Teddy Valiant is on the case
The phone rang, knocking me out of my reminiscing and right back into the real world. I set my drink—Scotch and water—on my desk blotter and reached over to the old-fashioned landline telephone, picking up the receiver and cradling it between my ear and shoulder.
"Valiant and Valiant Detective Agency," I said. "You've got Ted, here."
"Hey, Teddy. You got your son working with you now?" asked the voice on the line, a voice I recognized.
"Hey, Jerry. Nah, he's still on the force. Kid needs a couple of years of experience before he's ready for the private eye gig."
"Oh..." he says slowly. "I figured, what with the name and all... I mean, if it's just you, wouldn't it only be one 'Valiant'?"
Tactful as always. "It's tradition, Jer," I said, picking my drink back up, rolling it around the bottom of the chipped glass tumbler. "Gotta have that name recognition."
"I suppose," Jerry said. There was a pause in the conversation, just long enough for me to gulp down the rest of my drink, giving me a pleasant burn in my gut. "I was real sorry to hear about your old man. Eddie was a good guy."
Not sorry enough to show up at the wake. Not even sorry enough to send flowers or a card, the skinflint. It stung a bit, but not as much as it might have at one time. "He was one of a kind," I agreed, wishing I had more Scotch and glad that I didn't. Dad had never allowed booze in the office when he was alive. I only ever drank it for one reason. "Today's the anniversary, actually. He passed two years ago, today."
"Oh, damn," Jerry said, sounding sincere enough. "Is this a bad time? I can call back... Well, actually, I can't. We really need you, Teddy."
"It's okay, Jerry. If I'm in the office, I'm working. What's up?"
"Well, we need you to find someone. One of our biggest stars has gone missing. No note, no ransom, nothing. Just here one day, gone the next."
"Damn," I said. "Who is it?"
"She's a Toon," Jerry said. "I don't know if you've heard of her. Her name is Twilight Sparkle."
~~*~~
The Hasbro lot was, relatively speaking, one of the newer lots on Hollywood. They'd contracted with Sunbow back in the 80's, making the type of cartoons that were designed to sell toys and employed a hell of a lot of Toons. Most of those Toons were out of work now, their shows long-gone and their toys piled up in landfills somewhere.
A few years ago, Hasbro got back into the game in a big way, introducing some new shows while revamping a few old ones. They had plenty of competition at the time. Old players like Warner Brothers, Disney, Maroon and Hanna-Barbara, and a few new upstarts like Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network. I didn't expect them to even last a year, but they surprised me. Hell, they surprised everyone.
The major cartoon studios were all clumped into the same few square miles, as close as possible to Toontown. For a cartoon studio in Los Angeles, proximity to Toontown was a sign of prestige. The general area was called Littletoon, short for "Little Toontown", by the locals. Not quite Toontown, not quite Los Angeles, but some sort of weird hybrid. I'd never admit it, but I kinda liked the place, warts and all.
There was no definite line to cross when you came into Littletoon. You'd just be driving along and suddenly you would see a Toon, then another, and eventually a small group of them. Then, suddenly, there are Toons everywhere. Toons walking down the street, Toons going in and out of stores, Toons with looks of desperation on their faces while holding up cardboard signs with "Will recite catch-phrase for simoleons" written in black Sharpie.
There's nothing sadder than an out-of-work Toon. The pure animals and the more human-looking ones could usually find work as extras in other cartoons, usually with just a little cosmetic touch-up. Most of the rest of 'em wised up eventually, giving up on dreams of fame and fortune to move back to Toontown. A few held on to dreams of being re-discovered or their shows being rebooted for a new audience. Hell, it worked for Lion-O and company, so who am I to tell 'em they're wrong?
I pulled up to the Hasbro security gate in my dented-up Camry. The car in front of me got waved through the gate and immediately transformed into a hulking robot on the other side, stalking away towards one of the studios. Transformers were damned lucky Toons, having steady work for most of the last thirty years or so. Some of them even got a CGI-makover for a couple of films which I didn't bother seeing.
Jerry's office was in a small block near studio B. It was tight, cramped and cluttered, and it lacked air-conditioning. It was the exact opposite of what you'd expect when you saw "Associate Producer" on the outside of the door, provided you'd never been inside a movie studio before. I knocked and opened the door when invited inside.
"Teddy!" Jerry said, getting up out of a rickety wooden chair that was older than him. "Oh, thank God you came!"
"Couldn't turn down a friend. Or a friend's money," I said, shaking the hand he proffered. Not many people called me "Teddy", at least not after Dad died. Jerry had earned the right to do so ten years back, when he'd gotten between me and a sauced-up and freshly unemployed Binky the Clown. Anyone who takes a pie in the face for me gets to use my nickname. "So, what's the background with this Twilight Sparkle character?"
"She's the star of our biggest show," Jerry said as he sat back down, his chair squeaking in protest. He slid a drawer open and pulled out a bottle of bourbon, jiggling it at me with a questioning look on his face. I pursed my lips and shook my head. Shrugging, he poured himself a fifth and downed it, giving a little shudder as the liquor burned its way down. "My Little Pony. Heard of it?"
"The little girl's show? I didn't think those types got much of an audience."
"Most don't. This one's different. A demographic-buster, pure gold. The type of show that gets the bigwigs drooling. Audience is all over the place." He grimaced. "That and Transformers is all that's keeping the studio afloat right now. More the ponies than the Transformers, if I'm honest."
I whistled in appreciation. "Dang. I can see why you're upset."
"Yeah..." Jerry sighed and pushed his hand through the thinning hair on top of his head. "We're on hiatus right now, but we don't have long before we start filming again. We need her back. Fans hate delays."
"Any clues what might have happened to her?"
"No. Like I said, no note, no ransom demands, nothing. Her trailer is just like it always is, and even her friends don't know where she's gone."
I rubbed my chin, grimacing at the stubble. I should have shaved that morning. "Anyone been in the trailer since she's gone missing?"
"Some staff. Her friends."
That was unwelcome news, though not surprising. Hopefully any evidence hadn't been too badly obscured by all the traffic. "Police been around?"
"Yeah, though the studio heads were against calling them. Didn't want any negative publicity. She's only been gone two days, though, and you know how cops are about missing Toon reports. Said they'd get out to us 'eventually'."
I shook my head and sighed. Common knowledge was that nothing could really hurt a Toon, so police usually assumed that, when one went missing, they were probably just somewhere in Toontown. At best, Toontown PD had received a note about the disappearance. Usually, they didn't even bother with the note.
Common knowledge was wrong, of course. There were ways to hurt a Toon. But Dad did his best to make sure the recipe for Dip died along with its creator, Judge Doom. Which meant that Twilight Sparkle was going to be okay. Probably.
"I'd like to see her trailer," I said. "I'd also like to interview her co-stars, and maybe some of the production staff."
"You got it," Jerry replied. He poured himself another drink and slammed it back. "Anything you need. Just find our missing pony."
~~*~~
It turned out that most of Twilight's friends were ponies, with one juvenile dragon thrown into the mix. I spoke with them all one at a time, and I have to say, I was surprised by what I discovered.
Most people, when they think of cartoon production, think that the Toons are pretty much like what they see on the screen. And, for the most part, they're right. Toons tend to play themselves, with very little acting required. But that doesn't stop them from having darker sides to their personality, a fact I discovered the hard way back during the Darla Dimple incident. Arrogance and diva complexes are just as big a problem for top-billing Toons as it is for human actors. So, one of my first thoughts before talking to Twilight's co-stars was that one of them had done something to remove the top-billed actress from the show in order to move up a space.
By the time I got done talking to all six of them, I knew that thought was wrong. I spoke to each of them individually, and all of them seemed genuinely concerned for their missing friend. I was pretty sure they weren't pretending. Toons aren't usually that good at lying.
Unfortunately, none of them had any idea what might have happened to their friend. No new boyfriends, no weird stalkers, nothing. With no leads from the friends, I turned to my next lead: her trailer.
You can tell a lot about a person by looking at the environment where they live. My first impression of Twilight's living space was simply books. Books in shelves, books on every flat surface, books piled up on the floor. Books stuffed under the bed and strewn across the top of it. Apparently, our missing actress had a thing for reading. I pulled on a pair of rubber gloves and got to work.
The trash can turned up with nothing worthwhile. The small writing desk had a stack of papers and a case that contained a stoppered inkwell and a set of quills, and not much else. No notes taped up anywhere, no receipts that might have indicated where she'd been. Her mini-fridge was empty, as was her cupboard, and her bathroom was completely empty except for a couple of purple feathers about as long as my hand.
So, nothing obvious. Which meant I'd have to do this the hard way and look for something a little less obvious. With a sigh, I took out my notepad and began listing the names of all the books scattered around, along with the location where I found them.
It was while I was moving one book, an atlas of the state of California, that I had my first break. One corner of a photograph was peeking out of the pages of the book, apparently placed there as an improvised bookmark. The photo showed Twilight Sparkle, grinning hugely at the camera while surrounded by her friends, the other Toon ponies crowded around her and smiling while the little purple-and-green dragon mugged at the camera from on top of Twilight's back.
I stared at the photo for a while with the feeling that something was wrong, but it took a good minute before I could place it. The Twilight in the photo was smaller than the photo I'd been provided. More importantly, she was missing her wings. At some point in the past, Twilight Sparkle had been re-drawn. And not just a minor update, either.
Growling under my breath, I made a mental note to chew out Jerry for not mentioning that little fact.
I remembered that empty bathroom. No shampoos, no brushes, no nothing, which had seemed a little weird at the time. I had figured maybe female pony Toons were different than females of other types. Now I figured that I'd figured wrong. The atlas page that the photo had bookmarked was detailing a little town called Tranquility, roughly halfway between L.A and San Francisco. I snapped a pic of the page with my phone and went back to my car.
~~*~~
Tranquility, according to a quick Google search, was a small town off the beaten path, close enough to Fresno that driving there wouldn't take too long, but far enough away that you'd get relative peace and quiet. There were a few bed and breakfasts, one three-star and one four-star hotel, and a few restaurants. A nice place to go if you wanted to get away from it all for a little while.
I found Twilight Sparkle sitting alone on a wooden bench in a park. She was wearing a sort of dull brown cape thing that did a good job of obscuring her body and a lousy job of hiding the fact that she wasn't human. A floppy straw hat and oversized sunglasses completed the look of someone who was trying to keep a low profile but had no idea how to pull it off. She stiffened up when I sat down on the bench next to her.
"Hi, Twilight Sparkle," I said. "My name is Ted Valiant."
She looked over at me, drawing her head back. For a few seconds, she just stared. When she spoke, it was with quiet resignation. "Ted Valiant? Of Valiant and Valiant detectives?"
"That's me," I said.
She sighed, her whole body sagging. "I guess you've come to take me back."
"Technically, I was just contracted to find you," I said. "Though, taking you back home is implied."
"I've heard of your father," she said. "Eddie Valiant? I always heard he was a Toon's greatest ally in the human world."
"Yeah. I grew up with more Toon aunts and uncles than I could count," I said. "I had a pretty interesting childhood."
She chuckled at that, then looked away, chewing her lower lip as she stared out across the park again.
"Something bugging you?" I asked, though I already had a good idea of what it was.
She didn't say anything for a while, and then it all spilled out of her in a rush. "I'm just a librarian, you know? It's how I was drawn. A librarian and a student."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. I love books. Always have. All I ever wanted to do was to read and learn. Well, that and hang out with my friends, now that I have some." She sighed again. "I never really asked for all of this."
"All of what?"
"This!" Her wings flared out from underneath her cloak. "I'm famous, now. I'm on one of the most popular TV shows currently on the air. I get fan letters, can you believe it? People write fanfiction about me. It's crazy! And it's more than I ever wanted. I mean, I'm happy most of the time, but..."
She trailed off, and I finished for her. "But it's more than you can handle, sometimes."
Another sigh. "Yeah. I just... I had to get away. Just for a bit. Clear my head, you know?"
I nodded. "I think I get it."
"Do you?" she asked. "I mean... I was never meant to be more than a bookworm. An awkward egghead, learning about friendship. And now, they decided to make me a princess. Didn't even ask, just 'hello, you're a princess now, here are some wings and a tiara!'" She glowered at the appendages. "Don't get me wrong. I like flying, but..."
"But they had to re-draw you to do it," I said.
She shuddered. "Yeah."
"That had to suck."
Twilight grimaced and shook her head. "I didn't have to let them. I could have just quit the job, I guess. But I was worried I wouldn't see my friends anymore if I left the show. And it shouldn't be that big of a deal. I mean, Toons get re-drawn all the time. Have you ever seen how different Mickey Mouse looked when he first hit the screens?"
"Cosmetic changes," I pointed out. "Aesthetic updates. Compared to getting new appendages and basically changing your species. Totally different thing."
"Yeah... I guess it all just hit me harder than I expected."
I waited for a while, staring out at the park. It was a nice place. Birds were singing, and kids were laughing somewhere in the distance, far enough away to recall pleasant days of yesteryear but not close enough to be annoying. The sun was shining hot overhead, but there was a nice, light breeze that kept us cool. I could see how someone would come to a place like this to relax.
"Do you know who Betty Boop is?" I asked eventually.
"Betty Boop?" She turned and arched an eyebrow at me. "Are you seriously asking me that? Who doesn't know who Betty Boop is? I mean, I've never met her, but she's a legend."
"And she's an old family friend of ours," I said. "I've known her my whole life. She was Aunt Betty to me."
"Oh. Okay?" Twilight said, cocking her head and clearly confused as to where the conversation was going.
"Did you know she was originally an anthropomorphic poodle?"
Twilight gaped at me. "A poodle? Seriously?!"
"Yeah, of the French variety. Almost all Toons were funny animals back in the day. But the studio decided that Betty worked better as a human, so they re-drew her."
The Toon pony blinked a few times, rocking back in her seat until her wings touched the back of the bench. "Oh. Wow."
"I asked her about it once. When I was young enough to not know how rude it was to ask those types of personal questions." I looked over to see her raptly hanging off my every word. "She said it was the weirdest, most uncomfortable thing she'd ever gone through. But, eventually, she got used to it. Even started to like the changes."
"Oh..." Twilight trailed off, looking across the park with a thoughtful look on her face.
We sat in silence for a few more minutes, her thinking and me remembering. Eventually, I sighed and got up. "Well, time to get going," I said.
Twilight started and then nodded glumly. "Okay..." she said, starting to get up from her perch.
"So, I'll see you next Thursday, alright?"
Twilight stopped mid-motion, one hoof on the ground, staring up at me with blank confusion. "What?"
"Thursday," I said. "Maybe around noon? That gives us enough time to get back and get you settled before my Friday deadline."
"You're leaving? Wait, you're leaving without me?"
I shrugged. "Way I see it, everyone needs a break from time to time," I said. "Enjoy yourself, get your head back together. Maybe call your friends. They've been worried about you."
She had the grace to look ashamed about that. "Yeah. I'll call them."
"I'll see you in a week, then. Take care of yourself, Twilight Sparkle."
"Please, call me Twilight," she said, smiling brightly. "You take care of yourself, too, Mister Valiant."
I smiled back. "Call me Teddy."
I'd been kicking this idea around for a while. When I realized that today was the anniversary of Bob Hoskins' death, that kicked me into gear and got me writing this. The entire thing was written today, and not pre-read or edited by anyone else. Which means, there's no one to blame but me for technical errors. 
Tranquility is a real town in California, though my depiction of it is entirely fictional.
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Oh, genius. I never thought of this crossover. (and Tara Strong doing voicework on Ted only adds to it)
7172269
It's been in my head for a while... finally decided to sit down and write the thing!
I really liked this. This was nice.
GENIUS!!! Omg there are so many ways to play with this in the MLP fanfics... From Rodger going to the MLP world to there entire world being an area of Toontown....
7172337
Thanks for the catch, and corrected!
7172339
Yeah, it's a gold mine of ideas
I wouldn't be surprised if someone else has done it already, but I can't recall any stories that did. I sure wouldn't mind writing more stories in this setting!
I have to agree: this crossover is genius. If a sequel to that movie was ever made, Twilight could actually appear in a cameo. Assuming Disney and Hasbro can work out the licensing. And problems like that is one of the reasons no sequel ever was made. Oh well.
There's also a real town called Harmony on the coast, population 18, about half-way between L.A. and S.F.
A fun read, though the mental gymnastics I am having to pull to get character ages and certain lore/history to line up is making my head spin. I inquired about some stuff in the comments of your blog post about this.
But beyond that, I enjoyed this and feel it is a great tribute to Bob Hoskins.
This is going to be nothing short of an absolute pleasure to read, and it is an experience I'm looking forward to; this shall be saved for a rainy day...
YES YES YES!
A cross-over with Who Framed Roger Rabbit!
I had been wainting for this!
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Beautiful. Makes me want to read more self-contained fics in the setting.
What a lovely crossover!
Honestly, it was really hard not to imagine this playing out in my head.
This, my good sir, is a gold mine for fics!
I would love to see more one-shots about this particular premise.
Stories about unlikely friendships, and maybe feuds with other toons!
Edit:
Omg I almost forgot!
What about the Equestria girls characters? Are they different entities or are somehow costumes for the ponies to wear or do they have to be redrawn every time they make a movie?
This story was a lot of fun. Any chance of a sequel?
INTO THE FEATURED BOX YOU GO!
Very impressive. Short, sweet, and to the point. Also:
Nice.
You're missing a space here.
I haven't seen the other side of this crossover, but now I think I should look it up. Twilight got off lightly when it comes to being redrawn; she even had a story explaining it.
Gotta say this was a fun little story and a unique take on Twilight's reaction of her Alicornification. I think it might be interesting if Twilight found her friends actually knew more about what she was going though than she thought, some having be redrawn too. When Lauren first pitched the show Pinkie was originally Surprise the Pegasus, Fluttershy was Poise the Earth Pony and Moondancer was the hero. How would she react knowing her friends got redrawn BEFORE the show even started, or a minor character originally had her role?
WHAT.
This. I want much more of this.
Beautiful story
Doop doop doo... skaba-do, bap. Gah, there's no new realms on the radar. Hmph. Oh. Oooh , is that what I... *gasp* Verb! Reverb, get up here!
*Bing* "What?"
Do you see that signature? Check the specs.
"Looking now. Oh my word..."
I know, right?! We've found it! Get Intervention down there, we've gotta establish links. Those Toons could help us with so much. Hey, Hoopy! Remember me? Used to be RadioMactive back in the day. Not anymore!
" He shares the space with me. We work together."
Anyway, Hoopy, when, not if, but when you see this, start working on a sequel or a continuation, would ya? My job is to link words together and have them mingle and be better for it. The more you open up, the more we can link. You'll be doing a lot of good doing so. But if by the Maker laws you can't, don't force it. I'd ask permission to do it myself, but I couldn't do it like you do! And where's the CMAA sequel? I wish you well, but get your head in the game, man!
Someone's poined out the Darla Dimple timing error, but couldnt it refer to the 90s when the CDD movie came out and when she would have been created for it, giving the detective a reason why his offhand reference to the incident sounds like personal memory? -as opposed to having her actually around in Toontown since 1939...
Oh dear, now I really, really want to see more of this kind of crossover.
Edit: Seriously, I hope this isn't where this completely ends, I would love to see more of this particular world.
In retrospect I'm really surprised no one's ever explored this before. Well done.
Who Framed Roger Rabbit was one of my favorite movies I ever wanted to world-build about. The setting had so much potential and the possibilities for crossovers with every damn show under the sun! So this is kind of an awesome thing for me to read. :D
And that was short, sweet, but adorable. And let me say I hope you do more with this, Hoopy.
This is brilliant! I need more, so get flicking. Get flicking what? Get flicking on with it.
This was pretty good! I could see so much potential in this kind of universe it takes place in. Excellent job.
Dude, this is art. There needs to be more of it. If you decide to do more I'd be appreciative and offer any and all support I can. If not, I hope someone else picks up on the gold you've got here. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the great work. Deus tecum.
This is great.
I realize it has been imagined as a one-shot, but you should consider expanding it!
7173183
I would assume Eddie named his son (this Teddy) after his deceased brother.
That's a nice fanfic! Favourited.
Next, how about the 6 pony toons joining a ride along with a cop, a bunny and a duck searching for a blue ape? Just suggesting.
7173331 Or Ted and the Mane 6 encountering a pair of dog and rabbit Toon private investigators?
damn, this is a badass story !
I'll admit that I had pretty high expectations going into this, Who Framed Roger Rabbit was a childhood favorite of mine.
And you nailed it.
If you ever decide to write another crossover with that world I'd be delighted to read it.
Well, that was a nice read, although I have to say, I like it more for the concept of it than for the execution. In the latter sense, I honestly found it a bit disappointing. Teddy is called and then he does five minutes of investigating and then he finds her, done. We never even get to see him talk to the other pony characters. It was well-written in a stylistic sense, but as a story, it doesn't really seem to do its idea justice.
Now, if you spin this as the prelude to a longer story featuring the same characters and setting, I'm sure I'd read it.
7173259 Seconded. This world has a lot of room to play in, and you can do damn near whatever you like with it
Wow, this really took me back in time. Thank you for making this fanfic. I really enjoyed this a lot.
Very nice... this really works. And Twilight's in character. The redrawing being awful is a nice touch really.
Well done.
7172803 Ditto - I was really confused, as I didn't understand the world building of Who Framed Roger Rabbit, haha
I consider myself above average when it comes to animation history and trivia, but I have to admit I was blindsided by that Betty Boop anecdote.
Very well written. My only real complaint was that this seemed a bit quick even for an open and shut case, but it was rather sweet seeing this type of PI story where the 'victim' didn't turn up in twenty different evidence bags but instead just needed to clear her head for a bit.
I do think it is more then fine on its own merits, though, but I do hope you try expanding this further down the line with either more 'case files' or an outright sequel. It was a really fun read.
I've been waiting for a fic like this forever! Very well done! I love how you expanded the Roger Rabbit world--felt very natural and organic. And, of course, i love that Twilight herself hasn't really dealt with her own transformation. Nice touch!
Wouldn't say no to a sequel, if you're feeling up to it
A lovely tribute to film and actor both, though it does feel a bit anticlimactic. That's the problem with mysteries; solve them too quickly and the payoff doesn't feel earned. Yes, not everything needs to be a Gordian knot of deception and intrigue, but the setup felt like it was gearing up for a lot more than what we got. Mentioning the Dip, the pivotal nature of the show, Hasbro's countless rivals, it all gave a sense of a much larger scope.
Of course, some of this is on me; I missed that the story was complete. Plus, to me, the idea feels severely underutilized when compared to its potential. Here's hoping you and others explore this territory further, possibly including myself among them.
Still, when I look at what I got rather than what I expected, I'm happy. Thank you for this.
Hazel: Twilight, we know they had to re-draw you and make you into an Alicorn, but that doesn't neccasarily mean you have to hide. You can be yourself when not at work.
Hester: Yeah, and apart from that, everypony loves you! Think about how they will react if you ran off! So, let's try this, you get to work and when you get some free time, make the most out of it so you will feel better. That way, you can have fun, and the fans don't get worried
Now it makes me wonder about the Toontown for Japan. Great story have an upvote and a fave!
Sigh. Dammit.
I already have too much ponyfic to read, but this is 4/4 of your stories that I've read and quite liked.
Have a follow. You write clever stories.
I gotta say, WFRR is the one world I'm amazed never got another real movie, especially in this age of CGI animation.
And you come along and nail the crossover in under 4000 words and make it fit perfectly. Now I'm drooling at the thought of a 1980's-1990's era sequel movie.
Really well done. I just can't click the like button hard enough for this.