Interesting concept but feels very rushed. Instant acceptance and understanding after being thrown into another world has always been a fallpit for new writers.

....I see......... Very interesting. Where in the world did you get so many skeletons?

Really an interesting concept but you should try to flesh out what is happening a lot more.

Also the fact that he is instantly okay with being undead and that he has to eat other creatures to gain strength is not a very good start to this.

>>768598768598 He was in a graveyard.

>>768627768627 Agreed.

>>768627768627 Ah I see your point about him being ok with being undead. I plan on touching on that more in the future as for the whole him eating other creatures in order to gain strength 1. He only attacked the dragon after he saw that it was hostile. Remember it did blast the first skeleton for no reason 2. Humans eat other creatures all the time. The fact that the dragon is sentient doesn't really mater to him so much after he decided that it would be a danger to anything it ran into. I do appreciate you asking why though and I may go back and try to edit it the first chapter agean to make it feel less rushed and so that people don't think he went to Equestria and decided to just start eating all the creatures he could find. Thank you for the questions and for reading the story.

"with a self defense ple." I think it is spelled Plea

I will call interesting concept. But yea it would require a "quite mental" person to suddenly become okay with all this.

>>769197769197 In all honesty though, if you saw a skeleton "looking" (doesn't have eyes I'm guessing) at you. Could you honestly say you wouldn't try to kill it with fire? I know I sure would.

And ok with the graveyard. I s'pose that sorta works... But it would have to be a fairly big graveyard with how many skeletons he was calling. (It didn't give an exact number, but at the rate he was going it would have reached 100 easily.)

Interesting. I don't know about anyone else, but I'm looking forward to this story. ^^

I made some changes after seeing the replies. I hope this makes it a bit easier to read. Also if anyone would be willing I NEED a proofreader. Any input is much appreciated seeing as this is my first story and I want to do a good job with it.

>>769341769341 I agree it would easily be over a hundred but I think that most cemeteries of any size would cover this.

>>769571769571 Hmm.. I'll take your word for it. I'm not overly familiar with cemetaries.

Also, We would have to schedule everything ahead of time. And I don't work outside of gdox. And I can be a bit of a pain with how hard I ride the people whos stories I edit sometimes. But if you need an editor bad enough to consider me, then I'll be happy to give it a go. Just don't expect me to not point out things that bother me.

Image: http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTjxaOexWH7l80Ix_Fr0UnwHb70uLHR1Kej1_xbaHFTY8xFz62W8NnuGgOt

(I knew I would find a use for this someday)

>>769618769618 That sounds great. I actually did it all in Google docs originally then reformatted it for fimfiction because finfiction didn't like some of the formating..

>>769653769653 m'kay. Just send a link to the story you want me to edit to werewolf435@ymail.com (As I said... gdox only please. I used to not know what they were, but ever since I found out, I've been in love. =3)

Oh, and just to avoid confusion. When I say I'm going to "edit" your stories. I mean I'm going to go through and highlight any mistakes I find. Not that I'm going to fix them myself.

>>769670769670 Good.That is actually what I would prefer.

>>770329770329 Wow nice pic

>>770329770329its offical undead pony,s are epic

>>769197769197 please make a blawg post tagging this story when you have updated the first chapter, second thing I agree with him all suddenly ok and shit, third was dess the only friend he had, did he know she was a goddess, basicly did he know who she was and stuff.

>>780417780417 Basically Dess didn't show him her powers before and was watching to make sure he was the type of pawn she wanted. The whole being her boyfriend thing is something she decided on after getting to know him better. Most questions will be cleared up in time. This is only the first chapter. Also as for him not freaking out. I will touch on that later. Not sure about the blog thing. I'm not sure what it would entitle. I am new to fimfiction.

>>781205781205 its cool man just do your thing, you're one of the people i would say maybe in the top ten of this chess game stories

>>769197769197 the skeleton was walking around! Who WOULDN'T attack it?

It's a freaking SKELETON!!!!

>>782750782750 A Zombie?

>>782977782977 you clearly stated he summoned skeletons

>>784446784446 no I was joking about what wouldn't kill a skeleton not stating what it was. Sorry for any confusion that I may have unintentionally caused you.

Epic

Hug soft strangers!

:DHAHAHA

cap-ap-aptai-ai-n FLUFFY!!!

So. Funny!

>>954793954793 Thanks . I am glad your enjoying the story.

DEATH FILLY!

Nice way to present yourself to a new town.

>>955221955221 I was going to wait till tomorrow, but after seeing that comment, I just have to throw this on up there as well. Oh, wait, this probably won't make any sense, OK, new chapter time again.

P.S. You have no idea.

3! 3! 3! And, you are churning these out pretty quickly. Great job! You have made me happy, you get to live (for now).

>>955625955625 Yay, I made you happy, and I even get a extension on my life. As for churning the chapters out. I have no idea how that happened, none at all

Instead of Bruce Lee, I would suggest Chuck Norris. What do you think?

>>957975957975 I Chuck Norris is too powerful, if I channeled him it would be the end of the story.

>>958120958120 Yeah, you're right, it would be too OP.

Also, just to clarify, what I had said before wasn't a criticism of any type, it was just a comment.

>>958128958128 Yeah, I didn't think you were criticizing me. I agree starting a fight on the first day in a town, is a bad way to be known, but hey what can ya do when no takes you seriously, and you have barely controlled rage, at near everything, due to having a really, really bad dream?

>>958212958212 Yep, I think I see your point.

Reading this is so much fun....

>>10100031010003 Thanks, you have no idea how happy that makes me. Unless your reading my mind *puts on tin foil hat*. You have no idea how happy that makes me.

Oh.... this is gonna be good.

someone were the: where

the nose tackle: What?

kidding hu. I: What.

give, me:  comma seems misplaced.

the meal into magical energy I now had: what are you trying to say?

>>10129131012913

someone were the: where- probably, do you know about where the mistake is? It would help loads if you did.

a nose tackle a position in American football on the defensive side.

kidding hu. I: What. - not sure where the confusion is on that, I was trying to make him kind of sound like he was pondering the situation. I did add a comma there though

give, me:  comma seems misplaced.- Once again if you could tell me about where the mistake is I will try to fix it. I have already looked over it an missed it that is the only reason I ask this.

the meal into magical energy I now had: what are you trying to say? - I was saying that he turned some of the dragons physical flesh into magical energy, that he kept inside his body.

Also, thank you very much for taking the time to point these things out, I do appreciate it.

>>10130271013027

Use ctrl + f, type in the phrase, and it should get you there. I copied-pastaed it, it should work.

>>10138201013820 and fixed. Thanks for the help.

Hey, I have a doubt. I have been thinking about joining the Chess Game of the Gods group for some time, is it obligatory to post a story after joining?

Apart from that, good chapter.

>>10320861032086 Thanks, and no I don't think you have to post a chapter if you don't want to. I mean there are like 300 members if I remember correctly, and only perhaps thirty stories.

>>10321321032132  Well, okay. Thank you very much.

>>10321431032143 Not a prob.

OMG.... fear the diamond golem.

Foreshadowing, delicious foreshadowing

>>10355141035514 Glad you like .

Damnit. I already know what you are speaking of. Curse my extensive knowledge of all things plants. And plants in equestria.

ACK... A poison joke Golem!?!? The horror.... the horror....

When is this story going t start up again?

>>16422371642237 Sorry, I do not intend to continue with this story any further. I rushed into it a little to quickly and don't like where the story was going, so I am stopping it there.

But, it is fun to read don't stop

If you are unsattisfied you could always rewrite the story, won't be the first time I saw a story being rewritten, anyway. Keep up the good work

>>16452231645223 well the thing is it was going to be set up in someone elses universe, and i really would rather make another story and set it up how i like. Even though the story itself hasn't gotten to the point that it is all that well established in the universe it is stuck there in my mind, thus making it very hard for me to do anything with.

That's understandable, good luck on your future endeavors