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Aphotic 2190

Joined June 2012
7 followers

    Aphotic's Stories (2)

    • Clockwork Wings
      Uprising for the Pegasus

      20,816 words · 411 views · 14 likes · 3 dislikes
    • Subject
      Test Subjects
      3,075 words · 130 views · 1 likes · 0 dislikes

    The year is 2042, it's been 10 years since my race has been enslaved. We have lost all dignity, branded and labeled as inferior after the invention of steam ships. We are now forced to serve on the admirable steam ships or work at dock yards in exchange for a home. The work is arduous and grueling but it's all we can do to keep our wings, to remain in our home. I on the other hand no longer have a home, I was cast out, not meeting the physical standards for work in the clouds. since I couldn't pass the test they removed my wings and expelled me from society. I am sentenced to death for my weakness, branded, unable to fly like the rest of my kind, with the rest of the Pegasus.

    First Published
    20th Jun 2012
    Last Modified
    30th Jul 2012

    Comments ( 10 )

    #1 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 6d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    A good idea, but I cannot give feedback after this cliffhanger.

    #2 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 6d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Submit this to Equestria Daily. Right now.

    This definitely deserves to be featured.

    A++++

    #3 · Chapter 2 · 51w, 5d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Will the rest of the Mane Six show up in this fic or will it just be Fluttershy?

    #4 · Chapter 2 · 51w, 5d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Great chapter, but I've been noticing some grammar issues. You've used "your" instead of "you're" and you said *sigh* which would be be better as "he sighed". Other than that, I'm excited about the next update!

    #5 · Chapter 3 · 51w, 5d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Pretty good, you need to reread your chapters though before submitting them. I think that would help with the amount of grammatical errors I'm reading. Overall, I can't wait for the next chapter! Keep it up :pinkiehappy:

    #6 · Chapter 5 · 51w, 20h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Sorry it took so long. I am seeing great improvement in your writing. You still use words like 'soon' when you shouldn't. Keep up the good work. :twilightsmile:

    #7 · Chapter 6 · 49w, 5d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Sweet, first post...... but keep it up, its really interesting, you got me hooked sir or madam

    #8 · Chapter 10 · 48w, 21h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    This is so far a great story please continue.:pinkiehappy:

    #9 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 6d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Welled. Not weld. Tears don't weld your eyes shut.

    Other than that, it's intriguing. Very intriguing.

    #10 · Chapter 11 · 32w, 6d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    well when i started reading this fic i had no idea id be in it

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