1. Published 18th Jun 2012
  2. 13,990 Views, 366 Comments

The Conversion Bureau: Wrong universe - Dalek IX


Sometimes, things don't go exactly to plan. Other times, you tick off the wrong planet alltogether.

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Before I start, I'd like to point out that this particular version of Dalek Sec stems from one of my other fics, called A Hero. If you like Daleks and magical girls, go and read that.

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Wrong universe #4

Deus Ex Dalek

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"WHAT IS YO-UR PUR-POSE HERE? EX-PLAIN!"

Twilight Sparkle winced at the volume emitted by the creature. It's voice, a terrible electronic stacatto scream, seemed to bypass her ears entirely. The owner of said voice was a tall, pepperpot shaped thing, colored a glossy black. At the bottom was an angular metal skirt, studded with spheres. On top was the midsection, protected by thickly armored panels and sporting the most curious pair of appendages; an egg whisk and a plunger. A grilled neck, protected by a thick cage, supported a dome, which was adorned with a pair of lights that evoked ears. A glowing blue eye, stuck to the end of a metal stalk, looked at her, unblinking.

They were in an abandoned warehouse, dark and gloomy, the air damp. A plethora of electronic and scientific equipment filled most of the space, beeping a constant electronic heartbeat.

Twilight Sparkle coughed once, and spoke.

"I am Twilight Sparkle, and I am here on behalf of Her Majesty the Princess of Equestria, to extend an offer of friendship towards you, mister..."

"SEC." the creature screeched, the lights on its dome lighting up with each sylable. "DA-LEK SUP-PREME SEC."

"Sec." the unicorn mulled over the name, "That's an interesting name."

"AS SAID BY THE SA-PI-ENT HER-BI-VORE OF IM-PRO-BA-BLE CO-LO-RA-TION." Sec deadpanned.

Twilight giggled. "Well, if you put it that way-"

"YOU HAVE FAILED TO EX-PLAIN YOUR PUR-POSE HERE." Sec bluntly interrupted her.

Twilight Sparkle was taken aback. How rude! she thought.

"I already told you,"she explained "I'm here to offer Her Majesty's friendship."

There was pointed silence from the other alien.

"An, um..." she racked her mind for the words she had learned when dealing with the human's doplomatic nonesense. "An Alliance?"

"WHAT IS THE PUR-POSE OF THIS AL-LI-ANCE?" Sec asked. Twilight couldn't tell if it sounded interested or not.

"To help us." Twilight told him, "As you know, humans are brutishly bloodthirsty, cruel, angry, petty, spiteful and warlike ugly savages. They create awful technology that kills the very world around them and spend their days making weapons for war. And it breaks the heart of every pony in Equestria to see them flounder, limited by their very nature and unable to get out of this cycle of war an loathing that the'ver made. That's why Her Majesty created the Barrier and we created the Conversion Bureaus, so that they may be turned into ponies and their minds be filled with happy thoughts and love, uplifting them from their base state into the perfection crafted by the godesses!"

"So, what do you say?"

The Dalek seemed to think for a moment, before speaking.

"RE-QUEST DE-NIED." it said.

Twilight Sparkle blinked in surprise, not sure if she had heard properly. "What?" she finally blurted out.

"I SAID "RE-QUEST DE-NIED". ARE YOU IN-CA-PA-BLE OF PRO-CES-SING STATE-MENTS?" Sec said, his voice growing slightly louder. "I HAVE DONE RE-SEARCH IN-TO E-QUES-TRIA AND ITS CON-VER-SION BU-REAUS, AND THE BEINGS YOU WOR-SHIP AS GODS. THEY DIS-GUST ME." he spat, "YOU DIS-GUST ME, A CREA-TURE WHO BE-LIEVES IT-SELF SU-PE-RIOR TO O-THERS, WHE-N IT HAS NOT DO-NE A-NY-THING TO WIN THIS CLA-IM."

"I-" she started to say, when a blast of light from Sec's whisk-like Gunstick made her scream in pain, and left her writhing on the floor.

"EX-CRU-CI-ATE." Sec said, and continued to speak, "HU-MANS ARE THE SU-PREME SPE-CIES ON THE-IR PLA-NET BE-CAUSE THEY DID E-VE-RY-THING IN THEIR POW-ER TO EARN THEIR PLACE. THEY HAVE FOUGHT DI-SEA-SES, PRE-DA-TORS, THE WEA-THER AND THEM-SELVES, AND THEY BE-CAME STRON-GER FOR IT. ON A WORLD WHERE E-VERY-THING WAS SET TO EX-TER-MI-NATE THEM, THEY TRI-UMPH-ED. THE AN-CES-TORS OF ONE HU-MAN A-LONE HA-VE DO-NE MORE THAN ALL OF E-QUES-TRIA COM-BINED. THEY ARE A SPE-CI-ES WOR-THY OF SUR-VI-VAL, AND OF CLAIM-ING THE STA-RS."

He advanced on her and picked her up from the ground with his plunger, the rubbery appendage grasping her by the neck. "YOU!" he spat, his voice filled with a hate she couldn't comprehend, a hate that literaly knew no bounds. "YOU HAVE DONE NONE OF THOSE THINGS! YOU NE-VER HAD TO FIGHT FOR YOUR OWN SUR-VI-VAL, YOU NE-VER HAD TO WATCH ALL YOU HA-VE BUI-LT BE DES-TROY-ED BY DIS-AS-TER, YOU NE-VER HAD TO COM-PETE FOR RE-SOUR-CES. YOU HA-VE BE-EN COD-DLED BY BE-INGS THAT YOUR KIND CON-SI-DER DEI-TIES, AND IT HA-S MA-DE YOU WEAK!" he tightened his grip on the unicorn's neck, making her struggle for air, "YOU ARE LIT-TLE MORE THAN A SLAVE, A MIND-LESS DRONE SE-NT TO EX-E-CUTE ITS MAS-TER'S COMMAND. AN OB-SO-LETE PA-RA-SITE THAT NA-TURE SHOULD HAVE EX-TER-MI-NAT-ED LONG AGO, NO-THING MORE! YOU ARE AN IN-FE-RIOR BEING, AND HAVE NO RIGHT TO JUDGE A-NY-THING!!"

He threw the pony like a ragdoll, and she landed painfully on the cold concrete floor. With great difficulty, she got to her hooves.

"You..." she said, her voice weak, "This... What you have done is an act of war!"

"WAR!?" Sec screeched, mocking, "THIS IS NOT WAR, THIS IS NOT E-VEN PE-ST CON-TROL!!"

"Oh really?" the pony stood, defiant, her horn cackling with power, "The Princesses would have you in stone in an instant!"

"I COULD DES-TROY THE A-LI-CORNS FROM WHE-RE I STAND. OB-SERVE! AC-TI-VA-TE ROOF ME-CHA-NI-SM!!"

The entire warehouse seemed to come alive at his screaming voice. The machinery whined and whirred around them, and the air became filled with the sound of cooling fans and the hum of electricity. The roof groaned, shook, and then opened, hissing hydraulic pistons pushing it open, allowing something at the center of the mad collection of machines to stand.

It was a tall telescoping steel tower, with a turreted retro-styled raygun at its tip. The whole contraption cackled with barely constrained energy, blue and purple lightning dancing along its various surfaces.

"BE-HOLD THE THAUM-IC DES-TROY-ER!! THE DOOM OF YOUR WO-RLD!! AS-SU-MING DI-RECT CON-TROL!!"

The turret swiveled to aim at the Barrier, visible from where they were. It covered the entire eastern horizon, a wall of light, deadly to all things of this world. Twilight's eyes went from it, to the insane contraption that the Dalek intended to use against it.

It was like comparing an ant with an elephant. For a moment, she felt pity for this poor, misguided being.

"CA-PA-CI-TA-TORS CHARGED, TAR-GET LOCKED, THAUM-IC RE-SO-NAN-CE AT TO-TAL SYN-CHRO-NI-ZA-TION!!" the Dalek screeched, over the din of the machinery around them. "O-PEN FI-RE!! O-PEN FI-RE!! O-PEN FI-RE!!!"

Eldritch energy, which seemed to suck the very light around it, gathered on the tip of the machine, and let fly.

It struck the Barrier, and made it crack.

Twilight could only watch in horror as enormous cracks spread throught the Barrier, which had withstood humanity's greatest and most terrible weapons without so much as a dent.

The cracks spiderwebed across the entire surface of the dome, growing in size and depth. In Canterlot, Princess Celestia staggered, gasping in pain and surprise.

For a tenuous moment, the barrier held its shape, before shattering, a collosal explosion signifying its demise. All across Earth and Equestria, ponies heard the pained, terrible cry of their dying goddess, and Canterlot was consumed in light as she lost all semblance of a physical form.

Twilight Sparkle colapsed, nearly catatonic, shivering and sobbing with grief, her eyes filled with tears. Any man would have been moved into comforting her.

Dalek Sec wasn't.

He stared at her, impassive.

"I COULD EX-TER-MI-NATE ALL OF E-QUES-TRIA BY MY-SELF." he said, without even a hint of a boast in his voice, as if he were stating a fact obtained from a book, "HOW-E-VER, THIS WILL BE THE END OF MY D-IRECT IN-VOLVE-MENT."

"YOU HAVE THREE CHOI-CES NOW, E-QUINE." he said, picking her up and bringing towards the carrige waitning outside. The pegasi that pulled it were roused from their despairing state by a gunstick blast passing in front of their muzzles, and Sec unceremoniously dumped her on the carrige's seat. "YOU CAN RE-TURN TO CAN-TER-LOT, MAKE WHAT-EV-ER LEAD-ER-SHIP RE-MAINS SUR-REN-DER TO THE HU-MANS, BE AS-SI-MI-LA-TED IN-TO THE-IR CUL-TURE, AND BE-COME A MERE SUB-SER-VIENT MI-NO-RI-TY UN-TIL IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO BE-COME O-THER-WISE. YOU CAN CON-TI-NUE YOUR PO-LI-CIES, BE EX-TER-MI-NA-TED BY THER-MO-NU-CLEAR FI-RE, AND BECOME NOTHING BUT A ME-MO-RY. OR, YOU CAN ALL STAND THERE, AND DIE OF WHAT-E-VER PSY-CHO-LO-GI-CAL E-VENT IS OC-CUR-ING IN YOUR MI-ND."

"THE CHOICE IS YOURS, AND IT IS MORE THAN WHAT YOU DE-SERVE."

Another near-miss of the gunstick frightened the dazed pegasi hitched to the carrige into flying off, into the distance. Sec tracked them with the eyestalk's zoom, untill they suddenly changed direction towards where the Barrier once was.

Sec checked his data sources, and was pleased when he saw that every army of the world was mobilizing every single unit they could muster and directing them towards Equestria. The way he saw it, the ponies would have to capitulate to what could be the harshest terms of surrender in human history (Dalek history being an entirely different matter), but they would live.

Assuming they chose to surrender, of course. Sec knew that he wouldn't, but then again, he wouldn't have allowed this sort of situation to happen to him in the first place. He sorely wished that he had the time to go there and Exterminate them all, in his mind, they were quite unworthy of existance. But, sadly, he was too busy and it was the humans who would end up deciding their fate.

And humanity could be very forgiving.