Ship Wrecked 1/2
SHIP WRECKED (1/2)
Twilight’s mind spun as she tried to come to terms with the sudden revelation. She had been so sure that she’d had the identity of the mole figured out, she’d blinded herself to the possibility that it was somepony other than the Professor.
Bronze Bell removed the hood of his cloak. He at least had the good sense to look embarrassed and refused to meet Twilight’s gaze. “Hi Twilight. I’m really sorry about all this,” he said.
A million questions came to Twilight in a flash, but she settled on asking the only one that seemed to really matter. “Why? Why are you doing this?”
“Are you kidding? This could be the greatest archaeological find of the last thousand years! Think about all the artifacts and lost treasures that it must have squirrelled away in a hoard somewhere. Even better, think about the kinds of things it must know. If we could communicate with it we’d have a primary source to tell us about tens of thousands of years worth of history. And all the magics to control it are already built into Luna and Celestia’s seal. The potential boon is enormous,” said Bronze, forgetting to look chastised as he got caught up in his excitement.
“As we told you back at the museum, we are not going to allow that to happen,” said Luna, stepping into the back room followed by Reinolds. “Hello, Bronze Bell. Would you like to introduce us to your friend here?”
Gumdrop Giggles removed her own hood. Twilight was surprised not to see even a hint of the arrogance the pegasus had displayed back in the temple in her expression. Instead, she looked like she was on the verge of a panic attack. “Bronze, don’t get close to her! That’s the crazy psycho unicorn who came after us in the temple,” she said.
“What? That’s not what happened at all,” said Twilight.
“We were looking for the dagger and she showed up to stop us. When my crew tried to calm her down she lured them into the temple’s traps and let them die! I only barely got away, and only because my dear friend Amber Booty stayed behind to hold her off while we escaped back up the tunnel. I’ll... I’ll never forget her sacrifice,” said Gumdrop, sniffling through crocodile tears as she wove her tale.
“Ample is just fine actually, no thanks to you. You’re the one who’s psycho around here,” said Twilight, crouching down into a combat stance. The residual magic from the ongoing ritual teased at the edge of her senses. Having that much ambient energy flowing around would make any fight a risky proposition. If she used magic that was too intense it could level the entire warehouse, or worse.
“Hey, Gumdrop is my friend, Twilight. Don’t call her a psycho,” said Bronze.
“She’s your friend?” asked Twilight, incredulous. “Bronze, she’s using you. This isn’t how friends act.”
“She is too my friend! Everypony else just thinks I’m some weird nerd because I like to talk about ancient civilizations and artifacts and stuff. None of them wanted anything to do with me before her, but she thinks that ancient legends about stuff like Ouroboros are interesting. She wanted to be around me and help me figure out the ritual, when nopony else ever did,” said Bronze through watery eyes.
Twilight’s eyes darted over to Gumdrop, standing behind Bronze. Now that Bronze’s attention was fixated on Twilight, her expression of concern had fallen away to reveal a wicked smirk. There had to be some way to get through to Bronze. “Bronze, I wanted to. I wanted to be your friend. I really like you, even now. It’s not too late to stop this and talk about it,” said Twilight, her voice soft and sincere. Bronze’s glare softened a little, and he even gave a small smile.
“Ugh, I can’t believe you’d try to manipulate him like that, Twilight. Honestly, I wish those rocks he dropped on you in front of the museum had finished you off,” said Gumdrop Giggles. Bronzes eyes went wide in alarm as Twilight processed what Gumdrop had just said. When it finally registered, her compassion and sympathy were obliterated by fiery rage.
“You... You rutting bastard... That was you? How could you, you monster,” Twilight hissed as her horn and eyes glowed. Forget the collateral damage, these two needed to die painfully.
“Sparkle! Take it easy,” said Reinolds. It took all of her willpower for Twilight to keep herself from teetering over the edge of self-control and doing something very, very stupid.
“Twilight, I swear I wasn’t trying to hurt you, that part was an accident. I was just trying to scare you guys, maybe make the museum shut down so I could get the information you and Luna gave me over to Gumdrop Giggles. I didn’t want the rocks to land on you, really,” said Bronze, shrinking away from the enraged mare.
“Why should I believe you? Why should I believe anything either of you say? I hate you, Bronze Bell. Both of you are horrible ponies. I can’t believe I thought I ever liked you,” said Twilight. Bronze just whimpered as he took in Twilight’s venom-laced words.
Angry as she was, Twilight decided to press her luck. She reached out with her magic and grabbed hold of the closest of the three artifacts, the plate. But before she could pull it towards her Gumdrop pinned it against the floor with her hoof. "Stop that, or I'l stomp on it right now," she said. Reluctantly, Twilight let it go.
“We will not permit the seal to be undone, even if we did believe that your intentions for doing so were noble,” said Luna. “No pony should wield the sort of power that Ouroboros represents. That sort of concentration of power in one pony’s hooves is dangerous and irresponsible.”
“Oh, that’s rich coming from you, Princess,” said Gumdrop Giggles. “You don’t seem all that concerned about all the power you and your sister have, how is this any different? Seems to me that you just don’t like the idea of having any competition.”
“We will be the first to admit that we have misused our powers at times, but we strive to make responsible use of them and to provide for our ponies. We have learned much about using it responsibly. You are talking about bringing back a power you which do not have the experience or wisdom to understand and using it as a weapon,” said Luna.
“So you get to have that kind of power because you’re just better than us. Good to know. Sorry, but I don’t buy that for a second and frankly I don’t need your approval. We’re done here,” said Gumdrop. Before any of the others could react, she lifted the plate high in the air and smashed it down against the bowl. Both of the artifacts shattered in the impact. “With the power of Ouroboros at my beck and call not even you can stop us, Princess. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!”
Nothing happened.
Gumdrop Giggles’ evil cackle slowed to more of a nefarious chuckle and then stopped entirely. “Bronze, what’s going on? Why isn't it working?” she asked.
“It is working. The seal is unraveling. It should be undone enough for Ouroboros to manifest within the next couple of hours,” said Bronze.
“The next couple of hours‽ Why didn't you say something? I thought it would be all instantaneous and dramatic and stuff,” said Gumdrop.
“The version of the ritual that does that required a blood sacrifice. I’m not hurting another pony just to save a few hours,” said Bronze.
“Hate to interrupt, but I think it’s safe to say that both of you are under arrest. Princess, can you stabilize the seal?” asked Reinolds.
Luna’s horn was already glowing. “At the current rate of degradation, we believe that we can maintain it long enough for Celestia to get here. Together we will be able to implement a more permanent solution,” she said.
Bronze just sighed and drooped his head. “Okay, I guess we surrender then,” he said.
“Like hell we surrender. You said we just need a blood sacrifice, right?” said Gumdrop, taking the dagger in hoof. “We can use Twilight, or the old stallion in the back there.”
Twilight couldn’t suppress a vicious grin. “Oh, please tell me you’re going to try. I still owe you for back in the temple, and I bet you aren’t so tough without a couple dozen goons backing you up.”
Before Twilight could line up a clear shot, Bronze Bell stepped between the two of them. “Both of you, stop it! I’m sick of ponies getting hurt because of me. Gumdrop, you’re my friend no matter what Twilight says. Twilight... I’d like to be your friend too someday, if you can ever forgive me for what I did to you at the museum. This summoning ritual isn’t worth losing either one of you. Please, both of you, just stop.”
Gumdrop Giggles blinked a few times and looked from Twilight to Bronze. “Bronze, you really mean it? You’d give up on Ouroboros just like that?”
Bronze stood in front of Gumdrop and put a hoof on her shoulder. “Of course I would. Some things are just more important,” said Bronze with a gentle, trusting smile.
Gumdrop Giggles thrust the dagger deep into his chest.
“That’s too bad.”
Bronze staggered backwards in shock, into the ritual circle, as Gumdrop yanked the now-bloodied dagger out and flicked the blade, sending blood droplets spattering onto the floor. Bronze Bell collapsed, and the runes around the circle began to glow.
“Bronze!” Twilight cried out, but she was forced away by a fresh surge of magic rippling out from the circle. The furious rush of light and sound left her reeling.
“The seal is deteriorating too quickly. We are not able to maintain it,” said Luna from somewhere nearby. There was the sound of breaking glass, and a moment later Twilight’s vision cleared enough for her to see again. Gumdrop Giggles was gone, having escaped through a broken second story window. Twilight screamed in frustration.
Bronze bell groaned from the middle of a puddle of blood. Realizing that he was still alive, Twilight rushed to his side, pressing her hooves against the gushing wound in his chest.
“Twilight... I think I messed it all up,” said Bronze, his voice a weak shadow of what it had been.
“No, it’s not that bad. We can fix this. We can fix you up. The Princess knows all sorts of healing magic, right Princess?” asked Twilight, looking desperately towards Luna. But Luna just bit her lip and turned away without answering.
“Anyone ever tell you that you’re a bad liar, Twilight? Maybe I deserved this, though. I knew Gumdrop did bad things, but I thought... I don’t know what I thought. Maybe I was just being selfish,” said Bronze.
“You don’t, Bronze. If anything, it was her who didn’t deserve you. Maybe if we’d met sooner, if things were different, I could have shown you that you’re more special than you think even if the ponies around here never saw it. I saw it. I swear I did. Please hold on, Bronze,” said Twilight through the tears that were beginning to fall, and that were swallowed up into the pool of blood they landed in.
“I almost asked you out earlier, right before you left for the temple. But I had just given you the fake location, and if you’d found out I would have about died of embarrassment. Guess I don’t have to worry about that now, huh?” Bronze tried to laugh, but it degenerated into a hacking, bloody fit of coughs. “Ow, that really hurts.”
“Don’t try to talk if it hurts, Bronze. You don’t have to say anything to me. I understand,” said Twilight, cradling his head in her lap. The light in his eyes was fading away, and they were half shut.
“Just try... I hope you can try to stop hating me for what I’ve done, someday,” said Bronze, letting his eyes close for the last time.
“Bronze, no, I’m sorry I said that, I was just so mad when I found out. I don’t hate you, I couldn’t. Please don’t think that.”
But Bronze Bell was already gone.
For a long minute Twilight just sat there next to his body, staring at her own bloodied hooves and trying to will herself to believe that this wasn’t really happening. Surely she would wake up any moment now in her bed and this would all turn out to be an awful dream. She never did.
“Twilight...” she heard Reinolds say from behind her. A few seconds later she stood up, but didn’t turn around. She could feel the ground trembling under her feet. Something was coming. Something big.
“Luna, try to keep however much of the seal intact as long as you can. If... when Ouroboros manifests, do whatever worked the last time. Captain, let the authorities know what we’re dealing with here. They’ll probably want to evacuate as much of Pensacolta as possible, but it won’t be easy in the middle of the night like this. I’m going to find Gumdrop Giggles,” said Twilight.
“Twilight, we sense that the ritual was successful. Gumdrop will be able to use the dagger to control the Serpent once it has manifested. We must be cautious. Neither of us should challenge her without some sort of plan,” said Luna.
“I’ll figure something out,” said Twilight. With a burst of teleportation magic, she vanished from the room, leaving Reinolds and Luna alone with Bronze's remains.
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So I know I said two more chapters, but I only consider this half of the first one. So one and a half more chapters. It's a new thing I'm trying since writing time is only going to be available in bits and pieces for the next few weeks, I figure you'd all rather get a couple thousand words ever week or so compared to a 10,000 word chapter every other month.
Thanks to everyone who contributed to the Duel Nature TVTropes page over the last few days! Guess my writing is tropier than I thought.
Oh noes. Bronze!
Gumdrop, you MONSTER!
well thats one annoyance out of the way. now to get rid of the other.
Gumdrop is officially screwed. She just pissed off a unicorn that could go horn-to-horn with PRINCESS LUNA. Twilight is going to go BAT. SHIT. CRAZY. ON. HER.
.........
.........
I can't wait!
Oh, boy. Gumdrops just unleashed the fury of the Element of Magic. To be honest, I don't feel the least bit sorry for the witch. She'll get what she deserves and then some.
"That's too bad."
Fucking called it the moment it was brought up, still shocking.
Well as upsetting as bronze's fate was, I can't say I didn't see it coming. Hope gumdrop is prepared to die. (Seriously? Gumdrop giggles? That's the worst name for a villain I've ever heard.)
... the name 'Gumdrop Giggles' just doesn't seem appropriate for a power hungry, murderous sociopath. Neither does the fact that she is bloody bright prink.
Probably what makes it scarier!
Good chapter, looking forward to the showdown!
yea gumdrops is so going to die when twilight gets a hold of her
And now I'm pissed off at this story again. Seriously, that had to be the most incompetent arrest attempt in the history of incompetent arrest attempts. They literally stood there and watched while Bronze and Gumdrops talked for a while, then did nothing to stop the ritual from starting, then did nothing while Bronze and Gumdrops discussed the blood sacrifice, did nothing while Bronze was sacrificed, and lastly did nothing while Gumdrops ran away. Luna, Twilight, Reinolds, what the heck were you waiting for?
It feels like the entire point to this chapter was to screw over Twilight for about the third or fourth time in the story, regardless of how incompetent our protagonists had to be in order for it to happen.
Why didn't Twilight grab the knife with telekinesis?
And where is her combat training now?
And, boom goes the dynamite.
Shit, let me introduce you to Fan. I'm sure you'll be best of friends
1742429
It was repeatedly stated that there was enough residual magic that "blast them all" or any other overwhelming spell casting would have ended in mutually assured destruction, and Twilight was about to take a shot at Gumdrop after she started talking about the blood sacrifice, except Bronze got in the way trying to talk her down. The ritual had already started when they got there, and Gumdrop got away when the energy released by the blood ritual temporarily disoriented the three of them.
Not gonna deny that Twi took it on the chin, and not for the first time, but you do realize that most arrest attempts aren't about violently subduing the opponents, right? It looked a lot like Twi and Bronze had managed to talk Gumdrop down from the edge, until she suddenly stabbed her supposed friend and ally. When exactly would you have had Twilight jump them?
1741498
Damn, that's harsh. Never were a fan of Bronze Bell, I take it?
1742662
Her combat training doesn't make her invincible, or give her super-ponyesque reflexes. When exactly would you have had her jump the other two?
1743165 I don't take kindly to traitors. If you betray me well... lets just say you better hope I don't find you.
otherwise i'm pretty tolerant of others. If you start out my enemy I will give you a chance just don't blow it.
Bronze bell betrayed twi, was fooled by Gumdrops from the beginning, and that stone he threw was aimed for luna; the one twi was supposed to protect; so Finding out about his betrayal is serious. I would not have just been broken I would have been Infuriated at the foolishness of the idiot and would not care one iota if he/she died. If you're dumb enough to mess with deities that have been made to sleep for ages because of a bad past then you deserve to die because you will die eventually from that damned stupid hubris you wield like some end game nuke.
I'm safe to assume twi's combat training is in combat spells and non physical combat
cheers
1743277
I'm not saying Bell didn't make a whole bunch of mistakes, or that he wasn't wrong for doing what he did. Twilight really liked him, and the two of them were kindred spirits. Equating him with Gumdrop, who's a completely irredeemable monster, isn't really fair. It's a little unfair not to think that Twi wouldn't be affected by his death.
I wrote Bronze Bell as a cautionary tale for Twilight, a "road not taken," as it were. Twilight got five amazing, supportive friends. Bronze got a single manipulative and toxic one. In my mind, that's the only difference between the two of them. Finding out what he did does make Twi furious, but not so much that she'd want to see him brutally murdered in front of her.
I think people (and ponies) are a little more complicated than you give them credit for.
1743356
Persona 4 has an amazing soundtrack, and generally makes everything 20% epicer.
And if you're pissed at Twi after chapter 4, well, you'll probably feel she deserves what she gets in chapter 5...
1743423Oh I give them credit but I also realize where also to draw the line on trusting and caring Bronze had his chance to surrender and should have rather than stay between the two killers paid attention to the more sane part of his mind that should have been yelling at him to actually go over to the princess and beg forgiveness. That's exactly what twi would have done had she made the same mistake. However bronze bell rather decided to try and play mediator between two pissed off and dangerous individuals; where did his self preservation instinct go?
I know he thought gumdrops wouldn't try and kill him but I doubt he was so sure about Twilight not killing him. I understand protecting a friend however when that friend can usually handle themselves in combat you don't want to get caught in the cross fire like an expendable diplomat. I would have given him a second chance but I really wouldn't trust him after the first betrayal. I'm just not one to like traitors. anyway he died it was unnecessary even though he deserved it Their could have been other better way's of punishing him for his foolishness. however were i twilight I would definitely drop that avenue and try and pick up with someone else(namely luna). however this is you're story and you decide what happens. so till next chapter.
cheers.
1743545
Bronze literally said, "we surrender." Then the pony who he thought was his only friend refused to give up and threatened to attack a goddess and her hyperc-competent bodyguard rather than give up their plan. He had a personal connection with both of them, and he apologized to Twilight and begged for forgiveness, again to protect himself and his best friend. Which would have worked, except that the one pony he trusted was a psychopath who would rather murder him.
In what world are diplomats expendable?
A second chance is, by definition, what comes after the first betrayal...
The way you're asking me to write Twilight is to make her just as bad as Gumdrop. She literally and figuratively has his blood on her hooves (yes, that imagery was intentionally written in there.) She cared about him. She's hurt, because he wasn't such a bad guy. He wronged her, unquestionably, but angry as she was about that (and this is the important part) she didn't want him to die. He did not deserve that for what he did. Arrest him? Sure. Punish him? Absolutely. But his best/only friend murdering him, and forcing him to die thinking that the cute girl he's been been crushing on hates him when she's really just disappointed? Way, way too far. Really, Twilight just had somepony, who she liked, despite his flaws, die in front of her. His last words indicated to her that he went to the grave thinking she hated him, because she'd lashed out at him in anger earlier. You think that's something that should be easy for her to put behind her? I'm not going to spoil anything, but she will absolutely NOT be "over it" when she faces off with Ouroboros and Gumdrop in the next / second half of this chapter
Twilight's relationship with Luna's been pretty rocky too, but that's a whole 'nother issue.
1743640 No i'm not asking you to make twilight the way i want her to be she is developed along the lines you see her and that i respect. I just give my own opinion on the situation.
And as per you're question on in what world are diplomats are expendable, well earth has a good many instances of those events.
I also see you're points in the characters developments. I await patiently for the next part of the chapter and am glad that the story is so well done. I may not have liked Bronze Bells character however that is because of my own intolerance for traitors however I like to think of twilight as the nicer pony that will listen to the entire story before acting and usually the punishment will not be that severe. my opinions before on what to do to bronze bell were my Ideals on what to do however they are completely separate from Twilights. Twilight would most likely taken them both into custody and unleashed her fury upon both of them verbally then helped the princesses decide on a just and fair punishment for the pure traitor to Equestria and the repentant fool. That is what I see happening had Gumdrops not killed Bronze. Which is far from my draconian style.
honestly your story is brilliant and well thought out; your characters are decent and have dimentions and life all their own. I am a firm believer that the author should only under extreme circumstance of OOC modify the personality of their character based on someone elses view; which is definitely something I do not see here. therefor I only comment on what I would have seen and liked.
basically you can take that pile of garbage ^ there and basically sum it to. "you're story is great the way it is DON'T CHANGE IT!!!"
cheers
1743165
How to explain it... If he were pulled into this against his will, I would feel for him. If he was a honest villain, I would understand it.
He had this whole "nopony believed me" thing going for him - if he turned out like Voidhorn, it would be understandable.
But siding with the big bad, making what was clearly a murder attempt while trying to convince himself otherwise and deluding himself to the point that he tried to summon an ancient monster and still think he was with the good guys, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary... that's pathetic. It would sound harsh if I said he deserved to be stabbed to death but when you think of it, him getting stabbed to death was nothing but a direct consequence of all his actions up to that point.
He fits his slot in the overall plot perfectly, but that doesn't mean we have to like him for it.
1743165 Mild telekinesis should have been all that was needed to get the artifacts away, and even if that was too much, there's no way that the three of them (all fighters) wouldn't have been able to subdue the two of them (one fighter, one museum employee) physically. I just don't buy it going down as written.
That said, I don't think we're going to come to an agreement on this, so I'm going to drop it here.
Giggles is going to die dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png
It make no sense, they had the main villan just in front of tham, they saw main villan hitting bronze ( possibly anty hero or anty villan ) so that his blood would speed up seal breaking, and they just let him escape, pffff, one quick telecinetic catch or stuning magic would do the trick, so why did Luna and Twilight and the guard had to be so careless, uhhhh.
First Luna almost kill Twilight in unfair battle, next Twilight go into temple full of dangers and asking Luna to stay on board, and now they just let main villan escape and Luna once again need to do somethink to miss all the action, I understand that Luna with all her powers may make good side a bit OP, but that is not excuse to make the good heroes do silly mistakes one after another just so that Twilight will once again had to fight again her foe or foes.
I m sure there would be a better way to make it happen without main heroes making silly decysions.
Also relationship betweem Twilight and Bronze seems a bit rushed, they hardly had one chapter of relationship, and not even to deep.
1743677
OK, I understand where you're coming from now. Yeah, had Bronze lived there would have been serious consequences. What he did wasn't OK. My point was just that Twilight can still be sad that he died without condoning his actions.
1743923
That's actually a fairly good point re: telekinesis. I just tweaked the chapter to add this bit:
Doesn't change the scene that much, but at least now I'm not just completely ignoring the existence of the power.
1744651 That is something I completely agree with. cheers
I've really enjoyed this story so far. My only complaint so far is that Celestia didn't dope slap Twilight with the Fall Weather Friends friendship report after the fight with Luna.
1743423
That is the way you may see Bronze Bell, but regardless of how you created him to be - what he did still strikes a chord with many other people. To myself and others, betrayal is an act of monstrosity by itself. I don't mean the little "Oh, sorry I couldn't keep my promise" but "Hey, I used you and fucked your life over for my own gain" sort - which while Bronze seemed all-too-willing to give up and turn himself in despite having scared Twilight near to death, and with the possibility of actually killing her - not believing her about Gumdrop, betraying the Crown, and potentially every citizen of Equestria (How does HE know he can flawlessly control Cthulu?) for the sake of his personal passions?
Regardless of how he so easily just shrugged his shoulders and said "Okay, game's up. You win. I'm sorry." he'd already done far too much. Potentially bringing about an apocalypse-scenario for whatever personal reason is not excusable or forgivable. Some say the actions don't make the person - I say these are people who spend all their time indoors who come up with crap like that. Intentions and actions have equal weight by themselves, but the severity of either can easily tip the scales. He may have meant well, and otherwise been a good person (aside from being massively blockheaded) but his actions were ineffably evil.
EDIT: This comment is being saved for posterity, to remind myself that sometimes when I think I'm being funny I'm actually just being an asshole.
Original Comment:
1750780
Whoa whoa whoa, you're saying that I wrote a character with good and bad elements and different readers have different opinions about him? That's clearly unacceptable. Now instead of a big showdown where Twi, Luna and Reinolds all team up to take down Ouroboros and Gumdrop I need to instead have Bronze's spirit descend from the heavens and magically solve all the problems with no apparent effort, followed by a 17 page monologue (I'll make sure nobody else talks so there aren't line breaks getting in the way) where he'll explain that he was the chosen one all along and that everything he did was totally good and justified, Twilight can confess that she's his soul mate and that he's instantly forgiven for almost killing her. Then Celestia and Luna (Oh yeah, Celestia just kind shows up. I won't explain why or how since that would detract from the mystery) and they combine their powers so he can be reincarnated as an alicorn (red and black, OBVIOUSLY) and marry all of the Mane 6 and both the Princesses and live happily and perfectly ever after.
Or, you know, stick to the original plan and take the differing opinions as a compliment and valuable feedback for my future writing. Could go either way.
1751312
One. cool your shit. It's not even that serious. Two, you're putting a whole LOT of words in my mouth.
I never once implied you needed to change anything. I took issue with how you didn't seem to accept the other guy's personal opinion on his dislike of the character. You practically dismissed him as being wrong for having an opinion. So I supported his point of view and tried to show you that hey, maybe you meant for it to be one way - but some of us see and react differently to the character.
Tell me where I told you to change shit. Go back through my post and find it, because this whole thing you just typed up is based around me acting like you did something wrong in the story. Which is an utter fabrication on your part. If I thought there was a problem with the story, I'd write up a factual representation of where you made legitimate mistakes.
Instead, I gave my personal opinion and an explanation of it. In a peaceful manner - and you come back with aggressive sarcasm. The hell are you getting so defensive for? Is he your personal OC or something, can't take someone's personal opinion on him unless it's purely praise? If that was the case, might want to not put such an obviously sore spot into something other people are going to read.
You sit here and spit crap about how I'm suggesting it's unacceptable to have a differing opinion, when I'm the one who offered MY differing opinion and then YOU attacked me for it. I hope you're capable of feeling shame - you're hypocritical as hell.
1751382
Sorry, that did come off as mean. I really meant it as tongue in cheek rather than a personal attack. I apologize. If you like I'll go back and take down the comment.
It's absolutely cool to have a different opinion. If people don't like the story it's on me, not them, and I get that. In fact, if people have a different take on a character that I do I actually think that's really interesting and want to hear about it. I guess comments like my last one aren't the way to go about getting them though, are they? Even though I meant it as just a joke, I can see how it really does read as a little hurtful and defensive. Not my intention but that's what I put on the page.
Again, sorry for being a jerk.
1751438
Before posting, especially when you're trying something off-color that doesn't translate well over the internet without very specific context and word choices, take a moment and view it through several different perspectives first. If any of those sampled perspectives takes offense, you might want to reconsider the way you put things down. It saves a lot of trouble and need for apologizing when you do the pre-emptive work to try and narrow the possibility that you might have made a mistake in communication.
Apology accepted, and as a note, I don't have a problem with the story. Keep up the good writing.
1751464
Yeah trying to be funny and irreverent has gotten me in trouble with people before, and like you say it's especially tough over the internet.
I'll leave my comment up, but I think you'll appreciate the edit
1751479
Sometimes we just need to be reminded. You take care, Eakin.
1742120
Pinkie's evil twin?
My favorite part here is how breaking the seal is not instanteous. Avoiding the rule of drama was funny. Also Bronze's idea to surrender; that kind of mood whiplash.
2824087
I know you're almost done with the story at this point, but I just wanted you to know that I really enjoyed getting these comments from you as you went through each chapter. I hadn't taken a look at this story for a while since I've been so wrapped up with all the Time Loop Trilogy fics. I enjoyed rereading it more than I thought, if only because I can see all the mistakes that I learned to avoid by the time I started Hard Reset, and the seeds of all the kickass Twilight and her mental problems it spurred.
i see what you did there.
.... that ending is still sad though.
Well, THAT ship is pretty conclusively sunk!
Bah, Twilight was way too forgiving. Bronze just sold out ever pony for his ego. He got exactly what he deserved.
I think I get why twilight didn't simply teleport to the upper platform and escape from the temple it was because she had to cast the tracking spell right? That cost a lot of magic right?
I notice you almost always use Gumdrop Giggles's full name. Presumably it's too silly to shorten to one.
That is a glorious epic fail. Also I've been seeing some interrobangs.
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I do love my interrobangs; I dare you to find a punctuation mark with a cooler name.
... but ... Celestia and Luna ...
...
Also: Well shiiiiit. Should have seen that twist coming, really.
Gumdrop Giggles is now one of the most evil names in existence!
aaand that too
I mean, come on
that was so obvious, Bronze
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>completely irredeemable monster
>told some lies and betrayed some minions in the course of fighting a regime that sentences opponents to eternal burning alive
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Didn't experience everything, don't remember everything they did, and are much too busy to constantly answer historians' questions.
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I agree. She lost my sympathy when she kept supporting Luna even after she tried to kill her.