Interesting Description.  Gunna have to read.

Edit:  Okay, so I read what you got.  Frankly, this is a disturbing subject for a story, but it's a very interesting idea.  As long as you don't kill any of the mane six, or any of my favorite backround ponies, I'm fine with it, and us readers will let you live.

  I'd suggest taking your time writing it, and if you don't have one already, get an editor.  They aren't hard to come by, and will generally do just about anything.  I'd offer to edit, but I'm already taken by another story.  

In short, good job, be careful where you take this story, there are some things that just go to far.  Try explaining what happened, we all wanna know how ponykind became enslaved, and how the hay this would be allowed in the modern world, since slavery is ILLEGAL.  I expect clever solutions.

This story looks very promising, yes indeed. a quick thing though, there are some spelling mistakes and I feel as if it's a bit rushed. But all in all, this story looks fantastic. Keep up the good work!

-Digit

As much as I would love to read this right now, just looking at it devastates me. I'll put it aside for when I'm a little stronger.

An interesting concept, i'll have to keep reading when more chapters come out.

I had a Idea like this once, It was mostly spawned from a story on Fanfic called 'Chains' where humans are enslaved by ponies.

Hahahahaha. I am interested in this story. Heavy urges you to go forward with it!

Image: http://wtfcontent.com/img/131392620503.jpg

Now,,, I am interested!

I was hoping for a full break from established canon. Also I suppose while there might be more potential for build up when the protagonist is just some kid with no resources, I have my doubts as to whether the issues/horrors/philosophical conflicts of Slavery can really be explored fully with this sort of setting. I also find it a little unrealistic that if Equestria not only existed as it is, but if bronies existed in the real world that there would be full damn insurgency groups running around in areas where ponies were allowed to be enslaved.

It may work out...pretty much could go either way but I'm a bit skeptical that the real meat of the subject matter will get explored.

Right into the action and WHOA-. What is this? And why did it bring Battlefield to my mind?

faved. also, you want an editor? im game.

btw, he mistreats fluttershy. he must DIE.

Looool! You know what zombies say about faces? They're magically delicious!

I'm certainly gonna read this, I just hope that there won't be the typical black person here who tries to ruin this for everyone by posting an immensely long hate comment about how his ancestors where slaves and how this is offensive to him.

Oh I'm sure nobody would do that...right?javascript:smilie('');

crap! i'm liking this story

Seems interesting.

Here take a Moustache:  

Instant recognition, the auctioneer in the picture is col. sanders, no doubts...

>>800525800525 On the run from the authorities for a just cause, and it starts at the end. Or at least it seems like the latter. No saying whether it will involve the military, an entire U.S. squad getting killed off, or a corrupt politician/U.S. asset. If I had to put a bet on any, it would be the third, and my backup would be the first.

Wow.. Thought-provoking. Poor dash.

I'll wait to see how this goes.

...you have my rapt attention good sir.

W-Whadda ya mean Rarity got turned into marshmallows?

>>802912802912 She wasn't.  Fluttershy just heard someone say she was part marshmallow

Continue

AWESOME STORY! That was mean of Eric though.

i just started writing my own fic and my main characters name is luke :( why are there coincedences like these??

I'm sorry, I appear to have written an essay in your comments section. Please read it.

Firstly, bronies. Get rid of them, and every mention of My Little Pony. If ponies are being enslaved, and MLP is a thing, the only reason I can think of is some ridiculous thing where Hasbro claims copyright on Equestria and it's inhabitants. Don't bother doing that, it sounds like something from The Colbert Report.

Second, with a setup like this, I'm expecting something epic, with stirring speeches, big events, and huge chapters. I'm sorry, but this concept deserves that. It deserves nothing less than great writing, not decent, not even good, but great.

I'm sorry, but with this concept, I came in expecting something on par with My Little Dashie, Eternal, that sort of thing. I know I shouldn't expect that, but come on, this has the potential to be Atlas Shrugged, or Brave New World, or even Blade Runner (Yes, I rank Ridley Scott movies above Ayn Rand and Aldous Huxley, got a problem with that?)

Now, you have to properly explore the morality, and the slavery, and the reasons behind it all. No, I don't want a prologue with a huge exposition drop. Give us something clever. What is everyone's justification for enslaving ponies? Is it like with black slavery? Be sure to read up on slavery.

And what are the reasons? Don't bother explaining the dimensional portal, in fact, get rid of it. Nothing good can come of such a huge advancement. You can hardly imagine the ways the world would change. Think of humans as a chick in an egg. A dimensional portal would make us break out of the egg. And all that, in the near future, technology would still have to go the proper course. We don't even have truly advanced spaceflight yet. We might as well be shooting hobby shop rockets right now, and even twenty years in the future, we'll only have upgraded to an RC plane. History has to run the course, I'm afraid. Maybe put the ponies somewhere on Earth, or Mars or something.

What about Celestia and Luna? Give us reasons. Are they like the African Kings of the 17th century, selling their own kind as slaves? It's wildly out of character, but it's still an answer. And yes, I'm pretty sure they're bullet-proof. And tank-proof. And research-proof. And nuke-proof. They're just generally everything-proof. So give us reasons.

I can give you some suggested reading before tackling this, because it has potential. Try The Martian Chronicles, Atlas Shrugged (Only if you have a lot of spare time, it's over 1,000 pages long), Brave New World, 1984, and that sorta thing.

Again, I'm sorry for writing an essay in your comments. But you need to know what you're tackling. It's bigger than just a piece of fanfiction, even though it may not seem so at first. Give us a good story, not a pretty one, not a happy one, but a good story. Give us John Galt.

>>805965805965 thank you for the input, but with all due respect, I'm going to put in whatever content I feel is logical.  I can promise you that it won't be happy through and through, but it will have its d'aww moments.

>>806129806129 I wouldn't have it any other way. Just do your thing.

Interesting concept you have here. However be warned that you are walking on a VERY slippery slope with this topic. If i may put in a recommendation: please for the love of everything that is pony, do not make bronys the instigators of this slave market. You will piss so many people off.

But it's your story, do with it how you wish.  

REALLY surprised to see a story like this pop up. Sadly, I don't read tragedies

Realy good. Gives a fav and a thimbs up for support

Editor: yer gud. I fixed some "Wrong word" errors and reformatted it, but otherwise, your golden. Send me the next chapter as soon as you're done.

>>830392830392 alright!  Thanks a ton!

Exiting. Wonderful. Scary.

I can't even begin to imagine how the story is going to flow from now on. Please kind author... make Rainbows with this story!

Oh shit the suspense!

The plot is now thick enough to cut with a knife...

Awesome!

YOU CANNOT TOUCH FLUTTERSHY, SHE IS UNDER THE PROTECTION OF MR. BEAN!!

Image: https://encrypted-tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTUEg9AP0hTEosn-1cIEHSvd067xEGODrWtysDe-xztC4JZleLG

Due to my hatred for at the moment i will no longer be able to read this fanfic im afraid if i ready any more i will go into a fit of rage that i might not be able to come out of and go on a killing spree with my bare hands were i will kill everyone i think hates ponys i need blood mother fucker BLOOOD!!!!! please when u finish this fanfic please add soem death and dimemberment that is all good bye.

Image: http://denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw560_131219298135.png

To quote another fanfic, on why this would never happen in a realistic situation:

"Have you ever seen the alternate ending," he asked, "where E.T.'s alien buddies come back to pick him up, find out we've slaughtered him like an animal, and nuke our population centers in retaliation?"

"Um..." I scratched the back of my neck. "Was that before or after they replaced the guns with walkie-talkies?"

"Neither," he said, furrowing his brow. "It was never a part of the movie. And do you know why?"

"Because..." I hesitated. "Because it would have destroyed the film thematically?"

"Because we don't go around cutting aliens open without a damn good reason! Our policy toward extraterrestrial intelligences is and always has been to show them the same deference we would show any other official guest of the United States. That includes respecting their funerary customs, so even if one came to our world already dead, we wouldn't do an autopsy until we could confirm that their family or other basic social unit was okay with it." He leaned back in his chair. "But I'm getting off topic. You're here to discuss your experiences with Twilight Sparkle."

Yes, I am fairly sure that the real-life policy to extraterrestrials is similar to what is said above. Even if it isn't, I'm sure most people would instantly realize that other intelligent life could possibly have a superweapon. And, of course, we do not want to annoy the species that could wipe us out with the military equivalent of a flick of the wrist.

All logic aside, I do like the premise of your story. Even though most civilians would treat enslaving another intelligent species like most of the world treated the Nazis during WWII, good premise.

Image: http://th08.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2012/102/d/5/the_price_for_dashie_by_alsatianvdk-d4vxvk6.png

OP - Img Link

>>838067838067

I don't know what you're complaining about buddy.  I said where I found it, and I'm sure that it originally came from Deviantart.com, that's just not where I found the picture.

Starting right off with the action and it sounds like something interesting that I would enjoy reading since I am writing the same "genre" type of story as well I think. But at least the ponies here have just simple slavery... right?

Okay I guess everyone else said what they wanted to be said, but I had some troubles following who was talking and who was not... or rather, I had some troubles trying to understand their tone of voice in that one.  The only way I could tell who was talking was because of how each of these characters pronounced Fluttershy's name.  Also, the story didn't seem like it was one of those "characters having to figure out what's going on along with the audience" kind of story either.

You think a brony who kept claiming that Fluttershy was "one of the elements" would actually have a license before the end of the second week rather than the third and would keep looking around for the rest of the elements of harmony while he was outside.   Maybe that's what he was doing when he was gone, but since this story is from Eric's point of view and not Luke's then Luke will most likely not talk about it unless he gets asked about it or Eric decides it's important to mention it now.  Either way at least the world is explained now, but I just don't understand how did Luke know about what Fluttershy did in her world, are you going to explain what a brony is in the next chapter?

Marshmellows are made from rarity? That made my day. Seriously i couldnt stop laghing it totally caught me off guard

If anything bad happens to Fluttershy Ima have to kill a bitch

>>842765842765

a brony in the story is what a brony is right now.  he knows what fluttershy did because he watched the show, just like the rest of us.

Shit dude pony slavery is serious biis-ness

I have a meta and an in-universe gripe with this story. The meta one I'd rather not talk about, but the in-universe one I will say now.

Who in their right mind would make slaves and pets out of sentient beings? We used to have slavery, sure, but we're much more past that. I think that the government is currently cracking down on international slavery, yet as soon as another sentient species, whom we have many replacements for, arrives, we want to enslave them? And nobody opposes this?

I agree with the guy above. This is not a badly written story at all, but this issue is definitely something that you need to explain more.

>>861070861070

All in good time my friends.  All in good time.

Yeah of course the alien entity would agree.

I DONT LIKE VINCENT HE DID SOME SHIT TO FLUTTERSHY AND NOBODY FUCKS WITH FLUTTERSHY BLOOD MUST BE SHED

All Southerners are evil.

It is known.

You... you monster!

>>860162860162

Well, of course PETA does, but...

there are 12,000,000-27,000,000 slaves in the world today. As a race, we can't even stop trafficking other human beings, so what makes you think there wouldn't be people more than willing to profit from exploiting non-humans?

"We used to have slavery, sure, but we're much more past that."

Pffft. 17,500 of the aforementioned slaves are in the United States.

Also, there are varying definitions of 'sentience'. Koko the gorilla mastered sign language, after all, and her species is still being butchered for bush meat in their native habitat. There's a whole list of species that have been able to communicate effectively using a human-made language, including chimpanzees, bonobos, parrots, and crows. And yet none of those animals are considered 'sentient' by most people. Just look around at all of the HiE fics on here- how many of them explain their meat-eating habits by stating that Earth has only one sentient species?

Heck, dogs and cats can't join that list because they don't speak a human-made language, but they can still communicate with people who have bothered to learn theirs, otherwise dog and cat trainers/behavior specialists wouldn't exist. After all, dogs won't teach themselves to pee on newspaper instead of the carpet.

I could go on and on down the line, since even plants and bacteria respond to external stimuli and do everything in their power to prevent death. But no, none of these are sentient, not the way you and I are sentient. Doesn't matter that everything, from the most intelligent Harvard graduate, to the fluffiest dog, to the cutest pony, to the leafiest tree screams in its own way when it's set on fire. Nope, only that human is sentient, because I, a human, can only understand what that graduate is saying. The rest is just noise from soulless beasts and kindling.

Really, I'm amazed the humans in this fic bothered to even create special pounds for the ponies. Such kindness is ooc.

They should have done the right thing and taken Fluttershy directly to the pound so that the little girl could have retrieved her property. After all, if the ponies arn't smart enough to get away themselves, they deserve enslavement. Just like Blue eyed peolple, hipsters, hippies, Earth Ponies, Zebras, Christians, and other sub setient beings.

cant wait for more

Wow. This... really changes my thoughts about animal shelters. The story is great and I can't wait for more chapters.

Amazing story.

Manly tears have been shed this day.

I could not read this with a straight face.

I find it hard to give a rats ass about Fluttershy. Seeing how she is a pegusis. Now if it was a unicorn I may care.

>>10323431032343 That was just brutal sir.

>>10324021032402 Yes I am a horrible person. UNICORN POWER!

>>10324081032408 don't worry, you'll be able to worry about your unicorns soon enough

>>10324081032408 Unicorns should be able to free themselves, so they should be fine. Its the pegasi and the earth ponies that need the love more than them.

>>10324131032413 Coming from a filthy pegusi I'm sure you look forward to watching a Unicorn suffer so you can rape it and then drink it's blood to absorb it's magic to feul you ability to fly and move clouds.

If anyone wants proof of the evi pegusi I  can copy/paste a PSA from the Unicorn supremecy movement.

>>10324341032434 even unicorns aren't safe.  nopony is safe.

>>10324351032435 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HJxya0CWco

To Eric, WATCH THE DAMN SHOW!

is Luke implying... that Ned... Is rapeing Fluttershy?!

>>10325831032583 Oh lawdy, that just occurred to me too. Unforgivable.

>>10336531033653 Ned... He deserves to burn in hell...

>>869827869827 i would consider, a species that has the ability to learn and speak English sentient, and i for one, hate mistreatment of animals, sentient or no.

Dad: Hey, why're you crying?

Me: This story is so sad!

Dad: Why don't you stop reading it?

Me: I can't! It's too good! I have to read the rest!

sorry about the long wait my editor got caught up in life and I had a bad case of writer's block.  I promise you won't have to wait this long again.

>>12985221298522 Well in that case I demand another chapter NOW!

>>12985551298555 ON IT!!!

“Objection!”  Arnold stood up, “Your honor, if my client isn’t a brony, then how could he have known Fluttershy’s worth or who she belonged to?”

Image: http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a44/caw317/objection.jpg

As a former member of a mock-trial team, I would have done this rather differently. Namely, 3000 word opening arguments from both sides that puts everyone to sleep, and then break out some basic court laws to ensure the character's stay away from objectionable statements, opinions, or actions.

But fuck it, this is a story. I'm glad we're not gonna get 20,000 words of dry legal stuff.

Hmm, this story is interesting. Not entirely sure how I feel about it, but it intrigues me.

More chapters please! The story is so sad, but I must keep reading....

Oh please Great and Powerful Owner of this Google Document! Please I humble request your permission to access it this very instant!!! *FIRE WORKS EVERYWHERE*

Edit: Ok... not sure what happened, but it's fixed now... *begins reading without further adieu*

>>14833541483354

sorry about that.  it should be all text now

... Gotta admit, didn't see that coming...

Both Mr. Vincent actually being a sexual assaulter, or Luke snapping...

This story's getting good, keep up the good work!

Wow, this is like the blacks all over again. Sad that humankind let the history repeat itself.

MOAR ASAP!!!!!

Sexual Assualt would imply that the "victim" was unwilling and hurt in the process. Fluttershy couldn't be "Sexually Assulted" becuase 1) She is a pegusis, and thus, not a REAL pony. and 2) She was his property. We don't arrest people for smashing their t.v.s in a fit of rage, what difference would it make if it can make noises and breathe?

Oh wow. That sorta came out of left field for me. I must say that this is quite well done. I will be waiting in anticipation for when the next chapter comes out. I must agree though that this case only makes sense if many laws have changed regarding property. But that aside, I still love it.

>>14845081484508 >>14848631484863

Yes, the laws have changed.  MoPA has a whole set of laws and rights for ponies since they are sentient and intelligent, but still just ponies.

>>14856391485639 if this is the case then shouldn't this case not even be happening? If it was only over property then it would make sense th- actually, I'm not even going to argue about this. It's a good story and I'm sticking to that statement.

When I read the part when vincent was losing, it felt a bit like phoenix wright.

>>14856391485639 Awww, there goes the government, getting in the way of all our fun again.

Yes! The story has updated!

After reading: Woah. Good chapter, and I can't wait for the next one.

Did not expect that ending.

Let's see what happens next.

Ok, I am really wondering. HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN?!? Why did the Humans Enslave ponies, WHY did they make them pets, and WHY Isn't Celestia or Luna doing something about It?

>>15068411506841 all in good time

Legasp!

Interesting development...

who are they again?

>>18320181832018 if by "they" you mean Robbie and Alec, they were the pony catchers who first caught Fluttershy.

>>18322951832295 yes and thank you