I would have pre-read for you but I was probably sleeping :P

>>777658777658 I sent you the message right when you logged off.

i don't wanna sound like a dick,but i noticed some mistakes, not too many just two

par 3 first line should be you, not your

par 19 line 3 good not god

all in all its a good story, i feel like you've pulled references of of other braeburnxsorren fics like cloud 9 and parts where the clouds break off because of thinness

or maybe you just thought of that on your own and great minds do think alike

sooo yea good story

>>778840778840 Thank you for pointing out the mistake. Also I got the idea for Cloud 9 from another fix, but not the cloud part. Maybe I jut remember it in the back of my head but didn't realize it, who knows.

27, that is all.

what?

>>779950779950 Did you not see the "Crazy" part of my name.

Also, WHERE ARE MY BROWNIES!!!

i was talking about the 27 part

>>780276780276 27 is like my catchphrase in real life. Because I'm CRRRAAAZZZYYY

>>778480778480 lol sleepin disorder mate it's a bitch.

>>780536780536 I don't know about you but I wake up a 5:40 A.M. no matter what day it is.

>>780561780561 On an average day I wake up at about 3:00 am and sleep (if I can) at like 12:00pm. Weekends I still wake up at 3:00 but sleep any damn time I want. Tired as shit right now.

The scoundrel.

the point of view is awkward and confusing; am I, the reader, in the situation or is it your FC? It's written in the way that I think I'm the one in the situation when it's actually your FC. I would change it so instead of it being an awkward first person with the reader, it's a first person through your character's eyes.

http://home.mchsi.com/~webclass/dialoguerules.htm

also, the link above should help with paragraphs.

Sorry if I come off as a bit rude, but I see it as tough love; I do it because I see potential.

Moar chapters!

Are you doing this through votes? If so, I vote for option 3.

>>10516541051654 OMG YES! *Glomp and kiss*

I was about to make choice of number 2 but I got hit by realization that I haven't remember most of this story because it haven't updated in while.

After a reread, I choose option 2 (AT start) then gradually through the next chapter or two it shall become option 3. If that does make sense

You could probably throw in confrontation where Brae thinks Soarin' does like the main character, for fact if that is true or not is up to you :)

choice 4, he owes you some answers.

2

1

I vote to hang with soarin

1

Choice 3: Ask Soarin' for help with Braeburn

option 2