
Try to use a "Spell Check, to weed out as much as possible.
While it will take you time to go over the text of the story, but it should save you a vw readers who would otherwise have enjoyed the story.
Never know, some people may drop a story on such mistakes.
I'm still following your story, on the account of a new premis and an enjoyable story overall.

*Yeah I thought the Rich couple deserved a chapter of their own!*

this should be in the "Author's Note".

My 2nd MLP HP Xover, the first one i did was called Harry Potter: the Boy Who Now Is a Pony which I got on my fanfiction account and is complete! I thought what happened if Harry was raised in Ponyville this will be a Harry/Twilight fic. I also got this uploaded onto fanfiction! Also I will be combining chapters if they are too short!

Why did you not use the "Author's Note" for this?
You do know what the author's Note is, how and why to use it?
It isn't, as if you needed to padd up the wordcount anyway? at least not after the second chapter..

"Again?" asked Diamond Jubilee "we could see a doctor about it Harry!"

if none has said it before, but this name is much better than the later reveal.

792924
Maybe the wording, or spelling? but in either case, they could at least leave acomment to the effect?
this israther quitre entertaining, this far.. and I like most of the "choices" made this far.

1074148
does this mean, you're working on more?
1074576
from the introduction, he deserves what is coming to him..

I was originally going to have Chrysalis in the role of Sombra but after season the season 3 opening I changed my mind!

Sombra is a much better choice, for this position; he is so much more of the Menace, just like Voldemort..
But, could you try to write another chapter and publish soon?
I want to see this to its natural conclusion..

11387382
Sorry this is pretty much abandoned and it was written at a time I think I didn’t know where to put the authors note or perhaps I was padding it out since I can’t remember due to so long

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