• Member Since 18th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen Apr 19th, 2016

Chlumpy


T

"You lose Celestia," the stallion leered, raising his sword. "You always lose." He plunged his weapon into her chest, the Princess gasping. "Chaos has won!" He leaned down and whisperd in her ear, "Equestria shall burn."

Chapters (11)
Comments ( 26 )

I saw the title and Im hoping its a Prince of Persia crossover

777947 Nope, sorry. I really don't do crossovers.777947

Is it just me or this feels like Asura's Wrath? :rainbowhuh:

781231It might remind you of it, but I did not get any inspiration from Asura's Wrath.

793676that chapter is full of :heart: :flutterrage: :pinkiesick: and :pinkiecrazy: if you know what I mean

Has someone copied me? Because my story was originally made on Fanfiction, about october i think. Really, I see almost no difference inbetween POE and TPOE.

I have news! Check out my page for more info. Prince of Equestria: the audio book

Okay, so I reeeeeeeeally liked the plot of this story! I kept wanting to read more. :heart:
The only thing is, I think some of the characters could have been better. Just because they are nicer now because they are not under evil influence, does not mean they all have the same super nice, confessing all at once, apologizing quickly, personality. The personalities of the nice villains were kind of painful to read for me... I really liked this story, but those parts...

1184999 fear not. I am working on book two, and will be correcting many errors. Just think for a second though, how would you act after being freed from complete control

1212957 Some would apologize... Some I guess would be confused. But I mean after the apologizing part. They all seemed to have the same personality. Maybe try to vary a bit? They can all still be nice, but I mean like you and me probably have different personalities and we're not evil, so that might work a bit. IDK. Sorry if I offended you... :fluttershysad:

1218316 No no, I welcome criticism and advice. Thank you for your help, I'll work on that when I have time.

well..........this creates problems

and now we have a fight......LETS DO THIS

its not a bad tale....in a way fast but still

I only came here because of the description...and that wasn't even that good

GC: NOT B4D.... FOR 4 F1RST T1M13.... H3H3H3H3H3H3

People, please...if you are going to criticize my fic, be respectful. I give you respectful replies, so please give me the same. Also, I would apreciate it if you could give me tips, seeing how this was the first story I wrote, taking a total time of two years to complete. Yes, I know about the grammar errors, but I wrote the chapters around the time my melatonin kicks in. Thank you and God bless.

I thought the story was excellent. I like how I could hear and visualize the characters saying their lines. Please tell me there is a sequel. Continuing the life if the new Blackjack and Discord and Celestia's lives together. I would totally read it.

Your formatting is horrible. There's absolutely no reason for your entire chapter to be centered. This is a story, not a poem.

And don't even get me started on the edgy, long-lost royalty, black-and-red OC...

4917677 thank you for the criticsism.

"You lose Celestia," the stallion leered, raising his sword. "You always lose." He plunged his weapon into her chest, the Princess gasping. "Chaos has won!" He leaned down and whisperd in her ear, "Equestria shall burn."

Why must there ALWAYS BE THAT BLACK OC'S????

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