I'm older than your average brony, but then I've always enjoyed cartoons. I'm an experienced reviewer, EqD pre-reader, and occasional author.
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Thunderstorms have always put Scootaloo on edge. A pegasus afraid of the weather. What's wrong with her? Rainbow Dash helped create this storm, too—Scootaloo should just stop being such a baby about it.
Slightly lengthened version of a minific that finished in the middle of the pack in the /fic/ write-off "Illusion of Choice."
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oh my god
This is horrible.
In a good way.
So Scoots killed her dad and has PTSD because of it (as one would)?
An interesting story idea, but not really your best work. A bit too short. We never really got time to develop any real emotions or connections.
7326944 It's not clear whom she killed. Or if she killed anyone. As to length... I don't know. Different strokes and all. It's about being in the moment. I don't think it could sustain being much longer without completely changing that.
7327218 I suppose. It did kind of make the transition between her home life and her stuff with Rainbow a bit jarring, and the end felt a touch rushed. I dunno, that's just me, though.
Horror, fear, and wistfulness.
And all in a thousand words, at that.
Hm, I don't think I read this one during its writeoff premier. Pretty heavy stuff. I'm guessing the 'illusion of choice' applies to Scootaloo here?
7330500 It was interesting seeing the different interpretation of this prompt. Some took it the straight way, where someone thought they had a choice but really didn't. Others took it as someone who was choosing among different illusions. Some meant that it was the optimal illusion. This was the second one, where Scootaloo lives kind of putting her past out of her mind, forgetting it until a thunderstorm won't let her, so her self-imposed forgetfulness is the illusion she chooses.
Flashbacks to when my mom and step-dad used to fight. Vivid flashbacks. Good job.
7332093
To be honest, that's the one I think people fall prone to the most. I certainly do.
It always is fun to see the different ways writers interpret the prompt, isn't it? It can be boring too, of course :p
Greetings! I enjoyed your story, so I narrated it and gave a review! Hope you don't mind
7337631 I don't mind at all. Thank you for taking the time. It seems like you missed a few things, though. Rainbow wouldn't have noticed the parents were gone because she didn't expect them to be there. The second scene explicitly references several things to imply Scootaloo's in an orphanage by that point. It takes place years after the first scene. The first one has Scootaloo living at home with her parents, but by the second scene, there are references to a group home, social workers, Scootaloo having been assigned her own room, and there being a receptionist at the facility. That would also explain the lack of bodies. The scene break occurs at which point there are even any bodies, and the second scene picks up well after all that has been dealt with. As to the number of sentences that begin with "I," there actually aren't that many. I'm sensitive to that as well, and there is some leeway afforded a first-person story for starting sentences with the same word, but if you go looking around, I think you'll find that this one's actually below what you'll see on average, even among good writers. Out of 138 sentences, 29 begin with "I," or right about 1 in 5, and that even includes dialogue, which you usually wouldn't when looking at this.
7338591 Yes now I understand your point and I agree with you. But, you have to keep in mind you have to make sure the reader can easily make that connection. It wouldn't to hurt to place "1 year later" into the story. Remember there are different ways to interpret what happened because scotaloo herself could of been adopted all along. Adding a bit of backstory before events start to happen can help make those connections as well as getting a better idea of what time the story is taking place in.
Shiiiit :O
7338997 I disagree. Every single time a "one year later" comes up in a story, I lose my suspension of disbelief, my immersion. I love how the transition was made here - it draws a sort of parallel between the past and the present. The only time something like that works is in a diary or an in-universe work, where someone says "it's been a year" or something like that.
7377695 Ah, I see my mistake. Thank you, I'll keep that in mind.
Ouch. A far cry from the common or garden cute Scootalove, this one. I'm just glad Rainbow is on the side of the angels; I'd have had a very hard time with the fic had she not been. I do understand why some people wonder just how pony this story is, but there's no doubt that it's stuck in my mind.
I JUST FARTED OFF SOMETHING NASTY!!
Interesting. Though I think Scoots would be in a psych ward.
Honestly not what I was expecting, I knew from the description there was going to be Scootalove, but I figured it was going to be a sweet fluff filled thing where RD helps Scoots get over a very natural fear of Thunderstorms, the arguing parents part and the implied murder or self-defense (depending on how you look at it) was completely unexpected. After all is said and done, I think that this particular idea could be expanded upon a bit, or just having a longer version of the fluff-portion without the PTSD elements not saying I don't like what you have, I really enjoyed the unexpected twist, but it feels a bit incomplete like you have a good start, but it is missing something. These are merely my thoughts on the matter, you are more than free to disagree or disregard my opinions.
Short, suspenseful but hearthwarming at the end. Nicely done.
10069225
Too bad canon broke this just before the finish line...
10069404
Cannon or not. Still a good story
This is a really well-written story, and I especially like the portrayal of Rainbow Dash here.
I realize this might give the story away a bit, but would it be alright to request a "Warning: foal abuse" in the summary for future notice?