Special Thanks To:
Interesting, so you had just moved into Ponyville then? Then you decided to pay a visit to the locally renowned bakery known as Sugarcube Corner and chatted with some of the locals there, right?
It’s coming in a little more clearly to you now, eh? Well good. That makes my job a lot easier! Guess I won’t have to keep narrating then... Well, have fun in life, eh?
Now THAT was uncalled for my boy, and how in the world does my mother play a part in all this!? Is it wise to tick off the one pony who truly knows what happened to you?
Yeah, I thought so. Now, was that any way to react to a joke?
Mocking your loss of memory isn’t a joke? Well, I agree with you there... It’s actually pretty damn hilarious!
Yes yes, I know. I’m wasting time with my hilarious banter, but you need to lighten up a bit. Not everything is all balloons and streamers, but you should get the most out of life whilst you still can.
What’s that? You say I should just keep reading the book? But I enjoy watching you squirm around and suffer. Look at me, I’m smiling at how hilarious this all is.
Alright alright, no need to curse. I’ll continue reading. Now, where was I…?
You sighed as you placed your hoof in hers, shaking it, only to have a jolt of electricity shoot up your leg and into the rest of your body. You could have sworn that your body lit up like a lightning bolt. You jumped back in utter shock as the pink pony collapsed to the ground in a fitful of giggles.
You growled at her and asked why she did such a thing, only to be interrupted by Mrs. Cake.
“Pinkie Pie! That’s no way to treat a new customer!”
Pinkie got up from the floor as she stifled her laughter.
“Heh heh, sorry! It was too good of a joke to pass up!” she squeaked about between giggles.
“There’s a difference between a joke and scaring away new customers!” scolded Mrs. Cake.
You brushed down some fur that was sticking up after that impromptu electroshock therapy as Pinkie Pie and Mrs. Cake argued over what is and what is not a joke. You could have sworn your mane was singed from the amount of juice that buzzer was packing. Checking to see that your mane wasn’t on fire or anything of the sort, you tell them that while you were slightly miffed, you were perfectly fine.
You looked over at Pinkie, your top hat still gracing her cotton candy-esque mane. You hold out your hoof, asking for her to return it.
“But Gummy gave it to me as a present!” she said, grasping onto it with both forehooves.
Your brow twitched in annoyance. This mare was pushing your patience to the breaking point, and it wasn’t even noon yet. You motion with your hoof again, asking for it back once more. Mrs. Cake looked at Pinkie with a frown.
“Pinkie, that’s his hat. Now give it back to him already.”
“But Gummy gave it to me!” she repeated vehemently.
“Honestly Pinkie, I don’t know why you carry that alligator with you when you work. Your alligator stole that hat from him. Now would you please give it back to him?”
You see Pinkie frown, reluctantly hoofing the hat back to you. You grasp it and put it on top of your head. You smiled, satisfied that your lost possession was returned...
...But then you felt a tug on your head, almost as if something was tugging your hair. You blinked and removed your hat, only to find the alligator biting gnawing on your hair with its toothless maw. For all intents and purposes, you assumed that the alligator was the aforementioned Gummy. Annoyed but with an air of calmness, you yanked him out of your hair and passed him to Pinkie, reminding her to keep a closer watch on her pet. This caused Pinkie to frown.
“But why? Gummy is a friendly alligator, isn’t he? Aren’t you, Gummy?” she questioned as she placed him on top her head, where he began to gnaw on every poofy lock of hair in range.
You were about to mention something to her about how friendly it would be as a suitcase, but thankfully Mrs. Cake cut you off before you could say so.
“Pinkie dear, could you please take him upstairs? It’s obviously bothering him.”
Pinkie frowned as she gave a small nod. “Okie Dokie Lokie!” she said, hopping up the stairs. You looked back at Mrs. Cake, confused, but she merely smiled.
“I’m very sorry about Pinkie’s antics. She can be something else from time to time. Don’t get me wrong though. She’s a great help around the store, but she tends to go overboard quite often.”
You merely sighed as you brushed off the matter, forgiving the hyperactive pony’s misdeeds. Mrs. Cake clapped her hooves together, happy.
“Well great! Now then, about that story I owe you…” she leaned on the counter, her fore-hooves propping her up while you leaned back against the cool wall.
“It all started when…”
You woke up with a start. Hazily, you looked around to find that you weren’t in your bed but inside a bakery of some sorts. Your eyes snap completely open as you realize what had just happened. You swivel your head around until you find Mrs. Cake still recounting her story.
“…And that’s how I met my husband, and we lived happily ever after!” she finished with a smile, unaware that her audience had fallen asleep at the beginning. You immediately nod as if you had heard the whole thing. The last thing you wanted was to appear rude to the pony who owned the local bakery. No-telling what they would do to the stuff they’d sell you then. You looked around once more for a clock and found one hanging up on the wall by the door.
You recalled it was sometime around 9 in the morning when you left your house, and if you accounted for the travel time, you were here for a little over an hour now. You thanked Celestia that she didn’t notice you nod off. You pretended that you were listening the entire time, and told her it was a wonderful story, to which she happily smiled.
“I’m glad you enjoyed it but I’m sure I’ve wasted enough of your time already. Is there anything else you’d like to know?”
You shook your head before deciding on a cupcake to buy in exchange for her surely wonderful (but forgotten) story of hers.
After exiting the bakery that presumably came out of a story book, you take a deep breath, reveling in its freshness. While you enjoyed living in Canterlot, nothing beat how fresh the air smelled out here in Ponyville.
After leaving the store behind, you opened up the bag the cupcake was in and pulled it out. It was a simple, red velvet cupcake topped with a frosting made of white cream cheese. You start munching on the cupcake you bought inside, thinking of the next item on the agenda for the day.
“Ooh, ooh! You’re Mr. Top Hat, aren’t you!?”
…Only to be interrupted as that pink pony from before appeared before you. How you didn’t notice her there in the first place was anypony’s guess, and now you were paying for it.
You asked her why she wasn’t back at the bakery working, but she just started to laugh as if she had just heard the funniest joke ever.
“I’m on break, silly! Why else would I be out here?”
You started to question how anyone would go on break in such a short amount of time.
Pinkie Pie just kept on smiling as she stared at you. You asked her to not call you Mr. Top Hat, but the request was met with deaf ears as she leapt through the air and took your hat for the second time today. This earned an audible growl from you.
“Oh wow, it’s the Top Hat Gummy gave me! It looks a lot like my other top hat! Here, let me show you!”
She placed a hoof into her pink, fluffy hair and pulled out a brown top hat twice the size of yours. Now, you’ve heard of hiding things in certain places on your body, be it pockets or hidden spaces... but this... this was ridiculous. That hat was bigger than her head and yet she pulled it out of a place half that size. It didn’t stop there...
“Speaking of hats, let me show you my collection! I’ve got a stetson hat, a party hat, a flower hat, ooh, I even have a lollipop hat and...”
She continued on her rant, pulling out another hat out of her mane and stacking it on the previous one until it towered high above you. You stared at where her hoof was disappearing into, each time reappearing with a hat en-tow. The only thought that ran through your head was how in Equestria she was pulling this off. One thing was clear. She wasn’t a a normal, run-of-the-mill pony.
“...And that’s my entire hat collection. What do you think?”
You stared speechless at the tower of hats and the bubbly, pink mare wearing them all. When you opened your mouth to say something, the high tower of hats sunk back into her hair like water swirling down the drain, leaving behind your top hat on her head yet again.
You rubbed your eyes with a hoof and did a double-take as you couldn’t believe what had just happened. It defied numerous laws of physics, not to mention ones of fashion, but this didn’t stop the pink pony from rambling on.
“So anyway, Gummy was really thoughtful when he gave it to me, because I can use it in my high-class act that I’ve been practicing on! Did you know it involves me and Gummy? Ooh ooh, and Twilight too? Maybe I can add Rarity in as well! Oooooh it’ll be the best, most exciting act ever!”
You didn’t know what she was bumbling about, and none of the names she mentioned seemed familiar. You tried to keep your cool, asking her to give you your hat back. She acted confused.
“This hat is yours, Mr. Top Hat?”
You again told her to stop calling you that, but apparently she paid it no mind as she took off your hat and handed it back to you.
“Sorry Mr. Top Hat. I just got so excited, and your hat looks super duper-rific! I’ve never seen a hat like that before, well, except when I went to Canterlot this one time. Ooh, is that a small grey patch on there? Did you tear it before? Or maybe get it wet? Or did you feel like re-coloring it at some po—“
You placed a hoof on her muzzle, attempting to stem the flood of words coming out of her pink muzzle. Despite the hoof-in-mouth approach, she kept on talking, albeit muffled. You gave a heavy sigh as you could still decipher what she saying despite her handicap. You assumed the quickest way out of this would be to explain your hat.
After assuring her that you would tell her, she immediately stood quiet, awaiting the story with anticipation and a smile.
You gave a deep breath as you explained. Your hat was given to your father when you were younger. In fact, your father was a talented musician himself back in his day, skilled with a flute instead of the trumpet and saxophone like you. The hat had been passed down for at least a generation, and since you were the first in this one, you were the next to inherit it. You remember your father’s words about the hat too, saying it was a good luck charm and that it was up to you to take care of it now.
Since then, you’ve kept the hat with you, keeping that idea alive. Pinkie couldn’t help but go ‘ooh’ at the story in fascination.
“Ooh! Your father gave it to you! That’s awesome! Where is he now?”
You stood silent when she brought up the whereabouts of your father. Placing the top hat on your head once more, you told her it would be a tale for another time, saying you had other pressing matters to attend to. In reality, you didn’t really want to talk about it, in fear of bringing up sad memories. You were about to walk off until she somehow materialized in front of you again. How was she doing that?
“Aw, well okay! But hey, you’re new in town aren’t you?” she questioned rapidly.
You thought about your response for a few seconds, in fear that she’d pester you to no end if you didn’t answer correctly. You hesitantly nodded, her eyes developing a sparkle-like sheen.
“You’re new? Like really really new!?” You mentioned to her that you’ve just moved in, which made her leap into the air at an incredulous height. You wondered how she had such a spring in her jump, but you didn’t bother to ask. Most likely it was due to the amount of sugar she consumed at that bakery she worked at.
She forcefully gave you a hug after landing back on Equestria. Your face flushed a crimson red and you froze in place, not knowing how to respond to such treatment. Thankfully, you regained your senses the moment she let go of you.
“I should throw you a super fantastic party tonight, so I can welcome you to Ponyville! Ooh, everypony’s going to be so happy we have a new pony in town! Meet me at Sugarcube Corner tonight, alright? Good? Good! Okay, time to make the bestest awesome-est party EVER!”
You weren’t much of a fan at participating in parties unless it was a gig. It wasn’t that you hated them, it was more like you were neutral about them. Most of your time spent at parties was up on stage playing songs for the rest of the ponies present. Before you could tell her it was a bad idea, she immediately disappeared in a puff of smoke. You looked around until a pink blur disappearing down the road caught your eye. You inwardly sighed.
Why do you keep attracting the weirdos in your life?