Such Sweet Sorrow
I had tried a few small experiments in Canterlot related to spontaneous musicalism - and, after what had happened in Manehattan, my primary concern for such had been to minimize the negative consequences if anything went wrong - ideally, to none at all. Fortunately, nothing serious had happened, and I had gathered evidence supporting a few useful clues. It was definitely some sort of magic, if not a 'spell' as was cast by unicorns, and seemed to require some minimal conditions to happen at all... and, most interestingly, seemed to work best when it wasn't forced. (Music that directly fired off some magic seemed to be another phenomena entirely.)
And so, as I prepared to bid Cheerilee farewell for what would likely be a couple of weeks, I... nudged. I didn't explicitly make preparations; but I... made subtle arrangements, to open up potential opportunities which the musicalism could naturally take hold of and weave into itself. For example, instead of simply hiring a band, I found the weather ponies who stacked up excess clouds, suggested a location where they could store them on a particular day, found a group of pegasus instrumentalists, and had a pony point out to them that there would be this lovely group of clouds they could settle on to practice at a particular afternoon. A delivery truck which could - not necessarily would, but could - happen to drop a florist's excess inventory for the day at the right time and place. Looking for birds which might be due for release back into the wild around the right time. Ribbons. Bubbles. Fireworks. Pretty much every romantic cliche you could name, I didn't make certain would necessarily happen at just the right time and place - only nudged matters just enough that, if the musicalist field (or however it worked) 'wanted' to, then they could.
And so I brought Cheerilee aboard the Alicorn, fitted both of us with the new designs for parachutes that even I was willing to entrust my life to... and, hoof in hoof, I took a deep breath, sang the first three words... and the two of us stepped out into mid-air high above Ponyville, for an experience I hoped would be as memorable as possible.
I'm flying high, but I've got a feeling I'm falling,
falling for nopony else but you.
You caught my eye,
and I've got a feeling I'm falling.
Show me the ring and I'll jump right through.
I used to travel single, oh,
we chanced to mingle, oh,
Now, now I'm a-tingle over you.
Hey Mister Parson stand by:
for I've got a feeling I'm falling,
falling for nopony else but you.
Oh honey, oh honey, I never felt this way.
Romantically I'm up in the air.
Its funny, so funny, me taking it this way.
Don't know if I should,
but gee, it feels good.
I'm flying high, up in the sky, but I've got a funny feeling that I'm falling,
falling for nopony else but you,
and you know it too.
You caught my eye,
and baby that's why,
I've got a funny feeling that I'm falling.
Show me the ring and oh boy I'll take it from you.
I used to travel single, oh,
we chanced to mingle, oh,
Now, now I'm a-tingle over you.
Oh Mister Parson stand by:
Don't leave me now;
I've got a feeling I'm falling and how,
falling for nopony else but you!
That's all!
As it turned out, Cheerilee had also come up with an idea for our farewell party... one that ended up making me almost as nervous as she had been when she'd taken a leap of faith in me.
"I'm sure you remember Lily," said Cheerilee.
"Of course," I nodded in the direction of the pink-coated, amber-maned filly, who had her namesake flower tucked behind one ear. I was a bit confused about why she was in Cheerilee's living room with the two of us, but always willing to be polite. "I've seen her working at the florist's, along with Daisy and Roseluck."
Cheerilee stepped closer to me as she continued, "I know how you are really, really hesitant to even think about seeing a bull or stallion in anything like a romantic way." That seemed to come rather out of left field, but I nodded again. "And you know about my more experimental years, when I didn't have to try to hard to look like the perfect teacher in every way. Well, the 'Flower Sisters' were some of my very best friends then."
"Er..." I had a thought about where this might be going - but if it was... well, let's just say that I'd be even more clueless than usual in such social situations where I had to deal with actual feelings, including my own, instead of focusing on getting a particular job done.
Cheerilee leaned up against me, comfortingly. "I'm not saying we should merge our little herd with theirs right away..." My eyes widened about as wide as possible, and I think I may have made an 'eep!' noise, as she continued, "but we can at least find out whether or not there are any easy-to-find obstacles, or whether or not any of us 'click'. And if we don't - we'll all still be friends, and can still help each other look for anypony who'd fit well with any of us."
"Um..." I said, with all the brainpower I could muster. Finally, I managed some actual words. "I know I let you take the lead in - well, just about everything about us - but, well... I'm not really sure I'm, um, ready for even the idea of having more than one mare in my life." I managed to boot up enough of my memory to recall some advice podcasts from Dan Savage. "I don't want to stop you if that's the sort of lifestyle that makes you happy, but..."
She held up a hoof to my lips. "I knew you'd panic like this. I'm not suggesting that we take her straight up to bed with us - though if you want to..." Seeing my expression, she continued, "just to have a pleasant evening together, with a friend who might - or might not - eventually become more than just a friend. Dinner. Drinks. Talking. Maybe you can bring out your telescope to show her some of the stars. Maybe she can show you something gardening...y. See if you're comfortable feeding the pups in front of her, and if she's comfortable helping you change their diapers. Just... see. For me?"
"How can I say no? Just... I'd be happier if I knew I had an escape-hatch - that if things get to be too much, there's some way to bring it all to a quick close, without causing anypony any offense..."
The corner of her mouth twitched. "If that's what you want - then your safeword is 'halogens'."
The three of us had a pleasant dinner, based on an adaptation of my personal recipe for kitchen-sink spaghetti. The ponies grew tomatoes, basil, oregano, marjoram, and thyme, which were the only absolutes. From the pony point of view, the secret ingredient which made it a hit was finely-ground textured vegetable protein - that is, a pony-digestible analogue for ground beef. There were a few predators who lived in pony society who wanted to enjoy the taste without shocking their neighbors, and I'd been able to find a little hole-in-the-wall shop in Canterlot who supplied such products at only marginally obscene prices. I didn't mention that particular aspect to Lily, just that it involved wheat gluten and soy protein and careful flavoring and such -
We talked about current events, other ponies, and Lily finally revealed the story behind why it was such a ridiculous idea for Big Mac and Cheerilee to ever get together - for once, it was her turn to blush instead of mine. I stumbled awkwardly, more than once, when the subject turned to issues where I still hadn't finished putting together a decent cover story; but Cheerilee, mindful of my various psychological troubles and my three-times-weekly appointments with my p-doc, helped bridge those gaps for me, turning the talk back to safer grounds. Like what ponies considered to be 'experimental'. After just a few minutes of hearing that, my tail was pulled rather protectively downwards - I was astonished that any mare involved in that particular subculture retained sufficient internal organs to breathe, let alone reproduce. (I made a mental note that unicorns must have had some extremely specialized healing spells.) But since it was 'just us girls' (yet another blow to the rapidly-dwindling reserves of the originally male aspect of my psyche) here, they seemed to have no reservations introducing me to concepts I'd only previously encountered when I'd deliberately gone a-browsing in the darkest corners of the Internet.
But as the two of them did the dishes in a sink a little too small for me to help, their heads together and giggling about some in-joke, I took a mental step back to take a new look, and... despite my having to be dragged to each and every new relationship-type thing Cheerilee thought of... I didn't actually mind the dragging, even if I did mind it. If I knew how to explain the way I felt, I probably wouldn't need to be dragged in the first place. Ah well - whatever was going on in my head, step by step, I was figuring out better and better how to make Cheerilee happy. I finished the non-dishes clean-up, and in short order, found myself in the backyard, my forelegs crossed on top of the fence as I looked up at Luna's moon... and whether it was from my becoming more attuned and responsive to the local spontaneous musicalism effects, or just something arising from my own heart, I found myself singing...
Love was blind to me, now it's kind to me,
Love has opened my eyes.
Since it came to me, life's a game to me
With the sweetest surprise.
I never knew how good it was to be
a slave to one who means the world to me.
I loved that mare from the start,
And way down deep in her heart
I know she loves me, Celestia knows why
And when she tells me she can't live without me
What wouldn't I do for that mare?
She's not an angel or saint,
And what's the odds that she ain't
With all her faults I know she'll get by
I'll be so true to her, she'll never doubt me
What wouldn't I do for that mare?
Oh, when she lets me lean my weary head on her shoulder
I close my eyes right there and wish I never grow older
I'll never leave her alone,
I'll make her troubles my own
I love that mare as nopony can
I'm just no good when her hooves are about me
What wouldn't I do for that mare?
Oh, what wouldn't I do for that mare?
I'll never leave her alone,
I'll make her troubles my own
I love that mare better than I do myself
I'm just no good when her hooves are about me
What wouldn't I do for that mare?
Oh there's not a thing I wouldn't do for my mare.
That's all!
I heard a trio of soft, dreamy sighs from a nearby shrubbery, and as I smilingly shooed off the CMC Romance Writer Researchers to find some other target of investigation, I mused to myself that I wasn't sure that I agreed with everything I'd just sang, but... I wasn't sure that I disagreed with it, either. And... if nothing else, I didn't see any reason not to let matters develop to where that particular song did precisely describe how I felt.
Celestia hadn't needed to warn me about magic-based brain damage if I stayed out of Equestria too long - I was already trying to think of ways to cut my forthcoming expedition as short as possible, to come back as soon as possible to Cheerilee. And... if that was what would help keep her happy, adding 'and company' to the end of that last sentence.
No, Lily didn't stay overnight. And that's all that I care to describe about that night.
The next morning dawned bright and early; and since the sooner I left, the sooner I was likely to get back, I went to get myself hauled up onto the Alicorn as soon as possible: Onward, to adventure!
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Adventure!?
fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/168/a/2/pinkie_pie__s_color_adventure__by_fungusbungus-d53vh65.jpg
Bahahahahaahahahahahhahaha oh my Celestia your characterization of Cheerilee is PERFECT!!!
969820
( <--- wishes for a Cheerilee emoticon)
This is the last opportunity I was going to have to play with that characterization for a while - so I just decided 'what the hay', and took it as far as I could. Glad you approve.
969957
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Cheerilee.png
This is the only one.
...ADVENTURE!!!
...
971398
Could you do me a small favor, and be a little more specific? Even if I end up disagreeing with your opinion, I'd still like to know what you feel would make this a better fic.
(For that matter, I wish that everyone who gave this a thumbs-down had given me a few words of why - I value all critique, both positive and negative.)
Random casual polygamy out of nowhere, basically. I find it loathsome. And I highly doubt you're going to change it just because it ruins the story for me, which is why I didn't bother elaborating. No point complaining if it's only going to annoy people while accomplishing nothing. It just bothers me when something like this shows up and it isn't even important to the plot. The story would be barely changed at all if it weren't there. Like, including it doesn't appreciably improve the story for people that like that sort of thing, but for people that DON'T like that sort of thing it greatly detracts from it. ...and I'm rambling now.
972139
I try to operate by Crocker's Rules. I do my best to avoid being annoyed by any complaints, and to use the information to accomplish as much good as possible, by improving myself (or, in this case, my writing) as much as possible. Regarding the specific issue at hand:
I'd tried to avoid the 'out of nowhere', as it happens, by having previously made allusions to Cheerilee's "experimental years", and that there were things she did now that she didn't before to keep up a professional apperience; but it seems I didn't do too well at that. Which is something I can work on improving in the future.
I also tried to keep as far away from 'random casual' polygamy as possible - well, at least outside of Cheerilee's ancient experimentations. One of my goal in this chapters was to establish that polygamy exists - eg, 'herds' of ponies (or cows) romantically attracted to each other - but that such relationships weren't necessarily any more casual than pair-bonding ponies like the Cakes. I wanted to open it up as an option for Missy to consider in her future, without immediately dropping her into the middle of such a group... so I had Cheerilee introduce the concept, and I had her and Missy have a friendly dinner and talk with another pony in a group of her own. If your objection was that things proceeded too quickly, then maybe I should have been a bit more explicit that nothing more than food-and-talking happened with Lily, but other than that, I'm not sure what else I could do - it's something I can spend some of my thinking-about-writing time thinking about, though.
In sum: Thank you for explaining.
972188
My issue is that polygamy is portrayed in a positive light as something ponies do. And again, I seriously doubt that you would change that just because it bothers me personally. So rather than being a douche and making a conflict of it, I just decided to untrack and move on. I figured that would result in the least amount of conflict.
972211
Ah, now I fully understand: it wasn't just the nature of the polygamy's presentation, it was it existing at all. Well, fair enough - if it's not something you want to read about, and if I'm not a good enough writer for the rest of my story to draw you in anyway, then I thank you for your patronage so far, and I wish you the best of luck with your future endeavors.
972211 What do you have against polygamy? I'm not saying it's right or wrong I'm just curious as to why you would think it's a bad/immoral thing.
Oh em gee, LILY you naughty pony! Her non-averse-to-bovine-experimentation was canon before I even started Fudge!
972238 ... You are not-unlike your character, aren't you...
I'm finding this fic better and better. Though I'm having trouble drawing my friends in: they seem to be allergic to lesswrongian thought patterns and attitudes, and haven't been very open about arguing why. Something about "combining the worst aspects of religion of academia" came up, which rather baffled me.
One of the things I find troublesome with your story is the lack of intelligent but irrational opposition. While Missy is being extremely reasonable, I'm surprised that people don't shoot her down more regularly as a simple matter of status, among other things.
Finally, I'm perfectly happy with the romance that's going on, though I find the same problems with it as with the humor. The dryness of it all is practically at Batman levels (take your pic between "Dark Knight Rises" Batman and "Brave And The Bold" Batman). The character is always perfectly in control, and the jokes are often relevant, witty... and completely devoid of silliness, merriment, or boisterousness.
The emotional reactions to situations are always phrased in a disturbingly rational way; in an encounter with a dragon, Missy will mention not wanting to be there, or worrying for her safety, but no mention will be made of heartbeat or sweat, and her emotional state isn't reflected in the way she phrases her thoughts, the length of her sentences, the choice of verbs, modifiers... She's also never seen to panic, or block, or run out of ideas. We also never see her get just plain tired, or lazy.
1353366
You are not-unlike your character, aren't you...
However good or poor a writer I might be, this fic wouldn't be nearly as good as whatever heights any given reader thinks it may (or may not) have reached if I didn't use as much of my real-world knowledge as I could - which naturally leads to Missy knowing a lot of the same things I do, and various other similarities.
I'm finding this fic better and better.
I think one of my biggest improvements was as I stopped trying to imitate previous rational fics so closely, and simply, well, wrote as best I could.
Though I'm having trouble drawing my friends in: they seem to be allergic to lesswrongian thought patterns and attitudes, and haven't been very open about arguing why. Something about "combining the worst aspects of religion of academia" came up, which rather baffled me.
If you ever do manage to get more detailed reasons from them, please do let me know; that seems like a rather important datum to figure out.
Perhaps you could ask them if it's because they feel I (and/or Missy) are arrogant - and then ask "Is someone still arrogant if they're actually right about what you think they're arrogant, and they can actually prove it?".
One of the things I find troublesome with your story is the lack of intelligent but irrational opposition. While Missy is being extremely reasonable, I'm surprised that people don't shoot her down more regularly as a simple matter of status, among other things.
This is almost certainly related to one of my own flaws, which is thus reflected in the work - I have, in general, very little understanding of one of humanity's favorite past-times, social status games, and am very poor at trying to write characters such as you describe. (In fact, my having tried to do so was part of why chapter 103 was delayed by a day, before I took a different approach.)
Another possibility is that I've started using a somewhat different criterion to figure out how rational and/or intelligent someone is from most people: whether or not they're willing to change their mind on something if they're given massively overwhelming evidence they're wrong. The less excess evidence that's required to persuade them, the more rational they are. And, by strong implication, the more willing someone is to change their mind to be in line with the evidence, the more likely it is they will have a sufficient understanding of a wide variety of details of the universe to be able to come up with the right answer to any given question - that is, being able to pass any given intelligence test. Thus, at least in my mind, intelligence tends to be good (though not conclusive) evidence for rationality, so I mostly try to gauge people by the rationality scale and derive my estimate of their intelligence from it.
Finally, I'm perfectly happy with the romance that's going on, though I find the same problems with it as with the humor. The dryness of it all is practically at Batman levels (take your pic between "Dark Knight Rises" Batman and "Brave And The Bold" Batman). The character is always perfectly in control, and the jokes are often relevant, witty... and completely devoid of silliness, merriment, or boisterousness.
The emotional reactions to situations are always phrased in a disturbingly rational way; in an encounter with a dragon, Missy will mention not wanting to be there, or worrying for her safety, but no mention will be made of heartbeat or sweat, and her emotional state isn't reflected in the way she phrases her thoughts, the length of her sentences, the choice of verbs, modifiers... She's also never seen to panic, or block, or run out of ideas. We also never see her get just plain tired, or lazy.
If it helps, Missy does push herself to the point of collapse in some later chapters; and having the threat of a world-ending disaster, which would most likely kill her as well if she doesn't manage to head it off, does seem to be the sort of thing that would help push her to try to avoid laziness, and to keep coming up with plans, plots, and projects..
I do have a partial answer for some of the other details you mention, but as it's minorly spoilery, I'll put it in white so you don't have to read it if you don't want to: The whole story is being narrated by Missy, and she's simply not thinking much about her emotional state during the events she's recounting, and thus there's an in-universe reason why the whole thing is described in terms of dry wit instead of passionate feelings. There's another detail which is somewhat more spoilery than this, so I'll put it in rot13: Zl cyna sbe fbzr gvzr unf orra gb unir n erny zvaq-fperj nebhaq puncgre bar-gjragl; gur gnetrg puncgre unf punatrq, ohg gur gjvfg vf fgvyy cynaarq.