ok first chapter is up. now let me set some stuff straight. i am looking for feedback, what can i do to improve? Also, i would appreciate it if someone could edit my stories before i post them.

that is all

Hope you enjoy!

and YES "IraqLobstah" it is another halo crossover.

I see an ODST on the cover

>>747421747421 yup, you get your own cigar munching companion who is an ODST

Never seen a second person halo fic before. Tracking for now.

Looks promising. Not epic, but far from bad.

Looking forward to see where this goes.

The description seems to imply that the ponies will attack the main characters. Are they?

>>747464747464 mebe......

"A failed suicide mission"

So they're dead?

Zombie ODSTs?

Image: http://pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133791221527.png

>>747508747508

Hmm... that image is slightly larger than I thought it was.

Fuck it, it'll do

I think it would be a good choice to attack Equestria. See, after a while when the Spartans make friends with the Equines, it gets REALLY boring, and we all know the only way to end it is then the ponies helping the Spartans to kill all of the Covenant :/

>>747508747508 failed suicide mission meaning they should be dead, but they arent really dead.

....kinda seems like im describing a zombie. Buck it.\

>>747512747512 ugh, viserys.

that bad huh?

"a failed suicide mission"

I keep saying that to myself. So they were fully intent on dieing from this mission to Equestria? Ok.

Personally I'm not going to follow this on the grounds that I hate the Halo franchise and how it's been completely saturated after every sequel.

heh tracking this one

>>747581747581 ok thats fine if u dont want to read this, but as a writer i will comment back.

i am going to fix the description to make it flow more, and if you read this chapter you would know that their mission wasnt to attack Equestria.

But that ok if you hate Halo and dont wanna read this.

I see the potential.I'll need a few more chapters before I can properly judge it though. Tracking

I can also see potential. Tracking for now, I just need a few more chapters before I can give a proper verdict.

Interesting....... I'll be keeping an eye on this. Minimal errors as far as I can tell, nice concept, believable circumstances(for something involving Halo and ponies, anyway), overall it doesn't seem like a bad story.... But it's not quite epic.

Yet. I'll track this, and see where it goes from here. Keep up the good work my friend.

Looks interesting. Nice characterization of twilight. Tracking.

Moar!

so good except the 2nd person thing is confusing sometimes

So, a few small punctuation errors, generally in dialogue.  Only big flaw is the ship name. Ships will not have "The" as part of their names. Here's an example of the correct way.

Your way: "The Thermopylae"

Correct way: U.N.S.C. Thermopylae

Ship titles are italicized, and generally followed by a national registry, aka United Nations Space Command. When referring to the ship in any way, only italicize the name, and don't put quotes around it.

Speaking of ships, what type of ship is the Thermopylae anyway? Carrier, cruiser, destroyer, frigate, prowler, or corvette?

ZOMGWTFBBQ!!!!1!! THIS LOOKS GOOD!

I AWAIT MORE, IN A CALM ORDERLY MANNER!

>>748525748525

Wait, the prowler and the corvette are UNSC ship classes as well? I thought they were only Covenant.

>>748525748525 thanks for the feedbaCK, Ill be sure to fix the ship name. and its a heavey frigate, like the UNSC savannah. ill put that into the second chapter

Following...this looks very promising.

75% water so is equestria the only land on the planet?

>>752109752109 our planet (earth) is made up of 70-75% water, and since we have more then one continent we can assume that theres more then one landmass on the ponies planet. the show hasn't explored those places though so we arent to sure.

>>752194752194Wow I thought we had a lot more land. The more I learn everyday. (will soon be forgotten)

Earth's atmosphere is mostly composed of nitrogen, not oxygen. Roughly the composition is: 79% nitrogen, 19% oxygen, 2% carbon dioxide and other gas (such as H2O). Just FYI. Your fic starts rather well otherwise.

">>796480796480 shoot, i looked up the composition of the atmosphere and it said

the atmosphere is moslty made up of oxygen, nitrogen, and carbon dioxide"

oh well!

whoops sorry, i just re-uploaded the edited chapter.

>>806075806075 well be sure to thank Winter Storm, he is the one who edited it.

I was wondering why I had to read this twice...

I thought I was just an epic psychic. Nah.

I really like this story, though. Can't wait for more!

>>802748802748

just had to make the C carmine reference xD

>>806779806779 of course! Clayton is best pony so why wouldnt i give him a shout out?

>>807594807594

true,true

looks great so far

Good so far, tracking.

I cant wait to see what happens next!

By any chance have you read my halo in equestria?

>>817984817984 thank you. and yes i have seem ypur crossover. i like the 'elite in equestria' idea. its very original.

>>820813820813

so you got a prereader?

>>821118821118 hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

i dont know what that means!

>>822781822781

you don't have someone to pre read your story?

>>822953822953 whoos! merpderpderp i feel stupid. yes i do have a pre reader (editor).

>>824468824468 alright

The Ultra wishes you the best of luck, glory, and honor lol

>>825305825305 bless you friend, may you die with a blade in your hands.

>>825305825305 Lol, that editor would be me. We just keep running into each other, huh?

>>825777825777 Isn't the GUNGNIR helmet the wierd one that has a cover over the visor?

Image: http://images.wikia.com/halo/images/c/c3/GUNGNIR_helmet.jpg

>>831008831008 yes, it is.

>>831008831008 lmao i know right, like the 15th time  in the past week lol