Image: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_TkbcIBMy1Y/T2Ioh3r-T_I/AAAAAAAABGA/BAJcgUhFm7c/s1600/firstpost.jpg

First post.

Well it was a good concept and nice way to have sex in it while still being teen. But I feel like this is a black man with white women story, now don't get me wrong it's not bad. The pacing nice and the writing is good but it seems a bit blocky and a tad over worked.

So, yeah.

FF out.

>>768623768623

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_unsuresweetie_flip.png

That was pleasant for the most part, I'm curious to  where this goes, I often wonder how buffalo play into Equestrian society because of how little you know about them. You know they revere and respect dragons, based on how they treated Spike and they are a loose Patriarchal government as opposed to the matriarchal run ponies. I'm curious on how you will mention their integration. Some theories fall apart when you realize that regular cows and bulls live in the towns of Equestria and their genealogy isn't all that different and there are minotaurs.

As for this chapter It's well written, it holds your interest and I think that bit between Howl and Clarion is adorable and the end where is like I don't give a damn. I also laughed when you made Abundant out to be the village bicycle.

Peace Out.      

Well, this is interesting! And probably the closes thing I have ever seen to a Braeburn/Strongheart shipping in a long time... or ever! Seriously, try throwing those two into the search bar with the romance tag. There's so little! Well, with just the setting and premises you have a dedicated reader here! I can't wait to see what's next for Appleloosa.

>>769122769122

Don't worry, there will be more.

And the next part is about Braeburn and Little Strongheart.

>>768623768623

The middle was where I had the most meat in mind. I had some genuine idea of the points I wanted to hit. The end exists because all stories need an end. Not my proudest moment but I wanted them to be together.

>>768938768938

I gave a small indication of the difference in my old "So you want to hybridize" pamphlet, that Cows are actual Equestrian citizens, and from long ago, they just live in there and mostly keep to themselves. And in "Forging Iron Will" I posited that Iron Will may, in fact, be the only minotaur, and is the result of a Diamond Dog mating with a cow.

It's a different culture indeed, but their integration isn't difficult, because they openly recognize that the Equestrians are nice folks and able to tolerate the differences between them.

>>768623768623actually it seems more like a cowboy with an native american story

that aside i always love strongburn stories

>>769309769309 so when do we see the strongburn in this story

>>769838769838

Next chapter. It's about their wedding, in fact.

silently exist via the.    exit

stallion of robust mare.   or

That Abundant sheaves?"    Forgot to capitalize Sheaves.

Yay! We are finally getting to the Appleoosa portion of the world. I can't wait to see what's in store for us here.

>>781064781064

All fixed. And, thank you.

>>782261782261

De nada.

>>770286770286 really how long till you update

... Damn... just... damn.  Bittersweet and beautiful.

Not gonna lie, Braeburn x Strongheart is my second favorite ship. It's been so long since I've seen a story like this and add the fact that it's well written, the syntax in great, it's easy to read, the perfect length and it ends on a somewhat happy note. Kudos on the whole town learning to accept things part of the story. Nice call back to the previous chapter with Gale and Bell. Small amount of wedding gifts, which would typically be: money, silverware, plates, a watch, some kind of jewelery, a juicer and a toaster oven(most common gifts).

The funny thing about this story is that even though Granny Smith isn't physically there in the story, you make the reader really want to see her in a pine box. So, she has the ability to decide who's in the Apple family without any kind of opposition. She only let Braeburn back in because he was useful to the farm. *cough* *cough* bitch. Also who cares what the thoughts of a ninety year old hag; my grand ma is a rich racist and we just pretend like she doesn't exist. Brae should have torn that letter up and sent her a message telling Granny to shove that family tree where the sun don't shine. I like to think he only took the job of managing the farm because it was easier than working in a mine. I know Bad Apple is an OC but he seems to always get the short end of the stick, and for a character called "bad" I just don't really see the connection between his name and his actions, maybe Meh Apple was already taken.  

Peace Out.

>>830837830837

Heh. Clarion and Howl are an emerging favorite of mine because I love buffapony pairs.

This is actually a culmination  of three stories. "Bad News Apple" shows the first appearance of Bad Apple in a story of mine and shows Bad Apple telling Braeburn he's out of the family; "The Discarded Son" shows something alluded to in the telegram, the winning of Braeburn's spot in the family at the expense of Bad Apple getting back in. Also, Braeburn wants to be back in because he really does love his family, and because those on the family tree will inherit things when Granny Smith kicks off.

As for Bad Apple, his name used to be Bramley, but he was exiled from the family for humiliating Granny Smith and because he was a huckster from the very start. Like a non-evil Flim or Flam. He has acually become a kind of Black Knight for Equestria, conning the duplicitous and helpng the innocent.  

>>832884832884

...will inherit things when Granny Smith kicks off.

^ That's another reason I like this story, it's relatable for me. Everyone is nice to my nasty grand ma for the inheritance and disowning a family member for an interracial marriage is also something she's done. So, when she's dead and everyone is throwing a party, they can basically do whatever they want?

So Bad Apple fits the trope of the thief with honor. For the record I'm familiar enough with a few of your fics to know about the character and he's one of the better written OC's.

>>832990832990

If only it was easy enough to just wait for her to die. She's as shrewd as she is cruel, which was sort of confirmed in-show in the Flim Flam episode. She has a thousand miles of legal red tape in the papers concerning her estate and holdings. Anypony daring to try and bring Bad Apple back into the fold loses everything. But that's ok. Bad Apple has new family.

hoof." Ah guess.    Space then quote, then no space.

none to happy.                 Tsk, tsk.

Strongheart , veiled, in the.     More space issues.

gift .I plan to get.                      Again.

Woohoo! I've been waiting six months to meet Peppermint Pinfeather, quite an interesting description. Then we get the wedding and the word, it's like Christmas morning. So to keep my internal timeline straight, first chapter and second half of second are post Luna, and first half of second are pre Luna, correct?

>>830837830837

My suggestion to you, boyo, is to read Gabriel's other works, every story, barring a single poem, come together to form the world this is in.

>>832884832884

Him pickpocketing the nurse as a newborn still cracks me up.

Well considering who's in line to inherit the leadership, I think it could be done.

>>832990832990

You need to read the Bad Apple Chronicles, Granny is an even greater evil than you know.

>>833484833484

The spacing issues come from a funny story. Well, less funny and more infuriating. As I was jamming on the story my writing computer(which is old and a bit bollixed up) had an issue that cause file corruption. I recovered all the letters and most of the formatting but there was a space between every letter. So I bit the bullet, removed every space and then manually went through to put back all the spaces. I thought I had fixed everything but it would appear I did not.

Yes, you are correct. I like to show little glimpses of what it was like before Bad Apple had Luna. It tickles me to throw in the little touches of foreshadowing. Like it was always inevitable that he would find somepony to give his life real meaning and allow him to fulfill that old adage: the best revenge is living well.

>>833722833722

The spacing in forgiven, but using the wrong too, that is unforgivable!

It's always nice to get Sheriff Bravestar's perspective on things. The only real racist in Appleloosa is his wife; There is peace in town and she's bitching about it. She's the type of person that would complain about sunsets, puppies, Vicodin and Krispy Kreme donuts.

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png

On a side note I always think Bravestar should be voice by actor Sam Elliot.  

Peace Out.

>>848057848057

Silverstar. Bravestarr was a seriously cheesy 80's cartoon show with some neat anthro characters.

And yes, it's true. His harridan of a wife mars his otehrwise beautiful town. How horrible that the only ugly thing in a beautiful place is the one who supposedly loves him. And now... he has to look long into the darkness and wonder if it's worth it to keep humoring her, when there is someone there who might ease his pain.

>>848375848375

Dude, BraveStar, Silverstar it all blends together. Of course, Bravestar was just He-Man with a western skin. Like FIM, Bravestar had a talking horse(Thirty-thirty) on that show as well that brought justice to the west albeit in the future on the space colony of Space-Austin. I know that Bravestar is available on Netflix instant.  

As for the second part of that concerning his wife there's an old saying, "it's cheaper to keep her." However in the simple solution would be for them to grow distant and have her fed up with Silverstar and leaves him. The long term consequences are that Silverstar finds a better life with Cactus with the exception of the monthly alimony check, which with a duel income between the two wouldn't hurt them financially.

>>848492848492

I doubt there would even be that.I like to imagine divorce is very kind to stallions in Equestria because it makes a good contrast with our world. Likely, he has no real plans for divorce because he's a country stallion. But the longer he knows there's a choice the more attractive it becomes.

sparkly in the.    sparkle

wants t be named.      to

Morton...damn you and your puns.

It's too bad you are ending this here, I have to wonder what Silverstar is going to do. Of course, you being you, it may come up again.

I hated that song the first time and it just gets worse.

>>849191849191

Which pun hurts you? And which song? The embedded one or the one they referenced?

I want to leave it open to interpretation. Like the end of Clop, Clop chapter one. There are certain indications of what my preferred ending is, but it's up to the reader what ends up happening.

>>849199849199

Morton sells salt, that's the one I'm talking about. The song is the one they cringe at, Pinkie's You Gotta Share.

I didn't really think that ending was ambiguous, shotgun wedding and all. As for this, open-ended is fine; I'm just a closure kind of guy.

>>849260849260

Well, as far as I know Morton is the fan name for the bartender so I went with that.

Shotgun wedding? I'd imagine Silverstar willingly married Cordelia then later found she was a raging racist harridan. If you mean to Cactus well, in my headcanon ponies can't accidentally impregnate buffalo. My own feeling is he divorces Cordelia after she figures out he's in love with Cactus.

>>850541850541

Morton is the big brand name of salt over here in the States.

By shotgun wedding I was referring to you referring to the first chapter of Clop, Clop. We two are aligned in the case of Silverstar, hence the 'this' in my previous comment, as opposed to 'that' when I was referring to the Clop, Clop chapter.

>>851560851560

Yes. I know. I am from The States (California to be exact; I'm not British but good diction and a large vocabulary gives that impression.) I know how the fanon name came about. I was just explaining why I used that and not my own name for him.

About Clop Clop... I like to think better of ponies than that. And I especially like to think it was all in Celestia's plan. That he would have married her anyhow (those are HIS foals and only some monster would abandon a mare stuffed to the giblets with his foals) and Celestia just sweetened his life by offering a bonus on top of what he would have gotten anyhow. Even "observation" thing keeps him and his wife safe from harm. Imagine trying to settle in Random McSmalltown with a Changeling wife.

I've always thought you were a Brit, weird. Your hours seemed consistent with that too. Anyway, that was the first time I had heard it. Same thing happened the first time I heard Stalliongrad.

The shotgun wedding was tongue-in-cheek, I was just trying to illustrate my point.

>>852983852983

Ahh, I see. The more I think about it (And the more I write on my longer, proper Changeling romance) the more I want to show what Ponyling babies look like. I have this rather "Man, nature is gross" idea that they are somewhat Marsupial-like in that Ponyling babies are born mostly-formed, curled up inside a clear, tough and rubbery egg attached to a yolk sac. And from there they grow a bit more, while yawning and moving and all sorts of other adorable baby things before they exhaust the yolk and tear their way out of the egg. Imagine a Changeling and pony walking down the street with a carriage, and when you look inside there are these two huge egg-things with little Ponylings inside kicking their hooves and curling up cutely.

>>853333853333

That is a freaky and interesting idea, I say run with it.

I figured out why I thought you were a Brit; word use. I grew up on British comedies and the way you write at times smacks of that style.

>>853860853860

I grew up on 70's Britcoms like Are you being served? and Blackadder. And lately I watch a lot of that on DVD, plus Top Gear and Gordon Ramsey on BBC America. And Mongrels on YouTube. And then there's the whole, big love for British Literature thing. So, I can see how that would creep into my writing.

>>854179854179

Mr. Humphreys forever!

I subsisted on the aforementioned along with Keeping Up Appearances, Waiting for God, and As Time Goes By.

As for literature, Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett can't lead you wrong.

>>854179854179

You're a Brit: Epic. Another fellow British brony.

>>23859752385975

I am Brit-light: I live in the States but I love a lot of British things, food included. Plus I read a lot of classic British literature. Hence why English Renaissance Luna seems to be in everything I write.