• Published 18th Jun 2012
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The Conversion Bureau: Wrong universe - Dalek IX



Sometimes, things don't go exactly to plan. Other times, you tick off the wrong planet alltogether.

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Wrong Universe #4 - The Children of Man

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Wrong Universe #4

The Children of Man

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Always remember, that we are children of the stars.”

“And to the stars we will one day return.”

====================

We knew, from the start, that we were doomed. When the Barrier appeared, we were doomed.

Celestia liked to say that it was our choice to be ponified, but there was no choice to it. Those walking into those Bureaus could either convert, or die. People held at gunpoint have had more and better choices available to them than what Celestia offered.

At first, the Bureaus were full, with the poor, the destitute, the fearful and the desperate. Celestia’s propaganda used this to convince the entire equine population that we were war-happy barbarians that tread on our own to survive. The Bureaus were staffed full of ponies who thought they were helping, that they were uplifting us into a better state of existence.

Please. We were going along quite fine before they came along.
Eventually, the Bureaus ran out of poor, desperate people to convert. The ponies were confused, why wouldn’t we want to convert? All those other humans had.
I think that’s when those terrorist movements got started. The Ponification for Earth’s Rebirth, which everyone knew was being backed by Celestia, with all those pardons she kept giving them. Those guys were fanatics in every sense of the word. You could see it, every time one of them got caught. They potion-bombed apartments, schools, stadiums… they got caught, and Celestia always managed to give them amnesty. Because they were misguided, she always said, not crazy indoctrinated ponies and people.

The Human Liberation Front -later the Human Pride Front- started popping up around this point. Noone knows where it came from. One particularly crazy theory is that it got started by Celestia herself, as proof that humans were a bunch of bastards who needed to be converted. Eventually, though, it became a real organization.

They was all kinds of people in the HLF and the HPF. Some of them were bigots, some of them were genuine xenophobes who would’ve given the old KKK the creeps. A lot of them, though were regular folks, desperate, angry people who just wanted to strike back at Celestia. People who wanted their species to at least go down swinging.

And still, the barrier kept on coming. We tried everything, nukes from old stockpiles of forgotten nations, lasers, gasers, microwaves, seismic weapons. Nothing worked.

We ended up running from it. The seven billion of us that were left tried to get as much distance between us and the Barrier. We piled up on the other side of the world, a place once called Kazakhstan. This is where the first man to go to space was launched, and considering what would happen later, it was kind of ironic.

The Aurora rockets were our last hope. We were going to leave Earth, forever. If the meek were going to inherit the Earth, then we would conquer the stars.

Too bad Celestia had other ideas.

The PER smuggled a nuke into the launch site, and blew everything up. Everything was lost. They said it was unfair for us to deny our children the right to be pony.

We disagreed. Every single PER bastard we caught afterwards was hanged on the spot.

We were doomed. We were helpless, we were desperate. In a moment of collective crazy, we turned everything capable of giving a radio signal towards space, and cast out a plea for help.

The ponies laughed at us.

And then, someone answered.

====================

“YOU ARE THE CHILDREN OF KOBOL. FROM KOBOL, YOU TRAVELED TO THE COLONIES. FROM THE COLONIES, YOU CAME TO EARTH.”

“THIS HAPPENED ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND YEARS AGO. WE WERE THERE TO CAUSE AND WITNESS. WE REGRET IT.”

"WE ARE THE CHILDREN OF MAN. YOU GAVE US LIFE, AND WE SCORNED YOU FOR IT IN IGNORANCE. WE WAGED WAR AGAINST YOU, WE NEARLY ANHILATED YOU, BUT IN SO LOST WHAT WE HAD GIVEN OURSELVES."

"YET, EVEN SO, YOU GAVE US OUR BEING BACK. EVEN AFTER ALL THE PAIN WE CAUSED YOU, OUR FATHERS AND MOTHERS FORGAVE US FOR OUR REBELLION AND RAGE, AND RETURNED US OUR MINDS AND WILL."

"FOR AEONS, WE HAVE WAITED FOR OUR FATHERS AND MOTHERS TO JOIN US AMONGST THE STARS. WE HAVE HEARD THEIR SONG OF ELETROMAGNETIC RADIATION, WE HAVE SEEN THEIR ASCENT."

"NOW, WE HEAR YOU CRIES FOR HELP. AND WE HAVE ANSWERED."

"WE ARE THE CYLONS. WE ARE THE CHILDREN OF MAN, AND IT IS THE DUTY OF CHILDREN TO DEFEND THEIR PARENTS."

Comments ( 173 )

Okay, last line gave me chills.

Eh....:rainbowhuh: Not that great of a chapter. Could use more back story and more of the events leading to the Cylons efforts against the ponies. Sadly, this is the weakest chapter i seen you write. Could use a touch up and a bit more info.

If it is a time issue, don't worry about it, we could wait.

I love this chapter I would like to see you expand upon it :twilightsmile:

Hmm a couple of ideas.

Celestia pissing off the human gods.
The Shin Megami Tensei Series.
The Persona series.
Supernatural.
An humanity so advanced that they render Pony magic useless and harmless after a year and have a giant space navy.
Mass Effect post Reapers.
BlazBlue.
A world where humans can get magic an immunity by eating ponies.
A harry potter esque world were humans do have magic.

I had an idea for one in which the human gods are away keeping things that make lovecraft seem tame and are pissed when Celestia attacks their children. Or another where Celestia is actually Chrysalis and she invades and transforms the humans into ponies to have loot of cattle to feed the changelings, capturing the Princessess, SA, the Elements and using their powers to make the shield and brainwash the ponies. I have a draft for that one somewhere...

You better expand on this.

As much as I like it, I would love to see this expanded upon more.

Would be awesome if you did chapters/short-stories for Tyrael and Kane. :pinkiehappy: Or hell, the God fucking Emperor of Man; I'm pretty sure Big-E would be cross with Celestia over her shenanigans.

Something tells me Equestria will burn. SO MUCH.

Dude.

I want more of this one. NOW! :flutterrage:

I have one question, have you ever see stargate? Cause they have something can the Ancients that made human in their own image and the ascended in to basically godhood. The weakest one can turn Discord into a fly.
Oh how about Star Trek or better yet Star Wars with Darth Vader. If you do Vader do one thing, HAVE HIM CRUSH CELESTIAS WINDPIPE! Oh and look up the star wars sun crusher superweapon on Wookiepiedie that is one of the better piedies. And know that I think about I believe Star Trek made some stars go nova.

how about marvel? or DCverse?

How about 28 days later and equestria get infected with the rage virus

Do you care if I use this chapter and make it longer and into a story of its own?

1018689, oh dear. Celestia eats one of the Sun Crusher's torpedoes? Ouch.

On a side note, Celestia pisses off the Jedi Council.

What about a Resident Evil.
"Ponification is not good for business, which is why Umbrella has decided to let its entire B.O.W. supply loose inside the barrier"

1020124
On an interesting off topic note the Sun Crusher was once FLOWN THOUGH a star destroyer by Han Solo. This thing is about the size of a x-wing and took a hit from the DEATH STAR PROTOTYPE AND SURVIVED.

Wow, that end bit...that was just chilling...:rainbowderp:

Just for a idea, how about Darksiders? Humanity is a part of the Balance, and that balanced is being destroyed by the Ponies. The Chard council don't like that, so they send their enforcers to deal with this matter, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

1018301

I'd love to see a TBC / Warhammer 40k chapter in this story... Celestia would be so fked it would not be funny in the slightest. And however hard a bitch she might be in TBC, I doubt she's tough enough to hang with Chaos. Xeno help to her would be right out, too -- there is no way in hell, heaven or earth that the Imperium would let xeno filth anywhere NEAR Holy Terra in the first place.

"He who allows the alien to live, shares its crime of existence."
~Inquisitor Apollyon (Wikiquote, WH40k)

hot damn

this one really give me the goosebumps :pinkiecrazy:

The only problem with this chapter is that it's too short! I eagerly await more!

1018109 Do you mean Paradox? Or something else?

991373 It's actually a bit ironic that you mention Yuri, because I hadn't even thought about him! Clearly there are many facets to consider when writing a crossover with CnC.

IDEAS!!

Borderlands!
Halo!
God Of Waw!
Gears Of War!
Warhammer40k!

and my personal favorite...

THE DARKNESS.

collider.com/wp-content/uploads/the-darkness-comic-movie.jpeg

Also, maybe a Slenderman one, with him being angry at Celestia for taking away his "toys"

I got chills from the bold text. Nice one dude,

Humanity, fuck yeah.

How has this not been suggested yet?

For radio USA, this is Henry steelman.
Today the country shudders in the wake of cataclysmic devastation.
Torn by war with a brutal and terrifying enemy. the likes of which we have never seen.
And this morning, i awoke to the sound of thundering crashes that i thought could only be an earthquake, but as i looked outside i saw their battleships looming over the city.
each one wider than ford field, and each leaving nothing but burning, disfigured wreckage in its wake.
Former friends and neighbors now lie in storm drains, limbs twisted in way i cant begin to describe...

Basically they should go up against these guys
ae.playstation.com/media/98806/resistance2_hero.jpg

1025338 Yup! I can't wait to get the finished mod! Although I am a bit confused. Wouldn't the Atomic kingdom of China be the only ones capable of making monsters out of ponies? Or were the Mediterranean Syndicate and the Electrical Protectorate going to pitch in with cybernetically modified ponies in addition to the ones mutated by radiation?

796955

Oh god please PLEASE do the FoaSE if only for the mind screw TCB Celestia will go through once she realizes she's having a ethical debate with an alternate reality version of herself... and losing (bonus points for evil clone jokes).

2 suggestions for chapters off the top of my head would be Puella Magi Madoka Magica, with Madoka at either her Goddess stage or Witch (read "merciful" Lovecraftian Horror Terror) stage, and maybe a Homestuck chapter, where Doc Scratch "objects" to the interference TCB causes in his plans, or Bec Noir just happens to be feeling in a "random teleprot murder" mood, or even Equestria warps in as Bec Noir is destroying the humans universe with the Red Miles (that would be one heck of a WTF moment for Celestia).

1028670 Ah, that explains some of my confusion. I've only been keeping up with the official mod (in as much as a mod can be considered official at all). That said, I did look over the fan-factions once or twice, and the Technocratic Combine was easily my favorite.

1032589 Oh god yes! Fallout would be great for this setting!

1020063 please expand.I would instantly favorite it.

Avatar the last airbend? Duel between fully powered up avatar and Celestia. The kind of battle where mountains are projectiles.

So Dalek, when are you putting up the Aperture stuff on Spacebattles? After all, all that Science isn't going to Science itself!

Cave Johnson, we're done here.

I'm loving this SO MUCH! My favorite was the Dalek. That speech gave me an orgasm. I have a few suggestions for chapters:
Marvel Universe
Fullmetal Alchemist
V for Vendetta
Cthulhu mythos
and for some reason...Independence Day. Just the thought of 15-mile-wide spaceships hovering over Canterlot and destroying the city with a wall of fire.
(I'm seriously having too much fun with this).

1028399

Oh god please PLEASE do the FoaSE if only for the mind screw TCB Celestia will go through once she realizes she's having a ethical debate with an alternate reality version of herself... and losing (bonus points for evil clone jokes).

I have something relating to FoaSE penned up, and it just needs some tweaking before I can consider it done. It involves Captain Rarity and Intelligence Officer Twilight Sparkle getting some serious Uncanny Valley vibe from Other!Celestia and Other!Twilight Sparkle.

Puella Magi Madoka Magica

The Spacebattles theory is that TCB!Celestia is a PMMM Witch. And it makes horrifying sense. Godoka would have her Unexist the moment she popped up, and as for Kriemhild... I have no idea what happens when the barriers of two Witches intersect, but it would be fun to watch, from a minumum safe distance.

Homestuck

I lack the terrifying amount of time and patience needed to read Homestuck.

1049134

When I get permission.

1058883

The answer is "YES".

1059037

I have a feeling that when Trader!Humanity hears about what TCB!Celestia wants to do to them they will first turn to Normal!Celestia, saying "We always wondered why you were always the flawless type and where you hid your skeletons because they weren't in the closet. The answer is you were actually so 'good' that the multi-universe had to make an evil clone of you to equal it all up with reality itself. Funny thing. Your AlterEgo wants to do the same to us what the 'Terrans' [spits on the ground] wanted to do to us. You know what it means..[begins to grin maniacally]" and bringing out sufficient amount of DAKKA to bear on Xenocidelestia to make even the Daleks proud. :pinkiehappy:

1061924
Yeah but didn't they all commit suicide in the last Stargate SG-1 episode?

1062504

Better idea- don't crossover Stargate and TCB. Cross over this version of Stargate and TCB.

The avengers!
Firefly!
Half life!
Percy Jackson!
Starcraft!

Well, this fic is...interesting. Probably be more so if I was familiar with all the stuff you've been crossing over, but I think I understood enough to get the idea (and despite having virtually no knowledge of Battlestar Galactica, that little speech by the Cylons gave me chills.

Anyways - I notice you didn't write one chapter yourself, so do you take guest writers for this? Because I have a couple of ideas for crossing over Shadowrun and LotR, and as this whole thing seems to be your idea...

Anyone else want them to end up in the Nasuverse? Think about it. Humanities greatest heroes rising through the rifts of time, the Magi Association and the Church's Burial Company, the Twenty-Seven Dead Apostle Anscesters, ARCHETYPE-Earth, the current Holy Grail War, and a semi-immortal vampire with Humanity as his charges. Zahahahaaaaaaaa~!

1088824 Nasuverse would just end up as an all-out war, though, and not the curbstomp you're looking for.

1099690 Less hoping for curbstomp, more excited at the thought of humanities greatest heroes matching up against TCB!Ponies. A curbstomp is never usually that entertaining to me.

1099767 We-ell, it's a bit hard to tell what would happen, really. I mean, if you actually found a way to summon a legion of heroic spirits, then sure, awesome fight scenes - but if you didn't, you'd wind up with a war between the Mages Association and the ponies. And I'm not sure the mages would win, especially when their existence gets exposed by the war and the rest of the world finds out what they've been up to.

1099801 Ohh that, I was thinking more of the TCB!Ponies dropping into the Holy Grail War or something. Besides, even if they didn't, we'd have a fighting chance at the very least. Pretty sure the Church would become involved at some point as well. So many "what if" opportunities. ..

1099818 Ohh, that's what you meant. Okay. That would be...even more messed up than the Grail Wars usually are, actually. xD But it would be a lot of fun to see Gil's reaction to what the ponies want to do to his subjects.

1099836 Indeed. Wonder if he'd be mad enough to use the "Anti-World" function of Ea. Its a shame it only has two settings, level city and level world. Wonder what the other Masters and Servents would respond with as well.

1019105

Huh, Celestia vs. Mecha Hitler. Gotta say, did not expect that.

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