Clerical Errors
Coco Pommel sighed as she leafed through the pile of legal documents cluttering up her desk.
"Petition for legal name change, notice of intent to legally change name, postal registration of change of name, landlord-tenant contract of notification of change of legal status, employer notification of change of legal status, petition to notify family of amendment to vital statistics file, City of Manehattan...attorney at law invoice for alterations to last will and testament..." Coco threw up her hooves and let out a frustrated scream.
There was a knock on her door, which opened a fraction. "Miss Pommel? Is everything alright in—"
A chair flew across the room, slamming into the door with such intense force that it shattered violently. The sound of a mare shrieking and retreating brought Coco to her senses; she took several deep, steadying breaths, then walked to the door and opened it. "I'm terribly sorry, Rarity, I..." She paused. "Actually, I'm not, because this mess is mostly your fault to begin with!"
Out in the hall, Rarity blinked rapidly, her blue irises contracting. "I-I'm sorry?"
Coco took a deep breath...
* * * * *
"I'm sorry, Miss Pommel, but the bank refused to cash your rent check."
Coco blinked at her landlord. "Umm...that doesn't make sense. I know I have enough bits in my account..."
"It wasn't that," the landlord said. "It's because the signature on the check is a forgery."
Coco blinked again, tilting her head. "Huh?"
The landlord held up a voided check for her inspection. On the signature field, it clearly said 'Coco Pommel' in her hoofwriting.
Coco shook her head. "That's my signature..."
"Except it says 'Coco Pommel'. Your name is 'Miss Pommel.'"
"What?" Coco stared at her landlord. "That...that's ridiculous!"
The landlord pulled out a sheet of paper and slapped it against the door. Coco recognized it as her lease agreement. At the top was her name...
...given as 'Miss Pommel'.
"I just pulled this from city archives, because I thought there must have been a mix-up when my own copy of the lease said 'Coco Pommel'." The landlord frowned. "Miss Pommel, I'm going to need to ask you to pay your rent in bits or you'll be in violation of your lease..."
"Eep!" Coco squeaked. "Umm...umm...let me go down to the bank and, umm...umm...this is all a big misunderstanding, I promise!"
* * * * *
The bank teller frowned at Coco. "Hmm...I'm sorry, but this identification doesn't match our account records."
Coco looked down at her identification card, which had all the correct information on it: her name, date of birth, Cutie Mark, and even her photo. She frowned. "But...this is the identification I used when I opened my account here..."
"But that identification card is for a Coco Pommel," the teller said. "The account book you handed me is for a Miss Pommel." She smiled placatingly. "I'm sorry, but I can't authorize a withdrawal without the permission of the account holder."
"BUT I AM THE ACCOUNT HOLDER!" Coco cried, slamming her hoof on the counter. "I opened this account! I've been a customer here for years! And how can you sit there and honestly think Miss Pommel and Coco Pommel are two entirely different mares?"
The teller shrugged. "I'm sorry, ma'am, I'm just trying to do my job here. Next!"
"But—!"
"NEXT!"
With an aggravated groan, Coco skulked out of line, ears drooping.
* * * * *
"What do you mean my utilities have been turned off?"
"Refusal of payment, ma'am. Your check—"
"AAAAGGGHHHHH!"
* * * * *
"And that's been my life for the last couple of weeks," Coco said miserably. Rarity had made tea while they'd talked, and now regarded her sympathetically.
"Well that's absolutely dreadful, darling," Rarity said. "And patently ridiculous, how could anypony believe 'Miss' Pommel is your legal name? Ponies call me Miss Rarity all the time, but it certainly isn't on my birth certificate!"
"That's just it, though," Coco said. "Some jackass at City Hall changed my birth certificate. That's why my entire life has been turned upside down."
"Oh dear," Rarity said. She frowned. "Still, that's hardly any call to use unladylike language..."
Coco blinked. "Huh? Oh! No, I meant a literal jackass. You know, a donkey? The donkey that works at the Hall of Records."
"Oh! Oh, yes. Very well then." She paused. "So, erm...exactly how is any of this my fault again?"
Coco pinned her ears back. "It all started with that newspaper review of your new boutique," she said. "The reporter printed my name as 'Miss Pommel'. My actual name, Coco, was never printed in the article." She shrugged. "I don't know what they were thinking down at City Hall, but apparently they decided a newspaper article was right and the record of my birth was wrong, so they systematically edited my entire life to this point, then sent that information to my landlord, my bank, and so forth and so on..." She sighed and slumped her head against her forelegs. "And now I have to spend my entire life's savings to fix this entire mess."
"Oh dear," Rarity said, gaping. "Well, I..." She cleared her throat. "That's simply dreadful, dear. I think, however, just perhaps...I have a better solution that...that won't force you to spend so much money getting your affairs sorted out..."
* * * * *
Princess Twilight Sparkle strolled boldly into Manehattan City Hall in full royal regalia, Coco Pommel and Rarity at her hooves. "Excuse me," she said to the receptionist, "Could you direct me to the Hall of Records? There is a matter of a series of clerical errors which needs to be straightened out...and a city employee in desperate need of a stern talking-to."
The receptionist blinked, then pointed a trembling hoof to her left.
"Thank you," Twilight said primly, leading her entourage further in.
Two weeks later...
Coco sighed wearily as she finally made it home after a long day at work. Rarity's new boutique was busier than ever, two of the other sales associates were out with the pony pox, and her hooves ached fiercely due to a misaligned shoe.
As she closed the door, she fished her mail out of the box, then dropped it on the kitchen table. She took a moment to get a cold drink from the refrigerator, sighing as she sat down and kicked up her hooves. She began leafing through her mail distractedly, but paused when she came across a letter from the neighborhood association:
To: Miss Coco Pommel (or Current Resident)
Coco screamed.
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You son of a biscuit
Poor Coco, getting a big dose of bureaucracy where the sun don't shine.
This really doesn't feel like a story. More like a scene from a larger one. It also isn't really that funny. Most of the jokes just kind of fall flat. The pacing is way too fast to let anything build up properly, so everything just kind of comes and goes like a cloud. And, also like a cloud, this story leaves no lasting impression.
Should I feel more sorry for
CocoMiss Pommel or for the bank employee?Will you ever cease to be entertaining Moth?
"Everything okay, Coco?"
"Fine, Current. I just had a long day, then got your mail again."
Oh, this is great.
Nice play on recent events!
A fanfic regarding Coco Pommel's name change came out merely hours after the announcement was made? Wow, that was fast.
Well, that was fairly amusing.
Jim.
Jim happened.
7246307 It's not supposed to. It's a tongue-in-cheek reaction to the latest stupid EqD drama. Don't take it seriously.
7246311 Never! Even when I die, I shall leave a most entertaining corpse and an EXTREMELY entertaining smell.
7246328 You weren't here for the Button Mash fiasco, I take it?
Well, that was fast. Poor Coco.
*<>* .
what a dumbass
Ooh
how many time I had to deal with this kind of administrative screw up. This story is more real than you can think.
Please tell me the Donkey's name is actually "Some Jackass"
There will be Twitter riots.
That didn't take long! Hooray for this fandom.
Pretty funny but why did she scream at the end exactly if everything was resolved fairly quickly and easily thanks to Twilight?
7246880
She isn't Miss Pommel anymore, her new name is Miss Coco Pommel
7246898 Really? I thought the Miss in that case meant the same as Mr. Ms. and/or Mrs. Not actually her name but something that goes in front of it compared to the name change incident the story was about.
7246940 (A) they screwed up and changed her legal name to Miss Coco Pommel.
(B) She's just sick of the word 'Miss' and is having PTSD.
Take your pick, whichever works for you.
7246948 I see. Both fair points.
Crap. Some staffer trolls the hell out of people and it's bleeding into Equestria itself.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqlQJUU2qSc
This was funny to read and also it's a great form of mocking the marketing team of the show because, let's be honest, nobody will call her Miss Pommel. It's like calling Derpy "Muffins" or Vinyl "DJ Pon-3" and make her mute...
Oh wait...
7247158 Well, to be fair, there's nothing that outright confirms Vinyl is a mute. Ponies may call her DJ-PON-3 simply because they don't know her on a personal level.
7247158
I, for one, as a Coco writer, will always call her "Coco" no matter what Hasbro does. Yes, there is some controversy about the human with the similar name, but really...Coco is not ponified Chanel. Pony Coco is pony Coco...
...and I for one prefer to read her "Pommel" as a sign of potential Apple family membership (in French, pomme=apple). But that's just headcanon getting in the way of things.
7247570 Funny thing.... even when she's foaming at the mouth, Coco is one of the two ponies that will ALWAYS be huggable. The second is Babs.
7247755
Then you can be my 165th like.
vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/warframe/images/9/9e/Grave-and-most-glorious-moderately-shameless-self-promotion.png/revision/latest?cb=20150918135129
7247765 Sorry, you got my Like months ago.
7247791
Whoops, totally forgot! Hard to keep track these days...
Glorious.
I laughed. I laughed. And then I laughed.
Unlike Moriarty, I laughed four times! Then I liked it. You turned al of this into a good story.
7246302 Don't bring Luna into this.
I reviewed this story as part of Read It Now Reviews #80.
You can find my review here.
HA!
T'was funny enough to warrant that 'ha'.
Meanwhile, across town, Current Resident peered into his mailbox with a short exasperated huff of derision. "No mail again today?"
That last part was hilarious! I love it when folks post those tasteful satire fics that double as a well-deserved jab to the crappy news today.
7246336
UGH! Don't remind me of that dreadful day!
7250324 That would be hilarious.
Coco is her middle name now!
Makes a lot of awkward sense.
This is genius.
That is all. And if the news is true... DAMN YOU AMERICAN LAYWERS!
7249937
Okay, I really like your reviews, but...is there a reason your 'check out my review' post KINDA reads like a form letter?
7282104 Because (a) it is, (b) he thinks being reviewed by him is some grand honor (it isn't), and (c) see (a) and (b).
7246307 Uh... Welcome to fimfiction?
7284356 I'm not quite sure what you're trying to imply by that. I've been here for three years. I didn't like the story, and I said so and why. I'm unsure as to how exactly that makes me seem new or inexperienced.
7284704 Probably because of your noobish reaction to an obvious piss-take at the latest bit of brony drama. The type of story which is always written in about twenty minutes and is intended to be quickly forgotten--because it's just poking fun at something inane like Derpygate, Buttongate, or Cocogate.
Most people who have been here for three years recognize a piss-take story when they see one and react accordingly. Just sayin'.
Wait, what's inaccurate? The news about her name change? Wasn't it confirmed by the director?
7286046 The source of the "news" is just one questionable tweet by producer Jim Miller. Which, given his history and personality, is as likely as not to have been a joke that got blown out of proportion. There has yet to be, to my knowledge, any sort of conclusive press release or other documentation on this matter.
A dubious tweet isn't really a good "source" for a news story. Never has been, never will be.
7284997 Just because these are common doesn't mean I should have to like them or ignore them. They're getting in the way of actual stories. But, it also doesn't mean they can't be good. A well-written piss-take is very possible, and I've seen them done before. All it takes is a bit of effort. You shouldn't be proud of having written something in twenty minutes, because that implies that all you wanted was ratings and that there was absolutely no effort put in (I believe that's the case here). And, aren't piss-take stories supposed to be funny? This wasn't funny in the slightest. Therefore, I don't think my reaction was unjustified.
So really, an all-around failure.