What are the 10 other stories?

Edit: Is this going to be a series of different stories or will there be 10 different stories contained in this one?

Well, this can only end awkwardly.

Kielbasa - Tenacious D

This...is getting favourited...

I too, am curious. Are you starting a series of 10 awkward stories, or are you just going to end the Dash-turning-into-a-colt story here? (I hope not). Nevertheless, I think this story shows promise.

WTF!?

I have to know how this goes.  Tracking.

I'm sorry, but Dash is too dumb to be believed.

I was about to skip over this until I read that you are going to keep it clean (relatively). Its pretty funny so far, awaiting next update.

funnym giggle worthy, love it

Meanwhile, in the land of my brain...

...

...

...

*atomic bomb*

Successful fanfic is successful.

Rainbow is a bit dumb though, and why is Applejack so terrified of colts? You'll explain later right? Jesus, I hope

>>800410800410

Yes, I made Dash a little dumb, though it will mostly stay on the topic of gender differences. But even if you don't read farther know that she will get better. Also this is a random comedy so the characters will not quite be cannon. Of course if they were cannon it wouldn't be awkward.  

Still enjoy many of the other fantastic stories on FimFiction. I recommend looking up totallynotabrony.  

Thanks for he feedback.

The awkward tension was soooo tight, you could fuck it.

>>800792800792 It makes sense, but...

Okay, I'll watch it to see where it goes. I'm not promising anything else, however.

Can't wait for other stories. I have to say this story was impressive but Rainbow Dash was dumb

>>800822800822

More than fair, I hope you enjoy it. I look to add the next chapter tomorrow.

"Panting Applejack looked down at Dash from the top of a nearby tree."

That was an interesting start, but I think you made RD a little too dumb.

Edit: It would work better with her having some ideas of the differences but not being quite sure on details.

Dash as the element of Honesty I'm calling bull

Best line ever

>>800954800954

To answer the question why is Applejack in the tree there are 2 things to keep in mind.

1) That part of the story is from RD's perspective. RD was not paying attention and did not see Applejack get into the tree.

2) The reason Applejack went into the tree was a instinctual reaction to interacting with a non Apple related stallion (all the characters are going to have little non cannon flaws as it helps make the story more interesting if done right.

In short I thought it was a amusing reaction. It also somewhat mirrors Twilight's reaction in the show during Winter Rap Up when they finish waking up the animals and the snakes scare twilight into a tree, the audience does not see how she ends up there, if I recall, she just does. The metaphor here is that AJ reacts the same way to a penis, which is sometimes called a snake or one eyed snake.

As to Rainbow Dash being to dumb, well that is her flaw in this fic. I have all the chapters planned out for this fic including much of this execution. It makes some of the things that are going to happen later a lot easier to pull off. I will also tell you know that she won't be played completely dumb, just ignorant of the gender differences.

I also agree that having RD know some of the differences but not the specifics would be a better way to go in many ways. I tried writing some parts in chapter 1, 2, and 3 that way and honestly it took away some of the cheep but amusing comedy. That being said she won't stay completely ignorant as I plan for Dash to learn throughout this story. Additionally as the story progresses I will be writing more complex comedy that builds on itself, which will allow me to avoid the cheaper dumb dash jokes.

I hope this addressed your points. While long winded I hope it shows that I appreciate your criticism. Answering these concerns is helping me become a better writer and I would like to thank you.

Thank you.

>>800804800804

Not the intent of the story...

                                        ... but whatever floats your goat.

>>801450801450 I can buy that explanation.  Except, it wasn't in RD's perspective.  At least, not enough.  The story was mostly from a third person view describing the view of the ponies.  If it was more clearly written from her perspective, in the first person, then your explanation would be standing on firmer ground, which is to say that it's not entirely without merit.  For instance, focusing more on RD's perspective, for the entire chapter up to that point or at least for a good chunk of that scene, would be acceptable out of first person.  But you started by focusing on AJ, so it seems logical to follow her actions and "see" her jump into the tree.  That's my take anyway.  I could probably write another paragraph on this, but I think that's enough points and I want to get back to a cool fic I just started. Link

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Trixie_lolface_2.png

As for the "dumb RD" issue, your explanation is valid and accepted.  I believe every story is entitled to its own interpretation and bending of the cannon universe, as long as it's based on a logical (or intentionally illogical for some random stories) framework.

I do look forward to seeing where this goes.

Cheers.

>>801508801508

The story being from Aj's perspective is only viable while AJ is able to have a coherent thought. Otherwise I probably would have used Pinky from the beginning.  

Also I am glad you want to see where this goes. Feel free to keep the criticisms out in the open.

...

P.S. Naruto... I may have to investigate your link  

>>801524801524 Brohoof for a fellow Naruto fan? /)

Lol Sooooo awkward. Very.

>>801529801529

Let me know if you write anything and I'll take a look.

For those of you who are curious a Durian is a type of fruit known as the king of fruit. IT is sulfur rich and smells terrible and is banned from many places of public transportation. It has a strong taste that is not really like the smell. Having had durian I can say I liked it but it is weird.  

Basically this reference is AJ making a smell joke, as if that part of the anatomy was dirty.

Also this is as dirty as I plan on getting in the fic. In fact the next chapter, which is already written and just needs to be edited, is fairly clean and is my favorite chapter so far... Poor Poor AJ

>>801072801072

You say that now, but what I plan on challenging this claim soon.  Yes I did just challenge myself cause this S just got real.

Uhh. Making it more dirty ( I dont mean clopfic level of dirtyness) would make it funnier. Still, I loved the awkwardness.

>>802874802874

The humor depends on the writer. I seem to do better if I try to not make it dirty but allow the readers mind to make it dirty. That being said the dirtiness varies with each chapter. I am trying to keep it clean enough for EQD should I ever get it to a level appropriate for submission.

What did I just read?

Also no matter how you slice it Rainbow is not that dumb. She's too lazy to crack open a book and learn stuff that way, sure, but she wouldn't go asking AJ what that thing is... she's probably prod it and twist it until soemthing new happened

>>803010803010

No no the prodding and twisting is later . Remember she noticed the square face first and that, along with the effect it had on her flying, is what freaked her out and made her approach AJ.

And I agree as a real character Rainbow is not that dumb. Random tag was not Randomly tagged. Please don't take my portrayal of Rainbow Dash as thinking that is how I see her. I do like her character a lot and think she brings a lot to the show and many fan fics but this is a silly not serious fic.

That said Applejack is best mane 6.

Dat awkward tension.

>>801454801454 I'm just saying that it's really awkward.

>>803128803128

Hey, enjoy it. And the best part, it only gets better

I wish they had a goat face emote maybe someone should make one and submit it.

this is so messed up.... *thumbs up*

silly dashie

Now I can't help but envision a picture of "her" standing on her back legs from the back while she is facing a river whistling softly with rainbow arching ever so gracefully from a certain area into the river.

>>803207803207

Hmmm.........

That is all I'll say to that.

>>800804800804 I like the way you think

>>803010803010>>803048803048 not to mention that she's stuck in the barn, for more then three minutes!

??...!!!

>>803669803669

Silly alt-tap...

... no seriously, what?

>>803827803827??[A Rainbow is confuse.]...[Applexplanation.]!!![ANOMALY DETECTED!]

(Its chapter one in emote!)

>>803910803910

Ahhh. alt-tap you are so random. also you forgot [confused apple] after "[A Rainbow is confuse.]

>>803934803934IT HAS GREEN EYES!! ITS A CHANGLING, KILL IT!!!

>>803957803957

WOW, I u sometimes.

Wow, over 500 views in 24 hours, and a short stink in the featured section. I guess you guys really like your awkward.

As a big thank you I'll post the third chapter tomorrow... today... you know what I mean

>>807111807111 Some of us bronies feed on awkwardness. Well, the kooky ones... like me.

Awesome story. But you said that there would be 10 other stories. It looks like from this point of view there will only be 10 chapters.

Oh man I cracked out loud when Applejack was listing names for a man's private parts Funny story so far.

>>807930807930

That is correct. It is a bit of a joke title in and of itself. Each chapter has it's own awkwardness, focus, and title.

Sorry.

>>809385809385 It's ok. I actually kinda like that movie.

Wrong thing!

I swear I'm crazy...

Sorry.

>>807930807930 The title is merely a reference to a story idea proposed by Cereal Velocity back in November in response to a poorly written TV listing for Mare-Do-Well.

"When Rainbow Dash discovers that a new masked avenger has been stealing his thunder as Ponyville's resident hero, so he attempts to reclaim his glory by doing various heroic acts, but he encounters many problems…(cut off at bottom of screenshot)"

Either way, when I see the structure of that run-on sentence with that unresolved "When" at the beginning, it burns my eyes.

In a way, though, this chapter was an awkward event in and of itself, so it might as well be one of the aforementioned Really Awkward Stories.

IN OTHER NEWS.

Piquo, you need to watch your punctuation. There are several missing  punctuation marks of different types, a number of instances of otherwise incorrect punctuation, a few spelling typos, and at least one case of poor formatting.

When a character is quoting something else within dialogue, it should look like this (all other punctuation and structure errors corrected as well):

"Dash, don’t worry; I’m sure Twi can fix this. If not, then I know the princess can." Note that since this is a flashback that is currently playing through AJ's head, and not technically part of the scene where AJ is mumbling to herself, it should probably be given its own paragraph.

“'Don’t worry,' I said,” mumbled Applejack. “'I’m sure Twi can fix it,' I said. But I ain’t ever heard of no gender-swapin' wooogeewooog magic like this, unicorn or otherwise. An’ why did it have to go being so big? I mean, other stallions can hide theirs, why can’t Dash?”

As for referring to the title of a book, the title itself should be separated somehow, either by putting it in quotes or putting it in italics. In this case, adding in AJ's name would help denote who is speaking to whom when you don't explicitly specify that Twilight is the one speaking.

“I have to admit, I am impressed, Aplejack. My book, 1001 Unique Euphemisms for You and Yours’ Inadequate Intimate Initiations, didn’t have most of those.”

I'm assuming by "Inadequate Intimate Initiations" you mean "Bad pick-up lines," but the "You and Yours'" would imply already being in a relationship with the recipient. If that is the case, you might consider something along the lines of "Interjections of Intimate Intent." The You and Yours', while technically correct, is still a bit awkward. Might I suggest the title be changed to "1001 Unique Euphemisms for Use in Interjections of Intimate Intent"? That would allow flexibility for use in situations inside and outside of established intimate relationships, and for more than just the initiation of intimate scenarios (read: bad pick-up lines).

I'm going to stop this here; this comment is too long as it is. Suffice it to say, however, if this were in a Google Doc with comments enabled (and were I to have enough free time I'd be willing to spend), it would be pretty much covered in yellow highlights for suggestions and corrections. Do keep in mind, though, that I'm only saying all of this because I'm intrigued by the story's promising premise and potential for awkward antics. If I wasn't interested, I would have dropped this story and moved on without saying much.

I didn't see it mentioned anywhere, but wouldn't Dash's voice sound deeper and more masculine as a stallion? This is an important point that should be brought up, and would definitely be one of the more obvious differences between genders that even Rainbow "Dense" Dash would have initially noticed. She/he can hear herself/himself speak, after all. AJ also probably would have noticed the deeper voice before she noticed Dash's "wedding vegetables."

Speaking of, AJ's reaction could have used a better transition, probably with an interruption in her dialogue before "Dash why are you a colt..." that would describe what was going on inside AJ's head when she suddenly began noticing the details that led up to this startling realization. It's dangerous to go alone; here, take this:

“Dash, what in the hay is goin' on he... eee... rrr… uuumm?" Suddenly it dawned on her. The masculine voice. The slightly bulkier mass holding her down than she would have expected from the athletic pegasus mare. It was then that she noticed the feeling of something else pressing against her back which was decidedly not a pair of apples that had fallen from the tree during the crash. "Dash, why are you a colt... WHY IN THE HAY ARE YOU A COLT!?"

In the bit before that, I don't see why Dash would have mispronounced "friend" as "fwend." Dash wasn't using cutesy kiddie speech, nor does she normally speak with an impediment to "R" sounds. Also, the sentence stating that Dash was giving an explanation—right before the actual explanation itself—is unnecessary.

That isn't everything I noticed, but I'm not about to go re-writing the entire fic. I must say, though, I particularly liked the "turkey in the hen house" remark, and the comparison to crashing into a mountain capable of consolation.

>>809610809610 Didn't know that and I was thinking about a whole different movie. And about a whole different story. My brain is confuzzled.

>>809610809610

OMG complex constructive criticisms, BLRAGLEBLARGLE...

                                                                                               ...ACCEPTANCE.

Thank you very much for the feedback. In addition to lacking in the punctuation department I have the tendency to write in a style that demands more complex punctuation. I also need to find a editor to help that is decent with punctuation. So consider auditions open. If you know anyone who might be interested please feel free to help initiate contact. (That extends to anyone.)

I am taking your edits to heart, and studying them to better myself for the future.

Concerning the title of the book. The point of the book is not just pick up lines but a large spectrum of intimate talk that can occur between both interested parties and dating couples and covers topics from suggestive, comedic, and even insulting euphemisms.

I have a tendency to hate google docs, but have tried using it in the past and probably will again. Anything to make a editors job easier.

Well that almost got out of hand/hoof. The part where Twilight joins the fray kind of came out of nowhere. It felt a but awkward to me.

(You see what I did there?)

>>809731809731 Ok. Here's what I was thinking:

I accidentally thought this story was "The Light Goes Out". And in it, I said part of it was like the movie "Logan's Run." And then I found out it was on this story, then I thought crap.

>>810185810185 Well, that only seems to further support my own suggestion for an alternate title for the book. I read "Inadequate Intimate Initiations" as "Bad Pick-up Lines," and I'm not really sure what else it could mean I felt my suggestion better left it open for a wider variety of uses, though perhaps I could have worded my explanation for it a bit better (it occurs to me the sentence in question was a bit long and confusing; I just edited it to make it clearer). I'm a bit curious as to the intent behind "You and Yours'," though; to me, it sounds like "You and Your Significant Other's" or "You and Your Family's," and sounds a bit narrow in focus for the purpose of this book (hence the rest of the suggested alternate title). I suppose it could just be me nitpicking, though.

I noticed you took my advice in the first chapter; it really helps with the setup of the story. I kind of like the way I put it, and I did mean it when I suggested you could use it as-is (I would have just deleted that part of my comment after the fact), but the way you put it instead is definitely more consistent with the way you write overall. I suppose the sudden, temporary shift in writing style might have seemed a bit out of place. I do think you could be a bit more specific where AJ is thinking, "What's poking me?" and I stand by the sentiment of using the comparison to not being a pair of apples. At the very least, the one-eyed private likely wouldn't be very noticeable when he's not standing at attention, because he'd be asleep in the barracks (i.e. concealed); so that wouldn't have been what rubbed AJ the wrong way. Euphemisms are so much fun, aren't they?

I'm a bit curious, what don't you like about Google Docs? It may not be quite as full-featured or flexible with formatting as MS Office, but it has all of the basic necessities, and is great as a free tool with integrated features for easy collaboration.

P.S. The "punctuation humor" in the description might work if it were correct, but there really isn't ever a situation where the punctuation that comprises an emote also happens to be functionally correct—well, except maybe (for example): , but I can't think of a way to use that emote in this sort of context that would be humorous, rather than just coincidental. "(sorry for the delay, and for mistaking you for Sethisto)" would have been the correct form, and it should be placed before the period as part of the previous sentence. Usually, if a parenthetical remark like that is going to be independent of a complete sentence, then the remark should be a complete sentence on its own, without parenthesis.

>>813493813493 You could have just, you know, deleted your comment when you realized it wasn't relevant, and saved yourself the embarrassment and others' confusion.

>>814570814570

Again thank you for the feedback.

In my writing style I have a tendency to be a little less descriptive to let the authors mind fill in a little bit before I just come out and say things. It doesn't always work and that is why I am grateful for your help. There will always be a spot for you as a editor if you want.

Also you motivated me to go out and get a editor for my fic. Some Person http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Some%20Person is interested but has a few other fics to help with so it might be a bit.

In the mean time do you think you would be willing to help with chapter 3. It's only 1356 words or so right now. I just want to make sure it gets edited so I can post it this weekend and have it be better quality. It should also be a easier edit. The chapter is a little more straight forward and I can put it in Google docs for you.

The reasons I dislike Google docs is stupid. Honestly random things that just bug me.

1) Google always wants itself to be capitalized even when I am using it as a verb. I dislike the damndable red underlining.

2) I dislike Google as a company because like many growing organizations they simply think they are better than others. Even if this is sometimes true I dislike this attitude.

3) I dislike how the buttons in Google Docs are placed and some random restrictions it has

4) I dislike how there is no view count.

5) I dislike how it either takes up the whole page or you cant have a toolbar.

6) I find the notifications for feedback when it updates, and the notification when you close the tool bar, very annoying.

7) I hate how often I use the damn thing. Between school projects and the fact that it is really good for editing.

8) I hate how my reasons for disliking Google docs are stupid and pointless and how people try and argue points that they are stupid and pointless. I know this, and they won't change any logical reason, they simply are.

>>813493813493

It's ok. One of my earlier fanfics that I used to get in the writing grove confused the pre-reader cause I accidentally titled the fic after a book or something. The weird part was that one aspect of the story was apparently pretty close. It upset him that he thought it was based on one of his favorite adventure books when it was actually a sad fic... I lose more pre-readers that way

Anyway I saw on your page that you wanted some fic ideas. I got a backlog of about 30 stories that I don't think I will ever get to and about 5 that I do. About 10 of the 30 have a solid premise. I'd be willing to work with you on you first fic. In terms of assistance I am good at helping others flush out ideas and impart emotions in the reader where the author wants them. It's weird how my strengths as a editor and completely different than my strengths as a writer.

>>814828814828 You could just give me a few. I would appreciate that. Just an idea for a little fic. Not like 10, but about 3. And maybe you can help when I get a bit better at the site. I'm still new.

>>814846814846

let meorganizemy randomness and I'll get back to you in a bit.

>>814862814862 Whatever.

>>814846814846

what kind of story do you want to write. Comedy, sad, dark, random, shipping, etc, etc?

>>814885814885 I was thinking some kind of war. But no clopfics. Like a war against "EoH vs. Discord and Nightmare Moon" or something like that. Just some fun stories.

>>814965814965

No offence but I don't have any clop recomendations, nor am i going to recomend it to someone who's profikle says they are 14.

>>814975814975 Exactly. No clopfics. Ever. Or that would be weird.

>>814988814988

I did not have any war fic suggestions so I came up with a Idea and put it in a blog here

http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/41656

titled: How to brainstorm a fic.

Also don't feel you have to do or follow the story.

>>815383815383 Ok. I'll read the fic. Well, blog post.

Finally tore myself away from Naruto fic long enough to read the 2nd chapter! Freedom!

Liking it, liking it...   That WAS a lot of euphemisms! lol   I bet the 3rd chapter is dragged down in edits, eh?   I know how that goes.

Anyway, ... ... BRAIN.EXE is not responding. End Now? *click*

Yes and no. The third chapter is done at the same quality as the first 2. However waffle911 had some good points and ive been trying to find a editor. I found one who is willing and eagar but had made other commitments they want to follow through with first. To be honest I should have gotten a real editor before I posted the fic at all.

Either way it will be posted this weekend. chapter 4 is giving me trouble, so alt-tap is coming over today to help me work on it. The humor is a little different. I think I need to cram more in there honestly but not in a way the drags the story down.

lol

that was actually kind of mean but extremely hillarious

>>832203832203

I know exactly what your talking about.....

                                                            ...... hey guys does anypony know what what he's talking about

Why people pronounce Pinkie as Pinky?

>>832328832328

quit derping allover the comments! your gonna get it wet!

>>832328832328 it was mean of AJ to question Big Macs stallion hood I mean come on who would seriously question somepony who can litterally drag a house a couple of miles. it was also somewhat mean of Big Mac to challenge AJ to penis showing contest when she isn't even equiped to compete. but then again AJ may have been able to compete in such a contest if she owned one or two special toys that were mentioned in the previous chapter.

You know almost as many words for penis as I know words for breasts!....almost

>>832364832364

That makes since. I forgot I posted chapter 3 when I read that post.

>

spoiler!

Rarity makes a dress

in chapter 4

>>832414832414

alt-tap stop spoiling things.  

>>832419832419 lol i'm like 2 feet away from you. just talk.

i c wut u did thar

Flawless Victory

There's just one thing niggling me: Big Mac seemed a bit…overly verbose, even if his vocabulary does extend beyond Eeeyup and Nnnope. It's too proper and complete, almost borderline sounding like Rarity or Twilight.

Reckon ah maht just hafta do a lil' sumtin' 'bout that. Dunno iffen' I actually have the tahm ta do it, though.

.....What just happened?

>>832980832980

You just got Tommed.

I hope you liked it. I mean it's ok if you didn't just please be gentle with criticisms

Just kidding

>>833362833362 NO!!! unacceptable! if you don't like it pinky will get you!

Does anypony in ponyville know the difference between a mare and a colt wtf

... i just realized chapter 3 is up!

>>833388833388everypony but

Stop giving me notifications alt-tap, you know I am OCD about keeping my notifications clear!

no>>833418833418

>>833388833388

Ignore alt-tap. sorry if it is a bit confusing but yes. everyone except Dash. AJ just finds it awkward to talk about, Twilight is confused and alt-tap will troll me by replying. Its just how it goes.

I do hope you liked it and feel free to offer criticisms.

>>833445833445hay, that's what i said!

I would make a fantastic princess.

I am not above blocking my co-author.

>>833467833467but i wub you

I suspect that two ponies will have a contest down the road, and the results will be as follows:

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Rainbow_dealwithit.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/eenope.png

>>834251834251

hmmmm...

                 ...

>>832342832342DERP!

>>834426834426

Well, I am glad someone is keeping up to speed.