Synopsis:
Twilight and the rest of her friends were given on a mission of a friendship problem here in Equestria. Since they left, Starlight felt like she was alone again, on her own for now. She couldn't stop worrying about Twilight if she's in danger here, or worse, maybe trapped forever. Starlight felt upset in the moment until a certain dragon came here to cheer her up to soothe all of her problems away. After the dragon's comfort to Starlight, she strangely began to have strong feelings for him.
Cover art by: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/19661913/
Chapters (2)
I'll see where the rabbit goes with this one.
I love it
Good thing Spike never told Starlight Glimmer about Ember.
7350969 Starlight will hunt down and kill Ember and then force Spike to become Dragon Lord!
Hmm, I feel like there are a few things I need to point out.
Some of the wording seems really awkward, like:
These are a few instances, but there are more littered throughout the first thousand words.
Also, you need to work on your past and present tense, because on more than one occasion you seem to just switch between them.
The second example above with "Rarity abruptly puts her hoof to Pinkie's mouth." It should be more like "put" or at least I believe so.
Also in the third example, "Well, we'll better find out..." I feel like there was a sentence that was started here, and then changed for something else.
Next:
Twilight doesn't do those kinds of actions. Actions tell you of the type of character they are, just as much as words do, and Twilight isn't the type for slight rough housing, that's something you'd expect more from AJ or, more appropriately, Rainbow who is a tomboy.
Twilight is more likely to wink at her, rest a hoof on her shoulder or just smile. not so much smirk. At least, not in this instance.
Last, but not least, there's so many places where commas need to be inserted:
"...here including Starlight and Spike were"
This little bit alone, has a lot of problems, because of punctuation, and implication.
For one, there needs to be commas after "including", and after "Spike". Second, why would Spike NOT be included into Twilight's friends section, when he was her friend, before all of the Mane 6?
You need to watch what you're writing, because there are implications to be had, that you may not imply. I'm fine with Starlight's exclusion, because she's still more protege than friend, but Spike has been Twilight's friend since the very beginning. He's her oldest, and best friend besides her brother, which is debatable.
-All of their cutie marks shining on their flanks and they were marked at the same spot; someplace where it's almost far from Ponyville where the location is at for the problem-
More weird wording, that needs to be looked over again.
I'm gonna have to opt out on this one. I come across these kinds of problems too much, and my mind auto-focuses on them, making me think I can just change them for the better, but I know I can't.
I'd suggest getting an editor, or someone to proofread your work first, before you publish. Either that, or read it over. Not to be rude, but it's just 2k-4k words, it shouldn't be that hard. <-- See that carries implications, but I recognize it, and point out that I mean no offense by it. <-- This ALSO carries implications, but I'm honestly not trying to be high and mighty here, and just trying to help.
7349974 Aww yeah, the fresh smell of Spike ships in the morning.
I recommend you get an editor... or someone who can read it first without vias and tell you your mistakes.
if you want i can do it for free. No guarantees though (fixing all mistakes, the whole "free editor or proofreader" while never change)
Alright, this story has my attention. Keep em coming!
So now I have to clarify to my friends I platonically keep in touch with them
Please, more
By the gods, you have hooked me with your story. This is an amazing start!
Chapter 3?
8551595
I'm actually working on it~!
8554441
Yes!
That third chapter never did see the light of day
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa if only this story was all the way finished so i didn't have to wait for chapters ://////