Equestria: The BEN Chronicles

by HylianJuggalo

Chapter II: Not In Kansas Anymore

What’s it like traveling in a wormhole? Well, to put it bluntly, it hurts like shit. Imagine your body traveling at hundreds of miles an hour in two directions at once. It’s like being torn apart in a high speed stretching rack, if you could imagine that. As quick as time and dimensional travel would seem to be, it actually has quite a perceptual delay in your conscience. Though it does indeed happen in a split-second, it actually feels closer to two minutes of waiting.

“FUUUUUU-AUGH!!!!”

I fell out of the sky, screaming for my life. As I collided with the ground, I heard a loud crack, followed by a sharp pain in my chest. I grimaced in agony, seething through my teeth. As I got up, I felt myself gently; a cracked rib. The perfect way to start off…

“Aw man, this sucks.”

I examined myself carefully. My flesh and clothing, as well as belongings seemed quite cartoonish in color and design, appearing to be a midway compromise between something I might have seen from Wallace and Gromit, and Powerpuff Girls. The land itself looked like something out of a colorful pastel painting. Must be a wacky drug trip, but hey, I liked it; I’ll roll with this till it wears off. I surveyed my surroundings. The area seemed awfully familiar. I was surrounded by several apple trees, and there was a barn and a farmhouse a few meters in the distance.

“Where the fuck am I? I know I’ve seen something like this before...”

I checked for my pistol and spare magazines, and procured my CD, which fell from my inner shirt pocket. I slowly approached the house, gently gripping my side. I knocked on the door, and a few moments later, was greeted by a rather strange sight.

What stood before me was not a human being, but a horse. It was an orange coated one, with a blonde mane and a rancher’s hat. On the horse’s backside appeared to be an arrangement of three apples. It stood about three and a half feet tall, coming just over my knee. I quickly hit myself in the face, an exasperated, jaw-dropped expression overcoming me. I gripped my head and shook it a bit.

“What the shit?”

“Well hey there, Sugarc-” The horse began, but stopped and examined me with a particular interest. She didn’t seem to believe I was even standing here. Then again, I didn’t believe SHE was either. Her jaw dropped as well, then she took a step back and took a better look at me.

“Nah, this isn’t real... just the mushrooms gettin’ to me...”

“Oh mah dear golly… Sugarcube, are you a -- a human?” The horse asked me, her eyes widening with what looked like a combination of excitement and fear.

I gave her an inquisitive look, raising one eyebrow. My bewildered expression faded slightly.

“Holy hell, she’s TALKING!?”

“Yes, what of it? Did somebody slip me a couple dozen hits of acid? Am I tripping out or something?”

“Honey, are ya sick? Wou’d ya like to come in fo’ dinner?” She asked, her initial shock fading away as her eyes began to soften into a welcoming gaze. I thought on it for a second. I shivered for some reason, but shook it off, and smiled brightly. She didn’t seem very happy about inviting me in. I think she was just trying to be kind.

“That would be lovely, ma’am, and thank you very much.” I said, as I gently stepped into the house, clutching my side. I silently groaned in pain.

“Now sugarcube, what in tarnation is wrong wit’ ya?”

“Oh, that’s just a broken rib. There’s nothing you can do, miss, so don’t worry about me.” I said, chuckling weakly.

“Aw, now hon’, don’t be talkin’ all that nonsense. We can get ya fixed up right quick; a nice meal and a place to stay for the night. What do ya say?”

“Oh, thank you so much, ma’am. Yes, that would be amazing.” I replied, beaming in excitement.

“Well, let’s not dilly-dally now. Lemme introduce ya to th’ rest of th’ family!”

As I followed the orange horse around her home, she began to go off on a history lesson. It was rather interesting, but I was more concerned about my injury, and so, didn’t pay all too much attention to the details of it. Could this place possibly be- Nah, fuck that.

“Mah family’s lived on this land for nearly a hun’red years now. Back then, there was barely an apple tree on this property - that is, ‘til Granny Smith found th’ zapapple trees deep in th’ woods one day. An’ hoo-ie! Am ah ever glad she did! We make a fine livin’ offa all th’ apples we sell on this here farm. Finest quality apples in all of Equestria, I tell ya!”

“…In all of Equestria…”

My mind froze. I couldn’t process what I was hearing. I was in denial the whole time upon arriving here, but after hearing those words, my heart began to race.

“Waitwaitwaitasecond. Did you just say EE-QUEST-REE-UH?” I asked, shaking my head around and smacking my ears a bit.

“You’re darn right ah did hon.” Applejack said, smiling gingerly at me as we continued our walk down the hallway. Yep, there was no denying it now. Either I was having the most awesome drug-induced trip in the world, or I suddenly developed dementia. This wasn’t real. My mind was playing tricks. I must have gotten fucked up from the party and went walkabout. Who gives a shit, just go with it, wait till the drugs go away...

“Well, miss Applejack,” I began, “I’d never expected to meet you in perso- er, pony.”

I gave a nervous laugh.

“Wait, How in tarnation do ya know mah name?” she asked, shivering a bit.

“Well, where I’m from, you’re fictional characters in this thing we call television.”

I gave another throat laugh, and my eyes widened, agape in amazement as I stared around the house. How the hell did I get here? I remember seeing the elegy statue from the game appearing on my TV, then having some trippy vision of me traveling through space... Could...? No. It was the party. I. Was. High.

“You’re just having a trip, Nick, don’t stress...”

“Heh, well, ain’t that peculiar. All our old... foal’s tales speak of your kin’, but ya really exist? Hot dog, this is too good to be true!” Applejack cheered, kicking her front hooves into the air with a wild grin plastered to her face. I laughed again, smiling and heading to meet the rest of the family. However, the way she said ‘foal’s tales’ seemed... hesitant. Something was wrong.

“Applebloom? We’ll be having a guest fo’ dinner, so ya best done set th’ table right!”

Applebloom, Applejack, zapapples... No, this was just a crazy shroom trip, or I was so drunk I was seeing shit. As we sat down to the table, I was greeted to a nice salad. Of course, despite being a human, I didn’t bother to ask about meat out of respect. Applebloom was staring at me the entire time dinner was going on, as if something was bothering her, and more likely than not, it was my existence that was doing the job. Granny had a strange look about her: Her eyes were bloodshot red, and she was barely awake, clutching her forehead in pain – I figured she must have been sick. I frowned a bit. Big Mac was a little more reserved, though was just as confused and if not, scared as the rest.

“Miss Smith? Are you feeling okay?”

“Well, mister,” Applebloom began, “She won-“

Applebloom was cut short by an angry scowl from Big Mac. I nervously looked down to my plate and just prodded at the cherry tomatoes in the salad to avoid causing further tension. A few more minutes passed by, and Big Mac cleared his throat, and I looked up, an expression of puzzlement overtaking his face. He wasn’t very sure of what to say to me, it seemed. He must have been still coming to terms with the fact that a human was in Equestria. I was trying to come to terms with the fact that I was even in Equestria.

No I wasn’t. I was having a dream, a drug trip... a... shit, I don’t even know.

He looked away to cough into his hoof, then spoke up. Appleboom shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Applejack looked over to me every now and again over the course of dinner, still surprised that I was even here.

“So,” He began, “Ya got yaself a name?”

“Uh-eh... Uh... Jadusable.” I mumbled quickly in a panic, not expecting the inquiry.

Oh, what the fuck? How did I let my internet name slip out?

I gave him a warm smile, my heart pounding in excitement. The dining room was eerily quiet, with the exception of a grandfather clock ticking down the hallway, and I could have sworn I could hear everybody’s heartbeats; they were all so shocked and scared I was here, and my smile made them, to say the least, sweat in fear. Why were they so scared? Perhaps it’s just the fact that, to them, I was a fairy tale. I shook it off.

“Well, Jadusable, I gotta say, ya picked a mighty good time to show up. Applebuck season is just around the corner and we need all the available hoov- er, hands we can get. Would it be too much to ask if ya could help us out this season?” He asked, his confused look still pervading his face.

“Well sir, your family was kind enough to take me in, I suppose it's the least I owe you, and please, allow me to clean up dinner tonight.” I said, finishing off with a warm grin.

“Eeyup.”

As dinner finished and the rest of the family cleared the dining room, Applebloom stayed to watch me clean, which, to be fair, I didn’t mind. I looked over to her every now and again, and each time, She uncomfortably fidgeted in her chair, as if she wanted to say something, but didn’t. As I washed the dishes, she eventually got up and approached me, tugging gently on the edge of my button-down.

“Mister, I-”

“Hey Applebloom?”

I looked over, and so did she. Big Mac had come back in, and he didn’t look very happy for some reason. Frankly, he seemed pretty pissed.

“Come here, Applebloom.” Mac said blandly, popping a round, purple object into his mouth. I stared, though tried to avoid eye contact. Applebloom did as told, and nervously and sadly walked away from me. Both of them disappeared down the hallway. I didn’t think much of it; she was probably getting a scolding for ‘rudely staring at the guest’. I chuckled to myself at the thought, and as I finished cleaning and left the kitchen, I was instantly met with Applejack at the entrance to the hallway.

“Hey. Did you need something from me?” I asked.

“Yeah. I was won’erin’ if’fin ya seen any of them dark ponies around.” Applejack said, with what appeared to be a look of concern.

“‘Dark’ ponies?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, them damn voodoo ponies. Ya know, the dark coated kind like that Zecora witch. All they want is to get with mah little sis, I’ll tell you what! Last night, a whole damn group’a dark stallions went after her and did all kin’s ah sick stuff to her!” Applejack exclaimed, slamming her front hoof against the wall as she gritted her teeth in anger.

I nervously looked at the ground, growing uncomfortable. Applejack was clearly being closed-minded and prejudice, judging an entire group from some disgusting individuals.. From what I remember from the show, she was never like this. Something was wrong. I just decided to be polite and answer, but somebody attacked Appleboom? Maybe that’s what she was talking about, and needed help. Who was doing it, I couldn’t say. I sighed. Such a poor little filly. I’d have to keep my eye out for her safety; hurting a child was sickening.

“Well Miss Applejack, I sure haven’t, but I’ll be more than happy to let you know if I see any.”

“Thank ya kindly, dear.”

“I’m going to sleep.”

“Alrighty, you have a good night now - Jada-whatwasit?”

“Just call me Nick.”

I walked upstairs, minding the oddly sized platforms which, first and foremost, were designed for hooves, not feet, and made my way up to the second floor guest room. In here was a small, yet comfy looking bed, obviously filled with hay by the sight of several tan straws potrouding out of the side. In the corner sat a desk with various drawers. I emptied my pockets and my belt, setting my CD, weapon, and phone on the desk, and took a seat. It was a small one, mostly made out of wood, the handles on the drawers a weak brass finish. I opened one, to only be greeted with a quill, an ink well, and several pieces of parchment, bound into a small scrapbook with a leather cover and spine, of which looked severely aged.

“I guess I could keep a journal...”

A few hours passed, and the night wore on. I was growing progressively weary. Time to turn in, I guess. As I lied on the spare hay-filled bed and closed my eyes, I was suddenly awoken by a loud crash and what sounded like an excited yell. Some time must have passed, because when I turned to look at the alarm clock, it read 1:30 AM. I quickly sprung up from the bed and ran downstairs to the source, grabbing my pistol. Perhaps a burglar? Something fell down on somebody? As I went to the living room where the sound originated, I noticed the room’s lights were on. I placed my back to the wall and peered around the corner. It was Granny Smith. She was up, wildly dancing with a broom. In one hoof she had her dancing partner, in the other, a giant ceramic bottle. The entire living room smelled strongly of rubbing alcohol. Granny put her lips to the bottle and chugged. I peered around the corner, to keep myself out of view.

“Granny Smith’s... a moonshiner?”

She wasn’t sick at dinner; she was hungover from the previous night of drinking. It was obvious something was wrong here - Something very, VERY wrong. This wasn’t the Equestria I knew from TV. No, this was worse. I just wondered what was going on with all the others in town after seeing this. I snuck away to my bed, but on the way, heard what sounded like a soft squeal in the room across from me. Sounded like... Applebloom?

Naw.

As I laid myself back down and prepared to close my eyes, a forest-green colored figure quickly sped past the door of my room. I couldn’t quite make it out.

“What the fuck was that?”

Nah, no need to worry. as soon as I fell asleep, I would wake up in my own bed. This was nothing more than a dream. Would be an interesting story to tell my buddies on the EQD chat, though.

Comments

[Derpin4Life]

*SQUEE* Yay your fic's finally up ^_^ im happy to help you pre read this jugg, cant wait till the rest of the chapters are ready man! this fic is good!!!

[Apocryphal Frost]

W-what? So, Applejack is racist. Granny Smith is an alcoholic. And Big Mac is apparently getting it on with Applebloom. Can't tell if consensual or rape...Maybe that's what's wrong with her...

And throw Jad into the mix..I think I love you.

[Mokais]

I have the feeling this is gonna merge things like Sweet Apple Massacre, Cheerilee's Garden, and Cupcakes for some odd reason. Just getting the vibe that this Equestria is gonna be a lot of creepypastas smashed into one. Could be good if executed right.