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  • E Twilight Sparkle Gets A Free Salad

    Twilight becomes an action hero to fight for free salads everywhere.
    9,142 words · 11,323 views  ·  1,065  ·  16
  • T The Immortal Game

    Princess Luna leads the Elements of Harmony against the corrupted Twilight Sparkle
    297,261 words · 46,573 views  ·  2,624  ·  54

Blog Posts25

  • 5w, 6d
    The Alpha-Readers of the Forest (Still Not Fanfiction)

    I'm editing the old blog post because I don't want to spam anyone. I'm just cutting this blog out because the alpha package for my novel has essentially run its course and it makes me uncomfortable to still have it out in the open. Thank you to the people who kindly gave me feedback, and to anyone who read it and didn't bother to contact me: I've stopped loving you and nothing will ever change that.

    3 comments · 345 views
  • 10w, 5d
    The Children of the Forest (Not Fanfiction)

    Firstly, I'm still retired. I feel obliged to let anyone reading this know up front that this blog is not about fanfiction, and that I don't intend to write any more fanfiction. If that's all your interested in, feel free to stop reading here and ignore me—certainly I bear you no ill will for it.

    Second, I've gone through some of the more recent messages in my inbox and answered them as best I could. I have seriously neglected answering my messages this past year, and I hope I haven't offended anyone. If anyone is still waiting on an answer to something, please remind me.

    Now, on to my real motive here. Hopefully some of you will be glad to hear that I've been working away at my own original fiction projects more or less since I stopped writing fanfiction. I'm happy to say that a couple of hours ago I finished the second draft of a novel.

    The second draft was almost a complete rewrite. Perhaps five percent of this draft is actual text from draft one. Now, however, the book has really taken shape, and the third draft will only be some scene rewrites, some fixing of plotholes, etc. After that draft four will be line editing and dialogue rewrites, and then I'll need to put it into the hands of other people.

    That is of course why I'm blogging: to solicit alpha readers for my original fiction. I've been gone a long time, and I have no idea how many people will read this, let alone be interested in doing me a favor for no payback, but I think it's worth a shot. The story in question is approximately seventy thousand words long (the length of the first Harry Potter novel.) It's a fantasy story about a magical princess written for young girls, which probably isn't as much of a turnoff for Bronies as it would be for others. What I'd ask of you is nothing as heavy as going through it line-by-line with comments, but just to read the story and afterwards have a chat with me. You'd tell me what you think, and I'd grill you with questions about what parts you liked most, least, etc.

    Right now I'm just gauging interest. So if you're interested, please, just let me know with a comment (or a PM, if you prefer) and a month or so from now when I'm ready I'll come back with details and hopefully we'll get things rolling.

    50 comments · 364 views
  • 95w, 3d
    The End

    Three times I have considered abandoning The Immortal Game.

    That sounds harsh; it is. At no point in the past sixteen months have I suffered any illusions about who’s in control here. I write this story because I want to, and if I didn’t want to, I could stop. It would be a terrible thing to do to you, the reader, but there it is. That door has always been open to me. Three times I considered going through it.

    Because the truth is that writing long is a pain in the ass. It’s easy to get high off a good idea and write an entire one shot before you crash, but it’s harder to keep up a sustained addiction. Okay, my analogy fell to pieces back there, but you get the idea. When you write long, there are bumps along the way.

    The first time I wanted to bail was shortly after the story was published on Equestria Daily. It barely scraped out a rating of four stars—and now you go “four out of five isn’t bad at all, I don’t see why that would upset him.” The truth is that TIG’s initial rating placed it in the bottom five percent of all fics on Equestria Daily, ever.

    It wasn’t that my expectations weren’t met: in truth I didn’t have expectations. It was just that I had come face to face with TIG’s destiny. I would write out the next eighty thousand words of the story in what even I would admit was pretty mediocre writing, receive a little bit of attention and praise for it, and then move on to maybe write something else. Quitting seemed appealing—what did I have to prove by sticking around?

    “Always finish what you set your hand to,” says Durnik. I’ve known him since I was seven years old.

    I’ve had trouble writing the epilogue. Perhaps that’s an understatement. Never before have I felt so much like I have no idea what I’m doing, like I’m just making shit up as I go along, like I’m a total ameteur playing at epic fantasy the way a child plays at being a knight by wearing a kitchen pot for a helmet. Two months ago I was tearing my fucking hair out trying to figure out how to finish my story, with no ideas in sight.

    The second time I considered leaving the story was for altogether different reasons, and it was around the release of chapter fourteen. I was writing The Power to Destroy and God, and an interesting thought occurred to me: why not just have them, well... win? What if Titan never bats away the Elements of Harmony and instead becomes a statue on Celestia’s lawn? What if Terra gets her head chopped off before she ever gets a chance to be anything but evil?

    I knew that those two chapters I was writing, with the catharsis from Twilight Sparkle’s unification, were going to be the best in the story. I wasn’t going to top the Battle of Canterlot in the third act no matter how high I turned the volume or how much money I blew on special effects. It was all downhill from here, so why not just call it? Sure, the story would be worse overall, but it would end on a high note and I would save months and months of my own time.

    “Always do the very best job you can,” says Durnik. For those of you confused, I’m referencing a character from The Belgariad, a series of novels I read as a boy. And as strange as it sounds, the dialogue surrounding these two lines has always stuck with me.

    I’ll explain why the epilogue has been so hard.

    I can’t make you happy. I don’t know what you want. See, I’ve gone around to almost a dozen people—prereaders, friends who read the story—and I’ve asked them what they think should go in the epilogue. I’ve gotten messages from readers, too, telling me that character X needs to make an appearance and plotline Y needs resolving. I’ve finished three drafts of the epilogue—the cumulative word total between the lot of them is about thirty thousand—and in each case I’ve had a different set of people tell me they’re disappointed at the lack of element Z.

    I could conceivably answer every question that you might have about the events of the story, except then somebody would ask a new question I’d failed to answer. I could write a separate scene from the POV of every major character to give them closure, but that alone is twelve characters and around forty thousand words. I could tie everything up nice and neatly, and the result would be a terrible mess.

    And so the third time I considered leaving my fair lady was about ten weeks ago, when I realized that I can’t make you happy. In a very simple sense, and in my mind, TIG has one plot, and that plot happens in a world with a lot going on. Not every question needs to be answered to resolve that one plot. Not every character needs to have their destiny laid bare. And so I thought: the plot is done, the conflict is over, why bother going on with an epilogue that will fail to meet expectations?

    Ultimately I decided I was being a lazy dick and hitched up my trousers, but that still didn’t help my predicament. I can’t make you happy.

    I’m a little embarrassed that the solution I ended up using took me so long to come to. See, I can make myself happy. I can write what I feel is a balanced ending and leave it at that. And while that might seem simple—it is, after all, how I wrote the rest of the story—believe me when I say I terrorized myself for months over this.

    The purpose of this blog is not to extoll my excellent work ethic—though I’m aware it does that to some extent, which is a little annoying. Instead I want to offer up a bit of explanation as to why it took so long to write, and I wanted to say this:

    I’m glad I didn’t give up writing this story when it was only ten thousand words long: I’m glad I wrote it through to the end. I’ve made friends I hope to keep for decades to come. I’m grateful to twenty thousand people who let me share a story with them. I’ve learned that building a skill takes thousands of hours of practice, and that writing is a hobby I can hold onto for the rest of my life.

    I have a lot to learn.

    74 comments · 2,124 views
  • 104w, 57m

    So this is what I’ve been doing this past month.

    For those of you who don’t know what I’m linking: that’s a graph of my progress over this year’s NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month. The objective is to write fifty thousand words in a month, or by midnight on the thirtieth of November. You may notice that I failed to reach the 50K word mark on time. I also noticed this.

    I hate failure. Do you like failure? Probably not. I know I’m not special in this regard, even if I’m special in almost every other way (looks, talent, youth, etc). In addition to that, I absolutely loathe being handed a participation ribbon. I was a participant. I showed up, and then contributed nothing of note.

    So what led me to fail? Why did my course falter? Well, I think it might have been arrogance. I’m generally a humble guy, but I may have crossed the line a little at some points.

    On November first, I’m visiting my parents. My friends encourage me to write what I can on their computer and get a healthy start.

    “NaNoWriMo?” I say. “I’m AestheticB. I could write 1700 word biographies for my NPCs in Dungeons and Dragons. And then they would get six star ratings on Equestria Daily. I don’t need to write. This contest is my bitch.”

    On the fifth, you’ll see that I did write... 500 words. The plan was to ease myself into the story and let it take off later. Upon hearing this, a friend told me I was fucking crazy.

    “Look,” I say with a derisive snort. “I’m AestheticB over here. Writing words is pretty much my super power. I know exactly what I’m doing, and it’s kicking WriMo ass—just as soon as I’m finished refreshing my FimFiction for comments that heap praise upon me.”

    Day 13, I write nothing at all, dedicating my time instead to schoolwork, because even I prioritize sometimes. I’m told that I am ten thousand words behind.

    “Ten thousand words?” I ask aloud despite the fact that I am alone. “That could be a challenge for regular people who don’t own $200 keyboards. I feel sorry for the peasants people who aren’t you know, me, because that also means they aren’t AestheticB, bitches.”

    The schoolwork strikes back on days 21 and 22, but I remain resolute. “Oh, shit,” I say. “I’m over ten thousand words behind, now! If only I were—oh wait, I am AestheticB. I’m going to hit this shit like a thunderstorm gone to war.”

    Day 27 I’m playing XCOM and Ambion gets shot dead by a critical hit. “What the fuck is this?” I say. “Do you have any fucking clue who I am, Muton? I wrote The Immortal Game, you mutant alien shitweasel. You can try to pull that shit when you’re an inspiration to hundreds. Hundreds.”

    This morning I look in the fridge to find out the orange juice I bought that I thought was no pulp does, in fact, have pulp. “Lots of pulp?” I say. “What the fuck is lots of pulp? They should call it 'lots of fucking shit.' I’m Aesthetic-Fucking-B. I don’t take shit from OJ.”

    Then I look online to realize I’m going to fail NaNoWriMo.

    The worst part of it is that if it weren’t in November it wouldn’t be nearly as hard. November is the month of scrambling to get every assignment done for me, and that’s magnified by the fact that I have no reading week in the fall semester. I wrote close to ninety thousand words this June. Forty thousand when I’m trying for it is just pathetic. Really, none of this was my fault. I don’t feel like it was arrogance at all.

    But what am I going to do to console myself? Go read the comments on Sparkle’s Law? I mean, sure, that might make me happy for awhile. Twenty thousand reads is nothing to scoff at, and neither is the vault interview, six star rating, two week feature, etc etc. But as nice as it is to have over a hundred people tell me how talented I am, throwing around words like “The King of Comedy” and “The Best Story I Have Ever Read,” it still won’t change the fact that I failed NaNoWriMo.

    So what am I to do? Sure, I could go check out TIG and bask in the praise of my loving readers, the fanart, recursive fanfiction, music, rave reviews, and a six star rating that defies the traditional constraints of the grimdark tag. As nice as it is to have you peasants tell me I’m the greatest thing ever to happen to English literature, it still doesn’t change the fact that my dedication to quality over quantity led me to fail NaNoWriMo.

    Because the fact is, it’s hard to be AestheticB. I worry that I’m not spending my near-divine level of talent enough, that I’m not inspiring enough people or changing enough lives. Other people only have to worry about surviving though their mundane existence, but I’ve always known I’m more important, destined for something greater. And it really sucks when I fail to meet an arbitrary word quota for reasons that weren’t my fault at all.

    I guess the real lesson to be learned here is that none of you could possibly understand the challenges that I face in life, and certainly none of you could face them yourselves. Really, I pity you for not being able to properly pity me.

    I think we’ve all known somebody like that. Someone who structures every interaction around making themselves feel and seem bigger, carefully looking for every opening they can use to boast in the most humble way they possibly can. It’s the kind of trait that goes hand in hand with being a compulsive liar.

    I don’t actually have a point here, I’ve just been watching a lot of Extras and thought that if there was a twisted version of me, it would be arrogant and pathetic. Publicly, I mean.

    But I did spend this month balls-deep in schoolwork and NaNo, which wasn’t much of a secret considering I mentioned it as often as possible. No, what I was working on wasn't a pony story, and no, you probably won’t get to see any of it for a long time.

    I want to develop my ability to create my own world, characters, and magic systems, and I want to practice long-form editing, so this was a pretty natural course for me to take. I want to get better at writing, and this will build my skills more than anything else I could do.

    But now that November is over that project can be suspended while I focus my efforts on The Immortal Game. I know many of you have been waiting patiently, and I’m very grateful for that. The ending has been a hard thing for me to write, and I don’t want to let you or myself down.

    After that, I think I might like to try another ensemble comedy. We’ll see how that pans out, though—that kind of story is also very hard for me to write. But hey, I love the challenge.

    45 comments · 729 views
  • 104w, 1d
    Team Aesthetic Saves the World

    36 comments · 338 views
  • ...

It is the day of the Summer Sun Celebration, and Princess Celestia is coming to Ponyville. Twilight Sparkle is overseeing preparations yet again, and has meticulously planned every last detail to ensure that everything is perfect for her mentor's arrival. Nothing is going to go wrong.

Except when the big day comes, Twilight has gotten four hours of sleep and Fluttershy is nowhere to be found. Pinkie Pie sets off after her with nothing but a dark coat and the voice of a chain-smoking stallion, and the Apples and the Carrots are at each other's throats while Rainbow Dash is attempting to fill in for Fluttershy.

As her plans collapse around her and Ponyville descends into chaos, Twilight Sparkle must focus on obtaining the one thing that can set everything right: the all-powerful, awe-inspiring magic of caffeine.

Six Star Equestria Daily Feature

First Published
26th Nov 2011
Last Modified
25th Nov 2011
#1 · 157w, 19h ago · 2 · ·

This was a lot of fun to write. Let me know what you guys think, and which genre you want me to attempt to write next time I decide to take a break from Ponies Make War.

#2 · 157w, 4h ago · · ·

You are a writing god.

#3 · 157w, 3h ago · 1 · ·

Sir can you write me some babies

#4 · 157w, 2h ago · 1 · ·

I am Commander Sheperd and this is the greatest fucking thing ever written. I want to bear your children. I will find a way.

#5 · 156w, 6d ago · 2 · ·

My god that was awesome. Send it to Equestria Daily.

#6 · 156w, 6d ago · · ·

Ok, time to read some ponnnnNNNNUOH MY GOD THAT IS LONG. :twilightoops:

welp, better get started

#7 · 156w, 5d ago · · ·


Hopefully you find it worth your time! :pinkiehappy:

#8 · 156w, 5d ago · 1 · ·

I love you!!! /)^3^(\

The Apple Vs. Carrot feud was amazingly epic!

#9 · 156w, 5d ago · · ·
#10 · 156w, 5d ago · 1 · ·

Immense lulzity.:pinkiehappy:

#11 · 156w, 5d ago · · ·

Holy crap that was SO AWESOME

#12 · 156w, 5d ago · · ·

This made my week.

#13 · 156w, 5d ago · 1 · ·

That was, without a doubt, the funniest, most excellently written story I have read in a very long time. Words cannot express my love for this fic. :rainbowkiss:

#14 · 156w, 5d ago · · ·

LOVED the Kanye West reference! I laughed at every turn of this story! Very nicely done!:pinkiehappy:

#15 · 156w, 5d ago · · ·

Oh, um :yay: yay


#16 · 156w, 5d ago · 1 · ·

I want to say that this is one of the best things ever, but I don't want to limit myself to time and therefore space and universe.

So I'm forced to say this is one of the best things.

#17 · 156w, 5d ago · 1 · ·

So painfully absurd... my smile muscles hurt. Aww man, that description of the slow-motion coffee cup fall. That was the highlight of the story. Still laughing. All of it was brilliant. I beseech you, whatever you may be, god or demon, I will pay in premium untainted human soul for something of this quality and comedic mastery again.

AestheticB, fantastic job, and here's to hoping lightning strikes twice  in the future.

#18 · 156w, 5d ago · · ·

Detective Pinkie is best Pinkie.

#19 · 156w, 5d ago · · ·

This was amazing, and I want a sequel.

#20 · 156w, 5d ago · · ·

The end made my night. Very well-written comedic story. :)

#21 · 156w, 5d ago · · ·

That may be the best fic I've ever read. Top five at the least. :raritystarry:

#22 · 156w, 5d ago · 1 · ·

Congratulations. You win fanfiction.

#23 · 156w, 5d ago · · ·

That is a five-star fanfic, right there.


#24 · 156w, 5d ago · · ·

“Ahm real happy for you, Carrot Top, and Ah’ma let you finish, but apples are the best food of all time. Y’all hear? Of all time.”

And that's when i lost it...

I f-in love ya


#25 · 156w, 5d ago · 2 · ·

It started out fun enough, but when you came to the "who's on third?" thing with the Apple sisters I lost it. Not only was this fun in so many ways, it was also a surprisingly coherent story given the chaos that ensues through it.

#26 · 156w, 5d ago · · ·



#27 · 156w, 5d ago · 1 · ·

:rainbowlaugh: OH MY CELESTIA THAT WAS AMAZING. Extremely well-written and effing hilarious. I haven't laughed so hard at a fanfic in my entire life! This made my morning. I'll be watching out for more of your work in the future. Fantastic job!

#28 · 156w, 5d ago · · ·


This... was awesome

Make it an episode!!!

#29 · 156w, 5d ago · 2 · ·

This story made my laugh like a bucking lunatic :rainbowlaugh:.

Where to begin? Okay, first of all, it is well written (which is always a plus :raritystarry: )

The characterization of each and every pony is over the top, yet somehow still spot on. Pinkie Pie takes the cake, however, with her noir vibe and I imagine her detective voice is similar to that of Max Payne or Batman from The Dark Knight.

The jokes, oh my god, the jokes. Kanye West would be proud, I guess :coolphoto: . And  Shakespearean-level of feuding families? In my MLP: FIM fanfic?  AWESOME!!!!! :pinkiehappy: . And yes, the slow motion sequence at the end is pure comedy gold :pinkiecrazy:

All in all, a very good fanfic, one that I'll be reading over and over again in the future whenever I need a good laugh.

Oh, btw, English is not my first language, so I just hope you could understand what I'm trying to say :scootangel:

#30 · 156w, 5d ago · 2 · ·

This fic...


It was amaz...






I mean, it was...


I’ve got nothin’.


#31 · 156w, 5d ago · 1 · ·

Oh man, this was golden. Excellently written (I spotted a few misplaced italics, but nothing major), great plot, the characters were over-the-top while still holding to in-universe personalities, and the *humor*. I can't even pick out a favorite part. My god, it's full of win!

5/5 and free gold stars for life.

#32 · 156w, 5d ago · · ·

Im just in love with that moment where even discord would think "that's too much chaos"

Very good story

#33 · 156w, 5d ago · 5 · ·

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that coffee is amazing. That, and all of my friends are lunatics. I recommend they all be sent into a mental institution, and that I be placed on a heavy prescription of medications to prevent me from burning down everything in sight.

Your Faithful Student,

Twilight Sparkle

#34 · 156w, 5d ago · · ·

That was really great. I was expecting Celestia to be the one to catch the coffee at the end, though.

#35 · 156w, 5d ago · 2 · ·

i loved this!! You need to wright about what fluttershy did! Even tho it would take away some of the humor on that part, i just think it would be epic! :heart::scootangel:

#36 · 156w, 5d ago · · ·

Celestia has been dethroned.  With this story, you now rule all of Equestria.

I humbly bow myself down to the superior writer.

#37 · 156w, 5d ago · 1 · ·

That was the most constructive waste of time every. Congrats on a great story. :twilightsmile:

#38 · 156w, 5d ago · · ·

And then Twilight was sent to the moon :trollestia:

#39 · 156w, 4d ago · · ·

normally i hate it when writers take a break like this, but i must say. this is very, very good

now i find myself wishing that the other writers i follow would write a comedy everynow and then.

thank you.

#40 · 156w, 4d ago · · ·


No, I don't know's on third, who's on first!

#41 · 156w, 4d ago · 1 · ·

This is great. I mean, MY GODS, the pacing of this story is excellent, both in the way that individual scenes are set and how it all fits together into one climactic trainwreck. The evolution from various subtle amusements to outright hilarity is most effective.

By the way, that scene of Applejack going "To me! To me!"... Is that a reference to something? I am vaguely reminded of a similar scene in A Song of Ice and Fire, but I'm not sure whether I'm misremembering.

#42 · 156w, 4d ago · · ·

I liked this a lot.  Applejack's parts were especially good.  Dramatic battle scenes with fruit and pastries make me giggle.

#43 · 156w, 4d ago · · ·


#44 · 156w, 4d ago · · ·


At least it was not Magic Kindergarten .

#45 · 156w, 4d ago · 1 · ·


Your smile muscles hurt? That's good to hear, I wrote this fic mainly to cause others physical pain. I feel I should mention that there is no such thing as an untainted human soul, and that I suppose I can make lightning strike again wherever I tell it to. Right now, I'm thinking Canterlot.

That said, don't expect something along the lines of Applejack's Axiom or Pinkamena's Corollary for another month and a half at least. This fic was the result of me writing down every funny idea I had for the mane six in a notepad over the course of about three weeks before I ever started writing. Then I took the bits that I felt would fit best together and pounded this out in about a week.


First thanks for the extremely flattering praise. Second, I feel I should say that your comment is perfectly understandable. Everything about it says that you have a strong grasp of the English language.


I loved writing this story; It let me do things I could never get away with in Ponies Make War, where comedic relief has to be sparse, I can't exaggerate characters so much, and every event must follow logically from the next.


When I wrote this I very much intended to start off, well, [Normal] or [Slice of Life] in a way that mimicked the actual show. I figured slowly jacking up the comedy would let me do some ridiculous things without breaking the suspense of disbelief. Thus, the fic slowly descends into audacious preposterousness, much like this sentence.

While I wasn't aiming for a direct reference with the "To me!" like I did with batman and Kanye, Song of Ice and Fire is still bang on. I was definitely thinking of the secene in Dance where Asha Greyjoy is ambushed in the forest by some of (Either Stannis's or Bolton's men, I can't remember.)

#46 · 156w, 3d ago · · ·

I think I will forever worship you as the god of fanfics.


#47 · 156w, 3d ago · 1 · ·

Uh, yeah- you need replace Meriweather Williams.

#48 · 156w, 3d ago · · ·

I didn't catch the Kanye reference. Can someone point it out to me?

#49 · 156w, 3d ago · · ·

This is just wonderful! What a fun hour-long special episode this would make!! If there's a way to submit story ideas/scripts, find it and do it!

#50 · 156w, 3d ago · · ·

Nice fic, one of the best I've ever read, and was that a powerthirst reference that RD made about the birds? Very nice.:eeyup:

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