I sense hilarity

This is the fourth fic on the site to use this name............

*shrug* I'll read it.

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Very nicely done!

>>757916757916

I couldn't think of a better one, though I am open to suggestions.

Brilliant! Good job on this, I loved it.

Wow, this story begins in a kind of messed up way, but becomes more and more awesome as it goes on. By the way, the cover pic still isn't working properly.

Head canoned.

Fantastic!

>>757983757983 Yeah, same here.

This is a tasty slice of awesome. Have a thumb!

I like it!! What's more it friggin makes sense. Well, sorta. I mean the idea that Chrysalis would want to replace one of the few ponies who knew Cadance well enough to see through the disguise is clever and it makes sense. Of course it still seems weird that Twilight, who Cadance foalsat years ago, still picked up on that faster than Shining Armor--her fiance, or Celestia--her aunt. But that's a problem with the episode, not your story.

Ditzy the hero mom is always great to read and I love how fourth-wall wise one can blame Derpy-gate on the actions of the Changeling scout. I think my favorite line is "Have you seen me go past?" It's just such a random phrase that no one ever has cause to say and its freaking hilarious.

Well done!!!

This fic is fun and cute.

I would help with the title but I am HORRIBLE with titles.

>>758586758586

Actually, I changed it from "What Went Wrong" (which has apparently been used several times before) to "So, Just What Went Wrong, Anyway?"

I like this one a lot better, since it makes the playful nature of the story a bit more clear, and it's the one I've submitted this story to EQD under.

>>758633758633

Definitely works.

My problem Is I tend to try too hard and end up with either something in alliteration or overdramatic or both like "Daring Derpy and the Day of the Dastardly Doppelganger". Or something less relevant like "Cockroach Unicorn Attack".

Heh, I love that the walleyes make Derpy immune to petrification by cockatrice; that was brilliant. As was the rest of the story, really.

Oh man, you ended it way better than I could've imagined. The cockatrice? Pure genius

>>758871758871

I was initially thinking along those lines as well, but I decided that I didn't want to reveal that Underpy was a Changeling right off the bat. My other initial idea was "Derpy Hooves Technically Saves Equestria," but I felt that was awkward, and it seemed to take something away from her victory, even though the ending reveals that by inadvertently saving Twilight Sparkle, she has indeed saved Equestria, albeit without any intention to do so.

That was a very fun and entertaining story.  Added to my favorites and archived on my Kindle.  Very nice work!

Nice touch having her be immune

Haha, Derpy Hooves: a quest for redemption and muffins.

Excellent.

Glad you went with the title that you did, it doesn't give any of the story away. Love the clever alliteration and Derpy saving the day. It starts of a bit muddled and confused and almost a copy of the episode. Derpy is a master spy and goes unnoticed by acting ditzy, or is just very very lucky and stars down chicken snakes.

I like the way how Chrysalis try to keep Twilight away from her plan. And, of course, I love how Depry is immune to the cockatrice. Sorry if i'm not original in my comment. Here, have a Derpy !

>>822729822729

The mere fact that you found it worthy of commentary is quite flattering in and of itself, even if your comment isn't "original."

Everyone griping about the title can go eat apples and fight off jackleapp This fic was great! I loved Derpy talking to Daring DO and I was not expecting how it tied in so nicely. Kudos again!

Hmmm... It's still off that Chrysalis knew so much about Cadence but never ever tried to act as the real one... Oh well... too dumb for that I guess... or too evil? Meh, whatever...

DERPY SAVES THE DAY!!!

Oh, and they didn't like it at EqD? I sometimes wonder who the hay "works" there...

Keep up the good work!

I'll be honest and say I didn't like the treatment of Derpy as, in the changeling's words, a "Complete Moron" any more than I did when the actual episode came out, but this is an interesting and amusing headcanon regardless. Not quite a fave, but I'll give you a like!

>>846677846677

Honestly, even though I know Twilight was right about Cadenza being a doppleganger, I agree with her friends that most of her objections were just her being crazy, as is the case about half the time (other times she's being brilliant, like on the Friendship Express)l.  If forcing Rarity to remake a dress means you're a Changeling, then five out of the six Elements of Harmony were replaced way back when they were getting ready for the Grand Galloping Galla.  Twilight's habit of blowing things out of proportion (look at the time-travel episode) just happened to be right this time.  Which is why you should always hear out her insane rambling and double check just in case she's right.... Especially because she may go nuts and enchant a doll to enrapture the whole town if you just ignore her.

That said, replacing the Groom's sister makes a lot of sense, since she'll probably remember things from years ago that an imposter has no way of knowing (like the little dance-greeting) and this fic manages to fill in a lot of little gaps in canon in an entertaining fashion.  

>>758435758435

Celestia, Shining Armor, etc. might not have noticed because it might have been a gradual thing - Chrysalis may have started out imitating Cadence well enough to fool even Twilight, but then began slipping over time, either deliberately or because it's really hard to maintain an act 24-7 for a long time. Everyone who was watching the process would attribute it to stress from the wedding, so only Twilight picked up on just how jarring of a change it was.

Of course, given that the real Cadance hadn't died of starvation while trapped under Canterlot, nor find her way out on her own, raises the question of how long she was actually trapped.

>>846677846677

A part of me wonders if maybe Chrysalis wasn't provoking Twilight on purpose. After all, the bearers of the Elements of Harmony were going to be at the wedding for whatever reason, so Chrysalis may have been looking for a way to ensure that at least one of them wouldn't be there. When Twilight had a massive freakout ruining the rehearsal, she made sure that she would not be missed at the real event...

>>10060691006069

Maybe. But still banishing Twi to the very same place she put Cadance... not the smartest move, really... would be easier to just let her be. After all, at that point Twilight was pretty much completely crushed and sure that she's made a huge mistake... Heck, she apologized for crying out loud! Oh well... plot holes must exist otherwise half of the show could be rendered invalid.

>>934033934033

Yeah, that's a fair point... Still not even trying to investigate the claims of someone who knows the pony in question is a bit reckless, especially considering this entire threat thingy... Seriously, if during the period of drastically increased security there is an alert of potential impostor, you investigate it immediately. Even when it's the V.I.P. of the event we are talking about. Just in case. And you do not counter the claims with simply: "She was helping me with headache" or "You are jealous". Still, as I stated above: plot holes... or naive ponies...

>>10061851006185

If I'm "right," the fact that Twilight is apologetic is the reason that Chrysalis had to remove her: one of the main points of antagonizing Twilight was to remove one of the Element-bearers. If Twilight is hanging around trying to "make things right," then she'd be in position to join up with the other Element-bearers when Chrysalis's plan came to fruition.

On the issue of investigating "Cadance," all I recall us hearing is that there was some sort of threat made against Canterlot. It may have been a threat of an "imposter," in which case your criticism is completely valid, but it may have also been something along the lines, "Dear Celestia: My army and I are coming to get you. Mwuhaha. Sincerely, Chrissy," in which case, they may not have had any reason to expect infiltration.

Finally, as to stashing Twilight with the real Cadance, you probably have a point there. Then again, I can't help but point out how close Twilight came to blasting Cadance in the face with a spell that, about ten seconds early, was shown to blast holes in solid rock.

>>10064601006460

Yes, I sort of got the impression that was the plan.  Drop Twilight in with Cadence, antagonize her, then let her take care of Cadence for you- probably then reveal to Twilight she killed the wrong person just to watch her reaction.

It's still not any where near as good a plan as "kill them yourself" but it certainly would appeal to someone who liked to see others suffer.

>>10064601006460

You're probably right, but honestly I don't even know why I answered... I mean it's half past 1 AM here right now and I should sleep, not try and reason with little success...

Oh, and that threat line... I simply can't stop laughing after imagining it.

Alright, let's end this here before I make even bigger fool of myself... We all have our own versions of how that entire situation should or should not be resolved. Although I still believe I have a point somewhere... I'm not exactly sure where or how significant it is.

That being said, goodnight everypony...

Huh... This is great! Also, I chuckled a little at the 'imaginary friend is smarter than the one who imagines it'. It tends to happen to authors whose characters grow enough.

I should know, it has happened to me!

Just reread this story for the first time since it was initially posted, and it's still funny! I completely forgot about that "looking her trapezoid in the eyes" line.

>>10064821006482

actually i think it would have cemented chrysalis victory since we have several options

case A: twilight doesnt escape plan goes without a hitch

case B: twilight escapes but nobody believes her chrysalis win

case C: twilight reveals that chrysalis is a fake cadence chrysalis now can spin the blame to twilight since she didnt kill cadence

now the fic is pretty good and a instafavorite for me

Not bad at all. Adding this to my favorites.

That explains a lot.

I enjoyed that, well done

>>934033934033 Although, if you think about it, Twilight only ever freaks out under two situations: when she believes Equestria's in danger, and when her reputation with Celestia's on the line. And Equestria takes precedence, so when she disregards her appearance before the Princess, something serious is going down.

>>14066421406642

Or she THINKS something serious is going down.  See my example of the time travel episode once more.  And I did say it's always worth hearing her out, it's just not guaranteed she's right instead of going a little crazy.

>>14110911411091 In then end, that turned out for the best anyway. Because they were ready for anything, everyone was in good position to quickly neutralize the Cerberus. If Fluttershy wasn't in town, or Twilight left for some reason, that whole business would have been a lot more serious, so it was in their best interests, whether they knew it or not, to hear her out then, too. Besides, as far as most ponies know(well, everyone but Pinkie and Spike), the Cerberus was it. After that, she retreated into the library to monitor everything, and Pinkie's the only one we know visited her.

>>14111591411159

As long as neither Spike nor Pinkie said anything, I suppose-- while Spike doesn't seem like he'd gossip, he doesn't seem like he'd avoid mentioning it around others either. Really that turned out for the best early on and then progressively turned out worse for Twilight Sparkle. Indeed if she'd stopped worrying pretty much immediately after the Cerebus, she could have avoided a lot of injury.   Because Twilight doesn't always know when to stop.  And once she gets worked up, it spreads to her perception of other things.  Otherwise, she probably would have realized she was one of the people authorized to see the Starswirl wing instead of trying to break in.

Anyway, what are you trying to argue here?  That Twilight never overreacts and always should be listened to?  Because I also seem to remember she once spent a whole episode stalking Pinkie and eventually spontaneously combusted over something everyone else had already learned to live with.  And I can think of other examples.  Twilight is capable of keeping calm when everyone else is freaking out on some occasions, but she's not perfect.

>>14111741411174 No, I said nothing of the sort. I'm simply tired of everyone saying that the complete disregard of her panic, and the derision that followed, was justified, when it really wasn't. I mean, yes she gets carried away by her own worries, but she usually doesn't worry for nothing. Her breakdowns are usually self-destructive until they lead to something truly dangerous, which actually makes the disregard and derision even worse, since that lead directly to the Smarty Pants incident. And the Pinkie Sense thing? Completely unrelated. Just because it's accepted, doesn't mean it can't be challenged. Granted, she could have gone about it in a bit more scientific fashion, but it's in her nature to attempt to understand the unknown.

>>14112671411267

Unrelated?  To her tendency to overreact?  Arguable.  

And what derision are you talking about?  Nobody made snide comments or anything.  And they didn't disregard her panic, they provided counter-arguments in an attempt to help her see she might be overreacting (at least until Chrysalis pulled the emotional blackmail card with fake tears).  You seem to be thinking of a different scene than the one we got.

It was a really fun read, I loved it! The epilogue kind of washed it off though. You didn't need to explain her plans, at least not so throughly.

Bwahahahaha!

Ahem...

Yay

I was only following along until "trapezoid in the eyes." Then you had me. Very cute.

It was quite a fun read, and for a really tense moment I thought Derpy was going to be petrified and left in the forest, and that's why we haven't seen her since. When you think about it, this really makes perfect sense. Derpy was more clumsy than out right stupid, and I think given what we knew of her, her appearance in Last Roundup didn't match.

It must have been changelings.

And Derpy simply derps for the win!

Also, I have got to stop getting sidetracked...I was supposed to go straight to Flash fog after reading Avocation. Instead I wound up here.

Now I'm going to read the prologue of Flash Fog. Hopefully I won't get overly distracted this time.

Good story by the way, loved the fact that you used canon material in more than one way.

Headcanon!

OMG CHANGELINGS

So aside for having an ass that can destroy ANYTHING Derpy is now immune to cockatrices? Is it just me or is Derpy slowly becoming a Mary Sue?  Not that I'm complaining, if anypony deserves it it's Derpy.

Thus, the pegasus found herself hiking through the Everfree forest—the perfect place for a pernicious pony to plot pusillanimous plans, prioritize petty protocols, and do other nasty things that didn’t necessarily start with the letter “P,” as well.

This is now quite possibly my favorite sentence ever written in any piece of fiction ever.  ...that didn't contain the words "explode" or "explosion", anyway.  Sounds kinda like something Twilight would say.

Suffice to say, I love your sense of humor in this.  If I had any real criticism to make it'd be simply that you kind of glossed over the beginning segment--which, yes, I know is a rehash of the events of the episode that inspired this, but it still feels lacking in the description of events compared to the rest and makes it stand out.  For instance, the bit with her zapping herself with the lightning crowd didn't just make her stop jumping, it left her dusted with soot (...somehow...), frizzed up her hair and feathers and left her looking even more (adorably) goofy than usual for a sec.

A minor thing, and yes readers who have seen it already know this, but describing little stuff like that in words always adds a bit more flavor, and is why we don't just write things in a theatre-script style.

Which brings me to one other tiny criticism, and that's simply that at times--especially during the confrontation with the antagonist at the end--things sort of devolve into "talking heads" territory, with nothing more than interchanging lines of dialogue with no indication of who's speaking or what they're doing while speaking.  Don't get me wrong, I was able to follow who's who...but not everybody will, and again, description is all about adding flavor to these things.

Even if it's just something as simple as saying, "Derpy's ears flicked back with anxiety," right after one of the lines of dialogue.  Little gestures and body language can add as much to what a character's saying as describing their tone of voice, and can sometimes make it even more clear as it can be hard to make a reader imagine exactly the tone you want them to just with words.

Still...those are stylistic nit-picks more than anything...and mostly my opinions, as I hardly claim to be an expert.  Take them with a grain of salt.

Apologies for an overly verbose comment, but for what it's worth, I loved this story and your treatment of the character is excellent.  The entire tone of the story and narrative style just fits her so well; I'd love to see you do more sometime.

>>24108942410894 - I certainly appreciate your comments, though I would like to respond to one in particular. You seem to be under the impression that there is a specific way I want the details of this story to be interpreted, and that the lack of nuance you occasionally find is a result of an oversight on my part. However, I've always thought of prose fiction as an interactive medium, with the reader as a partner in the creative process with the writer. As a result, I tend to avoid writing those little details you mention unless I consider them to be extremely important, and many times, I do so quite deliberately; otherwise, I feel as though I am unnecessarily imposing on the creativity of my readers as they imagine the scenarios I describe for them.

Of course, by now I've accepted that many readers prefer the little bits of description that I generally do my best to ignore when I read fiction, so whenever my prereaders look over a bunch of dialogue and want some more descriptive text, I'll generally throw something in, even though I sometimes still worry that my readers will feel insulted by the metaphorical hand-holding.

>>24120522412052  Ha, fair enough.  Like I said myself, most of it is just stylistic nit-pick.  But I like to at least try to leave some form of constructive criticism when I comment rather than just blind gushing; it's more helpful.  Though if it's a story I really like, I also try to begin and end with the stuff I like about the story.

As I said, take my critiques with a grain of salt...or perhaps a particularly large helping of it.  I'm no expert at this whole writing thing.  And thanks for the entertaining fic!

Chryssy is best villain