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OkemosBrony


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After spending the night at her date's house, Cheerilee reflects on her life and meets somepony she didn't quite expect.

Featured on 7/8/2016

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 32 )
2wingo #1 · Jul 8th, 2016 · · 1 ·

This was . . . really nice, actually. I'm sorry that it's finished, because I think you get a lot of mileage out of this idea.

If I had to criticize anything, it would be the tone near the beginning. The talk about how Cheerilee has rules about one-night stands but doesn't really follow them . . . I can't tell if it's supposed to be funny or not. If it is, it's really out of place considering the serious nature of the rest of the story.

Aside from that, I did enjoy this.

Nice story, thought I never would have imagined Silver's dad and Cheerilee being a couple, even if only for one night.:pinkiegasp:

Feels like this should be the first chapter of something bigger, instead of a completed story.

Well hello there! This has got to be the first time I've seen a Cheerilee story make the box in a long time, really if ever.

I admit, this story sort of surprised me. I went in with the expectation that there would be a lot more focus on Cheerilee feeling guilty about having a one-night stand, but really, this story had some honest-to-goodness heart to it. Cheerilee is just about perfectly characterized here, the only real gripe I can think of being about how I don't particularly care for the way she presents her moral standing, but that's a purely personal conviction of mine.

And really? That's about all there is to it. I really enjoyed this, and I wish you the best going forward!

jxj

This was pretty good. It could easily be extended if you wanted to.

My dad is a teacher and it suuuuuucks

I have to get up earlier than most kids

I have to help my dad with everything I have to say at school while he grades papers and goes on duty

And I have a twitch stream (the name is jacktheblujay I stream halo 5 and do impressions)
I have a sign that says keep out seriously I spelled srsly wrong to punish me for not knowing a skill that is obsolete as F*k he ignores it and start singing

This story was beautiful, well done.

Curious to see where you take this.

7376360

Yeah, that sounds like a real hard life you're living.

7377228 I can't tell if you're being sarcastic if not tell me about it

It was entertaining to see Cheerilee find herself in such awkward situation; but I disapprove of the way she dealt with Silver Spoon although that can be just because she didn't know any better.

Also, is too bad that Cheerilee wasn't able to express to the filly why she would spend the night with her father even though the date didn't go very well, she should have been able to do that.

The remainder of the meal, questions kept swirling in her head that she wanted answered, but was unsure of whether or not they were appropriate to ask. Yes she was a teacher and she was with one of her students, but it was outside school, so did that make it more or less appropriate?

Who cares what is appropriate or not. If Cheerilee knows something is wrong, she should do something about it. She could have proceeded with more caution, sure, but there shouldn't be any doubt that she should have proceeded.

“I can make you lunch today, and you could always ask your parents how to make yourself breakfast and lunch. I’m sure they’d be willing to show you so that’s one less thing they have to worry about doing in the morning

Does she have the habit of always giving her students positive expectations even when she has no reason to believe that would be the case?

That seems like an easy way to lose her credibility.

“Silver Spoon, are you upset with how your life is sometimes?”

How careless! If you frame the question like that you are sure to bias the answer you will get.

She should have been more subtle, like start by asking how she felt about her life at home or how she was? Being none specific and general with her questions as she learned more about Silver Spoon's current life style and relationship with her father figure.

She nodded, not wanting to confirm it with words.

Why would Silver Spoon respond like this to such a question? There is no information given in the entire story that explains that.

In the end Cheerilee really didn't know almost anything about Silver Spoon before she started going proposing all sorts of radical ideas to the filly that for all we know could have been uncalled for or just not exactly appropriate for her exact situation.

The ending implies that Silver Spoon is going to let her know more about herself during lunch; but I find that very unsatisfactory considering that Cheerilee should have really waited to know more before starting to talk like that.

I see this as a case of a teacher trying to show care towards one of her students, but not exactly being prudent about it.

But if you fix that then you have a heart warming scene where a teacher tries to do anything within her power to help a child in need.

At least I think that's what this story was going for.

~Leonzilla

7376360
Sounds like someone is having a puberty strike, coupled with existential crisis.

At least, your dad is doing what he believes is right to inculcate you things in life that will help you in the future.
Even if you think they are meaningless, it would be best to talk to your dad about it without getting mad.

You might just understand that he, is a human being who does mistakes, and should be forgiven just as all of us.

7377310 i gave up on talking to him because when I tried to talk to him calmly with my sister he took our allowance for a week
Also what does includate mean?

7377435
:rainbowderp: Oh! I was thinking on the idea that your father was the understanding character.

If what you say is correct, then I do not know what else to write in order to be of any help.

Most males, such as I, are always thick headed, and sometimes refuse to admit defeat.
Or do not share our emotions, for fear of being considered as 'weak'.

Also, "inculcate", just means : to teach someone by persistently instructing an idea, value, habit.

Example:
It is an unspoken truth, but people believe that mothers have an obligation to inculcate their daughters about how to take care of themselves during their day of the month (menstrual cycle). As well as the dangers of being a girl, outside during the night.

In our society, little boys are shamed whenever they believe that it is right to talk about their feelings. They are inculcated by their family, their friends, their acquaintances, the media on how to not share their feelings.

If you need any more questions, please feel free to PM me.
As much as I would like to continue this conversation, I wouldn't want to turn this comment section into a debate.
Also, I feel that I was in the wrong for trying to insult you. That, is a part of myself that I am trying to change.

I'd love to see a continuation of this.

“Sometimes there’s something I don’t have to make, but other times there isn’t.

Could you explain what this line means? I found it a little confusing. Just a slight error in grammar, perhaps?

7377906 She can't cook. So the only time she gets to eat is when there's food that doesn't require any preparation.

The main problem with being promiscuous, as a teacher in a small town, with the males living in that town, is that her reputation would be toast with the important people in the town. Which is death on the career of a teacher, in a town small enough that almost any rich or influential person she encountered would have influence on the town government. It would also create a major obstacle to her hopes of finding an actual long-term lover or husband.

The second problem, which actually comes up in this story, is that her students might find out what she's been doing. I don't know how old you imagine them to be, but I think they're old enough that they would have at least a general idea of what was going on. Losing the respect of your own students means that you can't control your class. This also makes it likely that the parents would find out.

Remember, Ponyville is a small town.

7378259 Sometimes I wish I could be as insightful as you. That's the problem I had with it, but I didn't really think about the bigger picture like that.

I dunno about this. It's well written and all, but... I just don't really get what it's supposed to be about or what you were trying to say with it. :rainbowhuh:

Why is this a one shot again?

Nicely done vignette.

Great little story!

...But... Are we supposed to take am implication from the fact that the image is Cheerilee looking at her butt?

shining onto Cheerilee’s face caused her to twist her face face-face. How about using a synonym here or rewriting the sentence a bit?
It's weird that this is the only technically imperfect place in the story and its in the very beginning. Outside of that this story is flawless (At least as far as my imperfect English allows me to see). A fun little story. Too little in fact. A continuation woulda've been great, but we have what we have. And what we have is very good indeed.

7376360 The skill you talk about, is it punctuation?

7378259 Well, the second point is valid, as it is addressed in the fic. But as being a promiscuous teacher on a small town (even if it only means that sometimes she goes home with a stallion on their first date) is only a issue if the author says it is. The mores of pony society aren't the same as ours. And if the author want to depict the pony society as more sexual liberal, then it it is. There's no canon either way.

7383115

That is, by our world's standards, fairly promiscuous. And her embarrassment on seeing Silver Spoon strongly argues that this is not a Free Love Equestria.

Huh. Good job with this one.

Meh.
It was okay.
Good writing but the story was weak.

I have reviewed this fic as part of the Reviewers Cafe reviewing group. You can find the review here! If you have any questions please do not hesitate to question me, enjoy the review.

-Milo

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