This is my first story and I hope you enjoy it. I will be updating as quickly as I can get new chapters in a good enough shape to post. I always welcome constructive criticism, but please remember that this is my first attempt at writing.

A huge thank you goes to my editor as without her this would not be half of what it is.

I think this should get a dark tag as well.

Good story though.

However, there are a few sentences which run on. Eg:

The hunters were in agreement, something that normally eluded the most independent of the broods, they would succeed even if it meant each and every one of their lives.

should be

The hunters were in agreement, something that normally eluded the most independent of the broods. They would succeed even if it meant each and every one of their lives.

This is a very interesting story, I can't wait for the next bit

I noticed a few minor errors which I won't go into, but I should mention one bit appears to have been cut off:

"The acknowledgment from Sky was instantaneous, and once again Star felt nothing but admiration for the old hunter.

link, doing so relied completely on the Nexus to direct them."

Though not a completely original story, Wanderer D released a similar premise with The Changeling Queen, it's a promising story. I'll be watching were are you taking it.

Also while I'm interested in seeing where the story is going, your comment on quick updating caught my attention, you may want to look for a proofreader/editor to look at your chapters before posting them, usually it's not a good idea to compromise quality over speed, it may cost you a few readers in the long run and it may end in a worse story. You are not a professional writer with a set deadline, take your time, enjoy your own work, and you'll probably end with a better story that if you try to rush it, otherwise it can stop being a hobby and may start to feel like an obligation, like a job, or homework if you are still studying.

will spike be in this ?

I like it so far and will eagerly await more chapters.

But you could use a proofreader. There's the occasional badly worded sentence, lots of missing punctuation (mostly commas), and that one paragraph that obviously has a chunk missing from it. I would suggest looking here for one. And please, quality over speed; quick updates mean nothing if they're riddled with errors.

Queen Chrysalis and her Changelings are dyin'?

Well, we all know what to do!

Image: http://www.codblackopsblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/Black-Ops-Weapons-Flamethrower.jpg

Am liking the plot, keep at the good work.

>>980807980807

Thanks, fixed that. I have a tendency to make run on sentences, you should have seen it before editing.

Added a dark tag, I was on the fence but since my first reviewer, ever, told me it needed it, well there you go.

>>980853980853

Thank you, I have absolutely no idea how that happened.

Fixed it.

>>980923980923

I'm glad you liked it. Ya believe it or not this was sitting and waiting editing for about two weeks before he released that. When I saw his I was like , now that's going to make my story look bad. He is a way better writer than me.

I wont rush it, but if I don't make myself push to work on it, I never will. I procrastinate really bad sometimes. I am shooting to have a chapter out once every week to two weeks. But I wont post until both myself and my editor are happy with it.

>>981587981587

If you imported from gDocs, I have heard it sometimes causes random bits of text to go missing.

>>980930980930 He will be, But I do not have plans for him to be a major character.

>>981625981625 And that would be it. Thanks I'll watch that closer next time.

Would you like a pre_reader? You have a lot of little typos (things like a letter moving to the left or right, or being left out entirely) If you want I can read over it for you and correct them.

Also, something I find helps is to read the chapter out loud to yourself. If you find yourself having issues reading it, edit it to flow better.

not bad

First reaction: " This sounds ALOT like Wander D's Changeling Queen....."

Reaction after reading: " ....

....

...

AWESOMESAUCE."

An interesting beginning to the story.  I'm looking forward to what you have in store for us in future chapters.  There were a few punctuation errors and some sentences that could have been worded more clearly, but all in all they were fairly minor so good job.  

The only other mistake I noticed is that the link for chapter two seems to be missing......

>>982268982268

Hmmm, I see what you mean. I'll see if I can't correct that here in the coming week. And thank you, it means a lot to me that people are liking this.

Yes! I love these kinds of stories! Awesome work, can't wait to see where this is going.

Very nice spin on the idea so far.

It'll be interesting to see how this is taken. Dark as hell at the beginning, but it's a nice way to introduce the desperation involved. I'm hoping that Twilight's conversion is less of a personality change and more of a shift in perspective, where she's not going to be attacking her friends and planning Celestia's downfall.

CON-TIN-UE CON-TIN-UE CON-TIN-UE

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

>>981635981635 oh that is kinda disappointing.

This sparks my intrest, really good writing, nice concept and Changeling converions are epic. Would love more.

>>983392983392

Yeah, I'm hoping for the same thing - that was something I didn't really like about The Changeling Queen. Twilight just seemed to have jumped into a changeling with glee, converting friends and family with abandon, without any inner conflict. Seeing her remain basically herself in her head, trying to get to grips with what has happened, and trying to deal with her friends, Celestia, and her family, with them knowing what she now is? Trying to make the best of a bad situation? That sounds a lot more interesting me.

>>981635981635 use this page on your gdoc and your fimfic chapter before you publish. http://wordcount2.com/ if both counts match you are not missing anything. its also handy to identify if you are abusing certain words.

nice work hope to read on

Interesting.  Will watch.

As a note: earlier, you had Hope in the Boutique getting fitted, but then later on, Glow walked out in half a dress.  Might need to check for consistency.

Like a fine meringue.

>>10217821021782  Nope its right, I had to go back and check it though.

An excellent start, and the hunters bit was nice writing.

*Taps foot impatiently*

This story caught me off guard... not sure what to expect honestly and it has my interest piqued to want to keep reading.'

A few errors here and there that need to be touched up but overall quite good.

Tracking and upvoted.

I like it and i really look forward to finding out how Twilight will (hopefully) reform the changling species.

Interesting! I'm glad I found this story! You planning on updating soon? I'm looking forward to seeing where you'll take it!

>>10746641074664

Yes, I am planing to have it up by this weekend. That is if life cooperates with me.

Oh, and Wanderer D commented on my story! This makes my day, if not my week. I love your writing. I can only hope that I come within sight of the bar you set with The Changeling Queen.

>>10772811077281

Life didn't cooperate?

Here's hoping life starts to be more cooperative. It's a really interesting beginning and I really want to know what happens~

we're still waitin

>>12422941242294

>>12282481228248

>>11198751119875

I have not stopped, I like writing this story. But like I said life interfered and picking back up the pieces took time. That said I have been done with life for a while now and I am working as fast as I can on this chapter. It seems that I'm not that fast. BUT I am close to being done, not there but close. Then its off to my editor and then up for you guys. I will finish this story, no  matter how long it takes.

>>12475421247542

Good to hear, but still take all the time you need. I look forwards for the next part.

I am so so sorry for the massive delay in getting this out. I have no excuses. But, here it is and as always I would appreciate any constructive criticism you can provide. I am already working on the next chapter, but I'm not going to put a time frame on its completion. I know that I'm just going to miss the deadline if I make one.

On another note. I learned that I hate writing fight scenes.

I approve of this, fight scene didn't seem that bad to be honest, dood.

I'd yell at you to write moar, but with Borderlands 2 coming out tomorrow, who'll have time to write, dood?

Very nice.

This story is coming along really well. Good Job.

Seems quite well done, but I will read it again when I am not so sleepy.

Now onto the main events.

Twilight NOO! Quick call some one!

an update! The breaks between chapters aren't always gonna be this long are they?

>>12946301294630

I agree with this sentiment. Borderlands 2 is gonna keep me from this site for some time now.

Too late Twilight. Your fate is sealed, the hive will do anything to survive. Maybe your perspective will shift once you are responsible for a whole species.

damn this is good i will fav

Oh snap!  I was beginning to think this story would never update again.  I'm definitely glad it did .

Well, whether you like writing fight scenes or not, you're good at it so kudos to you.  There were a few minor grammar issues here and there, but nothing bad, and aside form that I thought the chapter was fantastic.  Keep up the good work brony.

The damage done to AJ was a little dark but if Twily did not get captured the story could not advance.

The only question i have about the fight is  Why didn't Twilight just grab AJ and teleport out after she got hurt?

It is gong to take some serious ... Threats maby? to make Twilight take responsibility for the changeling species

hmm, they take AJ too?

>>12952211295221

i kinda assumed so, along with Big Macintosh.

If nothing else they need the leverage against Twilight.

>>12946981294698 Thank you very much

>>12947161294716 I hope it looks just as good when not sleep deprived.

>>12947531294753 As I said this wait was not planed, but while I will be trying to get the next one out as fast as I can, I have no realistic projection on how soon that will be.

>>12948321294832 Fate is a fickle thing.

>>12949381294938 Thank you.

>>12950811295081 I will take that to heart, I guess if you all think that I can write fights, then I should make it a point to not avoid them. I shall endeavor to maintain the quality.

>>12951811295181 Ah hahaaha I was wondering if someone would call me on it. There IS a reason she didn't teleport, there kind of had to be after all or they would never catch her, I just couldn't get it worked in without disrupting the flow of the story. I will try to make mention of it at a latter time.

>>12952211295221 Yes Aj too. And let me tell you that was a hard thing to work in but she has a special role to play in this. Not that I'm telling.

>>12956931295693 They didn't take Big Mac, but I will let you in on a little secret... I have no idea how he got such a big part in this chapter.

>>12957271295727

i was expecting to find out that if Twilight tried to teleport she would have killed AJ ...

Jeff Goldbloom in The Fly go all explody kinda death

as for Big Mac ... I read A Lot of fan fics .. You may be suprised at how many times Big Mac turns up as a big hero hidden under his country farmer image.

Yay a update!

>>12951811295181

Twilight basically never teleports when in danger during the show, so why would she here?

First thing I did when I woke up was read this.  From my point of view it seemed very well written.  I didn't see any huge grammar or spelling errors.  This is the only error I can remember seeing, sorry I can't remember more, was kinda distracted with suspense.

breaking her tenuous hold on her manny active spells

I think we can agree that Manny was not helping Twilight in casting at all.

>>12971541297154 eh eheheheh... I'll fix that, thank you.

These hunters are pros.

I'm at the edge of my seat, here!

I read this when you first posted it and meant to comment but my internet derped and I forgot so here.

This was a well written chapter and suspenseful and the fight scene was well done even if you don't like writing them, you did a good job with it and keeping the action going.  The end of the chapter was exciting and I can hardly wait to find out what happens next.  

No problems about the delay, as long as you eventually release something take as long as you need. I can't really say anything since I don't have any stories up myself - I started writing one a few weeks ago and don't even have 300 words yet so yeah.

Just reread the story, still awesome.

Can't wait for more.

Decent story. I wish the updates weren't glacial, though.

OHHH so many possibilities for this

Decent story. Hope it updates this month.

Oh where have you been my little story...?

Liking where this is going. Liked, faved, and waiting

This is great. Hope you get the will back to write more someday.

Plz plz plz wright more plz

>>17332581733258

>>17176911717691

Just for those who don't check my page I AM still writing this. Just, I'm not a very good writer so its taking a long time and a lot of work to get the next chapter the way I want it. I am currently on my fourth attempt of chapter three. I THINK that this one is going to be it. Regardless of that, I promised that I would finish this story and I WILL finish it.

Please tell me a new chapter is coming soon! Please, please hurry with the new chapter!

Updates? :3

>>21208042120804

I am still alive, and still working on it. But I cant really say when I will have it up. I just got myself a promotion at work and I am a little swamped right now. Although stranger things have happened. Who knows you may see one soon.

Good news

I'll definitely be there for next chapter.

>>12945581294558 Sniff.... Where's the next chapter? Sniff... WAAAAAAAAAH

No, seriously, I loved this story, Is the next chapter coming soon?

If it's darker than normal, but not quite enough to warrant the 'dark' tag, I've seen some use the description of 'grim-light'.

In any case, it was excellent! The way they coordinated and tricked them was just... whoa! Hehe, they got Twilight to further waste her energy proving the fake AJ was... err, fake.

I can't wait to see more!

Very good story. I do hope that it will continue, it's been one of the best "changling Twilight" story's on FIMfiction.

Please get le editor

I wonder when the next update will be up...

Moar, please.

I was going through the dusty ends of my favorites list, because I could, and I came across this story, and one thought entered my head  '... What happened to this awesome story?!' So, huh, what happened? Because, only 2 chapters in, I'm really excited for more! You're a good writer with an awesome idea, don't let it die before it's had a chance to live!

>>25362142536214

... Okay. I will get it back out and start writing on it right now. Maybe I will be able to make something out of it this time that I like. I am having real issues with this chapter.

>>25421662542166 Fair enough, the next chapter I'm assuming has Chrysalis and whatnot trying to convince Twilight, and it's probably really hard to write. If you haven't, you could read 'The Changeling Queen' by Wanderer D for inspiration.

>>12945581294558, MOAR