When I grow up, I want to be a troll like Celestia. || Pokemon Online Mafia Channel || twitter: @isultragray
INCOMPLETE: After discovering some grave and horrible secrets about important figures of society, Twilight turns into an assassin, killing many of them. Her final target is Princess Celestia, but will her loyalty overcome Celestia's horrible deeds? [[ A/N ; i'm horrid at writing synopses, so could someone help? ]] Inspired by Snow White and the Huntsman, and The Puppet Assassin, with references from Anathema.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This is an amazing story so far. Great job. I can't wait for more.
I liked your synopsis myself, although I am no expert on synopses.
Nice cover image, by the way.
a few slightly annoying grammatical errors in a few places, nothing much, but you might want to have someone from the proofreader group read through your chapters before you post them. the only thing im mildly confused towards is:
"The arrow, the weapon, perfectly positioned at the Mayor’s temple and no place else, echoes her perfect precision and accurate eye. "
"The Mayor, though, is silent. The pony in the cloak peeks out from a tiny slit in the wall. The Mayor hardly struggles; she merely nods into the air, acquiescent to her fate. This makes the pony in the cloak ponder, if the Mayor had known in advance."
you just said that someone put an arrow through the mayor's temple, meaning it went straight into and possibly through her brain, then you go on by writing "the mayor hardly struggles and merely nods into the air, acquiescent to her fate", which would tell that she is somehow still alive in some way. which is very very unlikely after such a blow to her brain.
that aside: looking forward to reading more!
768776 Interestingly enough, that wouldn't exactly be an incredibly improbable occurrence (The Mayor surviving that shot for a few moments). The arrow would have penetrated the frontal lobe (being aimed at the temple), and the frontal lobe doesn't manage life support functions such as breathing or heartbeat, nor does it regulate muscular control. Humans have been known to stay conscious for a brief period of time after loosing their heads, and have also been known to survive being shot in the head. One chicken lived 18 months after a farmer did a bad job of beheading him, leaving him with part of a brain stem. (look up "Mike the Headless Chicken") The thing is, the only sentient species we can extrapolate physiological similarities from is our own, which, although mammal as well, are not even quadrupedal, not to mention not equine. We could extrapolate from equine brains, but horses aren't sentient, which would skew results and comparisons. Horses have tiny brains. Our best idea is to combine both. We know nothing of MLP Pony physiology though, except that they resemble our equestrian animals. And even that guesswork is warped, considering that none of our horses or ponies have single horns, much less wings. And aren't sentient. So we really don't know what MLP Ponies look like on the inside. Not to mention that their world is full of magic. All I'm saying is that it very well might have happened that the Mayor nodded into the air before succumbing to an arrow in the head.
772959
sure, i can concede to you on the note that she is still alive, but even just a non penetrating minor blow to the temple often leaves a human with a temporary loss of mental function, this is an arrow going through the temple and into the brain, i seriously doubt, even if the mayor could still be alive for a few seconds, that she would retain enough function in her brain to actually accept the circumstances. and how the brain works for a pony in the series can't be THAT much different from how a human's brain works. in the very best of scenario's i would at least doubt that the mayor could remain so calm with half her brain destroyed. i could imagine a scenario where she remained calm if the arrow in question had gone through her spinal cord, throat and major blood vessels, but not when it goes into her brain through the temple. although, in the end i guess i can cope with her living for a few extra second AND remaining calm during those moments as im not entirely convinced that she would die instantly anymore
You should hurry up so I can read more really good
can't wait for you to write more. interesting concept and an all around great idea.
keep writin' and readin'
Glad that the concession occurred, for EpicPonyWar's comment was thoroughly warranted. (772959, your commment just made my day for its accuracy, clarity, and focus)
There are, however, numerous additions I feel that I must make to this conversation, on both sides of the metaphysical aisle.
First: According to the results of a search conducted under the auspices of the Neuroscience Information Network on 12 November 2011, penetrating head injuries, like those experienced by the mayor, present a possibility of inducing "shock due to hemorrhage" and thus could cause the mayor to become incapacitated to the point of mental incoherence, as 773383 implicitly recognized. This seems to bolster Mossflower's argument, but with one major caveat. That being, the chance of shock is moderately low even if hemorrhage occurs, for a penetrating head injury caused by a "high velocity projectile" such as an arrow will "cavitate," or temporarily force brain tissue aside in a "shock wave four to five times larger than the missile's original size." While this presents an even greater risk for contusions, hemorrhages, and assorted other mayhem, the damage to brain tissue can be so vast as to instantly expire the victim (due to damage to the brainstem, not the frontal lobe, which regulates primal behaviors such as breathing, eating, heart palpitations, etc.).
Of course, we must examine the weapon in context. A "mighty" bow, I'm assuming, is a weapon of ~100 lb. draw weight (~440 N).
You know what? I just discovered something very. VERY. VEEEEEERY interesting. It is here, and it pretty much covers everything I was about to say on the physical aspect of an arrow's ballistics.
Welp, here's the summary:
Broadheads, when shot at an animal (zebra, rhinocerous, deer, etc. -- equine animals with AT LEAST as much bone density as can be expected in an MLP pony), penetrate AT LEAST 4.5" into solid bone. Not brain tissue, bone. That is far more than sufficient to ensure penetration into a brain (need I remind you that a skull isn't 4.5" thick...), pretty much regardless of animal species. Such an arrow might even, considering that the brain tissue is soft, travel up to twenty inches into the brain -- the maximum recorded in the study. This amount of damage (not even considering the secondary effects OR short-term physiological/psychological effects) is more than enough to kill in a very short amount of time -- in fact, 71.8% of such hits, when shot by a scientist, not a trained assassin, are fatal within an extremely short timeframe. This would cause severe damage to the brain, not really leaving any chance to "nod, acquiescent" to one's fate.
The psychological refutation would exist in the case of Phinehas Gage, who survived -- and talked -- just minutes after suffering SEVERE frontal lobe damage. BUT, special note MUST be taken of his innate physiological advantages over the mayor: He was a railroad worker, an accident-prone career that attracted primarily well-developed, fit, men, the kind you would expect to survive such an accident.
The final point being:
It is unlikely that the mayor would have been able to "nod, acquiescent to her fate" before dying due to shock (hemorrhage), brain trauma, or some other malaise. Some credence for this may be attributed to "literary license", but personally, I must side with EpicPonyWar. Please ascertain a basic knowledge of terminal ballistics, psychology, traumatic brain injury, and arrow ballistics before uploading something like that, or get someone to check it over. That will be all.
--
IX, your (now-tired) friendly advocate of scientific literacy and literary enlightenment, Director (et al.) of SCI, a group with the same stated goal.
1610897
wow, that was a long time ago...
and for the record:
i don't have all of that, but im studying for a degree in "master of science in medical engineering", that means i have to have quite a bit of knowledge on the human body and of what the consequences are when certain things happen, granted; i've not studied for that long, so i have just over basic knowledge (on that level). and about projectiles, i've never been THAT interested in arrows, bullets on the other hand; i know what those will do to you. and as you've probably noticed in my comment; i was not 100% certain, as it is an arrow, not a bullet, but i figured that the increased weight ought to spell a result which is close enough considering where it hit.
1611302
Oh. Damn. Sorry, I meant for the AUTHOR to have that. No, your comment was fine. I just agreed with EPW, that's all.
I see no problem in contributing to dated discussions, but you're right. Arrows are significantly different than bullets. Now, I'm certainly FAR too young to be considered an "expert" in physics, or terminal ballistics, or forensic pathology, or forensic medicine for that matter, but I do consider myself to know... well, in the interest of modesty, a fair bit more than your average Joe about most everything.
So, yeah.
--
IX
1612304
i don't think the author expected us to go all science-mode on him though!
and im not saying that there is a problem with your contribution either, but i was really scratching my head there for a while, trying to figure out what was going on.
1612338
Lol. Just... lol.
an awesome start, to a story with allot of promise . cant wait for the next chapter
1610897
hey thanks for the help! i was a mere 11 y/o filly at the time of publication so i just wrote whatever i had on my mind. thanks for the clarification!
1908048
Lol. Thanks for responding, and just because I brutally destroyed all your comments WITH SCIENCE doesn't mean that I didn't like it. Keep writing!
(mwahaha)
1610897
the biggest problem is we're using science. These ponies are surviving magical blasts that if we put into a science equation would probably decimate a human but their left dead not vaporized and it's clear they aren't biologically normal I mean look at them. Point is they're like Pinkie Pie you don't question it they weren't created with science in mind. Another idea perspectives are a thing we're in Twilight's perspective and she's peeking through what a crack in a wall for all we know Mayor Mare could be completely lifeless and the movement is wind but Twilight perceives it as more than that. Think of these ponies as aliens.
Anyway I'm guessing this fic is extremely dead oh well 'twas fun while it lasted