You seem to have javascript disabled, or your browser is failing to execute it properly. Much of Fimfiction's functionality requires javascript so we suggest you turn it on! If this message goes away after a few seconds, ignore it, javascript support sometimes takes a few seconds to detect.
  • ...
 82
 2,994

EDIT: I'm deleting several chapters. As pathetic as my motives are, I'm not ready to abandon it completely, I DID put a lot of work in it in the day and it might very well be the only thing I ever posted on the internet that will ever get this much attention (for better or worse). I don't apologize for interpreting a "cute" universe I care about in this bizarre, somewhat "dark" way, there is no way I couldn't have. I DO apologize for having written things inspired by hardships I can never truly understand. I would love to say I was another person when I wrote this, but I don't believe people can change what they are - they can only realize it and do their best to protect others from it.

So what you'll see here, if you care to read on, is merely a sample.

-

Disclaimer: guys, this is a wild and bumpy ride, and if there was only one word that didn't apply here, it would be 'coherent'. I put things in there through random association, not logic.

-

Did they really think they lived in a magical cartoon world? Where they controllled the weather? Where they had created and maintained an advanced civilization all by themselves, despite the fact they didn't even have thumbs?

They did believe that. At least for a while.

But one by one, they are waking up to a much harsher, much more disturbing reality.

Pityful, spliced creatures, they will try to fight their way out of a nightmarish place ruled by cold and sadistic entities.

Then again, who is to say what is real and what isn't. Perhaps this is nothing but a nightmare. A very long, painful nightmare. Perhaps the truth is something different altogether. So many mysteries, so many paradoxes, so many horrors. Only one thing is sure.

Friendship is magic.

First Published
24th Nov 2011
Last Modified
29th Jun 2012
#1 · 160w, 3d ago · · · Iiiiiiih ·

Scary. I once had a dream similar to this.

I do look forward to your next installment.

One question though, why would her throat be bleeding from screaming?

#2 · 160w, 3d ago · · · Iiiiiiih ·

Nice to see you've posted this from FF.net. Await further updates

#3 · 160w, 3d ago · · · Iiiiiiih ·

Cool story bro, I like it.

#4 · 160w, 3d ago · · · Iiiiiiih ·

>>39079  good question. To be honest, I just believe I read that somewhere, but never checked if it's even possible from a medical point of view. Maybe I'll remove that.

#5 · 160w, 2d ago · · · Worms ·

The world is what?

#6 · 160w, 2d ago · · · Worms ·

>>39702 They were told it's name was "Equestria".

Dun dun dunnnnn~

Keep it up!

This is extremely confusing.

Ima track it anyways

When she said rage against the machine, I went to youtube and started playing Killing in the Name. Good times.

#10 · 159w, 6d ago · · · Spectrum ·

>>39729

That wasn't meant to be a question.

reads like it

sound like it

but isn't

#11 · 159w, 5d ago · · · Spectrum ·

>>42820 What it was meant to be is going to stay your personal secret, I presume.

hm if everythin's a lie i wonder whats w/ :trollestia:

this sound BUCKIN AWESOME :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

#15 · 153w, 1d ago · · · Recoil ·

I supose that you really liked Portal?

Well, at least you managed to make use of the same elements without making it sound like a straight copy

I think that you derrailed a bit since the last few chapters and simply threw all logic straight out of the window, but still keeping a nice chain of events (that's good) and I'm curious to know what twilight is going to do

Someone should definitely make a fan art of the re-stiched Twilght

#16 · 153w, 1d ago · · · Recoil ·

Had I not read Freak Show, this would have been very confusing.

Looking forward to more.

#17 · 153w, 1d ago · · · Recoil ·

>>128976 I try to stay close to the 'pop culture reference'/'fan art' side and away from the 'plagiat' side though I admit sometimes it's a tight walk

#18 · 151w, 17h ago · · · Recoil ·

I admit, I was struggling to avoid reading Celestia's dialogue in GLaDOS's voice this chapter. And I mean that in a good way.

I can't wait to see when Twilight sends herself. :pinkiehappy:

#19 · 148w, 4d ago · · · Recoil ·

Yeah, I skipped a few chapters. I gotta be honest, this story just creeps me out. It's too weird, to unhappy for me to consider.

Good writing though, I wouldn't change anything, though I'd never read this story again. It's just too much.

#20 · 148w, 3d ago · · · Recoil ·

>>222521 Thanks for sharing your thoughts, your aproval means a lot to me especially since it goes against your personal preferences

God this is paranoia-inducing. :pinkiecrazy:

#22 · 145w, 11h ago · · · Worms ·

I am not enjoying reading this, but I keep reading anyway. Is something wrong with me? :pinkiecrazy:

And Pinkie still talks to the audience...

#24 · 144w, 11h ago · · · Recoil ·

Cupcakes was nothing. Rainbow Factory was nothing. :pinkiesick::pinkiesick:

#25 · 141w, 1d ago · · · The arena ·

Hopefully this alternate universe will be better, but I'm not banking on it.

This is one of the most mind bendingly terrifying stories I have ever read. :pinkiecrazy: And you are awesome for writing it! :twilightblush:

And of course, finding out what these "ponies" actually are (via the companion piece Freak Show) makes it even more terrifying.

Also is Celestia some sort of central AI like GLADOS (Portal) or SHODAN (System Shock)?

Finally, will we get to see the "real world" (the world outside the lab complex)?

NYAH fluttershy!  

wait.. oh.. AWESOME!   YAY that is epic XD  :yay::yay::yay:

leave it to pinkie

:flutterrage: eat me!

:pinkiegasp::pinkiecrazy: ok ^_^

>>420374 Very glad you like it. To answer your questions: Yes and maybe :twilightsmile:

Because when you say "screw destiny," you've got expect things that no one could've foreseen. Including Gooeyshy. :yay:

Delightfully disturbing. I look forward to more. Oh, and can Fluttershy shapeshift now? She seems to be in pony shape only out of habit.

Bahahahaha! Go Twilight! :yay:

Holy shit! Celestia as an AI with neurotoxin? GLADOS?!

It looks like the artificial constructs meet their creators.

But still, what exactly are the "ponies"?!

That's the thing about going off the rails. It leads to a wreck. Not that that's always a bad thing.

Things appear to be really looking up. I find myself looking down, waiting for a rug to be pulled.

#33 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Granny Pie ·

Pinkie's now a computer, Fluttershy's now pando, Rarity's an exile and Twi's an alicorn?

So weird. :derpyderp2:  Still an interesting work, however.

#34 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Granny Pie ·

So, humanity extinct?

#35 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Granny Pie ·

... WTF?!?!?!? :applejackconfused: :pinkiecrazy: :derpyderp2: :derpyderp1:

So Fluttershy's a tree, the ponies are synthetic lifeforms who repopulated the planet after an apocalyptic war destroys Humanity, Pinkie Pie's an AI and Twilight's a dimension hopper and you're a colt listening to Pinkamena's tale of the Outbreak?

Did I get that right?

Still an excellent, brain bending biopunk horror story.

Well done. This story makes a piont. What is real? and what is Reality to start with anyway?

I couldn't sleep last night though. I was Slighty Paranoid. that and the heat.

Also this vaguely reminded me of The Matrix. Am i the first to make that connection?

>>832813

'Adventure Time' - like extinct I believe

>>832101

I've never even heard of pando before. Thank you for introducing me to that awesome creature!

#39 · 125w, 3d ago · · · Worms ·

This is freaky. This is the definition of a grimdark.

#40 · 125w, 3d ago · · · Granny Pie ·

Woah dood. That was one hell of a story. I loved it. Started out depressing, then got philosophical, then got awesome. I'd say it really picked up by about chapter 20. I'm glad you went with a happy ending too. But, those few silly moments like the Nyan Cat thing and Pinkie breaking the fourth wall really broke immersion and killed the mood. I guess they were good for comedic relief anyway and kept things from getting too depressing, lol.

I noticed a huge improvement in your writing by the end, btw. Grammar, sentence structure, "showing" vs "telling", characters, plot etc.

#41 · 123w, 5d ago · · · Granny Pie ·

End of story and my head still hurts

#42 · 123w, 4d ago · · · Granny Pie ·

After time shenanigans, body horror, and countless dashed hopes...

Good end.

Yay. :yay:

It's been a real trip and a half. Thank you for writing this.

#43 · 116w, 2d ago · · · Granny Pie ·

Hmm. This story starts out as a strong concept, but then seems to blur into a bit of a mess without any strong theme. I recognised many of the game references, but you can't just mix them up like that and you definately can't arbitrarily bounce back and forth between them without rhyme nor reason. Swapping the rules so frequently means that the villians (who operate under the same rules) pose inconsistant threats; and loose credibility. :facehoof: With no stakes you have no story. And then there are all the unanswered questions... I'm going to have to give this a thumbs down.

#44 · 116w, 1d ago · · · Granny Pie ·

>>1353170

Thanks a lot for your review!

It was the first fanfic I've ever written, and it was supposed to be the only one, so I felt like I had to put everything into it that I could think of, which is making it chaotic. So I guess it's valid to say it falls short of being a real, unified narrative, it's more of a monster. I have no regrets, though, even if I might write a different, shorter and more coherent version of it at some point.

#45 · 113w, 2d ago · · · Granny Pie ·

Good story but a rather unrealistic ending.

#46 · 106w, 3d ago · · · Granny Pie ·

This story is awesome! A bit unstructured and inconsistent in some places but that only makes it better. The one thing I noticed was that it started as solid horror and then continued to get ever more surreal and into cyberpunk and biopunk territory. I really like the turn for the lighthearted, though you abandoned a bit of realism with that. But, considering how surreal the story as a whole is, it was worth it, it was exactly right.

3 AM in here and no regrets:pinkiehappy:

Login or register to comment