• Member Since 3rd Mar, 2015
  • offline last seen Yesterday

XenoPony


Hi, name's XenoPony. I'm an avid pony writer and fan fiction author with a wide range of stories.

T
Source

This story is a sequel to Not Such a Newbie


Several months after Soarin nervously asked Rainbow Dash out on a date, the two of them are enjoying a happy, healthy relationship with one another. Rainbow Dash gets to be with one of the most kind, loving and loyal stallions she's ever met, not to mention a fellow Wonderbolt, and Soarin get to be with the mare of his dreams. Yet when he takes her out drinking one night, he finds out just how adorably troublesome she can be.

Reading Not Such a Newbie is not required to understand this story.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 11 )

*checks pulse* Hmm it seems i have died from cuteness :scootangel:

OMG I LOVED IT! IT WAS SO AWESOME! XDD

I NEEDED THAT FLUFF AND YOU GAVE THE CORRECT DAILY AMOUNT FOR ME! ^^ <3

I LOVEEEEEEEEE ITTTT!

Too much cute! :heart:

ooooh, so much fluff :rainbowkiss:

Yep, the cuteness got to me. Someone call me a doctor. Seriously though, this was another goodie from you and a great sequel!

you sure know how to make a one-shot fic of these two, that was amazing

I liked the story, but a few story craft faux pas kept it from greatness. I would suggest you fix the issues below and find yourself a pre-reader for the next one. Considering the quality of your work, I'm sure a fan will volunteer if you ask. Do ask. This stuff probably merited you the seven down votes currently showing (none from me).

You seem to have had a problem with to and too (as I often have with its and it's). Once is a typo, a half-dozen times is hard on the reader and enough to jolt you from an otherwise interesting story.

But then, of course, there was the use of coerce when you meant course. The unfortunate result was that it took what was a cute playful story about a friend who was drunk and changed the tone to something ominously dark. The word "coerce*" in a story with drunk female and a sober male is just bad news. Yes, you may say the two typos were not in a place to cause a contextual misinterpretation. To me, the word resonated with the passion you otherwise presented in your prose. It set a context in my mind. Like scattershot, something hit the wrong target, for me at least.

Fortunately, these are simple to fix.


* to compel by force, intimidation, or authority, especially without regard for individual desire or volition: They coerced him into signing the document. 2. to bring about through the use of force or other forms of compulsion; exact: to coerce obedience.

7288821Thanks for the advise, I appreciate the help.:twilightsmile:

XD
Funniest thing I've read in a while.
Seriously Dash. Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can act like an idiot.

really cute and funny:twilightsmile:

Awww that is so adorable and it's a good thing Soarin was there to get rainbow dash out of there before she gotten more drunk than she already has but even in her drunken States she really knows how much he cares about her safety and everything and that's what she love about him this was pretty nice I like that keep up the good work

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