When I read that title, I knew I just had to read this

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Spike_lolface.png

One thing though, space out the dialogue , it got very confusing to read once everyone started to talk   

>>789903789903 How do you suggest I space out the dialogue? Add another new line after the lines of dialogue? (I'm a bit confused as to what you mean.)

EDIT: Nevermind, I figured it out. It's much easier to read now!

You ... you can't end it there.

What about Rainbow and Applejack about to chastise Pinkie? What about Princess Celestia with the clopfic page? Why did Rarity write the page? (Which is completely obvious but whatever.)

You just can't end it with so many questions unanswered!

Still, really nice story, I wouldn't be surprised if it got featured soon.

EDIT: from the short bits, you sound like you could write a good clopfic. You should totally write out what happens.

Just sayain.

Cool fic, but I am a little bothered at how they call 'Exotic Novels' clopfics in Equestria.

[SPOILERS]

I thought it was Celestia.

[/spoilers]

For the record, I fucking called that .

More...I need more! I want solitude from this awesome story!!!

I'm thinking that there's a Molestia lurking about.

-Richard

Ahahahaha funny shit

Interesting, but it wasn't half obvious even from the beginning who wrote it.

I lean it to kiss her, it should be i lean in to kiss her :D but other then that awesome story

Good job, especially where he sent it to the Princess!

Before reading:

*Notes spelling of "airplanes"*

You're British, aren't you?

And I'm betting someone printed it out in our world, and it leaked into theirs. Just my guess. Or somebody is a massive perv and troll in their world.

After reading:

Oh, and the story was great.

Title is hilarious but I gotta read later....4:18 in the morning and I'm tired..

Why would Rarity write it from Spike's perspective instead of a third person perspective or her own perspective (which would be a bad idea on her part if she's worried about people reading it)?

This needs to be continued.

Also, it would greatly help to add a new, blank line between dialogue lines and between paragraphs. It can make a story much easier to read.

Another suggestion, if I may? Calling the story a clopfic breaks immersion with the story, with Pinkie it's acceptable because she's Pinkie... Fluttershy on the other hand should have been so embarrassed by the whole thing she could hardly think.

I enjoyed the story and hope that you continue to add to and improve it.

Dude, resolve this. Don't leave us on a cliffhanger like that.

>>790091790091 Thank you, fixed it.

>>789958789958 I've changed "clopfic" to "erotic story". Is this better?

>>790113790113 Actually, I'm not British, but you were close. I'm Australian.

>>790193790193 I'm sure going to improve it with suggestions, but don't know if I'll continue it. I thought about maybe adding an epilogue where Applejack gets up Pinkie Pie and all hell breaks loose, as well as Princess Celestia's reaction to the page. I was going to do it if people really wanted to see how it all ended (I thought that a reader's imagination would create a funnier scenario than I ever could) but I might do it anyway if I ever get bored. Oh, I'll also take your advice and add a new line between dialogue. (EDIT: Just finished it. How does it look?)

And to everyone's question on why Rarity wrote it from Spikes point of view, well, I truthfully hadn't considered that while writing it. Maybe Rarity's just more of a troll than we take her for....

Inb4 featured.

>>790269790269

Looks a great deal better!

An error I noticed:

"Twilight lets go a massive gasp ..."

Not quite an error, I suppose, but it is awkward. Try something along the lines of "lets loose a massive gasp" instead, perhaps?

>>790361790361 I fixed it. Also fixed another few little things that I spotted. Thanks for the feedback!

You'll also be happy to know that I've decided to write an epilogue containing the Princess's reaction along with Pinkie Pie getting confronted by Applejack and Rainbow Dash. Should be fun!

>>790376790376

I look forward to it!

Read it, loved it, "thumbs up"-'d it, favorited it. This deserves the featured box.

i want to see the smile on 's face when  it all comes together in his head...

This is hilarious.....

~CowboyCassinova

Very funny and awesome!

I was expecting Spike to ask Twilight if he could keep it

your writing a Epilogue; also... write the clopfic out you have some good work there.

I think we need a little confrontation with Rarity as well in the epilogue.

celestia was sitting at her desk reading a bill she was to approve on new taxes when suddenly a parchment materializes infront of her. "hmm, what has twilight sent me now?" she says and begins to read it...................................................................................................... she goes over to the fireplace and burns the parchment, stares at the sun to remove the memories, only to fail, and proceedes to write a note. Dear twilight sparkle, spike shall be taking a ten your vacation to somewhere lifeless dull and grey, and no its not denmark. Now i need to go bleach my brain, so luna will send him there. Celestia bleached her brain until she could not remember the parchment and the next day spike was sent to the moon. The day after he was exchanged for rarity. No one was happier at that moment than spike, for rainbow told him what that had been. His smile caused everyone there to say. what the fuck.

TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

>>789919789919 It sure is , thanks for listening

interesting, will keep reading and i like it, just need to point out your usage of tenses, present and past are sometimes mixed or i wouldn't say 'misused' but makes 'telling' and 'showing' the story, try using more past tense or rethink on the parts you want 'present', still good, keep up the work.

I cannot unsee how you misspelled "sewing machine"!

Not bad, but needs some improvement. I agree with the other users above. Why don't you clean up the spacing between dialogs and add an epilogue where all the unanswered questions are answered? That way, people can enjoy your story more!

This story was EPIC

1. Bwahahahhahahah

2. Makes perfect sense to me that Rarity would write it that way. What could she love more than the idea of someone being overwhelmed by her beauty and grace?

>>792000792000 Oops. Thanks for that, it's fixed now.

>>791848791848 Yeah, I kinda switched tenses while I was showing the scenery. Should I change it all to present tense, or past tense?

>>791358791358 An epilogue is on the way!

Thank you to everyone here who has posted constructive criticism. If it wasn't for you guys the story probably wouldn't have gotten half the likes It's got now. To everyone else, thanks for reading and enjoying!

>>793298793298

Past tense. Always.

Anyway, despite a few spelling/grammar mistakes, this is... actually pretty great. Awesome job, Sabre!

>>793298793298 Past tense tends to be easier to write honestly. Present is a nice change of pace from the norm though.

And I can not wait!

OMG, this was hilarious. I kinda wanted to see Celestia's reaction to the paper, but the ending was pretty good.

>>793497793497 So wait, do you mean to change the entire tense of the story to past, or just the descriptions of the scenery? I'm getting confused.

>>793512793512 I actually tend to naturally gravitate towards writing in present tense. I have absolutely no idea why, even though I actually read and enjoy more past tense stories more than present. Maybe it's just because I tend to think as if I'm creating something, rather than telling someone about something I've created. Maybe it's because I personally find it more immersive? I don't know. I just do it subconsciously, and by the time I've realised I'm writing in present tense, I'm already half way through, so I just continue as I am. I accidentally switch to past when I'm describing the environment, however, so I don't know what's up with that.

What does the audience think? Past or present? (Or future, though I suspect that would be a total mind bend to read.)

>>793298793298

Like PathofCloud says its usually easier in past tense but can be more dramatic or 'faster' in present, try reading over the sentences to see if they make sense or come out the way you thought.

Sometimes i'll do other then past, not always best but usually the fallback if all else fails

>>793690793690 It's a good style certainly, but often I find myself accidentally slipping back into past when I write in present.

>>793690793690

Wow. Can you imagine? A story written in "future" form?

...Kind of sends shivers down my spine. It would either work really well, or just be a complete nightmare to get through.

Anyway... What I meant was, well, exactly what you said. "I actually read and enjoy past tense more than present". To be fair, though, after a couple of paragraphs, one gets used to it, so it's not that big of a deal. The thing is, past is so used now that whenever a writer decides to use present, it sort of sticks out like a really sore thumb.

Saw the ending coming.

Still bloody hilarious though.

>>793749793749 Ah, right. Sorry, I kind of got kind of confused by what you said. And yeah, a future tense story would take a really skilled writer to pull it off. I'm actually hoping someone tries it. It'd probably have to involve time travel or something really mind blowing.

>>793886793886

“My dear, I cannot thank you enough for taking Opalescence off my hooves again.” Rarity will say, her horn yet to glow. A needle and thread are about to be suspended in mid-air, not yet encompassed by a light blue glow.

...Yeah, I'm not suited for this.

Whatever!

The Epilogue is up! I'll also be away until late afternoon (or late morning to you guys in the northern hemisphere) so I won't be able to any questions you might have until later. I hope you all enjoy!

Sweeties Belle... what act of trolling have to committed!

...Everypony is strangely judgmental, wow. I mean, if a friend of mine wrote erotica, I'd criticize it, not be disgusted by it.

Insensitive pricks.

WHAT A TWIST.

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Sweetie_Belle_lolface.png

....

Story, pure story wise, this is pretty good! It's amusing, even if I was sure it would be Rarity from near the beginning. Not bad.

PAST TENSE PAST PAST TENSE OR CTHULHU WILL EAT YOU

Sorry.  

Sweetie Belle: And soon once Rarity has been taken care of Spike will be mine! ALL MINE! *Lightning flash*

i'm sorry, the story had potainsal, but, when i looked at the comments first and this guy, Dido by name, and another liked minded comment by MetricCaboose, mentioned that there's Molestia in this. sorry, the potentional died when i saw that comment, i seriously dislike the Anti-Celestia memes. this story would've been one of my favs if Molestia hadn't shown up! the story would've been a win if it was Spike all the long.

forgive me, i am just, not into the fact that there are those that are making the beloved Sun Princess evil or a sex pervert.

Image: http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/411jE8HLutL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_AA300_SH20_OU01_.jpg

i am done raining on the parade of the fans it did earned, and don't want to ruin it for others, so, i bid you all ado. i was only saying that it doesn't work FOR ME, if you like, fine, it's not of my concern, i was stating my opinion.

When I first read it, my fist thought actually was 'Sweetie Belle did it'. Then it seemed to be Rarity. But no, I was right the first time.

But Sweetie, how could you? You made your own sister cry, possibly scarred your two best friends mentally, and disgusted the heroes of the nation!

Mind=blown

Dat twist

That was epic.

>>794146794146

You didn't read the story. There is no Molestia.

Don't let comments ruin something for you beforehand and take everything with a grain of salt. If you do decide not to read something because of content, I'd recommend PM'ing the author to ask about it instead of complaining in the comments. The comments you referenced were fans guessing as to the perpetrator. They could guess that in any story with an unknown "villain", they just happened to guess her with this one. There is in fact no Molestia, just one line from Luna that's a little sketchy and put in for straight comedic value. If one comedic line from the character with the least screen time in the story kills the story for you, you might want to avoid anything with a comedy tag.

Are you familiar with that south park ski instructor? Cauz if you judge a story by it's comments without reading it, You're gonna have a bad day.

>>793995793995

Its about a friend, who's a kid, and a dragon... of course they'd be disgusted.

um..... nice story and all...and what a twist ....but...um ......how did Sweetie Belle know how to write THAT??!!

>>794294794294

well i feel like a jackass.

Image: http://reblaura.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/donkey1.jpg

thanks for informing me about this. the Mods really need to have a feature where one can block comments to prevent spoilers and and misleading. i apologised to the arthur, the fans of the story, and you. just to be clear, i wasn't complaining, just logicaly stating my opinion (which is rendered un-done now.).

Bam! Waht a tweest!

>>794302794302

Derpity-Derp-Derp-A-Derp. I'm not sure how, but I missed that.

“Wait, did you say Applejack had this?” Rainbow Dash says, looking up from the parchment.

And at this point, it looks like that pretty soon things are gonna get out of control.

“And besides, I wouldn't be stupid enough to hide something in a boo-ooh-ah-AAAHHH-CHOOO!” Spike lets go a mighty sneeze, sending a small streak of flame out of his nose across the page. Before Twilight can react, the page gets carried along the flames and out of the window.

“AHH! BRING IT BACK, BRING IT BACK!” Twilight shouts frantically, running to the window to watch the page spiral away.

Yep, it did.

Image: http://scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw2603_medium.jpg

And because Rarity + Wedding were mentioned, I can't resist throwing in

Image: http://scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw4480-0dcPP.jpg

:3

>>794017794017 WHAT A

My heart just died...from laughter...

Now THAT'S an ending

"Your Sneak Skill has Increased!"

>>794146794146

There was no Molestia.

Really impressive story. The dialouge does seem a little rushed at times but other than that it's very entertaining.

Image: http://forum.cheatengine.org/files/1269221818489_136.jpg

MY BRAIN IS FULL OF FUCK.

Aside from it being awesome, it is

Needs work but all in all, maybe if you dont mind...continue this for great justice?

That was hysterical!

LOL LUNA LIKED WHAT SHE SAW!!!!PURE GENOUSE !!!

>>794454794454 someone else already told me.

You did horrible things to Rarity! I am proud!

Luna enjoyed it.

Sweetie Belle, fuck yeah.

This is hilarious, though you think someone would wonder about Rarity writing a story about her getting involved in an intimate relationship with a 13-year old.

*facehoof*

And now for something completely different. A masterstroke if I ever saw one.

Sweetie Belle! You should be ashamed of yourself, doing that to your big sister and poor Spike!

When her cutie mark comes in, I think it';s going to be a poison pen.

I was so sure I would get to make a joke about twilight needing to buy tissue paper for spikes "cold" but I guess that's not gonna happen

HORREEE SHEEEETTTTT!

My brain is so full of fucks right now, I don't even....

x20

This story has single handedly restored my faith in the feature box for new fics!

Well done!

Sweetish belle deserves both a slow clap and a troll face but I have neither so oh well

you sir are a hero among authors. I applaud you with every fiber of my being

you sir will be watched for the rest of your writing career for this comedic gem

have a mustache!  

That was dark, and hilarious.

"it was alright.." Spike you magnificent bastard, that's why spike is best dragon

what if rarity wrote it?

Image: http://img.ponibooru.org/_images/0a8a019695ab5f86cfd5c1fe3531b68a/20571%20-%20artist%3Acrackedvinyl%20meme%20me_gusta%20rarity%20spike.png

Damn Sweetie Bell got skill. Still what was Celestia gonna do to Spike? And how will everyone act when they discover the truth! Revenge for what? Will Spike ever get some of that sweet marshmallow ass? So much more potential!

>>794434794434

what the heck what episodes are those pictures from??? I want to know!

because in this fic heh Sweetie was being an epic troll and left everyone feeling like this:

>>794746794746

The pics are from My Little Face When, the Rarity one is from "A Canterlot Wedding (Part 2)", not sure about the Sweetie one

Revenge... for what exactly?

This needs to be explained.

Image: http://marks.dk/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/slow-clap.gif

clap for you because your that awesome

>>789938789938

"I'm just...Saiyan"

Image: http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2010/352/3/e/i__m_just_saiyan_by_xanthestar-d355zvd.jpg

-Directed by M. Night Shyamalamadingdong-

That was so awesome that I laughed until I ran out of breath.

  Guessing that Sweetie Bell has been reading Rarity's books.  

And she still didn't get her curie mark for this!

"Face hoof "  Sad thing is, it should have been obvious in retrospect.

That was funny!

Oh sweetie belle... Your just a little filly... And you wrote THAT?

I guess her cutoe mark will be writing clopfics...

I'm just gonna keep assuming that Rarity wrote it, regardless of what may or may not have 'actually' happened.

I just uh ... prefer the story that way.

I just laughed my arse off great work the reactions were great btw

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

Not bad.

Me gusta

>>794146794146

If you're not going to read the damn story, then don't comment.  There was no 'Molestia'.

Always feels good to knock someone off their high horse.