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MrTyreste 8521

Joined June 2012
64 followers

    MrTyreste's Stories (8)

    • Apple of Another Color
      A human is sent to Equestria during a storm when he hides out in a barn.

      14,706 words · 2,102 views · 140 likes · 6 dislikes
    • Rainbow Dash and the Nordic Pegasus
      When in the north, Rainbow Dash accidently awakens an ancient warrior from another land and helps him fit in.
      10,698 words · 471 views · 45 likes · 3 dislikes
    • The Sorceress
      When Twilight discovers a new form of magic, she becomes obsessed with her changing morals.
      16,741 words · 1,082 views · 111 likes · 14 dislikes
    • RD's Yo Momma Battle
      Rainbow Dash gets into a battle of words with a local stallion.
      1,005 words · 632 views · 32 likes · 2 dislikes
    • A Lesson in History
      2,199 words · 387 views · 17 likes · 2 dislikes
    • "One Does Not Tame The Everfree"
      1,431 words · 157 views · 8 likes · 0 dislikes
    • Wavering Magic
      10,596 words · 277 views · 10 likes · 2 dislikes
    • Not so Light as a Feather...
      3,560 words · 276 views · 11 likes · 3 dislikes

    One year has passed since the marriage of Shining Armor and Princess Cadence, and things are quiet in Ponyville as usual, until Rainbow Dash and Rarity decide to take Twilight to Canterlot to celebrate her eighteenth birthday.

    What they don't know is that every year, Twilight's dreams turn to memories warning her to stay away from Canterlot on that particular day.  When she decides to ignore them this time, she risks her friends' lives, her magic, and the very freedom of Equestria.  

    First Published
    20th Jun 2012
    Last Modified
    20th Jun 2012

    Comments ( 8 )

    #1 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    It's only your first fic.

    The descriptions are a little sparse for sure, a bit of telling instead of showing but it can't be helped, you are new.

    You have a decent grasp of the characters, I can definitely imagine these characters with their voices saying this dialogue.

    There's not enough of the story to further judge it so I'll keep reading.

    :twilightsmile:

    #2 · Chapter 7 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    ........

    wut deh hell?

    #3 · Chapter 7 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    ^ What?  is bad?  :raritycry:

    #4 · Chapter 2 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Twilight... just because you're grown and on your own doesn't mean bad things can't happen. What's more, just because your paranoid DOESN'T mean things aren't out to get you.

    #5 · Chapter 5 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    this story seems painfully rushed, but that could be my reading pace. At the same time, it is an interesting premise indeed.

    #6 · Chapter 7 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Okay... so twilight was megateleported, and white mane is still a tyrant... and he has twilight's magic. Dang it Twilight, you idiot! the least you could have done was make sure the terms were more well done! You're a scholar! you know legal documents need to be flawlessly woven to avoid loopholes!

    Not sure if gusta overall, but will to read more and find out which way I'll go. Continue.

    #7 · Chapter 7 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    There are a few cringe-worthy typos, but the biggest one is probably "pegasis".  It's "pegasus" for the singular, "pegasi" for the plural.

    Also, as of this chapter (chapter 7), you have humans, so this should really have the Human tag on it.

    #8 · Chapter 7 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Thank you so much for the feedback, everyone!  :ajsmug:

    Ok, so I guess it is a bit rushed at times, and the grammar could definitely use some fixing, but I blame the latter on me being from Tennessee.

    That and I tend to not know when to stop putting commas.  :twilightblush:

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