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Loyalty
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Pinkie stood in the graveyard. It was very cold that night, and the rough ground was beginning to hurt her hooves.
She put some cupcakes down on the mound, and sat there until she began to feel slightly numb. She stayed a while longer, until nothing hurt.
After a few minutes, she got up and turned to leave.
“Where d'you think you're going, Pinkie?”
Pinkie looked behind her.
“You're dead, Dashie.”
She wasn't very surprised.
She laughed; the cupcake disappeared from her hoof, and Pinkie noticed that the few cupcakes she had left hadn't been touched. “Of course I am, candy-head. Take a look at this.” Her hoof went through her gravestone; she wiggled it a bit and grinned. “Cool, right?”
“You're not real, Dashie. I'm seeing things. I really miss you, but you're not coming back.”
She turned back and continued walking.
“I'm sorry for going so quick, Pinkie.”
She stopped walking.
“It wasn't your fault.”
“Maybe not. But I'm the Element of Loyalty, remember?”
“Celestia took it from you. At the funeral.” She winced as she finished the sentence.
She snorted. “That shiny little thing? I'd never leave a friend in a rut, and you are in the ruttiest rut I've ever seen a pony be in.”
“What's it like, up there?”
She took a second to reply.
“Everything.”
“And you'd leave that for me?”
“Of course I would.”
“And what if you're not real? If I really am just seeing things?”
“Does that really matter?”
No, Pinkie supposed. It didn't.
Dash reached out, and took her hoof.
“C'mon. Let's get out of this place and have some fun.”
“Whatever you say, Dashie!” Her voice was cheerful for the first time in days.
She began to walk towards the cemetery gates, Dash following besides her; for no particular reason, Pinkie started to hop.
The night felt a lot warmer.
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Wait does that mean Pinkie is too?......
Matter of interpretation. I, personally, think that Pinkie's just happy enough to ignore the cold and roughness, and that they symbolise the difficulty in getting over grief. One of my pre-readers, back when it was written more towards my own belief, still thought that Pinkie had died; as such, I made it amenable to either possibility.
>>827678 Okay I can see what you were gong for, it's just that typical in most literature I have read, the sudden warmth and fading of the environmental stigma implies passing rather heavily. It's not a bad thing but it does make sense honestly, I think Pinkie wasting away as well was kind of inadvertently implied before. Constant grief is not good for anyone and a prolonged death like Dash's would be very draining on those close to her.
Exactly. Either way makes sense. The whole point of this little series of vignettes is to juxtapose the suffering of the dying with the grief of the bereaved. It is meant to show the value of little palliations, and to show - this is so cliché - the power of friendship. The actual power of friendship - mental, not magical. Whether Dash really did come to Pinkie, or whether Pinkie imagined Dash, or whether Pinkie is dead, or whether it's all a dream - that doesn't really matter, because in the end Pinkie is happy.
The major themes are represented; the details you can puzzle out.
>>827755 With that motivation in mind the series did an excellent job of portraying that, I just wanted to explain my thoughts that led to my conclusion. I did quite enjoy this series even if it is much more downcast than most stories I read, it is very well written and the characters act just as I imagine they would in this position, as well as actually feeling natural in their responses. 
Usually I just read a story and either like or close them (I rarely actually dislike something), but this story just got me in the mood to respond.
A rut, according to someone much wiser than I, is a grave with the ends knocked out.
Which doesn't necessarily explain Pinkie's, um, current status, but it does mean that Dash, as pretty much always, speaks the truth.
The vignette style seems very effective here, perhaps because it allows for a brief break before the sadness inevitably returns. Well done.
This was beautiful, and after reading "Twilight Discovers Literary Analysis," I realize you are quite good at a number of genres. Despite being sad, I really needed this to mend my mental picture of Pinkie's and Rainbow's friendship. 
Ever since reading Cupcakes my head canon of RD and Pinkie's friendship had been ruined 
but now, it has been restored. Honestly I didn't even get the "Pinkie dies" bit that apparently some people think is implied, not until I read the comments. I like to think the end symbolized Pinkie coping with the loss.
...only complaint is that the story is too short, but that's sort of the point of this style, isn't it? 
Ah well. I might've ended up crying for a long time if it went on too long. As it stands it made my eyes water. The ending was somehow satisfying and (due to my first interpretation) quite bittersweet. This and Twilight Discovers Literary Analysis have made me watch you so I don't forget to read everything you write. 
Her hand went through her gravestone
>hoof
Also, back in chapter one (and actually throughout the rest of your work that I've read), you used an em dash to punctuate a break and/or stutter in a word (“Me? I feel guh—reat!”). Dashes are used to indicate breaks in thought and speech; hyphens are used to join syllables of a word.
That's an interesting idea... but without more data points for the reader to compare and realize what's going on, it just looks like a typo.
Otherwise, your technical and emotional quality is laudable.
>hoof
Fixed like Big Mac in Apple Slices.
Also, back in chapter one (and actually throughout the rest of your work that I've read), you used an em dash to punctuate a break and/or stutter in a word (“Me? I feel guh—reat!”). Dashes are used to indicate breaks in thought and speech; hyphens are used to join syllables of a word.
I'm actually using the em-dash to indicate the repetition of the consonant. While I could have been more accurate with guhhh'rait, that wouldn't be recognisably English-like.
As far as possible, I prefer to reserve the hyphen for the purpose of indicating nonstandard compound words. 
Otherwise, your technical and emotional quality is laudable.
Thank you. While this was meant to be a bit of a parody of Hemingway, I did attempt to make it as objectively 'good' as possible.
I'm not entirely sure. I live in a Commonwealth country, so I must have gotten it from either a British or Indian book; probably the former, maybe the latter.
Alternatively, I might have dreamt it up, thinking 'oh hey when people trail off they lengthen the final sound, don't they?' (if we're being allowed to use em-dashes for aposiopesis) or perhaps while subconsciously imagining the Arabic abjad's šaddah, which kind of looks like an em-dash (or macron) making the :3 face.
I'm more inclined to believe the former.
I'm tempted to just make a 'feels' comment and leave, but I feel that wouldn't really be doing this story justice. Everything in it is spot on, in every way. 'Laconic' was certainly accurate, and it's a style that suits the story perfectly, especially with how much is implied and never said. Characterisation is pitch perfect despite the tone of the piece being pretty much the antithesis of that of the show. And yet, they still still to have the same theme of friendship at heart - it's just approached in a completely different way.
Beautiful, just beautiful.
Saw this on the Vault, and I'm glad I gave it a read. All of Amit's stories are of the highest caliber, but this one features a trait I wish he'd use more often: earnestness. I don't get the feeling that I'm being talked down to.
Also, bonus points for an excellent choice of a title.
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