Naruto was well, and sure that there would be consequences to using the Kyuubi's power the way he did against Pein. Meeting his father was the only possible silver-lining along with saving the village and being hailed a hero.
Now, because of a fail-safe left behind by his overly cautious father, the Yondaime, he is stranded and lost. The thoughts of finding a new purpose are railroaded when he meets a certain white, unicorn private, Shining Armor. Then finding a wall-eyed pegasus, who'd give unto him what he most desired.
A family.
Crossover with Naruto.
Main Pairing: Naruto X Derpy
Side Pairings: Spike x Dinky, Shining Armor x Cadence
Chapter 1-8 have been edited by my good man, XIII Hearts. He did an awesome job, with helping me fix up these chapters for your enjoyment.
Happy birthday, my good sir! Also, good first chapter to start us off! I tip my hat to you!
7236013
I tip mine to you, as well.
Thanks for the birthday congratulations.
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Believe me, I did want to, but I felt it was getting kind of long.
So I scrapped it.
Don't worry though, there is an awesome fight in the future, make no mistake of that.
This is awesome. I can't wait for the next chapter.
Now THIS is a story. It's unique, thus far it's following it's own plot, and everything just flows so well. Great job all around, keep goin and stay golden^^
YOU MAGNIFICENT MAN! THAT WAS GLORIOUS!
I love how Naruto is a changeling instead of a pony or fox. It's so much more interesting to see him work hard to earn everyone trust and overcome their views on him then for him to easily fit in as a pony. The fact that he's a changeling will make the wedding in the future much more exciting and he might even prevent the invasion from happening. He could stop Chrysalis from replacing Cadance or he could befreind her but enough about possible futures.
The scorpoleons are VERY COOL! Their a nice bit of world building in the story and shows just how strong the solar guard's have to be to protect everyone. Hopefully they don't slack off and become like the shows guard's (their so useless) and I hope there will be more cool creatures. Please?
I adore the scene with little Twilight and Spike. It show's a cute and innocent moment with so much tension going on. I love how the first thing Twilight thinks to ask is what type of bug he is. It fits her character so well. And Spike is just to cute.
I am sad to say that I have one complaint.
I would have loved to see Naruto interact with Celestia and to see her react to a changeling. But I don't know if you have that planned for the future or not. If you did just ignore this complaint.
Overall this was a stupendous first chapter and I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter.
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Gotta love really enthusiastic reviews, I know I do.
All that said and done, there will be a scene between Naruto and Celestia in the next chapter, but there is something I'm trying to figure out.
Does Celestia know what a Changling is? I'm gonna rewatch a Canterlot Wedding to find out, but if she doesn't, I might have to take liberties with this.
Yeah, the whole invasion plan is going to be...Let's say it will happen and end, how it started.
By a single Changling, and with a single Changling.
Though there's going to be an interesting Aftermath with how the fight ends. Believe me, it's going to have people tearing me a new one for ending the story maybe one chapter after that fight, when what I have them say during the invasion is going to have people up in arms.
To be honest, I was just going to end it with having a line after Shining's dad opened the door. Something like what I did end the story with, but without all the details in between it. I felt, though, that while it would be hilarious, I'd rather it end with a better picture I.E. The whole family and their reactions instead of a comedic punchline to the whole chapter.
I think it worked out for the better.
All that said and done, I do believe I'll be giving the soldiers their time to shine in the future, with some returns from the OCs I casted.
See ya next chapter.
Hey nice to read another Naruto/MLP crossover from you. Got to say...I'm really enjoying this story so far.
I like that you made Naruto into a Changeling, along with making this story begin with its own beginning instead of starting in Ponyville or Canterlot. The only thing that bugs me is that the Anthro tag(I'll probably get use to it) Anyway fantastic start on a story and can't wait for next chapter. Stay strong
7239210 \
Glad to see you again!
Yeah, a lot of stories don't really have a creative start, for the most part. I said this in a pm before on FF, hold on:
There we go, that's part of it.
I honestly do hope you get used to it, since more often than not I'd write anthro, though that doesn't mean I've never had a non-anthro story idea before.
Thanks, and I hope to see things through to the end.
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I have no words, for how intolerant that is. Good luck with that.
You are seriously ignorant.
7240842
Someone sounds hurt they couldn't find a story to their liking!
God forbid someone write something different to their likes, Le Gasp /sarcasm.
Worst part for you is that you still saw the anthro tag, downvotes and still went out of the way to say WHY you did, only for it to be one of the dumbest reasons.
I don't have to be dissatisfied with you. At least I've actually written something, unlike someone. So yeah, sounds more like you're dissatisfied. I'm just disappointed for you.
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I don't think anyone would agree, if the like/dislike ratio is something to say about this. You're a small percent of a vocal minority. Your vocal minority, is a small percent of the minority.
Do you even think before you write? Then again, you obviously don't write much of substance to begin with. Caring about my reviews and replying back to them, is something someone who cares about the story as a whole, would do.
Last, and not least, your opinion is based solely on a single tag. Hell you even said, and I quote:
Why the hell should anyone listen to you when it comes to the quality of their story, just because you dislike a tag?
Dude, you're childish.
7241813
There is nothing EVER wrong with leaving a polite or constructive review.
You as the reviewer shouldn't really be expecting to have ALL your reviews receive immediate attention. And leaving any, ANY, comment is going to have someone caring.
It doesn't matter who it is, it's going to affect someone.
That was awesome!!! Good work
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7242197
7238397
Thanks for the encouragement.
This is absolutely wonderful!
The fact that you actually got how strong he is Physically wise alone in Sage mode has me hooked.....very few realize that he can indeed lift mountain sized creatures while in sage mode.....considering the fact that he lifted stone statues that are big enough to be considered as smalls hills.......With ONE HAND.....and mind them but those were PURE STONE Statues so the weight of it wouldn't even be comparable to a living creature that can be twice it's sized but won't even weigh nearly as much
Thank the almighty Gods out there you didn't do the same shit as that other guys story that just because he is in a another world these things will happen
1) A being that is nothing more than pure Energy shaped into a fox is suddenly turned into a regular flesh and blood one.....just because he was transported to a world without native users of said energy
2) A Internal energy that is interwoven to somebodies very DNA is suddenly ripped from they're body and they don't instantly die when said energy also goes to they're bodies most important organs....like the hearth and brain.....with the same reason as above just because they are taken into a different reality
Leaving this aside as for the story itself
I can't really describe anything properly.....other than the fact that I loved every single moment of reading this fic!
The fact that the first thing Twillight ask him is which bug species he is had me laughing more than i should have probably had to but in my opinion it was worth the earful i got for waking up my Angry Dragon of a sister
Just imagining the whole Twi and Spike playing with him has me feeling like i have Diabetes or something......which is scary for me becuase my family has a history of getting Diabetes......if i do get it i at least know who to blame
!
Over all everything was good grammar was good pacing was good all I am hoping for is a update soon!
Anyways i know this is a bit late but congratulation and Happy Birthday
!
And also you should probably ignore the one who is....butthurt i guess? i'm sorry I don't really have a more polite and nice way to describe them......and I can't really think of one due to the exhaustion i am currently feeling so please feel free to correct me if you have a better and less offensive way for me to describe them
Excellent work. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
7244399
I worry for your health situation considering I'm already writing the next chapter. Just know, there is a lot of family-time fluff in it.
You have been forewarned.
Yeah, power-scaling is something I take VERY seriously, because it is important to the character in question
To put into perspective:
We had a flashback of when Sasuke saved Karin and she became infatuated. He took down a bear that is basically a Ursa Minor, as a child, and came out without a scratch. Need I remind you that this was in the Forest of Death, and I think you understand what I'm trying to get at.
Another example:
Obito in an anime flashback, was sparring with Kakashi in the academy, When Kakashi substituted, Obito broke a log of wood the size of a child. In the ACADEMY, which means they were at most 9 or 10 at the time.
A lot of people seem to forget that these ninjas are beyond normal human boundaries. Enough so that their young are fully capable of killing a fully grown civilian man with maybe a few blows.
MY first true example of power-scaling in Naruto was when Naruto went Four-tails versus Orochimaru. That fight is a frickin' mind opener!
So yeah, don't expect me to be diminishing Naruto's strength any time soon, for the sake of the story. If anything, expect villains to scale to Naruto's level at times, if they aren't already some at his level to begin with.
That aside, expect more interactions from the family and Naruto. Twilight is fun to write, since she's basically a little Lisa Simpson. At least that's how I imagine her sounding, beside like Bubbles. Writing Spike is going to be kind of difficult, as time passes, since I'm not sure how far into the future I expect him to start talking like he does in the show.
And don't worry, I dealt with ABitterPill. He's actually the one who deleted his own comments, so I didn't have to do anything.
Thanks for the congratulations
Thanks
7244602
One puuuuuuuuuuunch!!!!!!
7256750
Your avatar is hilarious.
Thanks for reading
Do you have an editor? There were quite a number of spelling errors; too much for me to list all of them here.
I really like this so far, it's quite interesting.
7259774
Nah I self-edit.
Yeah, after reading through I noticed them as well. I'm gonna have to go through it again for that.
I usually type/edit at the same time, but when I type and think words, sometimes some words just don't want to be typed for some reason.
Believe me, it was a lot worse beforehand.
7260581 Would you like one? I'd be willing to lend you a hand.
7260613
I'd love to.
So how do you want to do this? I write most of this in the google docs stuff, so I can share you in on it.
7260623 Whatever you feel like is the most convenient way for you. With the other guy I edit for, SolidArc5542, he would just PM me the whole chapter and then I would PM him back the edited version.
So for Google Docs, do you just email me the entire doc and then I send it back to you?
7260632
Actually I can just share it with you, and as you edit, it saves the edits to the document. No need to back and forth with emails.
7260640 Okay, so how does that work?
7260640 Do you need my google plus account to share it with me?
7260652
Not necessarily?
I can make it open to anyone by making it shared, but it's just easier if I use a specific name or address.
7260657 Just got your PM, and I just replied.
Keep up the great story telling. Changeling Naruto is best changeling.
I'm watching you, if there's a distinct lack of Derpy in the next chapter .... I will find you, and I will pout at you until she is included.
Nice 2nd chapter
I found it very amusing to see Cadance trying to get Naruto a date. And I'm a bit surprised that during the final event of Recruit Day that you didn't include the Ninja Art: 1000 years of Death 
7261585
Honestly forgot about that. It's been a while since I've even seen a reference to it.
As for all else, Cadence wants her friends, the most, to find love.
She calms down in later years, but right now she's a teenager with a plan of action.
UNITE WITH LOVE!
Thanks for reading.
7261714
But you and I(along with everyone else that has been a teenager) know how teenagers are like. Chaos. So I'm pretty sure that Cadance's plan will backfire on her
Sorry I didn't comment earlier. Fallout 4 console mods were released. Beware! They steal your soul!
Anyway, you got to love Twilight Velvet and her deadly shopping sprees. Poor Naruto was lucky to survive. I like how the shopping showed Naruto and Velvets relationship. I mean you have to be somewhat close to someone to be planning their wedding attire or insane. Let's hope Naruto can learn to avoid shopping sprees or he'll be doomed when he meets Rarity.
You made me what to see Spike in a onesie and made his and Naruto's relationship so cute! You might have just killed me with their cute moments! I hope that Naruto's and Spike's bond doesen't affect Twilights bond with Spike in a negitive way. That would SUCK! Not likely but still a possibility.
The park and library scenes were funny and introduced Twilight's freinds/rivals. Trixie and Moondance are great choices and I can see their antics becoming the norm for Twilight.
Cadance's shipping downfall will be fun.I hope she trys to set Naruto up with someone while he trys to talk to derpy. Would be funny and could show Cadance to calm down with her matchmaking.
Gamakichi's appearance was great and showed how things are back home. Will Naruto be able to send mail throu the toads? Naruto trying to learn magic is bound to led to some interesting things.
Celestia and Naruto being pals is nice. Lets hope Celestia is ready for pranks in the future. I love the flashback. The tense and cautious tone it took was amazing and the funny bits felt like they belonged. Celestia running into another all powerful being thats not evil must be a nice change for her.
The recruit day trails were enjoyable. It shows how he still has to face prejudice views even if he becomes a royal guard. All the test were basic but Naruto's complete domination of them made it fun to read. Celestia's playful spirit made everything much more entertaining at the end and all the poor recruits that fell to Naruto's speed had great reactions.
Fashion week should be very interesting especially if they get some stowaways.
I do wonder about Naruto having two horn. Is he a different kind of changeling then Chrysalis's hive or does he just have two horns?
Anyway I'll see you in the next chapter.
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I'm no Fallout fan, but I know what it can do to people.
Thanks for the review.
Twilight Velvet, and Naruto aren't that close, yet, but she's learning that he's pretty much just like Shining, sort of. Young, and just kind of childish. Plus being around Canterlot most of her life, she can understand how it can be, dealing with the most of them.
Yes, shopping for clothes is Naruto's bane, but we all knew that.
More, than that, it's more that Spike and Twilight aren't going to suffer for it, relationship wise. They are still basically brother and sister. Plus Spike still spends more time with Twilight than Naruto, considering he's usually at Canterlot castle. I'm going with the idea that Spike's got two moms. Celestia, being the first, and Velvet being the second.
I forget where I read it, but it was said somewhere that Spike was given to Twilight, one he was like 6 or seven. I could just be picking an age, but I know that's close to what was said. As in, she did hatch him, but he didn't get truly "given" to her until she was of an appropriate age.
Trixie, and Moondancer. Yeah, this is something that actually came COMPLETELY out of left field for me. They honestly weren't supposed to even be in this as far as the story was concerned. Like we would have been had some names thrown out in the future to show that Naruto did indeed change Twilight somewhat, but then I felt like that was a really cheap way to go about it. I've seen it done before, but I felt that it was a impersonal way of showing character's history changes, so I wen in full throttle and that ind of bloated the word count.
Yes, Cadance's shipping is something I wasn't sure, if I wanted to do it. Originally, she was supposed to be a pen pal of Derpy's in this, but after trying to figure out a way for her to do that, that didn't seem like I forced it, I scrapped the idea. She would have used Derpy's pen-pal "ness", to try and hook the two up, but I felt that the story wouldn't flow well with that in the way.
Cadence is young, and well, I'm trying to play with that. She's mature to a point, but LOVE is her prerogative right now. As for what she might do in Manehattan, well, I'm still debating what that will be.
Gamakichi being summoned, was something I realized needed to happen. It's a plot point I needed to touch on, but expect more from the toads in next chapter, maybe.
Mind you, Celestia's still kind of iffy on Naruto. She knows Changelings, to an extent, and while not fully aware of full abilities, she knows that they usually come in hives. Naruto a lone changeling, is more than a bit odd. As for being friends...Well, she's got a powerful "acquaintance" in him at least. Friendship with Naruto, and her, isn't really her biggest detail. Her ponies come first, Naruto comes later, maybe.
Yeah, she REALLY doesn't have a good track record with powerful beings, who are nice, or even cordil. The trend is usually that they are bad guys, but she's smart enough to NOT just attack someone out the gate, when their intentions have not been shown to be hostile.
That's just common diplomacy.
Yeah, the recruitment day was always planned. The very idea that Naruto would have any difficulty, unless called out on it would be kind of absurd. I did on think about it, but then I was like.
Why? What would be the point of calling him out, to make him possibly do harder tests, than the others? For what purpose would it serve to do that, other then to alienate him, and make him a possible outcast within the society he's trying to adapt to?
It's like, some authors do this, I have to actually go back and think about it. They would WANT someone like Naruto in their military. Despite anyone's distaste, he's too good to pass up.
Besides, seeing him do the same level of training as everyone else, gives them a sort of leveling stick to which to measure themselves to him. It's one thing I always try to remember, when it comes to these characters,
Yeah, ponies for the most part are kind of pushovers, or super friendly. But that shouldn't override it for ALL of them, especially in some cases where common sense should be applied.
Yeah, the last bit near the end though, was for complete and utter comedic value. The forest of Naruto was for as much fun as I wanted to have with this specific scene.
Also, Trollestia.
That is all.
As for Naruto's Changeling-ness, well yeah he IS different. Just not going to say how, at this moment.
Also, Fashion week was indeed used to get Naruto into Manehattan. I remember the most recent episode, and how it basically said it was a thing near the end of the season to the next.
I'm planning on using that.
Please tell me more is coming soon?
7323273
Recently made a blog post, about the current progress of the next chapter.
Said blog post also contains a written scene to tide you guys over for a bit.
7323501 Thank you, and double thank you for having patience with me. :D I wasn't aware of the blog post. XD
7323957
No problem. I'm happy to have patience readers
Enjoy the tidbit I posted, as I work on this chapter, which is going to be huge apparently.
All of the little details you use in slice of life are very enjoyable. Like the spaghetti detail. It breathes more life into Naruto as a character within your story. I think that's one of the reasons I'm so hooked, because it feels so full of life. The detail you bring to the table inspires me to flesh out my own characters for stories that will eventually be written.
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I'm surprised someone actually notices that.
For the sake of reference:
This is what I typically use, when it comes to stories, that will have a romance in them. The biggest point I'd like to focus on, is the point of the characters having a life outside of just their romance.
I felt that this hit me, right where it should be. The characters lives should be able to be seen, if they'd never met. We should be able to imagine how their lives would have turned out, without the other.
Happy to be an inspiration!
7329454 Of course I'd see it Ma-Nasha! Honestly, my favorite parts are getting to know the characters, and thanks for the video. I'd been thinking about this kind of thing before, but never saw the full importance of it until just now. I look forward to the characters as much as the conflict, if not more-so. Interaction and fleshing out. It's so wonderful. :D It also sometimes takes a good writer to make it so things don't feel (especially dialogue) forced, awkward, and/or unnecessary.