The Truth
The Truth
"Rainbow?" I asked again, even though it was obviously her fighting alcohol poisoning.
"Alright... alright... I'll go back to... somewhere," she mumbled, lifting her head from the bench and flopping it down on the hardwood. It looked painful, but I doubt she could feel it. I think she thought I was a guard. I hopped over the hedge and settled myself. She cracked her unfocused eyes, taking a few seconds to register who was sitting in front of her.
"Oh... look who it is. Spilight Twarkle. Ms. I'm-too-good-for-Rainbow-Dash."
I rolled my eyes, but I couldn't help but feel like this was somewhat my fault. I knew Rainbow didn't really have many coping skills, but I had no idea the few she had were this self-destructive. I couldn't help but stifle a giggle. If this is what I looked like during my little adventure with alcohol, Rainbow must have been a saint to put up with me.
"I'm not too good for you, Rainbow."
She snorted derisively and rolled away from me. "I'd have an easier time talking to your face rather than your wings," I reminded her. In Communicating with Drunks; a Beginner's Guide, it says your voice should be firm, but not condescending. "I just didn't expect you to do something like that in front of everypony. I am still upset," I made sure she knew this wasn't just me apologizing. It was just as much her fault. Maybe even a little more. "But... I'll get over it."
Just as I'd finished what I'd assumed would set things right for the moment, I heard the delightful sounds of liquified stomach contents erupting from a mare's mouth. I sighed. Thank Celestia for magic.
I lifted her from the bench and cleaned the little bit of bile off her dress. Rarity would have a fit if she saw what Rainbow did to this thing. Her mane hung down over her eyes as I sat her on the grass next to me and far away from the pile of vomit I regret leaving for a groundskeeper to discover. From her sitting position, Dash promptly fell onto her back, her disheveled mane, staring slack jawed at the stars while a bit of excess saliva still clung to her otherwise parched lips.
I sat there for a few minutes with her. I figured she'd be ready to move in time, having expelled all the undigested alcohol on an unsuspecting patch of grass.
"You really think I'll never be a Wonderbolt?"
I chewed my lip for a second. Ahg, why did words have to come back to haunt me! I would have thought she was in such a stupor she'd have forgotten our argument. "Well, I mean, I said some pretty mean things back there, and when you're upset, you say stuff just to hurt somepony's feelings." I admitted, looking over to her, expecting her to do the same. She simply kept up her blank stare at the stars. "I did that, and I'm sorry, Rainbow. You're a great flier, and you could join the Wonderbolts if you wanted to."
Rainbow closed her eyes. At first I thought she was about to cry, but then I realized the stars had probably begun to spin on her. "Thanks, Twilight. Sorry I said... whatever I said." That was probably the best I could hope for at this point.
"I'm glad. So, would you like to take this party back to our room?" I asked, unable to stop a smile. Rainbow opened her eyes. She rolled onto her side, pushing herself to her hooves on unsteady legs before falling back down. "Let me help you."
A quick levitation spell, and my droopy date was across my back. Pegasi are actually pretty light compared to earth ponies and unicorns. They have to be to walk on clouds! But it's mostly due to their hollow bones. Lightweight, but tough due to their octagonal structure they... sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself. Anyway, I quickly teleported both of us back to our room. Unfortunately I managed to put us in the fountain. Still, I think the water sobered Dash up a bit. After her dunk, she managed to get out by herself as I dried off.
After shaking herself dry (or trying to) she sat on her flanks in the doorway to our bedroom. I trotted behind her, draping a towel over her damp shoulders. I tried to walk around her but her foreleg struck out against the door, blocking my way.
"Uh, I can't get to bed with you—" That was all I got out before I found myself on my side, a pegasus that felt a lot heavier now than earlier perched on top of me. Before I had time to react, she enacted her most diabolical plan yet. "No! Rainbow! Please, stop!"
I was at her mercy. Those darn feathers of her running down my sides. I was powerless as I fought my giggles. Even when blind drunk, she still knew exactly where I was ticklish. Now, I know what you're thinking. Why not just use your magic, Twilight? Well, magic takes concentration. Tickling breaks that concentration. Luckily, I managed to ignore her feathers just long enough to cast a holding spell. After I caught my breath, I took in the grassy, rough mare before me. She was still laughing, but her eyes still held the shine of too much alcohol.
I know what I could have, and by rights should have done. I should have taken a feather from our bed and ticked her until she turned blue. Blue-er. But then where would the tickle fights end? I couldn't watch my back twenty four-seven!
I floated her over to the bed and laid her in it, careful not to release her until I was already beneath the blankets. "I should have gotten you back for that," I reminded her, turning my head as she met my eyes. "You're lucky I'm so mature."
She snorted. "Yeah, lucky me."
We just lay there for a while. As tired as I was, I thought I'd go right to sleep.
"I didn't plan what happened tonight," Rainbow whispered hoarsely. Somehow, even when we were fighting, I knew that.
"I know. It was just so... unexpected," I replied.
Rainbow sat up, removing her grass-stained dress before looking over herself. "I could probably use a bath." I scrunched my nose. She wasn't lying.
She hopped out of bed and trotted towards the bathroom. Once the door was closed, I stared at the ceiling. Time alone with my thoughts were most dangerous. Especially when it came to something I had no experience to draw upon. I liked Rainbow. Rainbow liked me! Whether we announced it to the world or not, this was our first date. Ponies who liked other ponies got kissed by those ponies. Sometimes even on the first date, if my books were to be believed. Even though it was embarrassing to be in the spotlight at the time, I didn't consider what running away from Rainbow would mean to her.
I looked toward the bathroom door. Steam had started to seep beneath it as the shower ran. I should have just smiled, dealt with my blushing cheeks and pulled her aside later. That would have been the mature thing to do. But I didn't do that. Instead, I ran. Maybe I'm not ready for something like this. Maybe all my romance novels just made me think I know what it takes to make a relationship work.
But, everypony has to start somewhere, right? Why not now? With Rainbow?
As I lay there, the dangerous part of me being alone with my thoughts crept in. I over-think things more often than I'd like to admit. What if Rainbow and I broke up? What if we just aren't meant for each other? What if this is just a passing flame? What if by being together, my love for her overtakes my love for my friends and screws up the Elements of Harmony?
I grabbed an extra pillow and put it over my face. Maybe lacking oxygen would help me stop thinking.
It didn't, but it was worth a shot. Before I knew it, a light from the bathroom blinded me. Rainbow shut it off as she dried herself with a towel. I was actually pretty surprised how dexterous wings could be. She gently shook the remaining moisture from her mane and pulled the blankets back. She hadn't said a word since our tickle fight, and I wasn't sure what to make of that. Was she mad? Tired? Still drunk? Well, she was probably still drunk, but I sought her out an apologized! Shouldn't that at least warrant a warm shoulder?
She got back into bed and slid beneath the covers. I laid there, wondering if she knew whether or not I was still awake, when she surprised me. "Sorry for what I said earlier about you worrying your life away."
Her breath smelled like a mix of alcohol and peppermints. I couldn't tell if that was due to her brushing her teeth or just a hearty dose of schnapps. "Thanks, Rainbow." I guess showers do a lot more for sobriety than I realized.
"I guess... I guess I just wanted to show you, uhm..."
I looked over at her. The moonlight shining from the double doors leading to our balcony didn't do much to dull the vibrance of her mane. I couldn't help but return her hopeful smile. I rolled over onto my side, facing her, propping my head up with a hoof. Although I'm not proud to admit it, I'd practiced this pose.
"You know..." she finished. I had never seen this Rainbow Dash before. Probably because I was never around her when she was this drunk, but still. I could maybe afford to have some fun with her. Perhaps make her squirm a little.
Not in that way.
"Know what?" I asked coyly.
She huffed, her breath racing from her nose as she pouted. "Are you really gonna make me say it?"
I smiled. You bet I was. How often would I get a chance to do this? "Mhm."
"Fine. I wanted to show you that I liked you." The words flowed with relative ease, making me wonder why she'd hesitated in the first place. She clearly didn't mind showing me her feelings. In all honesty, it made me feel special. "Because I do. More than I realized."
If it weren't dark in our room, she probably would have teased me to no end. I bet my face was red as a tomato. "I like you too, Rainbow," I admitted. Now it was my turn for a confession. "I actually wish we could have had our private moment a bit more... privately." I had long since broken eye contact, until I felt her hoof on mine. I glanced up. I could have sworn she had somehow moved a lot closer to me than she had been a few seconds ago.
"I mean, there's no reason why we can't get a do-over, is there?" she whispered. Suddenly, I was aware of how incredibly fast my heart was beating. Were this any other scenario, I'd be worrying myself over the possibility of a myocardial infarction... I mean a heart attack. My mouth dried up and I was now extremely conscious of the fact that my lips were probably so dry that Rainbow would recoil in disgust after touching them!
All my relatively smooth talk had vanished, and now it seemed I would be the one to squirm for Rainbow.
Again, not like that.
"I-I guess not." The last kiss was a surprise. I wasn't expecting it, I had no time to over-think it! But now, I knew it was coming. My stupid physiology had time to betray me, to turn the suave, seductive Twilight I had been for only a few seconds into a blithering, cotton-mouthed filly. If I wanted this to happen while I still had some semblance of wits and saliva about, it needed to happen now.
Somehow, Rainbow sliding towards me with half lidded eyes was like something out of a movie. There was nothing about her I would have changed in that moment. I, however, felt myself awkwardly catching on the sheets as I tried to extend my neck to cover the length I was missing to meet her. Celestia only knows how ridiculous I must have looked. Thankfully, by the time I had the quickness to contemplate all of this, her lips were pressed against mine.
You're supposed to close your eyes when you kiss, which means you have to operate by feel alone. And that's a tall order considering my first kiss was a scant few hours ago. But... honestly, I kind of just fell into a rhythm with her. In a way, you can just play off your partners signals. Whatever she did, I tried to follow, and honestly, it worked! Even once our... uhm... tongues got involved.
I have to admit, this kiss was wonderful. It was everything I've ever wanted and more. All too soon, she pulled away. I said the only thing that came to mind. "Wow."
She smiled. I'd have given up every book in my personal collection to be able to see that smile whenever I wanted.
"Not bad, huh?" she asked.
"Nope," I replied wearily.
She leaned over again. I put my lips together expectantly, but she gave me a peck on the forehead instead.
"You're cute when you're embarrassed."
I giggled nervously. "You too."
She rolled her eyes. To this day, I'm not a very smooth talker.
"Goodnight, Twilight." Just as quickly as our passion had risen, it was gone. She rolled over and pulled the blanket around her shoulders, leaving me staring at the now neatly folded blued wings creating lumps beneath the blanket.
What a night.
That was it. That's the whole story. Twilight and I had our fun a few times past that night. We hung out in the library, out in the fields, and I even convinced her to come out to the bar again once! She took it a bit slower than last time.
This is probably the part of the story where you expect me to tell you about how Twilight and I went on more dates, had more good times, got married and magically produced a foal, or we lived in the palace happily forever or something. Well, that's not the case. Sometimes... I wish it had been.
But life isn't a fairytale. Not everything works out just because you want it to. Yeah, we had our fun, and I do love Twilight. As a friend. There was a chance for us to go farther, to become marefriends or lovers or whatever you want to call it.
It didn't happen. We had a choice to make. I had my career to think about. And then there's the matter of her becoming a princess. That kinda put a damper on the two of us making time for each other. I'm not blaming her for that, because it's not her fault. Princess Celestia doesn't choose to make a pony into an alicorn every day, you know.
Twilight was sent here to make friends and discover how having us around made her life so much better. And we did. Me, especially. We still keep in touch. She's actually really good at sending her weekly letters to the five of us. This is Twi we're talking about here.
She loves Canterlot. She's always been about helping others, and now, she gets to do that all day. We're supposed to go see her next month. I'm looking forward to it, and so are the girls. I've probably been looking forward to it more than I'd like to admit... but it's okay. She's happy. I'm happy for her.
There will be other ponies for me. That's what she told me before she hopped on the train to Canterlot. I believe her. I don't know where they are, but I hope I find them soon. Or they find me.
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Nicely done, thank you! But if this is complete you may want to change the tag. It's still as incomplete....unless you have a "surprise" for later? Anyway, thanks!
Kind of a little depressing, but still good.
That indeed... was not an ending that I was expecting
I kind of feel sorry for Twilight at this point,
kind of selfish for Dash to think about her career first and then about somepony she actually loved.
Still though, not an ending that I was expecting, but then again, loved the whole story, I can manage an unexpected ending, a great read and a well spent time.
Okay... So that came rather abruptly.
I don't want to say it's bad 'cause it's not, but this ending is just plain weird in my eyes
2964223 actually, Dash only says that to make the reader believe it was her that broke it off. She goes on to mention the princess thing, which was a much bigger reason they were no longer together. Dash was simply protecting her ego.
Well, the end is finally here. That was quite unexpected, especially the reference to Magical Mystery Cure. I guess in hindsight, this is probably the best way to end a story like this.
I enjoyed this ride, and I might just look into what else you've done and might look forward to what else you might do. Keep up the good work.
That ending didn't come from left field. It was sitting in the stands and walked onto the field.
The hell?
This story was fun. I actually liked how it ended, a nice change of pace from "Happily Ever After".
2964319 this fic is a prime example of why authors should outline the plot before they write. I'm just glad it's complete.
BUMMER!!! I want an alternate ending! One with benefits!
2964321>>2964333 aw, thanks! I knew I was either going to get love or hate from this ending, so I'm glad to see a mix.
Ew reality.
Joking aside, the ending felt kinda flat. And the break up at the end felt somewhat forced, but then again that just might be me trying to justify wanting them to end the story together. Regardless of that though, it still lacked the same, um, "omph" I guess, that the rest of the story had.
2964343 Allow me:
After we kissed, Rainbow and I had the hottest, steamiest drunkest sex that's ever been had in that castle. She did things I didn't even think mares could do! And from then on, I kept her in the palace as my... 'other' number one assistant.
And we banged every single night from then to eternity!
The End.
Seriously though, thanks for sticking with me on this fic.
2964356 The initial spark that made chap 1-9 flow and work well had long since left after I started on other stuff. Like I said in an earlier post, this fic is why authors should outline the plot while they're passionate about a fic before they post anything. So the flat-ness was my fault.
I'm just gonna pretend that Dash didn't narrate this chapter.
2964362 lol, why would I abandon this fic? It was great! And thats not quite how good erotica is written btw. :p
Huh. I just noticed the sex tag at the bottom there. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't remember any of that being in this fic, haha.
Might wanna take that off if possible, might scare off potential readers.
But on the other hand might draw in potential readers as well... *shrug*
I know you wanted to get that ending out and this story ended, but that ending was as disappointing as it was rushed. It was way to abrupt of any ending.
2964425 I know it felt that way, but there was really no where else for this fic to go. We reached the media res opening last chapter. this was pretty much the curtain call.
2964428
It reached the ending yes, but I would have liked to have seen them actually have that discussion instead of Dash's narration. It was also quite weird to have Alicorn Twi thrust into the final chapter. I'm not sure if you should change the character tags or not but that's up to you.
Can't say I expected that ending, but it's not like every actual relationship ends up lasting. Might as well have a little reality with our ponies for once.
The third MacDash story?
2964455 yes, a conversation could have added. But what I really wanted to portray was the difficulty in communication a lot of couples run in to. That's the reality of it, and the description of the fic itself implies RD being unable to talk openly. Thats something that kills more relationships than anything else.
well that ends a great story. I was alittle disappointed. im not sure if it was the fact that it ended so abruptly or the fact that it ended and is complete. o well all great things come to an end some how or another. all I can say now is that was a great story
Well, the ending was...ehh...but the rest of the fic was great.
i.imgur.com/icDAk.gif
I think you're missing a word here.
I actually like that you didn't go the typical happily-ever-after route. It helps the story pop a bit.
Got to be honest. Started great then really ran out of the gas at the end. Got the feeling you got tired.
2964570 though it pains me to admit it, that has a lot to do with it.
Ugh, finally done. I might just reread the first 9 chapters and then imagine how it might go on and end inside my head. Well, it had been a good experience though, i guess. Expect the ending.
2964373
Its funny how different the first nine chapters and the last three feel. I couldn´t help but have the feeling during chapter 10 that ch. 10 was written by a different person than the one from the first nine ones and that feeling intensified with ch.11 and 12.
Well, maybe that´s just me but somehow the whole deal felt different than it did at beginning and in the middle of the fic, i dunno maybe it was the wording or the pacing or the onfolding of the "plot" but whatever it was it struck me like a fist in my guts. Which is probably the reason i wrote such heated big comments:
I didn´t wanted it to become that way.
Anway, thanks for writing and ending this fic. I hope for your next fic you can keep the spark glowing and growing into a fire till the end. Or outline enough coal to keep the heat up when the spark is about to go out.^^
2964607 The reason for the change is more than likely the lost spark. I had a direction, motivation and ideas galore when this fic started, but as time wore on and I worked on other fics, I forgot what I had planned/lost the inspiration. That's probably responsible for the change in style. If you only read 1-9 and then imagined the rest how you wanted, I'm not gonna get upset.
So I'm gonna go on pretending like the story ended at the bedroom scene. Nothing against you Max, and god knows I absolutely adore your writing style, but that ending just blindsided me because even in the intro - where Rainbow is preparing us all for the incoming story - there's nary a hint that things eventually went that way.
...And I prefer happy endings THERE I SAID IT OKAY i.imgur.com/Bo3i2.png
I think Rainbow's face on the cover pretty accurately captures my reaction to this ending.
2964651 It's okay. I knew the ending would be controversial. I actually expected the abruptness to turn some of my readers off. I'm just happy you all stuck with it.
That was... an ending. This chapter was on par with the rest of the story (that is to say, quite good) right up until the abrupt dissipation of passion--and considering your apparent apathy towards the story at this point, that's pretty impressive. I think it's nice to see a shipfic that doesn't end happily ever after for once, but, as others have said, the latter third or so of the chapter could have been handled better.
On the subject of errors, I only found one
I think there should be a 'd at the end of "she"
good story overall, and I'm going to toss my hat into the side of the ring saying that the ending was good. Thanks for sharing it.
Well, I must say I was very surprised by the ending as well as disappointed it has ended.
I really liked how it did follow cliché Twidash scheme very tightly, at least at the end.
*puts this story pretty high on personal fav fics list*
oh fuck that! man, get my hopes up for a sweet happy ending and then you make them break up. crap!
Not the ending I expected but I like the feel of it.
The ending was sad, i must admit, and definitely paints the two in a very star-crossed romance kind of way. Still, an enjoyable Twidash tale nonetheless
That awkward moment when you're laying in this exact position.
2964979 that moment when I can see you through your computer screen.
I agree with one of the above comments. The reason this ending doesn't work is because the reader doesn't get a chance to grow into it. The entire story points one way, and only in the last paragraph it goes into the opposite direction. Probably would have worked better with a bit more exposition.
Well considering what Luna told Dash about the others this ending makes sens.
Thank you
Hm, I think Twilight's narration ending on a hopeful kissy note doesn't gel well with Dash's relation of the fact that they broke it off. I think if Twilight's reaction was to, say, recoil at Dash's horrendous drunk-vomit-tasting kiss, without changing anything else, that would lead better into the ending.
2964666
ALAS! The ending was not what I wanted! I shall never read your stories again!
Honestly I am glad you managed to stick with it to the end. Better for it to have a conclusion than just hiatus itself into oblivion.
I will just headcanon something in and wait for The Twilight Hours to update again.
That was even more disappointing and abrupt than the ending to World War Z. You could have done much better. There's a difference between an unexpected ending, and a plain shitty one. I'd be less harsh if you had even tried, but I really don't feel you did. This story had so much potential, too.
One question: why is it titled "The Sky Is Falling" ? Is it symbolic in some way that I missed, or something else?
Well, that was... an ending. Not one of your better stories, I'm afraid, in the last. That said, very few people can be fantastic all the time, and from the sounds of things finishing this had become more of a chore than fun for you. So the fact that you did gives us a conclusion gets you a great deal of bonus points - even a moribund ending in better than leaving a story perpetually unfinished.
I do think, though, you would have been better just leaving off at that last scene and leaving whatever followed unsaid. The abrupt gear change just did not work. Not because of the controversy (though that is a related issue), but because it just turned on it's heel at the last minute. As you didn't have the time or energy to do a proper job on that (which is fair enough), it might have been better to not attempt it at all, rather than try to cram Tell instead of Show in at the eleventh hour and to have just left it unsaid if you didn't want to close out on "and they lived happily ever after" or something. (It couldn't have been much more abrupt if it had been "and the Ranbow was it by a meteor and died" or something...!)
Interested to see what your next story is.
I think there is an error near the start
I feel like the and in between alcohol and unsuspecting shouldn't be there. Maybe an "an?"
Ahh, that fun moment when you pick a story out at random from your 'read it later' list, plow through it, get to the end, then read through the comments and realise the last chapter was posted four hours ago :)
Having just read through the whole thing, honestly I don't think the ending was too jarring, although it might be considered less so if you seperated the 'happily ever after' (or lack thereof) into a separate epilogue or something. The story was about their first getting together, anything that happens after that is after that.
Fun, cute, and in character. Thanks for an enjoyable read!
2964486
[/sacrasm]Because no one ever ends up in a long healthy relationship with someone they love. Any story that suggests this is obviously not operating in the realm of reality.[/sacrasm]
Sadness/Cynicism =/= Real, Happiness =/= Unrealistic
You seemed to be building up to something here, but having an awkward drunken makeout session followed by a "Yeah, it didn't pan out because she became a goddess of harmony" as the capstone to what started as a snappy fun fic? This ending is jarring tonally and thematically. If you had left out the epilogue and focused more on the genuiness of their feelings instead of how drunk RD was, it would have made a great ending. We don't need a happily ever epilogue. We didn't need an epilogue. The story we came to see finished right there on that bed. Adding the epilogue takes the spirit from the conclusion of the story, which as stated was already really muted. Its not that a story about a romance not panning out shouldn't be written, or that its unrealistic, or that it couldn't make good, compelling literature on every level by which we judge the art form, but that this story wasn't about that at all. If you wanted to write a story about Twi and Dash not working out-then write it! Don't ruin another story by tacking it on because of some misguided absolute association you have between reality and disappointment. This story was about them falling in love, but the final note is the futility of the quest. You, the author, have basically wasted the time of the audience, which is, above all, the cardinal sin of writing.
I'm mostly just sad that it ended this way, and I am sorry to hear that you didn't have the strength to carry it through and that you want to be done with it. Its a damn shame, because this story was really solid all around and the setup had a lot of potential for a really awesome ending, but... well, I guess that's it then. I hope you can find the time or energy to make your next project better.
Until then,
Nyronus~