To everypony that reads this.  I would love it if you would give me some feedback on the story after you read it.  It will be finished soon I hope, but I'm getting ready for a writing contest and would love some criticism.  Please tell me what I'm good at and what needs improving K

P.S. please no haters, they make applebloom sad

Hmm. I like the first chapter, though if the only thing that is needed to break Discord out of the statue is an argument... Why doesn't Celestia seal Discord in a room of the Palace or the mines below? It seems like bad judgement on her part but I did liked how Doubt did his work.

You should read through your story again, you are missing a few commas in places.

"Uhhh," started Scootaloo.  Thanks for the heads up, but I have to get to the clubhouse.  See ya."

And you should find this sentence and correct it with two of these " "

But the story is still flowing well.

Brilliant start to what I think will be a great series. You`ve obviously kept it simple but I would like to see the characters really going places.

Over all you`ve done a fantastic job. But may I ask how you thought of the idea?

Keep up the great work!

Listen you have finished your story but your still a rock with hidden gems deep inside. You`ve found your gems so now you need to polish them.

Keep Moving Forward

Still more commas are missing. Give it another read through and the transitions between scenes feels abrupt. Add some description and background events to make this fic seem more alive.

I mean not to trample on your writing before I even read it, but to be quite honest--- its your responsibility as a writer to bring something new to the table, and you have not. You've evoked one of the MLP FanFic Quartet Tropes. Also called the "most common fan fic topics":

1. Rainbow Dash Loses Her Wings

2. Discord Returns

3. Twilight is an Alicorn

4. Pony A/Pony B Shipping

(Honorable Mention: Pinkie Pie's Insanity/Murderous Rage)

I don't want to insult you, nor make you feel badly. I know you worked hard to write this, but most people simply will not read it because it's been done a thousand times before, by many different authors of varying skill and intent. Unless you can REALLY make this stand out with a planned plotline that grabs people in your description, its not going to go far in terms of readership, I'm afraid.

Keep trying, though! Original ideas and good concepts pull in lots of chattering readers!

~Aegis Shield

Still doing an AWESOME job!

So here`s a pic of Rainbowdash

Image: http://th07.deviantart.net/fs70/150/i/2011/295/c/9/rainbow_dash_by_iopichio-d4dmdh6.jpg

Keep Moving Forward

Thanks for the comments so far

>>760461760461

It wasn't so much as an argument that brings him back, as harmony being disrubted on a grand scale by his two minions.  I probably should have mentioned that   Thanks for the heads up on the mistakes.  What do you mean by more background and description?

>>760583760583

Thanks, I'm surprised you figured out it was a series What do you mean by going places? and as for where the idea came from honestly it just came to me and I started writing it down.  Also, the crimson pony is a character based off of myself so that's where he came from.

>>760635760635

I understand that Discord returning is common, but who doesn't like a good Discord fanfic besides, he had to return for my series to begin.  This is more or less just a cool adventure that introduces two main OCs for my next story.  I understand that''s what a writer does, but I needed certain things to happen before I went off writing my other fics.  Some advice, don't go saying it won't work because of some overused thing.  Just because he returns doesn't mean the story won't be different from the others.  I thank you for your feedback though

Thank you for the feedback and I'm hoping others tell me what they think every little bit helps

>>761812761812 *raises hoof* I don't like a good discord fan fic

>>761861761861

Not bad, man. Not bad.

I'm looking forward to reading the rest of the story!

>>768760768760

Thanks mate

A good chapter but I'm going to wait until your plot develops more before I start asking questions. Send me a PM if you have any questions.

I apologize to everypony about my blazin through the plot, I'll try to slow down and give more descriptions and actions and such.  Just got a little overexcited about where I'm going with this  That's a Pinkie Promise

Ok everypony, I was having a problem with something and this chapter got published twice by mistake.  So here, after this no more will be put on until the story is done.  Enjoy, cuz this is how its going to be from now on

I apoligize for any spamming and bumping that the problem caused.

I've went through the story so far and made some corrections to the plot, added some details, and fixed some embarrassing mistakes  Looks like summer vacation has taken its toll on my grammer and spelling

Anyway, i advise those that have already read it to reread it.  Some of the things I wrote are very important, even if they don't seem to be at the moment.  You have no idea what's going to happen

Dayum, that chapter was intense. I like! Still a few grammatical errors, but a lot less than before and are easily read over. Keep it up!

>>777774777774

I'm glad you liked it It is an honor coming from you hope you keep reading and if you need anything like an prereader or are just stuck on an idea, don't hesitate to ask.  I love helping fellow bronies mate

Just a quick comment.  If you like or (or dislike ) my story, please post why.  It's good to see the like bar higher than the dislike one, but if I don't know why I can't improve anything ya feel me?

PREPARE THINE FACE FOR A DASHIN THRASHIN DISCORD!!

Shit's about to get real.

Image: http://narwhaler.com/img/nx/p/oh-crap-my-little-pony-abandon-thread-nXpVl3.jpg

You thinking of adding any OCs?

>>857448857448

K...I'm lost.  Does that mean you liked the ending...or not

And yes.  I created three more, but I was thinking of adding one more..why do you ask?

>>857465857465

I loved the ending!

And I meant, other OCs...hint, hint!

Is this a self insert, or did you name your user page after him?

Love? Uh, oh, prude-ness rising.

Shining and Cadance hybrid? Um...okay.

Rarity! There is something in your mane!

Pow!

It was paaaaain!

I felt sorry for those two. I almost always feel sorry for the villian for some reason.

>>878134878134

I used to be DrasticOverload, but I changed it because Crimson Dusk will be featured in one of Atomic Vortex's fics, and as for the hybrid thing...I'm not good with Discord related stuff that's why he isn't the main villan