• Published 4th May 2016
  • 2,832 Views, 16 Comments

TrixGlam - Nicktendonick



There are some days Starlight Glimmer knows she made a mistake. As she breaks into Canterlot Castle at the whim of her new bestie Trixie Lulamoon, Starlight realizes today is going to be one of those days with plenty of regrets. Oneshot.

  • ...
8
 16
 2,832

Aka, Starlight Glimmer makes terrible decisions

“Are you sure we should be doing this?”

“Of course! This is gonna be awesome!”

“Or fatal,” replied Starlight Glimmer, as she and her partner dangled from a pair of ropes.

“Oh come on, this is completely harm-EEP!” The Great and Powerful Trixie moved to the side and dodged the falling rock. Starlight watched the rock fall past the two mares and fell into the abyss below.

“Trixie saw that,” Trixie said.

“Riggghhttt,” said Trixie’s skeptical partner. “Look, I know we patched everything up with Twilight and all, but I’m seriously thinking rope climbing to break into canterlot castle just to read her diary is a really, really bad idea.”

“Trixie must know what is in that diary! She wrote something about Trixie! Trixie must find out! Not knowing will kill Trixie!”

“Actually, that incoming rock might kill you first.”

Trixie looked up and swiftly evaded the impossible-to-dodge rock. Trixie clearly did not scream like a filly, clearly did not quiver holding the rope, and most definitely did not close her eyes to brace for impending doom.

But, in the far off case that she did, when those eyes would have reopened she would have seen Starlight holding the rock in her magic.

“Trixie knew you would do that.”

It didn’t dignify a response.

Starlight sighed, before tossing the rock aside into the abyss below.

“Seriously, this is a bad idea,” Starlight said. “Why did I agree to this?”

“Because it’s eating you up too to know what she wrote about us! You want to know as much as Trixie does!” The supposedly stealthy pony shouted out loud.

In response, before she could shout some more and alert the royal guard, Starlight shushed her.

This, offended Trixie.

“Hey! Nopony shushes the Great and Powerful-"

Starlight’s hoof to her own mouth, she shushed Trixie again.

“Shhhh. Stealth mission,” Starlight whispered.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie is a master at stea-”

Hoof to Trixie’s mouth, she shushed Trixie for the third time.

“Do you want to get caught again? You know what they’ll do to us if they catch us, right?”

Fourteen seconds passed.

“...Trixie will be less loud.”

Starlight took her hoof off the mare. “Try not being any bit loud.”

In a manner not flirting, Trixie winked a yes. As frustrating as she had been, it was an idiotic, enduring wink that Starlight couldn’t help but smile at.

At least this misadventure would be an interesting story to tell her kids one day. “Good,” Starlight said.

She fastened her line and mentally prepared herself to finish their climb. “You ready girl? Let’s do this!” Starlight exclaimed only to find Trixie’s hoof on her mouth. Trixie made a long shush that trailed on, slowly dying out like a deflating balloon.

When Trixie took her hoof off Starlight, she smiled widely in anticipation of what was to come. “Let’s go!” Trixie whispered to her partner, and the duo made their ascent up the mountain and to Canterlot Castle.


For many mages, there comes a point in time where one’s magical prowess overtakes their physical capabilities. It is a sort of a point of no return where a unicorn realizes that normal everyday actions can be accomplished far easier with the use of magic rather than actually physically doing it. This leads to a point where said unicorn will eventually have trouble doing any physical tasks because they had become accustomed to using magic only.

As a prodigy of her time, Starlight Glimmer was one of those ponies who crossed that point very early on in their life, learning how to do all sorts of things by use of magic and choosing to neglect her physical capabilities.

And at this point in her life, as she dangled over a balcony edge with Trixie holding her hooves and pulling her up, Starlight regretted such choices. Also, adding to those bad decisions was her choice of cheap rope, but at least she still had the receipt for a refund and a friend to pull her up from certain doom.

With a final pull, Trixie pulled Starlight up and over the balcony railway and the two mares landed in a mess of limbs with a large ‘oomph’, the pinnacle of stealth maneuvers.

Now safe from falling to her death Starlight could finally exhale. “Th-thanks Trixie” Starlight panted.

The two took a moment to catch their breaths.

“Trixie is great for a reason,” the spirited performed replied with another enduring smile.

The two took a moment to catch their breaths, and Starlight’s cheeks turned red as she realized she was an inch from Trixie’s face.

“Starlight… Trixie just remembered. Can’t you just levitate?” She asked, with all of her peanut buttery breath all over Starlight’s face.

“Uhhh…” Starlight stuttered, remembering that fact herself.

“Hey, is somepony there?” Trixie and Starlight heard.

A guard! Starlight’s mind went off in a panic.

They were about to get caught! Their eyes widened with fear as Trixie rushed to a nearby set of bushes, yanking Starlight in with her tailfirst with another loud ‘oomph’. By the time the two found themselves in good hiding positions inside the bush, A royal guard pegasus had flown into view, landing on the balcony with a scowl on his face.

“I heard somepony.” Said the pegasus guard. “And I swore I totally saw someone too.”

The guard looked around left and right, trying to find the culprit, but saw nothing but the rope on the floor, sweat next to it, and the lovely set of bushes on both sides of the balcony.

“Huh, you could use a rope like that to climb into the castle,” He said “And there’s a puddle of sweat. That might mean somebody's here, trying to break into Canterlot Castle.”

Starlight and Trixie looked at each other in horror. Hiding behind a bush, the two knew it was a matter of time before the royal guard discovered them.

“Oh Celestia we’re gonna get caught...” Trixie muttered. Starlight turned to her and saw the same amount of fear on Trixie’s face.

The guard was standing right next to the bush that the mares were hiding in, If he turned to his side he would see the bush quivering in fear.

We’re gonna go to jail...Echoed in Starlight’s mind. No, wait. Figuring what we’ve done, It’ll be worse, like a superjail, or a ultraprison or a-

“Oh well, it’s probably nothing,” The guard said, winding up the rope and walking away with it. “Mine now.”

The panic of the two mares turned to complete shock.

“I know what I’m doing with my girlfriend tonight~” The absolutely competent royal guard skipped off the balcony and flew away in joy.

“...”

“...”

Starlight and Trixie walked out of the bushes, dumbfounded.

“You know… this is really telling,” Starlight said. “No wonder why the Changelings conquered Canterlot so easily!” Starlight stomped her hooves in annoyance. “When we are done here, I am so writing princess Celestia a letter telling her that her guards are-”

Trixie shushed Starlight, her hoof to Starlight’s mouth.

“Shhhhh. Not too loud, Stealth mission,” Trixie said, oblivious of Starlight feeling Trixie’s saliva on her lips. Trixie was right, but that taste of Trixie’s saliva was all Starlight could think about.

Oh Celestia! Is this an indirect kiss! Do indirect kisses count as first kisses? I can’t believe this is how I have my first kiss! With her of all-

Looking down, she saw Trixie in a puddle of sweat, and Trixie's other foreleg stepping in it.

Oooooooh….this is...

Starlight was tasting Trixie’s sweaty hooves. Immediately, Starlight’s gag reflex kicked in.

One vomit later, the duo snuck inside.


“Ok, if the schematics I have are correct, we should be in the princess’ guest hall now,” Starlight said, walking through the endless hallways of Canterlot Castle. “The room Twilight’s in should be right down that hallway. I’ll just be happy when we’re done walking. It’s taking a toll on my hooves.”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie never has that worry. Trixie has been walking on her hooves all her life, unlike you, miss levitate everywhere.”

“Hey, I care what I step on. You know all the dirty, gross stuff we step on every day, and then we actually eat with those same hooves? It’s gross! It’s why I used a lot of our water back in Our Town for cleaning and enforcing strict sanitary standards.” The duo turned a corner.

“....which might have led to a crop crisis because we used too much water, which might have gotten worse because after I took everyone’s cutie marks nopony had the skill anymore to save the crops we had. Which led to us having nothing but burnt muffins left. I made some… very questionable decisions back then. I really was not a good mayor at all.”

“You actually sound like a really bad one.”

“More like the worst,” Starlight sighed, memories returning.

“Outside of the whole brainwashing cutie-mark stealing dictatorship you established or was that what you meant?”

Starlight just wanted to say yes to that or check whatever the ‘all of the above’ response was for that. Thankfully, she didn’t need to say anything as their prize soon came into view.

“There is it!” Trixie's eyes lit up as she saw Twilight’s door. “After long last, finally, Twilight’s secrets will be revealed! She’ll know exactly what secrets about Trixie she holds!”

Trixie rushed to into the hallway, only for a yank on her tail.

“Hold it!” Starlight exclaimed.

“What for! Her room is right there! Why are we stopping?” Trixie said.

“Because I know Twilight. She’s smarter than this,” Starlight said. “She wouldn’t leave the door unprotected.”

“Trixie isn't so sure. Wouldn’t Twilight sleep soundly knowing the royal guards are patrolling the castle?”

Outside, the duo heard a squeal of laughter and joy. The two followed the distraction out of the nearby open window and saw two royal guards, the pegasus stallion from before and a batpony mare both decked in armor, the mare swinging on a large rubber tire hanging by a rope on a large tree.

“See honey! I told you would love this!”

The girls closed the window and looked at each other.

“Trixie concedes,” Trixie said. “So then, what would Twilight do?”

Starlight began to think. “If I was Twilight and didn’t trust any of the idiots here, what would I do...”

The two girls rubbed their chins and began to think. A minute later, Trixie shot up.

“Trixie knows! She must have booby trapped this somehow. There’s a lot of trap mechanisms here in the castle. Trixie knows that from experience. She must have activated one to protect herself… but what?”

Acting on impulse, Starlight reached into Trixie’s saddlebag and pulled out a coin. Before Trixie could protest, Starlight rolled the coin across the floor, where a few feet into its roll the coin was immediately bisected by laser beams that popped out of the wall.

“Lasers...huh,” Starlight commented while Trixie froze.

“Starlight, you realize that was our one hundred bit coin, which was our train money back to Ponyville, right?”

Starlight Glimmer froze as her brain caught up to her body.

“Starlight, You just destroyed our train money home.”

Starlight nervously chuckled. “My… bad? Heh-heh...sorry...”

“Starlight, we are good friends… but sometimes, you make very questionable decisions…”


A young Starlight was thrown into a large jail cell.

She saw ponies left and right, none her sex.

To the right, she saw a group of ponies, double Starlight’s size. They looked at her with hungry eyes, and not the perverted kind.

To the left, she saw a possibly smelly red pony with a hammer crossed with a sickle on his flank, who the ponies on the right were avoiding like the plague for some reason.

She took her chances.

Luckily, the old red pony was not smelly. He was, though, very talkative. “So,” he began. “Want to learn about a philosophy that’s only brought destruction and despair to every society that’s tried it, and then take your crack at it?”

The young Starlight thought about it for a minute and shrugged.

“Sure, what’s the worst that could happen?”


Starlight frowned. “I know.”

“Moving on…” Trixie began. “Trixie knows how to turn off this trap. There should be a security panel to turn if off from this end, and a manual switch on the princess’ side of the hallway. But it’s also magically attuned, so if we use any magic it’ll trigger an alarm.”

Starlight took a step forward. In order to regain her honor, she knew what she had to do. “Leave it to me then!” Starlight exclaimed. “I’m the flexible sort! I’ll sneak through it and have that trap off in jippy!”

“Wait no, Trixie thinks that’s a terrible-” Trixie watched Starlight miraculously dove in between a pair of the laser beams, taking a pose to evade the hot laser death she now danced with.

“-oh and she started.” Trixie sighed.

Starlight Glimmer’s initial entry into the laser beams was successful. With a series of turns and pivots, she navigated herself through the lasers, standing on her hind feet.

Hmm, this is easier than I thought, thought Starlight, as she bobbed through another row of lasers, successfully maneuvering halfway through them, still standing on her hind legs. Even if she wasn’t the most physically sound, or the lightest, or agile, Starlight wondered why she didn’t stand on her hind legs more often.

The wobble of said hindlegs answered that question. Starlight began to shake as her legs started to give, sweet hot dissecting laser death all around her. Like before, Starlight noticed her mistake a little too late as her legs gave way and she fell...and hit her head on the solid floor.

“OW!” Starlight exclaimed. Her eyes reopened with her brain back on, she noticed the laser beams were gone.

She looked to Trixie, walking behind her. “Trixie disabled it,” she flatly said.

“Wha…” It took Starlight four tries to finally make her next word. “Ho...how?”

Trixie basked in the pride of her skill. “The Great and Powerful Trixie knew the security code to turn it off. Every code here is 1,2,3,4.”

“Why am I not surprised,” Starlight muttered as she got up on her hooves. They were about to continue before Starlight stopped, a thought in her head.

“Wait, Trixie, how do you know that?”

“A magician never tells her secrets,” Trixie confidently replied.

While a non-answer, It did, though, make Starlight think of what was. With the thought now in her head, she asked Trixie the question she should have asked before any of this began.

“Trixie,” Starlight asked. “How many times have you broken into Canterlot Castle?”

The Great and Powerful Trixie’s eyes widened as her confidence immediately vaporized. “Uhhhhhh….the Great and Powerful Trixie did not exactly break... into Canterlot Castle…or into its dungeon,” she said, emphasizing the word 'into'.

Trixie looked to the left, and then to the right and pursed her lips, trying to come up with the right words but without incriminating herself. Such wording, however, was a little too late.

“Oh Celestia I’m talking to an escaped criminal.”

“Trixie’s not a criminal!” Trixie proclaimed “It… wasn’t exactly a crime... ok the escape part wasn’t. It was the Alicorn Amulet thing. They wanted to hold Trixie over for a month to make sure Trixie wasn’t contaminated evil or something! And as you know, the Great and Powerful Trixie is not evil, she’s awesome and cannot be contained, nor can she be cooped up in a comfy cell, even if they give Trixie as much peanut butter and crackers as she pleases. Trixie had to escape and be free!”

Starlight’s mouth hung open.

“In retrospect… Trixie probably thinks that might not have been the best decision she could have made. Especially when she was leaving in three days and the doctor was really cute...”

There were many things she could say, many criticisms and complaints, but Starlight knew, in the grand scheme of things, she couldn’t. Being responsible for screwing with time itself and nearly causing the death of everyone in Equestria was in a sorts, the royal flush of evil deeds all things considered. Even though she’d like to complain, to Starlight, it’d be the darkest pot around calling the kettle black. It just wouldn’t compare.

So instead, Starlight liked to focus on the brighter side of things. Like that she was about to discover just exactly what her mentor Twilight thought of her.

“You know what, I’ll just take what I can get.” Starlight regained her smile and buddied up to Trixie. “We’re all the way here. Let’s get that diary and finish what we started, okay?"

The girls smiled and walked inside Twilight’s guest bedroom. They tiptoed in, only to realize that they were alone. Twilight Sparkle, was nowhere to be found.

Trixie whistled. “Trixie is impressed. So this is the royal guest room of a princess.”

Starlight on the other hand, was a basic “eh.” “Compared to living in a crystal castle, everything else just looks kinda… plain now.”

“Sush you, Trixie has never had such great living commodities. Mom’s house, this place, that place, a sewer, jail cells, plenty of jail cells, and my cart.”

Before Starlight could inquire, Trixie shifted focus. “Ooooooooo,” Trixie said, “They have a mirror portal.”

Trixie pointed at a mirror with a watery, rippling surface.

“Oh wow,” Starlight commented “I suppose she was commuting to somewhere using the portal.”

The duo heard a muffled shout from the bed. A male muffled shout. The duo looked at each other. Starlight mouthed a “what the” and pointed towards the bed.

Trixie, in about the most elegant way possible, shrugged shaking her head that she had no idea.

Starlight picked up a nearby candlestick with her magic, and approached the bed with her Impromptu weapon.

She pointed to Trixie and then to the bed. Starlight then flattened her hoof and slowly pulled it upwards allowing her other free forehoof to karate chop the open space it created.

Trixie tilted her head. “Trixie doesn’t get what you’re trying to tell her.”

Starlight rolled her eyes. “Let’s just see who it is.” she sighed. “I’ll attack if need be.”

The pair walked up to the bed and Starlight pulled off the bedsheet, only to find a black insectoid creature tied up on the bed.

“A changeling?!” They exclaimed.

“Trixie haven’t seen those things since the Canterlot wedding incident.”

“So that’s what they look like,” Starlight mused.

The changeling was bound by its hooves and wings, a magic suppressor device on his horn, and the cherry on top that was the ball gag in his mouth.

His eyes were tearing up as he looked towards the two. So, like any good pony would do to a parasitic emotion-eating villainous rival species, they took the ball gag out of his mouth.

“I give, I’ll talk! I’ll talk!” said the changeling.”Please, I can’t take it anymore! Whatever Queen Chrysalis will do to me is nothing compared to this hell! The purple one! She keeps making me turn into a hairless ape and keeps snuggling me and whispering all these things to me before licking me and she keeps calling me Brad…” sobbed the changeling spy.

The girls nervously looked at each other.

“Please...I’m just a simple spy, I said I’d never talk but I take it back! I can’t take this torture anymore! Make it stop! Make it-”

Bonk.

The changeling spy, tied up in Twilight’s bed passed out. Not from fear, but from the candlestick Starlight just whacked him with.

“Starlight! The heck!” Trixie shouted. “He could have told us when she was coming back!”

“I-I panicked! He was saying Brad and...ummm….”

Starlight smiled nervously, her trademarked “Of-course-I-did-something-wrong-but-I-really-don’t-wanna-say-it” face on display.

In the end, Starlight caved. “I’m sorry, I just kinda panicked there… I seriously didn’t think that actually worked.”

That confused Trixie. “Huh? Think what actually worked?”


Many months ago...

Starlight Glimmer stood over a sleeping Twilight Sparkle. She evilly chuckled under her breath holding a journal with the symbol of a blazing sunset, Starlight grinned at the new information she learned.

She leaned over to the sleeping princess, and whispered in her ear.

“She’s gonna steal Brad from you…” Starlight whispered in the sleeping pony’s ears.

“Brad doesn’t love you…”

“...you love Brad…”

Twilight moved in her sleep. “Nooo…. Brad….husbando….” the sleeping princess muttered.

“Starlight Glimmer is the greatest and most powerful pony in the whole wide world…”

Twilight moved in her sleep. “But...Trixie is…”

“Starlight Glimmer is also an awesome mayor and you totally respected her rule…”

Twilight tossed and turned. “Nooo…”

Starlight whispered “Yesss…”

“Nooooo….”

“Yessss…”

“Twilight!” Spike’s voice echoed through the halls. “I had the dream again! Mind if I come in?”

Starlight’s sly grin turned to shock and panic. She turned to the open window she had snuck in through and immediately jumped through it, hitting the ground and making a pony-shaped hole.


“Um, totally not stalk Twilight for months and whisper suggestions while she slept to create weaknesses for me to exploit?”

Trixie, instead of being mortified, lit up. “Ohhh so you did that too?”

“You did what?!”


Trixie Lulamoon stood over a sleeping Twilight Sparkle. She evilly chuckled under her breath holding a journal with the symbol of a blazing sunset, Trixie grinned at the new information she learned.

She leaned over to the sleeping pony, and whispered in her ear.

“Trixie is the greatest and most powerful unicorn in the whole wide world.”

Twilight tossed in her sleep. “Great...powerful…flank...”

“You totally find her hot and are super intimidated by her.”

“My...waifu...” Twilight moaned. “Nooooo…”

“She could totally take your Brad away if she tried, but she’s super cool like that and would never do that. But you still fear he could fall in love with her thanks to her...”

Trixie looked at the journal entry inside, then back to Twilight. “...awesome guitar skills. She’s also totally better than Rainbow Dash at guitars too.”

“Twilight!” Spike yelled from outside her bedroom. “I had this horrible dream! Someone was writing a story about us, and they completely forgot to include me in it!”

Trixie’s sly grin turned to shock and panic. She turned to the open window she had snuck in through and immediately jumped through it, hitting the ground and landing in a pre-made pony-shaped hole.


“Trixie does think she should have started more than a week ago though.”

Starlight wobbled her hoof “Eh. Don’t bother. Never really panned out anyway.”

The Great and Powerful Trixie gave a great and powerful shrug, along with an understanding nod. “Figures.”

“Yeah,” complained Starlight. “And I really thought the quesadilla fear thing was gonna work. I suppose at least something did.” The girls looked at Twilight’s snuggling victim. “Unfortunately for him.”

Without anything else to say and five minutes into their search, the two ponies finally started their search, and then immediately ended it by finding their target at the first place they looked. The dresser in the room where Twilight’s journal stood, was prime for snatching.

“There it is!” Starlight said. She smiled as she trotted over to the guest room’s desk, where their prize laid. It was a fancy red diary, with a gold spine and engraving of more gold and crystals. Inside laid a bookmark, assumingly to Twilight’s most recent entry.

“Oh, I remember that. It’s not her usual diary that she writes in every night. When we went back to Our Town, she was jotting down tons of notes in there. It’s a secondary diary I think? I’ve been itching to see what she was scribbling about...”

Trixie dashed to it and opened the diary’s pages. “Then let’s find out!” she exclaimed. Trixie and Starlight turned the journal to where the bookmark resided, and shock overcame their faces.

“Hey look...there’s a picture of us…” Trixie muttered.

“She drew a little picture of us… kissing?” Spoke a stunned Starlight.

Trixie and Starlight’s jaws dropped as they then read the princess of friendship’s entry. The more they read the more their cheeks reddened in embarrassment.

Twilight’s Entry #690:

Trixie came back to town, and of all the people she befriended she made friends with Starlight!

There was a big hassle at first and I thought we weren’t going to become friends, but then we did! They’re currently having fun in ponyville reading in my library room while I make this short but very important excursion.

This was a combination I never thought was possible! Starlight and Trixie!

They’re both unicorns, former baddies, and also talented magic users who play really well off each other. They’re so compatible, I can’t believe I never thought of it before!

For the longest time I always thought Trixie could only be my waifu (well, anyone’s capable of becoming my waifu according to the shipping chart), but then Cadance showed us that maybe she could have others like Prince Blueblood and Maud. And now she’s got Starlight too!

I’m so happy at Starlight’s progress. First me and the girls, rekindling that spark with Double Diamond and Sunburst, then forging a new ship with Spike, and now this! My little Glim-Glam is growing up, making new potential waifus everyday!

I just wonder where this leads! Are their acquaintances going to mix now and make new ships? Heck, what are we even going to call this ship! TrixGlam? Triximmer? I don’t know! Ohhhh, the possibilities are making me all tingly!

We must confront the Grand Shipping Chart in Canterlot Castle and plot all these new relationships out! I’ll have Spike write a letter to Royal Shipper Celestia and Grandmaster Shipper Cadance. We have much to discuss!

Trixie and Starlight’s eyes widened in horror, their faces red with embarrassment. The duo looked at each other.

“She thinks….”

“You and me should be…”

“Uh!” “Ahhh!”

The vomits were doubled.


It took a while, both using brightly colored magician scarves from Trixie’s hat, but the two cleaned their faces.

Still revolting, Starlight broke the ice. “Why would she think us? Of all Ponies, us! These past few months romance has been the last thing on my mind! And why would she think we’d make a good couple?! Hell, Why not Double Diamond or Sunburst! I’m finally friends again with Sunburst and Double Diamond finally forgave me for what I made him do. She does know my preferences, right?!”

“What, does Starlight not think Trixie is a suitable mate?”

Starlight turned and looked at Trixie.

“Um…” Starlight stuttered. “You do look good and all, but I’m not exactly into girls. I mean, girls are cute and all, but it’s not like I slobber all over them or something. Besides, I thought you'd be psyched that they think you're princess material.”

Trixie shrugged. "Point there. Oh, Trixie could be a princess and he could be my prince charming?”

“Yeeeaaaaa… about Blueblood, he’s kinda a prince charmless,” Starlight said. “Met him for five minutes and then wished I could get it back.”

“Yes, but-"

"No joke, I spent a month scouring the globe for seven magical items so I could summon a wish granter and get those five minutes of my life back," Starlight said.

"Trixie thinks if you add in all the time you were searching for those things, you would have lost less time if you just forgot about him."

Starlight opened her mouth and raised a hoof to speak before her jaw refused to close and her eyes widened.

"I...um, really need to think things though sometimes."

"Yeah, you do. Like how we should have never done this," Trixie added.

“We should never tell Twilight we did this, like, ever.” Starlight said.

“Which part, the breaking into the castle, the giving her hypnotic suggestions while she slept, discovering she is an insane shipper, or the knocking out her snuggle buddy…. victim… spy...whatever?”

Starlight stood there for a moment, before answering “Probably all of that. Let’s put that journal away, and I’ll just teleport us out of here before it’s too late.”

“Hey, who turned off my laser security!”

It was too late.

Their jaws dropped as they saw Twilight Sparkle’s aura appear on the door handles.

“Whatdowedowhatdowedo?” Trixie exclaimed, the duo panicking their flanks off as the door handle began to turn.

But, instead of the door pushing open, the magic faded.

“Oh hey! Two halves of a hundred bit!” Twilight exclaimed from the other side of the door. “Daddy always said a bit saved is a bit earned…now let me just put this coin back together...”

“Before she comes in, we gotta hide!” Starlight whispered.

“But where?!” Trixie exclaimed “Once she sees our vomit she’s not gonna stop until she finds those responsible.”

“That’s if she finds someone,” Starlight said. “If she does we’re gonna to go to jail for this…”

“Jail?!”

“Of course, Trixie, what did you they’re gonna do to us?”


Trixie and Starlight dangled from the high rope bound over an open boiling pot while the elements of harmony watched, each of them cheering on the heroic duo’s soon to be fate.

The sinister Twilight Sparkle, their super badie leader, laughed like a nobelmare as she put on her fox mask, grabbing the feather duster in her magic and approaching the tragic heroines.

“Fufufufufu…” She said with a smirk. “Let’s see how ticklish you two really are…”


Trixie’s thoughts ended. “Uh...actually nevermind. We probably are gonna go to jail.”

This realization, however, made Trixie’s eyes shoot open like broken glass. “Trixie can’t go to jail! She has the body of a goddess! She’ll be passed around like used cigarettes! Trixie can’t be a bottom bit-”

“-hide first, panic later!” interrupted Starlight as she pulled Trixie. “We can hide in here!”

Starlight pointed to the portal Twilight had set up in the bedroom.

“Starlight, we don’t know what’s inside.”

The pair noticed Twilight’s magic on the front door.

“Whatever it is it’s better than here!” Starlight exclaimed as she pulled Trixie to the portal, the two closing their eyes, and jumping inside just as the door began to open.


The mares landed with an ‘oomph’ on the hard ground. The cold air surrounded the pair, as well as complete darkness.

“Where are we?” Starlight pondered.

“Trixie doesn’t know. Somewhere cold…”

The light from Starlight’s horn soon illuminated the space around them. Behind them, they saw the mirror portal, but in front of them, nothing.

The pair felt a breeze blow from behind then, and a row of candles flickered to life illuminating a great wall as tall as they could see. They looked closer to see what emblems littered the great wall, and soon realized they were infact portraits. Portraits of themselves and everyone they knew.

“The heck is…” Trixie started

“...this thing…” Finished Starlight.

“Oh crud, what is this? This looks hoof-made, and there’s brightly colored lines connecting all these ponies to each other.

Trixie’s mouth dropped. “Starlight, Trixie thinks this is a shipping chart.”

“What?!”

“One that shows all the relationships and possible relationships of somebody… but Trixie's never seen one this large before…”

They scanned the large wall, looking for somepony familiar.

“Hey, look! There’s Party Favor,” Starlight pointed to the somewhat larger circle with multiple lines attached to it. He lived back in my old village and… those girls connected are also from the village too. I know some of those girls connected to him liked him, that one didn’t, that one was gay, and why is Double Diamond linked to him? Both those guys swing towards the mares.”

You sure? Maybe they’re Bi?”Trixie postulated.

“Nope, definitely not,” Answered Starlight “Believe me, I tried. Don’t ask.”

Trixie looked at her confused.

“I see you two have found our masterpiece...”

Both girls jumped at the voice behind them.

A pony in a hooded robe approached them. The soft pink light from her horn revealed her as Princess Cadance. “Ponies all across equestria, how do they connect to each other? What potential love could they make, the possibilities of all of equestria’s future offspring…”

“To know this is to know the future of the not just Equestria, but the whole world!” Princess Celestia said, the hooded god-empress walked out of the shadows.

They were soon followed by Twilight, also clad in robes. “So, we have taken it upon ourselves to catalog such information for ourselves and the world.”

“But mostly ourselves,” Cadance tacked on.

Starlight felt betrayal strike her heart. “Twilight! You too?!”

Twilight shrugged. “Yea, when you become an immortal, you just get bored and have to find… something fresh.”

In the blank moment that followed, Twilight added one more line.“That and you suddenly start caring about everyone else’s relationships a heck of a lot more.”

“Except Luna,” Celestia added.

Luna, the only alicorn without a hooded robe, stepped out of the shadows and shrugged. “Yea, I don’t really care about shipping, only ship I’m wanting that sweet delicious Big Macintosh,” Luna said, lustful drool forming at the corner of her smile.

All the girls looked at her.

“Oh...uh, sorry. Just fantasizing there. Go on,” Luna finished. "You all have your fun." With that Luna stepped back into the shadows.

“Trixie thinks this is wrong and creepy on so many levels.”

“It’s totally not creepy,” Twilight said.

Starlight snapped. “If you have to say it’s not creepy then it is always creepy!”

“Really, it’s not,” Cadance rebutted. “It’s no different then just pony watching at the park.”

“No! No it’s not!” Starlight exclaimed.

“Silence!” said the god-empress of all the land. “None talk to the Grand Master Shipper Cadance like that!”

“But don’t you outrank Princess Cadance-”

“Silence!” Twilight shouted. “You speak when the Great Shipper Authority Cadance permits it.”

“Yes indeed. And I, the Ultimate Shipper Supreme Cadance-”

“-Oh come on!” Shouted Starlight “Just pick one title and stick with it-”

“Silence!” Luna’s royal shout echoed through the room as fast as she re-entered the room. Her booming voice was loud enough to make the mares shake.

When they regained their footing, Celestia turned to her “Lulu, too loud...” she whispered.

Luna meekly backed out again. “Sorry Tia…”

With the alicorn of the night away back from where she came, Cadance cleared her throat. “As I was saying,” Cadance began, “You two have stumbled upon the greatest achievement known to ponykind. The Grand Shipping Chart, the pinnacle of shipping.”

“And perversion,” Twilight added “But as long as nopony knows about it nopony can complain. Cadance started this whole thing as a joke and it got really out of hoof really quickly. It’s kinda become a team-building exercise between all us royals now.”

“History aside, we must decide what to do of these outsiders…” Celestia said, “Oh glorious leader, tell us, what shall be the fate of these two…”

“Uhhh… we promise not to tell anyone about this?” Starlight said. “Just don’t kill us.”

“Trixie is going to need to ask why there’s no stallions connected to Trixie’s mother, but Trixie will probably not tell other ponies.”

Everyone in the room glared at her. Starlight looked on in horror as her hoof hit her face.

“Well, maybe a few. Trixie knows a few journalists. They love gossing about relationships.”

“We’re dead,” Starlight muttered. “You’ve killed us Trixie. We’re going to die now. I hope you enjoyed your life, Trixie, I know I bucking didn’t. They’re going to kill us.”

“Kill?! No!" Cadance laughed. "There is only one way to guarantee your silence. And that…”

A heart formed at Cadance’s horn. “Is by shipping you two! FOREVER!”

The heart exploded in a magical wave blowing through Trixie and Starlight.

“Cadance! What did you do?” Starlight shouted.

“What did you do to Trixie! Why does Trixie feel all tingly all over.”

“Can you feel it?” Cadance asked.

“Feel what?” Starlight asked.

“Can you feel it?” Cadance repeated.

“What are you trying to-” Starlight felt it.

Cadance smiled as her magic took hold. “I can feel it coming in the air tonight...”

Trixie’s pupils shrank. “Oh lord…”

“I’ve been waiting for this moment all my life,” Twilight said as she looked on in glee, her forehooves rubbing together.

Before they knew it, Trixie and Starlight were looking at each other, hearts in their eyes.

“Oh lord…” Starlight said.

Streams of red magic flowed around them, pulling the unicorns together into each other’s hooves. The two could not stop themselves holding each other.

“Can you feel it, coming in the air tonight?” Cadance smiled.

“Oh lord…” Starlight said as she could not pull away, she wrapped her hooves around Trixie’s neck, unable to pull away from Trixie’s approaching lips.

“...oh lord.” Trixie muttered as she got closer to Starlight’s lips, as their eyes closed themselves and the two puckered up.

They leaned in, their lips about to touch and...


“AHHHHHHHHHHH!”
“AHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Two unicorns awoke screaming and fell off their chairs, landing on the floor.

“Girls! Girls!” A pair of hooves ran towards the awakening mares.

Trixie and Starlight opened their eyes, and saw the crystal ceiling of Twilight’s palace, rays of the Celestia’s morning sun beaming through the windows.

“I heard a scream! Did you two have a bad dream?” Twlight exclaimed.

Trixie groaned as the higher functions of her brain returned. “What… what happened… where’s the… chart...”

Starlight jumped up from lying on her back screaming. She looked around and slowly regained her senses. “Oh Celestia...oh thank Luna that was just a dream.”

“What was just a dream?” Twilight innocently asked.

The unicorns jumped an inch back upon noticing the princess of friendship’s presence.

“Uh… girls? I thought you two were reading a mountain climbing book. What happened?” Twilight asked.

“We were still reading the book” Starlight muttered before Trixie took over.

“Silly us… Trixie guesses we must have fallen asleep reading,” Trixie said.

“Seems like Luna gave both of you two a shared dream or something,” Twilight said. “She likes to do that to ponies in close proximity. Though… sometimes…”

Starlight spoke up. “Things get weird?”

Trixie continued. “Like, super weird and traumatizing?”

Twilight nodded. “Yea, pretty much. If you didn’t like it send her a complaint next time you enter dreamland.”

“I’ll think I’ll skip that and just get more coffee,” Starlight said before realizing something was missing. “Hey, where’s my coffee, and our book?”

“Oh, I took them. Here you go.” From Twilight’s saddlebags she pulled out and gave them “Mountaineering on a budget: How to be cheap and not fall!”

“I cleared the desk so you two wouldn’t hit anything,” Twilight said. “I hope you don’t mind, but you two just looked so cute sleeping together that I couldn’t dare wake both of you.”

Starlight and Trixie’s cheeks turned red. “Well, the Great and Powerful Trixie would definitely be the Adorable and Snuggleable Trixie when she sleeps, so she doesn’t mind if Starlight used her as a pillow.”

Starlight’s cheeks turned more red. “Um...thanks,” Starlight squeaked.

“Well, I must admit you two do make a cute couple,” Twilight giggled at Starlight’s expense. “Anyway, Spike should have breakfast ready for you two soon but I gotta be somewhere so I’ll grab something for myself later. You two girls have fun now, okay?”

The girls nodded as Twilight walked away with a smile on her face. As the princess exited the library, she pulled out a red journal and scribbled a few notes into it as the doors closed behind her.

“So... if that was a dream, then Trixie really doesn’t know what she was writing about before. Maybe we can just go into her room right now and read her diary-”

“NO.”

“Pleeeaaassseeee.”

“Let’s not and say we did.”

“...you know… Trixie can work with that.”

-The End-