The Anthropologist

by Weavers of Dreams

-9- Tuesday Part: Three

"Two drunks sat at a bar atop a skyscraper, overlooking Lake Michigan, When one of the drunks leans over to the other and says:

"'Did you know, that the winds coming off of Lake Michigan are so strong that, if you were to jump over the railings, it would pick you back up and drop you right back up here?'

"To which the other drunk responded:

"'No. Couldn't be. That's just talk.'

"'No, it's true,' responded the first drunk. 'Watch, I shall prove it.'

"Before anyone could stop him, the first drunk walked over tot he railing and leapt over. Sure enough, he fell a ways, and then floated on back up and landed back on the roof. The other drunk was astounded.

"'That was incredible,' he said, rubbing his eyes and looking over the first drunk in awe. 'let me try it.'

"So the other drunk rushed to the railing in excitement and leapt off. They had to use a firehouse to clean him off the sidewalk below. So the first drunk sits back down at the bar and orders another drink, to which the bartender comments:

"'You know, Clark Kent, you're one mean drunk."

Lyra burst out laughing, going so far as to accidentally tip her chair backwards and roll across the floor, practically squealing like a mouse on helium. "Oh-ho-ho-ho! Cameron, that's one of the most horribly awesome things I've heard today. And Mark Smith was in here earlier, so that's saying something."

The young man sitting across from her chuckled at her humored convulsions, all the while twirling a yo-yo about in small circles. "I thought you would like it, Lyra."

When the laughter had finally subsided to snickers and hiccups, the good anthropologist set her back upright and sat back down and grabbed her clipboard. "I am writing this one down."

"I'm surprised you know who Clark Kent is," Cameron commented dryly whilst performing a shoot-the-moon(1).

Lyra put a hoof to her breast in mock offense. "Le gasp, young man. I, Dr. Lyra Heartstrings, the most recognized anthropologist in the world, not know of Superman and his alter ego? For shame." She giggled and cleared her throat. "More than humans fall through those portals, kid. Heck, the Canterlot Museum of Natural History has an entire wing that they're filling out quite nicely. You should go see it."

"Might do that at some point," he replied with a shrug.

"Why can't you act this way outside of my office?" Lyra implored him. "You're fun to be around. Ponies would love to your friend if you just gave them a chance."

Cameron looked away and performed an elevator. To which Lyra sighed.

"The mage's will be ready to send you back home by Friday, Cameron," said with a shake of her head. "Although, I must point out, it's not too late to apply for citizenship. Equestria's not a bad place. It's not as hard a world as earth. You could come to like it if you gave it a chance."

The man shook his head. "No. Earth is familiar, I'll cope better there."

"While I do respect your decisions, I will point out that it obviously hasn't treated you very well," Lyra pointed out, remembering their first meeting. "You came in here, kicking and screaming, claiming that you'd gone insane, begging for help against technicolored demons. That entire session was practically me hugging you until you calmed down." Lyra sighed wearily. "Not that I minded. Hugs are always good."

"I'm surrounded by small, friendly horses," Cameron explained slowly. "This cannot be good for my psyche."

"I understand," Lyra stated, biting back the urge to gag at being compared to one of those hideous beasts. "Let's talk about something else then."

Jut like ponies, humans could be complicated and hard to understand. Even for the world's greatest anthropologist.

(1) Look up yoyotricks.com. It is an awesome site.

Comments

[Rokas]

I love that joke.

[Mine_Menace]

I like this story. It's an interesting take on both the Human in Equestria idea and the human-obsessed Lyra idea. I'm quite frankly surprised this fic isn't more well-known. Here, have a well-deserved thumbs-up.

[Lancerlot]

"I understand," Lyra stated, biting back the urge to gag at being compared to one of those hideous beasts. "Let's talk about something else then."

I might be slightly annoyed if a pony called my people "apes," but isn't an urge to gag a little bit extreme? Does Lyra have a peculiar aversion to Earth's equines? The resemblance shouldn't be close enough to trigger "uncanny valley."