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Warwolf

Joined April 2012
52 followers

Sequels

  • The Shadow of Ages
    The ponies of three worlds go to war against an ancient evil from Earth's ancient Past.

    12,164 words · 833 views · 31 likes · 5 dislikes

Stories (4)

  • The Conversion Bureau: Inversion
    The Conversion Bureau in reverse. Ponies becoming human to escape the destruction of Equestria.

    10,111 words · 1,824 views · 134 likes · 17 dislikes
  • The Shadow of Ages
    The ponies of three worlds go to war against an ancient evil from Earth's ancient Past.
    12,164 words · 833 views · 31 likes · 5 dislikes
  • The Conversion Bureau: The Warrior's Way
    The Shogun Six's world goes to war with TCB Equestria. And wins.
    20,915 words · 3,294 views · 92 likes · 28 dislikes
  • The Shogun Six
    AU. A very different and male version of the Mane Six from a very different Equestria must defeat an ancient evil that threatens their world.
    31,051 words · 2,020 views · 47 likes · 14 dislikes

Blog Posts (27)


This story is a sequel to The Shogun Six

Equestria appeared on Earth and many had no idea what to expect. Then the Conversion Bureaus opened and the racism of the majority of the pony race was exposed. Then came the PER and forced conversion, which Celestia turned a blind eye to, and in doing so gave non-verbal tacit approval to. The Solar Tyrant believed that Earth would soon be hers, and many on Earth believed their defeat was inevitable.

The arrival of a SECOND Equestria threw expectations out the window.

Now Earth has new, powerful allies willing to take up arms. Earth calls for aid....

And The Shogun Six will answer.

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A non-canon fic set outside the Shogun Six saga, this fic nevertheless has some spoilers for that saga.  Now officially part of the canon to the series! Do not read if you don't want spoilers to The Shogun Six. Rated teen for language and possible gore for the time being. Rating may change to mature as need demands. Current tags may change as the story progresses if I feel some don't fit as well as they might otherwise.

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Oddly, this fic has been mentioned on TVTropes.org, but has no page of it's own. Ah well. One can only hope.

First Published
20th Jun 2012
Last Modified
3rd Oct 2012

Comments ( 112 )

#1 · Chapter 1 · 113w, 6h ago · · ·

Oh yes. I'm definitely hooked now. I'll get to reading Shogun Six asap!

#2 · Chapter 1 · 112w, 6d ago · · ·

>>778220

Glad you liked. Any thoughts on it? :pinkiehappy:

#3 · Chapter 1 · 112w, 6d ago · · ·

THis IS AWESOME!!!!!:rainbowdetermined2::rainbowdetermined2:

#4 · Chapter 1 · 112w, 6d ago · · ·

>>780933

I enjoy the flashback approach that you've employed. Unfortunately I can't comment too much on the Shogun Six since  haven't had the time to read the main story yet, but I was quite impressed with what was shown.

One thing that might be a bit silly but that I found amusing was that when I read the bit of Celestia being bound and restrained with magical rings, it reminded me of Yuri's imprisonment in Red Alert 2: Yuri's Revenge (a silly C&C game, the guy was a psychic so normally he could mind control his way out) except with runes and magical rings rather than Einstein's tech.

I'm definitely interested though.

#5 · Chapter 1 · 112w, 6d ago · · ·

>>781037

While I'm sorry to say that my lack of any current game system means I'm unable to play Red Alert 2, I think I get the general idea. Glad you liked.

>>780976

Glad you liked. Comments and criticism so long as it is constructive, even if you don't like the fic is more than welcome. If you see any problems, and this goes for anyone readin' the fic, put'em on up. Just try to be polite about it, eh? :moustache:

#6 · Chapter 1 · 112w, 6d ago · · ·

Don't like it. Not keen on the Conversion Bureau stuff myself, and most of the things wrong with that setting apply here. Also, the Other Equestria would be interesting if it had been the Canon Equestria, rather than a race of Gary Stu Furries.

#7 · Chapter 1 · 112w, 6d ago · · ·

>>781472

Fair enough. I don't see what makes them Gary Stus personally, but you are entitled to your opinion.

#8 · Chapter 1 · 112w, 6d ago · · ·

I Didn't read your other story Shogun Six will i understand this story even through i didn't read the other one. Also Liked Faved and :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

#9 · Chapter 1 · 112w, 6d ago · · ·

>>781922

You don't need to read The Shogun Six to understand The Warrior's Way since this story is not canon to the overall Shogun Six saga I am working on, but it does make use of things that will show up in that series. Hence, if you don't mind spoilers, I urge you to continue reading Warrior's Way. However if you don't want spoilers for The Shogun Six you may want to put this fic off for a bit until more of that story and succeeding tales set in the same universe are done.

#10 · Chapter 2 · 112w, 4d ago · · ·

YES YES YES more!!!!:pinkiehappy::heart::heart:

#11 · Chapter 2 · 112w, 4d ago · · ·

>>795377

I take it you like. :rainbowlaugh:

#12 · Chapter 2 · 112w, 4d ago · · ·

ABsolutly!!!:raritywink:

#13 · Chapter 2 · 112w, 4d ago · · ·

>>795440

Sweet. Anything you're curious about, etc? Bear in mind, if it's spoiler-intensive, I might not be able to answer, but I will try to answer any questions. :twilightsmile:

#14 · Chapter 2 · 112w, 4d ago · · ·

Ok im guessing the next 2 or 3 chapters are going to be about celestia takingover the earth and then the warriors show up and start kicking flank. Am I right?:ajsmug:

#15 · Chapter 2 · 112w, 4d ago · · ·

>>795470

It won't be quite that quick, but yes, the next few chapters will deal with how Celestia will be working to conquer Earth with the Bureaus. As for the Six, they will show up soon enough. :moustache:

#16 · Chapter 1 · 112w, 3d ago · 3 · ·

So let's start this.

>Prologue: The Beginning of the End is the End of the Beginning

First off, that title that's even longer than the title of the Smashing Pumpkins song I assume this is based on is a jumble to read. It also seems kind of pretentious. Second, even if it isn't a reference, that makes no sense at all.

But titles are rarely something to judge a fic on, so let's continue.

>Twilight Sparkle sighed in her cell. She couldn't believe it. Everything they'd worked for. Everything they had tried to do in the name of helping humanity.....gone. The Bureaus were now out of their control. The PER had been rounded up to virtually the last member. The HLF had been disbanded and many of its members folded into working military forces.

Yes, that's what the military needs. People who used to work outside of the law for what was basically a terrorist organization (At least that's how it usually seems) who are known to use violent measures to instill their goals. I can't see that blowing up on them.

>The Princess had been deposed...and the truly tragic thing, in Twilight's eyes, was that she couldn't even bring herself to feel sorry for it.

This better be a good reason, or I'm calling OOC.

>The events that had taken place during that last battle had opened her eyes.

And closed her ears.

>Her innocence was gone,

Ugh, creepy.

>and it was a loss she felt no regret for. Not now that she'd seen what She'd been helping to do to a race of sentient beings who were as entitled to life as they were.

Debate about whether anyone is entitled to life aside, I'm curious about the usage of a capitalized 'She'. It implies Godliness or some form of divinity. Which fits into the standard TCB cliche of Celestia as a living god. If you're using the characters TCB-characterizations, I'll probably have less of a time reading this, but I have a natural assumption to think of them as the show characters (See my OOC comment above). So I'll try and judge it from both perspectives.

>Twilight sighed as she turned to her friends. Like her, Rarity had a suppressor on her horn that blocked off her magic, and the fashionista was not happy about it.

I'm just imagining a silencer on Rarity's horn, and that amuses me.

>But there was little she could do. Dash and Fluttershy had their wings bound at their sides.

Kinky. And by kinky, I mean 'edging disturbingly close to Guantanamo-levels of prison.'

>Applejack had been manacled, due to the fact that she was the strongest in the group, and Pinkie was held inside of a specialized energy cage that prevented her from using...whatever it was that allowed her to pop out of places and do things that were otherwise impossible.

First off, energy cage? Second, how do they make a cage that holds Pinkie? How do you test a cage like that? One that can hold breaking of the fourth wall? That'd require like, a fifth wall. Maybe a sixth.

>Sadly, Pinkie and AJ still believed in what Celestia had tried to do. It was why they suffered somewhat harsher bonds.

Really? I think binding up Rainbow and Fluttershy is worse honestly.

>Turning the other way, Twilight could see Celestia herself, with several runic glyphs glowing along her coat as well as three magic suppressing rings on her horn, and bindings to prevent her from trying to take to the air and manacles chaining her hooves to the floor.

Alistair Crowley brand runes! (TM)

>Despite herself, Twilight still felt sorry for Celestia as well.

Well that's good, for I'd be crying 'OOC' again if you weren't Twilight.

>Her actions would have made her a worse monster than some of the most evil men in human history had she succeeded, but she was still under the delusion she had been doing the right thing, that she had been helping, even when that 'help' wasn't wanted.

Had she succeeded, she'd be viewed as the savior of another race and eternal ruler of Earth and Equestria. Being the victor allows you to change perspective like that.

>The sound of the door on the far end opening caught the attention of all the prisoners, and Twilight sighed, looking down at the ground, scuffing the floor with her hoof. Despite it all, despite how savagely he'd attacked her, he actually proved to have a heart under all that. So did the two mares behind him.....as they made their way closer, her mind rewound to the opening moments of that final battle....

"He might have been a merciless soldier, but he's surely a sweet guy under all that!"

I'm sensing some Stockholm Syndrome here.

>Celestia frowned. The reports were coming in from all over in the last few weeks. She hadn't believed it possible. She had adamantly stated it wasn't, but the reports coming in were pretty much intent on proving her to be a liar of the highest order. Before her, Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy looked up at her anxiously from where they stood while she pondered the situation while sitting on her ornate throne.

Hereby called 'The Pimp Throne.'

>When they had appeared, she had wondered if her eyes and ears had been playing tricks on her. But it was anything but a trick or a joke. They were the antithesis of what she stood for. They embraced humanity, embraced technology....their so called 'Elements' were even geared towards something other than the harmony she sought to give to all in her kingdom. The horror she felt when the barrier had been forced back by the magic of their supposed ruler was such that she barely said a word for a week, trying desperately to find a way to get the barrier moving again, only to fail each time.

Curious. Defectors and Quislings for the Pony side imply their are some for the Humans as well. I'm intrigued.

>She had tried to negotiate with their ruler, tried to show him the rightness of her cause, and why humanity had to go. They were brutal, they were evil. They killed one another and they willingly destroyed everything that got in their way. He had scoffed and told her that her pigeon-holed view of humanity was a testament to the stupidity that doomed her and her kingdom to extinction.

If this is an Author self-insert, I swear to god...

>Celestia turned her gaze to the Elements of Harmony, and her gazed hardened. There was little time now for recriminations.

It's also time for extensive wordplay! First off, ubiquitous.

>"My little ponies, Equestria stands in peril, as does our cause." the princess said. "We have done our utmost to bring harmony to this world. To put an end to their overdependance on the kind of technology they use to destroy themselves and their world.

Well to be fair, we are kind of overdependent on our technology. It's just their solution is no better. It's sort of like using a gun to get a fly off your leg.

>To fix all the problems human mentality brings, and we have been met with great opposition and lies from a perverted reflection of all that we are, coming to the aid of a species whose inferiority has infected them and made them as monstrous and evil as humanity. We must not allow them to win, my little ponies. If they succeed in stopping us, I fear for this world."

Eh, I'd say this is too obvious. And by that, I mean it's too obvious that someone who doesn't like TCB has wrote it. It comes off less as a real sentence and more a strawman. Words like 'infected' and 'perverted reflection' wouldn't be used by Celestia, canon or TCB. She'd use more subtle words, make the purpose of Conversion clearer, to help them, while keeping that sinister undercurrent in the implications of her words. Don't make it so direct.

>"They won't succeed princess. We won't let them. Not after everything you've done to put a stop to humanity and make them a part of a race whose superiority is self-evident and who are magnanimous enough to allow them to become better, and gain souls, to boot." Twilight said, holding her head up proudly, wanting to impress her teacher with her obedience and devotion.

Okay, even though this is an obvious parody of standard TCB logic, no one talks like this. There's too much exposition and pretentious wordplay here, even for Twilight. Make this part more directed against humanity. I'd suggest using more derogatory words on Twilight's part for the humans, probably an offensive nickname like 'monkeys' or something. Play up the 'helping' parts. Because right now, it just sounds like a sentence someone who hates TCB would make. It seems too obvious right now. Be subtle!

>Celestia smiled and was about to reply when a thunderous boom resounded from just outside the doors to the throne room, prompting her to get off her throne and the Elements of Harmony to turn to face the door. Each of them, even the normally timid Fluttershy, had a look of determination on their faces. Another loud BOOM reached their ears, and Twilight and Rarity began to power up their horns.

Thankfully they had AA batteries to power them.

>"They're coming. I'm gonna make them regret ever coming here. Darth Vader won't even recognize them when I'm finished with'em!" Pinkie said, looking stony and angry.

"Haha, I made a reference that doesn't relate at all to the current situation! I'm so wacky and funny!-Every fanfic's use of Pinkie Pie that makes me want to drink.

>A large change in the party mare. She had seen some of her friends fall for the lies of the Others and the Humans, and it hurt to think that anypony would be so stupid. But they had been. Lyra had jumped, almost literally, to their bandwagon, when they came calling. The ability to shift between a pony form and an anthromorphic state had been like Hearth's Warming Eve coming in the middle of May for her.

No points for unoriginality of Lyra joining the humans. I'd give you more credit if she still sided with the ponies, at least because that would be original.

>She got, as she put it 'the best of both worlds'. When the Royal guard had moved to take her into custody for execution for siding with the enemy, they had quickly found out that Lyra wasn't without friends.

Yes, she had a hoard of humans on the internet who loved her only because of the weird way she sat in one episode. They were weird friends.

>They had come to protect her, and the others who fell for the lies of both humankind and them. The Others were skilled liars. They didn't throw parties for the sake of parties.

Yes, they threw them for the sake of booze and temporarily stalling the depression that eats them up inside, like the rest of us.

...That's why the rest of us throw parties, right? Right?

>They didn't believe Celestia's will was the end-all, the be-all, the way things ought to be and would be if the barrier would just move again. "Pinkie, now's not the time to be referencing the characters from their absolutely horrid stories, especially not that freak. I can't believe anyone would ever feel sorry for such a being, as he's a perfect example of the greed and hatred that all humans are filled with." Rarity said.

Well to be fair, Darth Vader was a huge asshole. I mean he killed a bunch of people all to save his shallow love-interest, did nothing to stop the destruction of a whole planet, and murdered a bunch of other people beyond all that. And he was redeemed just by killing the Emperor? That makes up for everything? What the-

I'm derailing. But the point is, once again you're not subtle at all. I get if it's the point of your thing and all, parodying standard TCB dialogue, but it doesn't help this as an actual story. It makes you seem more and more like some sort of Jack Chick figure for TCB stories.

>"Bad enough they sin against fabulosity the way they do.

Fabulosity.

I wanna say Rarity said that once in the series, but I can't believe that. Also it seems really inappropriate for a serious situation like this. As serious as a situation with colored ponies can be at least.

>We shouldn't be letting ourselves think of things from their world unless it's to think about how much better their world will be when they're all gone."

Do these people ever ask themselves, 'Are we the bad guys?' especially when they spout cliche villain dialogue like this? I have to keep reminding myself 'IT'S A PARODY IT'S A PARODY IT'S A PARODY' but that defense only goes so far when it gets really overboard like this.

>Fluttershy said nothing, and Dash was too wound up to speak. Applejack didn't seem to feel there was anything worth talking about just yet. But the farmer was sure she'd have plenty to say when those things got here. Twilight scowled. for a moment before taking a quick breath.

They all realized how ridiculous their dialogue was getting, so they decided to just leave it their. Smart move.

>"Remember girls, these freaks have their own twisted versions of the Elements, so they won't be easy to beat.

Wait what. They're like, clones? Hopefully this will become a big emotional, moral, and physical conflict!

> But we have the Princess on our side.

And we know how much they helped with say, the Changeling invasion. :/

>We're in the right here, and we have to keep believing that, or they'll win the war before they even take the first shot at us. We're the last, best line of defense." Twilight said, and was proud that her voice didn't waver once.

"Yes, us six colored horses are the last line of defense! I don't know about our guards, or Princess Luna, or my own brother, but I'm sure we're the last."

>She had seen what these funhouse mirror versions of the Elements could do. They were such that they had defeated foes that she and her friends hadn't even heard of. They had defeated Discord himself much like they had, but they hadn't done it through friendship.

Wait, what? This implies Discord was released again, and how the fuck did that happen?

>They had done it in a way that had nothing to do with Harmony

It's so nothing to do with Harmony, that the author can't even tell you how, it's so un-Harmonlike! Just take his word that these guys are awesome without any build-up or some such shit.

>They were the 'finest', supposedly, that The Others could produce. Given their elements were as warlike as they and humanity were, she supposed it shouldn't come as a surprise that these ponies— and she used the term in only the loosest possible sense of the term, given their ability to become half-human freaks almost as bad as humans themselves— would be just as twisted as the elements themselves.

Well if their cutie marks and purposes are war and destruction, that does imply they're awful assholes.

Also, half-human? If this becomes some anthro shit, I swear to Space Jesus I'm throwing puppies at the author's house. Hungry puppies.

>She felt sickened to learn that these ponies were supposed to be counterparts to them.

If you call these guys the Rowdyruff Ponies, I will love you forever.

>Thankfully, they weren't simply the girls with only minor changes in personality.

Yeah, that'd be lazy as fuck. I don't know why you had to mention that in all honesty if we're just about to meet them and get a handle of their characters, but okay, whatevs.

>The idea that any version of herself would oppose what Twilight wanted to do for Earth and humanity was such that she didn't even want to consider it. Her mentor was, after all, a Goddess. The sad part was that her counterpart's mentor was a God, and thus able to hold his own against another deity. Though if it came to it, she was sure Princess Celestia was stronger.

Wait, God? Is it an artificially created god like these clones? Is it an actual God? This has so many disturbing philosophical questions, and we haven't even gotten to the conflict yet!

>The doors of the throne room were sent flying off, each spinning a few times before planting themselves in the floor. There were the freak versions of the Elements, with their de facto leader standing dead center of the group standing in the doorway, his eyes glowing a solid green, much like the way Twilight's eyes glowed purple when she overloaded her magic as a filly, or when she was using the Elements of Harmony.

HE'S A CHANGELING, KILL HIM!

>"We are here to kick ass and chew bubblegum." he said. " ......And we're all out of bubblegum."

Really? That's the best intro line you could give to that guy? A line so overused and cliche by now, that it's lost all inherent badassery to it? C'mon!

>Pinkie was trying desperately not to laugh, because despite herself, despite knowing it was a human saying and a human attitude, the phrase was funny, and she didn't like it.

"HAHAHAHA, REFERENCES SURE ARE FUNNY, AND TOTALLY TAKE THE PLACE OF REAL HUMOR! HAHAHAHAHA, I SURE AM A WACKY AND FUN WRITER!"

>Humans weren't supposed to be capable of saying or doing anything that would make something that actually had a soul laugh. They weren't supposed to have the ability to do funny things because to be funny, you had to have a soul.

You don't need a soul to be funny. Just ask Carrot Top.

>And because the leader of their counterparts had said something funny, it was like a slap in the face to everything Celestia had told them. It meant that the humans and these bodychanging ponies had souls. But that couldn't be. It couldn't! ....Could it?

I don't get the logic of 'Need soul to be funny,' both in-universe and out.

>"You have no right to be here, Shine!" Twilight snapped. "You've invaded Equestria's sovereign territory! Stand down now and surrender, and we can purge the humanity from you and make you into the ponies you should be!"

Shine? I thought Shining Armor at first. Which led to the question again of 'Where the hell is the Royal Guard?'

>"Fuck off, clone." was the response from Dusk Shine.

Mature guy.

>He was a medium shade of forest or maybe pine needle green, with a stripe of silver in his mane which was a dark forest green, and had  green eyes which were currently obscured by the sheer green glow filling even the whites of his eyes, and if he had been in pony form, he would have borne a mark identical to that of Twilight's save for the colors.

wait. So he's like a guy version of Twilight, seeing as Dusk Shine is the fanon name for male Twilight, plus referring to her as a clone. This could have good or bad implications. Let's see.

>In his world it was called a Warrior Mark and was a large silver star with golden points and five golden stars surrounding the larger one, which indicated his special talent for magic in and of itself.

Warrior Mark? That has bad implications in of itself about whether these guys are good guys or not. Maybe this'll be a gray on gray moral conflict? :D

>In his hands he bore twin Katana, each made from a fusion of metals and various gems found in their world.

...

...

...

Where to begin.

First off, holy shit this is some anthro thing. Goddammit, I was joking above! I'm trying hard to ignore every instinct to exit out of the page now, so be grateful I'm still reading this schlock.

Second, twin katanas? Really? It's like you couldn't choose a less original weapon. And then decided to multiply that lack of originality by two to double the implausibility as well.

Third, 'made from a variety of metals and gems.' That's a recipe for a shoddily designed sword there pal.

>Currently he was clad in a dark, floor length leather duster, pants with Kevlar and ceramic plating, and a muscle shirt.

My god, even his clothing sounds like he just came out of a Frank Miller comic.

>"You have no right to force your world on Earth. Since you won't do the right thing and stop your invasion, it'll be our pleasure to stop you."

Well it looks like her invasion was already stopped. The fact that you're in her throne room implies there's been a siege of Canterlot, and that the rest of Equestria has been occupied. Honestly, the fact that neither the humans or Celestia have tried peace negotiations really says a lot for their respective intelligences.

>"Who gave you the right to interfere in our business!?" Rainbow Dash snapped angrily, wings flaring as she said this. "You had no reason to interfere. We were trying to save humanity from itself! We were trying to make them better by taking away everything that makes them kill and hurt each other."

You know, I just realized that you haven't said in the story whether the ponies have actually tried to invade Earth, or just put Conversion Bureaus in specific places after deal with certain governments. If it's the former, the humans have every right to invade back. If it's the former though, I don't really see the problem so long as the ponies don't try and force themselves on humans. You're implying the former, but the lack of any concrete detail is making me uncertain. What's also keeping me from siding with the humans fully is...

>"Who the fuck asked you to do that?!" The speaker was a dark blue pegasus stallion in anthro form with a gold mane and tail.  Not blonde, but actually the same color as gold. His eyes were the same color, and his Warrior Mark, when he was in pony form,  was a lightning bolt crossed with a blade.

Oh my fuck how can you actually make a character design this boring and awful.

First off, anthros? Seriously? This is just idiotic and uncreative on all levels. Instead of having the conflict of having actual pony defectors fight them, or just plain clones, you make this anthro furry shit. It completely takes me out of the story with how ridiculous it is. And how did the humans even create these things without extensive biological testing and experimentation on both ponies and humans?

Second, a literal golden mane. This is the type of shit a thirteen year old writes when he wants to make a bad self-insert comic, not a serious story.

Third, a lightning bolt crossed with a blade. There is no way that design can look not terrible and original. It's like you were stuck on whether to make something edgy and cool or just add a sword or something, so you just decided to combine the two and called it a day. Goddamn.

>"Seriously, lass, who the fuck asked you to force yer values on others, eh?!" he continued in what would be considered a scottish accent by Earth standards.

Scottish accent.

You're trying to make me hate this story, right? Because no one can make unoriginal and nonsensical ideas like this seriously, right?

>"See, last I checked, nobody'd asked you to force yerselves on this world. A couple humans here'n there wanna be ponies? Sure, whatever. But forcin' it on the entire damn population? Convert or die? How're you bitches and yer prissy little cunt of a princess over there any dif'rent from the christian purges of Charlemange, eh?

Well the purges of Charlemagne were after the repeated rebellions of the Saxon people, so it wasn't without some reason. You're just spouting scenarios without the context. Just like we don't have the context of this whole conflict beyond vague implications and the general scenario of each TCB story.

Also, you misspelled Charlemagne. And considering he shed the blood of the Saxon men, that's a bad decision to make.

>Yeh talk like Humankind's a right race of shit, but yer no better despite how much yeh pretend at it!"

"I moight be tryin' to gat mah point across, but I cannae considerin' how hilarious mah accent is to the readers! It brings tah mind the image of Sean Connery as some awful desoign bah a furreh artist or some shite. Generic words with a Scottish accent to them."

>"Calm down, Lightning Blitz." said a human just behind the six 'counterpart' elements. "I'm pretty much in agreement with you, but no sense getting yourself wound so tight you can't be of use in this battle. This's gonna decide it all. I say we show these freaks what it means to fuck with us."

Lightning Blitz.

Lightning Blitz.

Lightning. Blitz.

Moving on...

>"I heard that." Blitz replied with a smirk. "But I'm callin' dibs on Dash over there. She don't know the real meanin' of loyalty, so it's up ta me t' show her what it really means. Besides, the little twit calls herself the fastest flier in Equestria. I think I got cause to take some serious fuckin' exception t'that."

this is so fucking ridiculous already.

>"So, you would pit your powers against my little ponies and myself? You truly are fools, Dusk Shine. You cannot hope to stand against the Elements of Harmony and a Goddess." Celestia said, taking a regal stance. "Surrender, and I may be able to help you. Your human helpers can't stand against unicorns, and the seven of us can defeat you together. You know this."

Well the odds are in her favor. Just sayin'.

>"You know, I might have agreed with you...if it was just the six of us, some humans, and the other forces we brought from Equestria. After all, fighting these clones and a version of Lord Solaris as seen through a cracked funhouse mirror?"

I'm curious as to why they refer to the ponies as clones, when it's obvious the horrible creative nightmare anthros are the clones, unless they aren't through the power of plot bullshit. Also the Lord Solaris thing implies that all the clones are just guy versions of the girls, and since they're the good guys that has some well... just plain misogynistic implications.

>The odds wouldn't necessarily favor us. But we've beaten Anarchy Helios, Nemesis, and Discord on our own.

What are even half those things. For all we know, Anarchy Helios is some sort of small kitten. And they could've just released Discord and beat him up!

And don't say some bullshit of 'Oh, in another story it's explained!' If you can't explain it in what you described as a self-contained story, than you've failed to give us the needed info.

>But this time, just to be safe...we brought in a ringer to help even the odds a little." Dusk said, and he smirked. Celestia looked confused, until the humans and ponies behind this group— The Six, she had heard them called— as a large form stepped towards the sextet, and her eyes went wide. HE had come here personally?

Yes, it is John Stamos. Mightiest of all Humanity.

>"Hello, Celestia. Time to pay the piper." The Shogun of Equestria said, and his smirk was hardly pleasant.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.

This shit is bananas. I've just stopped trying to make sense of things that aren't explained by now. I'll just try and not be so questioning now...

>"There's still time for this to be ended peaceably, Lunaris."

Wow, not a sentence after I said I would try not to be so questioning, and already something so insane appears that I have to question it. Why is this guy named Lunaris? Is this Luna's clone? Why is it called the Shogun? Why is this story so awful? And many other questions.

>"That's true. Feel free to surrender anytime, Celestia. You'll be treated to a fair trial, I promise."

Wait, Celestia said she want's to end this peacefully. She's shocked when he demands she stand trial. I mean, her fort is surrounded, and she's stuck in a corner. How dumb is Celestia here?

>The Solar Tyrant and her Elements choked in shock at the brash comment.

They also choked at the horrible dialogue here.

>"How dare you!" Twilight snarled. "This is Princess Celestia you're talking to, you demonspawn! You're the invader here! You're the one trampling on our rights and hopes and dreams! Who are you to tell us we're wrong?!"

Well, they are invading her palace. And apparently there were no peace discussions before hand, so...

And while the demonspawn comment is a little rude, the fact that these are apparently clones designed only for the purpose of fighting the ponies raises some eyebrows. I mean, do these people actually care about this conflict? Do they know anything besides what's been told to them? Do they have lives outside of fighting? This could be a good story on what war forces people to do, to create life itself only to fight, and what that life must do what the war is over.

Thankfully, we're not getting into the big stuff here. We're just getting into plain old spitefics with no real content beyond a teen's wet dreams.

>"We're the ones humanity has embraced, clone." Dusk Shine said with a chill in his tone.

And by embrace, you mean create for the sole purpose of destruction, right?

>"You jackoffs would destroy an entire race, and all they've achieved for your own selfish wants. Earth is our brother world, and when it called for aid, we were proud to answer."

So you're like the Power Rangers, only so much worse?

Also, jackoffs? That's the best insult you guys could come up with? Are these people ten?

>Twilight frowned. Clone. He'd always called her that. But that didn't make sense. She'd done a scan of him with her magic the first time they'd met, and they weren't even remotely related genetically.

wait what

>He wasn't her as a stallion.

Okay...?

>He wasn't her period.

And he wasn't her comma,

>They weren't even distant family. But he'd always called her clone. Something about it, the way he was saying it now, produced disturbing theories in her mind behind the why of it.

And it's doing the same to me.

>"Enough of this." Lunaris said, and the Shogun flared his wings. He was currently in pony form, but he was no less imposing in his armor. "If they won't surrender, then we take this mockery of Equestria by force."

mfw I see anthro guys that can switch forms

>"Gladly." Dusk said, and was in motion before Celestia or her Elements could even register it, smashing into Twilight and only narrowly missing Celestia, who was able to dodge off to one side, as Lunaris charged forward, forcing the princess to meet the Shogun head-on. As if waiting for this signal, the other Elements charged their respective counterparts, as the human and pony forces on both sides of the conflict renewed hostilities.

Standard dual battle here, no points once again.

>The Royal Guard had sent their best Pegasi in— or at least what remained of them— through the glass-less windows of the throne room and began to do battle with the human and Other-Equestrian forces.

Well there's the Royal Guard! I wonder why they weren't trying to stop them beforehand, or why they didn't just consolidate all their forces for one big battle with them, but sure let's go with this!

>Only the advanced technology the liberators had access to kept it from being a 'balanced' fight between the two armed forces.

What, like guns? Because all the weapons we know these people have are some unoriginal katanas. Anything else is left to the imagination, a fault of the author for not explaining what the hell is going on.

>Sadly, the same could not be said for the battle between the Elements. Dusk Shine and the other five Elements of Bushido were trained warriors and had been tempered by nearly fifteen years as wanderers in the service of the Shogun, fighting against creatures that would have chewed the Elements of Harmony of this Equestria up and spit the bones out, and still had room to have Celestia as a mid-morning mint.

Elements of Bushido.

>"Hey Peanut!" Dusk called as he sidestepped a blast from Twilight's horn and then used one of his Katana to send a second beam right back at her. "How about some fight music!"

so he can use his katana to shoot laser beams

right

fuckthisfuckingpieceofshitfuckfuckfuckfuck

>"Hey Peanut!" Dusk called as he sidestepped a blast from Twilight's horn and then used one of his Katana to send a second beam right back at her. "How about some fight music!"

>"You are correct, sir! Liiiive from downtown Bedrock, here's number one on the Shogun Six Billboard charts! Ruti-sec for so-say the Junkions!" said an anthro pony with a dark rust red coat, mane, and tail.

all of my why

>The slate grey eyes of the pony were crinkled in a grin, and he pulled a quarter from his vest and threw it through the air, where it landed in a jukebox that seemed to come out of nowhere, from which point it began to play a strange tune no one in this Equestria had ever heard before as the Elements of Bushido began to sing along as they fought, each wearing terrifying grins. Even some of the humans who knew the song joined in, and those who didn't simply enjoyed the music, as it seemed to energize them, making their reactions quicker and allowed their attacks more accuracy.....

So right. Jukebox out of nowhere, that makes sense and totally isn't inappropriate. Right.

And the incredibly generic and awful rock music you linked to? Yeah, that's appropriate as well. Who cares if it's another one of those shitty rock songs that are about 'inspiring' and lack little if any creativity. It fits for the fight scene we're about to get into. And who knows? Maybe the fight scene will be so cool, it'll make up for this bullshit.

>Twilight sighed as she remembered how things had gone from bad to strange to worse in a short period of time from that moment on. But in the end, the veil had been ripped from her eyes. Now that she no longer saw her mentor with rose-tinted glasses, she had vowed that if she survived, she would never be so foolishly gullible again. She looked up as Dusk Shine stepped up to the bars.

What.

What.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.

You skipped the fight scene? You skipped the scene you spent the whole chapter building up too? A whole chapter full of shitty characters, unoriginal designs, awful dialogue? And all for you to skip it?

This is awful. This is just awful, I can't say anything else.

>"I'm surprised you aren't gloating, you big mean meanie-pants!" Pinkie snapped at the green pony. "And you two! You should be ashamed of yourselves you...you...FAKERS!"

Just like the author should be ashamed for faking us out like that.

>Dusk sighed, and turned to Twilight, who looked back at him from the other side of the bars. "Time to go."

"Yeah, the stories almost over. Don't worry, we've almost made it!"

>Twilight nodded. She was let out of the cell, and she turned to Dusk's companions.

Yes, all those excellent characters we've come to know so far. Only two of which have actually been named, and I already forgot their names. Truly great characters.

>"How can you even stand to be in the same room with me, knowing how much of an idiot I've been?" the lavender pony asked, unable to truly meet the gaze of either one.

"Because we're idiots too Twilight! And pretty obviously sociopaths!"

>"To be fair, Twilight, you didn't know better, and she's very charismatic." The larger of Dusk's two companions said. "Considering she seems to believe her own lies, perhaps her own sense of conviction in her delusions was what swayed you in addition to your loyalty to her. She was your mentor after all."

And the character you've looked up to throughout most of your life, a fact most fan fics either ignore or take to Oedipal levels of obsession.

>"Besides," said the other, "I've made some stupid mistakes myself.

"I just haven't made any in this story though, because I'm a Gary Stu anthro fuckhead made only for the purposes of fulfilling the nascent fantasies of those reading this."

>You would know, after all. You probably made some of the same ones. I think I can let it slide. I just hope the Tribunal will be as merciful as I hope. The Shogun has said he understands, but I don't think it needs to be said that he can't carry the entire verdict alone. It's the rest of the court you need to convince."

The Tribunal? This is reminding my disturbingly of Left Behind...

>Twilight nodded. "What about my friends?" "I think that if the court clears you, then they have a good chance. Well, with perhaps a trio of exceptions." Dusk replied. "I'm afraid the Tyrant has little chance of getting acquitted."

Once again, where's Luna during all this? I'm sure war lasted more than a day, so it's not like Luna just ignored this. So is she just chillin' in the skies, drinking some martinis?

>Twilight nodded again, and the scarred former student of Celestia left the cells... praying that she would be forgiven, led out by Dusk Shine, a lavender unicorn, and a white alicorn. She paused to take one look back at her friends before the door closed, and then sighed as she made her way towards a final fate she hoped would be merciful.

Well the stories over now, so I consider that an excellent mercy.

The author's notes are a trivial feature of all your reasoning and discussing that I already know and don't care for, because it doesn't excuse the awfulness of this fic. This was honestly horrible. It was boring, unfunny, and had little to no actual conflict. Probably because you skipped over the actual fighting scene. I don't want to read the rest of this, because I doubt it'll get better. Court intrigues and politics don't sound anymore intriguing than this already was. And this was as intriguing as a dead trout.

This fic really doesn't seem like you're actually writing a story here, but that you're just writing a fic to spite the tenets of TCB. And that's bad. You can't write a story for the sole purpose of proving something wrong. That both makes you seem immature, and leads to a bad story. All throughout this I thought 'wow this is obviously not an actual story, but a fic designed to cater to people that hate some stories.' The dialogue is cliched and strawman, and the 'heroes' are just as bad if not worse than the main characters. I find it interesting actually; Where most TCB try and get the point that ponies are better and I think otherwise, this fic tries to say the opposite, and I'm against that. I doubt it's intentional, but still. This is a badly-written, poorly plotted mess of furries, bad dialogue, and more. And that's my review.

#17 · Chapter 2 · 112w, 3d ago · · ·

>>797984

Dude! :rainbowlaugh: All of my thumbs up for this!

Yes, it is a bit scrimping on the details. But do remember this is a prologue. It's supposed to be a kind of 'in medias res' sort of situation. The story isn't even over, this is just a kind of mid-story scene designed to hook the reader into finding out exactly how things get to that point. But you are certainly entitled to your opinion. Hell, I actually like it. It's honest, it's brutal...it's hilarious as fuck too, but that just makes it even better. Even if you weren't trying to be funny, it has a very tasty bit of humor that I appreciate. I was laughing through pretty much the whole thing.

You are of course, free to stop reading here. But I hope you will consider reading the rest of the story, as it details the way we get there.

As for the boys? Well, as I said, this story can be explained by reading The Shogun Six. In at least some respects. But again, I'm not going to badger you to. I find it hilarious that you think they're clones of the EoH though.

The Jukebox out of nowhere? Peanut is Pinkie's counterpart. He can do this kind of thing. He also happens to be completely fucking insane, but again, there is a reason for that which will come out in The Shogun Six when he appears in it.

In any case, thanks for the review. It actually will come in handy in trying to tighten up some of the story in later chapters. :twilightsmile:

Also, thank you for making me laugh my head off. As negative towards the fic as it was, it picked it apart in a way that had me gasping for breath from laughing so hard. Love the Star Trek screenshots too. :pinkiehappy:

#18 · Chapter 2 · 112w, 2d ago · · ·

>>798068

>Dude! :rainbowlaugh: All of my thumbs up for this!

I'm gonna feel bad for this.

>Yes, it is a bit scrimping on the details.

A bit?

>But do remember this is a prologue. It's supposed to be a kind of 'in medias res' sort of situation.

Yet this is so unlike how every prologue works ever. Prologues usually set up a situation in a story without going right into the action, or introduce us to a character that plays an important part, or just frames our general conflict. Your prologue veers back and forth between all of those things while doing none of them at the same time. You introduce us to the characters without building them up at all. You set up a big fight scene that's entirely skipped over. You don't even show us Twilight's Heel Realization. You set up so much, without actually setting up anything. Stuff just... happens, for no reason.

>The story isn't even over, this is just a kind of mid-story scene designed to hook the reader into finding out exactly how things get to that point.

I'm not hooked at all. I don't know who these Shogun Six are. I don't give a shit about these Gary Stu characters who are just introduced, and who's only character trait we've seen is their "RADICALITY DUDE!" The same goes for the show characters, because they're both 1) Completely unlike their show versions (Intentional I know, but this doesn't help matters) and 2) Completely unlikeable assholes.

I care for none of these people. I have no reason to read further from what you've introduced (Or haven't) this chapter.

>But you are certainly entitled to your opinion. Hell, I actually like it. It's honest, it's brutal...it's hilarious as fuck too, but that just makes it even better. Even if you weren't trying to be funny, it has a very tasty bit of humor that I appreciate. I was laughing through pretty much the whole thing.

YES, FEED MY EGO FURTHER. FEEEEEEEEEEEED MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-

Em, sorry, I get like that when I receive good words. Continuing...

>You are of course, free to stop reading here. But I hope you will consider reading the rest of the story, as it details the way we get there.

Uh, if you don't mind the same style of reviewing seen here, I might.

>As for the boys? Well, as I said, this story can be explained by reading The Shogun Six.

You said in the story and description that's unnecessary and only if you don't want 'spoilers' for that story. And considering this is in the TCB-verse and that isn't from the looks of it, this implies this is a totally different situation the Shogun Six are in. There's no relation besides the fact that some of the characters are the same. And if you don't tell us "READ THIS STORY FIRST" or just actually give your characters characterization beyond 'Adolescent male power fantasy in writing form' then this makes the reader both not give a shit about the characters, and hate the story.

>In at least some respects. But again, I'm not going to badger you to. I find it hilarious that you think they're clones of the EoH though.

Um... they're not? That raises more questions, and all of them are awful.

>The Jukebox out of nowhere? Peanut is Pinkie's counterpart. He can do this kind of thing. He also happens to be completely fucking insane, but again, there is a reason for that which will come out in The Shogun Six when he appears in it.

Oh yay. Another character who's wacky, and edgy. We don't need strong characters here, or a consistent story tone, considering this goes from trying to be happy to trying to be funny to trying to be solemn faster than my mother's orgasms. Nope, just a guy who is literally Pinkie Pie but an anthro shithead!

>In any case, thanks for the review. It actually will come in handy in trying to tighten up some of the story in later chapters. :twilightsmile:

Uh, if that only factors in later, I'm not sure what to say honestly. I'm trying really hard not to sound like an asshole, but it's getting harder...

>Also, thank you for making me laugh my head off. As negative towards the fic as it was, it picked it apart in a way that had me gasping for breath from laughing so hard. Love the Star Trek screenshots too. :pinkiehappy:

It was the first thing that came up when I searched for 'facepalm'. It fit well. Just be glad I didn't have to bring out the Toht-palm... yet...

#19 · Chapter 2 · 112w, 2d ago · · ·

I'm going to agree with Sanity here. This story isn't really what I expected.

*shrugs*

#20 · Chapter 2 · 111w, 1d ago · · ·

>>805169

Give me some time. I'm rewriting the prologue as we speak. :pinkiecrazy:

#21 · Chapter 2 · 110w, 5d ago · · ·

... Eh... yeah...

The 'in medias ras' caught my attention, but of course considering a 'how we got here' scenario has to be done... My attention came and went pretty quick, I'm sad to say.

When I read the summary, I was expecting a Tyrant!Celestia vs Canon!Celestia clash, not a Lunaverse-esque universe of samurai and ninja-based spear counterparts...

#22 · Chapter 2 · 110w, 5d ago · · ·

>>862333

*shrugs* All I can say is give it some time. You might like what you see. But of course, it's up to you whether or not you wanna keep reading. :scootangel:

#23 · Chapter 2 · 110w, 5d ago · · ·

>>862356

I MAY want to keep reading, but Celestia has always been one of my faves in the series, and I've developed in my headcanon that she's a powerful, but not necessarily godly, being with noble, non-manipulative intentions.

In other words, like this, without the tyranny, closer to Lunaris.  :rainbowlaugh:

That said... well, it's kinda jarring for me, no offense.

#24 · Chapter 2 · 110w, 5d ago · · ·

>>862395

None taken. But remember, In the TCB universe, Celestia's pretty much a dick.

#25 · Chapter 2 · 110w, 5d ago · · ·

>>862434

Eh, one fic I read in this odd universe portrayed her well, in that they didn't create the wall of magic that engulfed the planet, and that, for reasons not quite explained, instead of humans being subjugated into happy, mindless servants/slaves, they were offered, and some more radical HLF members still didn't buy into it... just as there were more radical members of the Conversion Bureau that Celestia disproved of because they didn't take no for an answer. The fic ends with a man whom raised a pegasus and stayed human throughout it dying, though, by his choice, and that makes me sad.

#26 · Chapter 2 · 110w, 5d ago · · ·

>>862471

I don't think I've read that one.

#27 · Chapter 2 · 110w, 5d ago · · ·

>>862478

Can't remember the exact title... "The Last Human", or something.

#28 · Chapter 2 · 110w, 5d ago · · 1 ·

>>862502

Might have to look it up sometime. But in this story, Celestia is still going to be pretty much a dick because that's largely how she comes off in many TCB fics, especially ones where she's the reason the barrier not only exists, but is expanding.

#29 · Chapter 2 · 110w, 5d ago · · ·

>>862539

I see... still, again, I would have liked to see Canon vs Tyrant.  :rainbowwild:  Can you just imagine it?

#30 · Chapter 2 · 110w, 5d ago · · ·

>>862556

I don't have to imagine it. :pinkiecrazy: Any guesses why? Reread the prologue again.

#31 · Chapter 2 · 110w, 5d ago · · ·

>>862583

I did.  It was an anthro, spear-counterpart stand-in for Luna, not Canon!Celestia.

Honestly, though, even just a oneshot of canon!Celestia herself coming in, exposing, and unraveling the horrid plot of THIS Celestia before their eyes, verbally and with no thrown first punch, would be better.  I mean... I've seen her troll GlaDOS!!

#32 · Chapter 2 · 110w, 5d ago · · ·

>>862626

*snickers* Like I said, reread the prologue. Yes, Lunaris is there but so is someone else. Two someones, actually.

#33 · Chapter 2 · 110w, 5d ago · · ·

>>862631

You may need to help me on this one...

#34 · Chapter 2 · 110w, 5d ago · · ·

>>862657 Look at the parts before and after the flashbacks.

#35 · Chapter 2 · 110w, 5d ago · · ·

>>862678

That's just brief mention, unnamed, of Tyrant!Celestia's counterpart, only described as a "White Alicorn"...  Doesn't really catch my attention, Warwolf.

#36 · Chapter 2 · 110w, 5d ago · · ·

>>797984 "The slate grey eyes of the pony were crinkled in a grin, and he pulled a quarter from his vest and threw it through the air, where it landed in a jukebox that seemed to come out of nowhere"

Clearly the real issue here is that the juke box should've been playing a different song.

#37 · Chapter 2 · 110w, 5d ago · · ·

>>862697

That white Alicorn is Not Solaris, Snowman. So no, it's not her Shogunate counterpart. Also, look at who else is with the alicorn.

#38 · Chapter 2 · 110w, 5d ago · · ·

>>862770

... I don't see it... Interest... fading fast...

I mean, while waiting for your response, I just saw the story TCB: Jaguars... and that left a worst taste in my mouth, because in that, Celestia's portrayed as even more of a genocidal asshole, along with four of the Mane Six... and Luna...

#39 · Chapter 2 · 110w, 5d ago · · ·

>>862784

:facehoof:

How much more can I spell it out without giving away spoilers for the fic?

#40 · Chapter 2 · 110w, 5d ago · · ·

Not much.  Best continue this conversation over conversions over a PM.:trollestia:

#41 · Chapter 2 · 110w, 5d ago · · ·

>>862710

:rainbowlaugh: Where do you think I got the flying quarter scene from? :raritywink:

#42 · Chapter 2 · 110w, 5d ago · · ·

*tries to read this thing again*

JESUS CHRIST WALLS OF TEXT DUDE

Look, I appreciate that you added a lot of stuff. But let me just say this about the re-write: THE ENTER BUTTON IS YOUR FRIEND. USE IT MORE.

That is all.

#43 · Chapter 2 · 110w, 5d ago · · ·

>>863014

:rainbowderp: Good grief. I thought I'd done better in chopping up the text blocks. I guess I'll have to see where I can make some more space. What do you think so far of the rewrite though?

#44 · Chapter 2 · 110w, 5d ago · · ·

>>863027

Beyond being barely able to read the gigantic walls of text, I'd definitely say it's an improvement. The ponies don't sound like walking cardboard cutouts, the detail's better, and I don't want to brain myself every few sentences. I mean it's not fic of the year or anything, but it's at least readable now. So good shoot on that.

#45 · Chapter 2 · 110w, 5d ago · · ·

>>863042

Gimme a few minutes, I might be able to do something about the giant text walls.

#46 · Chapter 2 · 110w, 5d ago · · ·

>>863042

Try it now. :twilightsmile:

#47 · Chapter 2 · 110w, 5d ago · · ·

>>863092

Much better. I'd still cut down a bit on some of the second half's paragraphs, but otherwise it's readable now.

#48 · Chapter 2 · 110w, 5d ago · · ·

>>863095

Sweet. Give it a read and lemme know what you think. :pinkiehappy:

#49 · Chapter 2 · 110w, 17h ago · · ·

I must say, I rather enjoy this. TCB never really came off as a story I would enjoy, but I have found myself throughly enjoying these fics where Humanity doesn't just roll over and die. Who would do that in the real world anyways?!

On another note, I did read The Shogun Six. I enjoyed that as well. Keep up the good work on both of these~!

On a COMPLETELY different note than the last two, (there seems to be a pattern to this huh?) the Fate/Stay Night / The Nasuverse + TCB could be... interesting. Servants and Masters fighting ponies. . . Ohhhhhh they would have no idea how badly invading Earth would be. . .

On that other note, im rambling! I must be off, Au Revoir~♫ :moustache:

#50 · Chapter 1 · 108w, 3d ago · · ·

wait so in the alternate Equestria where Earth and Equestria peacefully merged do Humans still exist or are they still around? just making sure :twilightsmile:

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