DR-Fluffy
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Great story but the ending is too open... Hope you decide to make some sort of sequel.
7004937 More then likely I will, but I felt that was a good stopping point. Anyway, I'm happy you enjoyed the story.
This was awesome! Very well detailed, easy to follow, really a great read. It seems to be a one shot, but I would love to have a sequel! How those remaining go on, what happens to them, if things will be better/easier for them now, etc. Heh I just want to know more, both on the changeling and pony side(mostly changeling side though). There were some minor spelling/grammatical errors, but not enough of them to greatly distract from the story.
Overall, the story was all right. There are a lot of grammatical errors here and there, and you slip in and out of past and present tense in a few spots. Certain spots of the story felt like they needed a bit more detail, and the invasion itself feels a bit forced.
Was there a reason for the invasion other than pony master race? It felt like genocide for genocide's sake, like the changelings were just sitting at home playing checkers when the pony army walked up and said "We don't like you. Die."
I'm not saying this is bad. It just feels like a rough draft. A good proofreader would catch a lot of the little mistakes made and maybe helped flesh out a few descriptions here and there. Luna's tapping into dark magic, for example.
Clarification before I begin reading.
Is this another one of those "Poor misunderstood Changelings and ponies are the real monsters" stories, anyone?
Congrats on being featured!
7005857 OMG my first feature!
7005892
You deserve it! :D
7005820 I would say no than again I'm bias. I tried to make it more everyone is the hero of there own story type, if that makes sense.
7005775 I'll try going back over it to fix the past and present tense problem, so thank for pointing that out.
The reason for the invasion was that the Canterlot invasion resulted in a war, and the story takes place near the end of the war.
And about Luna's tapping into dark magic I admit I should have gone into more detail on that.
7005916 Thank you
This I do approve of! It is nice that my kind are finally free, but it is said that our Queen had to die.
I DEMAND MORE!!!!!!!!!!!
7005930
Did I miss the invasion info in the story, (I've been known to miss blatant facts before... Somehow) or is this part of an existing AU?
7005916
I remember you from one of Skirts' stories! Is that a new avatar image?
7006049 It was more of a throwaway line so the error was likely on my part for not making it more clear.
The line “Everything, the failed invasion, the resulting war, and the likely extinction of our race.”
i feel like this is part 3 of 10 to a really good story
7006079 original idea, cohesent plot, long enough to tell the story without being too long... however, you need an editor. Many paragraphs were broken english, and some parts felt a bit rushed.
In total, I give this a 7.5/10 -very good but needs a bit of rewriting
For being the top spot on the feature box it was a little disappointing.
7006298 Thanks for comment, I may go ahead a find an editor and fix the problems in this story before I start the sequel.
7006311 Would you mind telling me how?
7006326 Just everything was just a bit lower than what I'd come to expect of a feature box top spot. The characterization, flow, details, grammar, dialogue, they just weren't up to what I'd normally read.
7005906
Alright. As long as it's not one of those blatant "Chrysalis did nothing wrong ever" stories that positively backed up and flooded FIMFIC for the longest time, it's worth the read. Starting.
7006334
7006326
I think what Shocks is communicating is that you sprung up to the top before reaching your quality-stride, so this is on display before you get to display your future refined talents. Just a bit of misfortune in timing. When you come into your own, be ready to punch your way back into Featured and all will be well.
7006049 I change my avatar periodically. https://m.imgur.com/a/8aVUd
7004952 I feel as If you could just make this A full story.
as a heads up because i saw it a lot and haven't seen any corrections, it's spelled "patience," and "entrance." that was the most jarring thing in reading this fic for me, other than the obvious errors like that is was a very good read
7007279 Thanks for pointing that out.
People is a plural, meaning "more than one individual" but the "a" article, means one, your title is contradictory correct proposals
"Wrath of People"
"Wrath of the people" (even if correct I don't like this one that much)
7007485 Depends on how it's used.
http://www.amazon.com/People-Nation-History-United-States/dp/1133312721
7007485 "Wrath of a People" still should work, since "a people" is referring to a singular group of individuals. "the people" is a more generic term, and fits better when referring to people in a particular location.
Basically, "a people" fits with "a race", "a species", etc., whereas "the people" is essentially a shortened "the people of 'X,Y,Z'", the people of a particular location or faction.
I haven't read the story yet, but I just have to comment on this.
This is what we in the business refer to as "blatant lies". Nature requires that they feed on love; it does NOT determine how they gain access to it. The reason ponies hate them is because of the method of access and feeding they have chosen to employ. That and the military invasion of the pony capital city.
Basically, their problems are well earned and entirely their own (or, at the very least, Chrysalis's) fault, and nature has nothing to do with it.
7007671 Would you agree with total extermination of a race though for that purpose, plus, you do not know the methods of which the changelings extract love, headcanon is like that, not everyone shares it.
7007671 It's true as far as the changeling are concerned, after all why would they see anything wrong with shoving a pony in a cocoon and slowly feeding off them.
7007834 Then it's hypocritical of them to complain when they in return do what prey animals do to predators they can overpower in nature. They kill them.
7007671 But duuude, if we didn't play the whole "it's just their nature card" how else could we possibly whitewash all the horrific atrocities they've committed against Equestria and place the black hats on ponies' heads--oh wait!
In all seriousness though, I understand that the author, in their words, is instead trying to go for the "everyone is the hero of their own story" angle. That'd be fair enough except for a couple of problems:
Nothing from the show or comic canon has ever supported this notion of Chrysalis and her changelings doing what they do purely out of survival. You cannot ignore the clear fact they all take sadistic joy in their actions, be it kidnapping and imprisoning royalty, invading cities and, as in the case of the comics and ironically enough here, genocide. Even if Chrysalis views herself as the 'hero of her own story', that doesn't make her selfless or altruistic in her heinous actions.
A lot about this portrayal of them also hinges on, as is the case with so many changeling stories on this site, the ponies being portrayed in a far worse light compared to the changelings. Now in this story, it isn't a simple matter of perspective: they're the outright genocidal antagonists here. I can be sold on a counter-invasion and war against the changelings to stop the threat they pose, I draw the line at the 'genocide' part because,
A) (Obligatory ponies being a herbivore species for whom friendship is a key pillar in their society here)
B) I think we on this site don't quite understand the weight of what genocide actually is. I mean, even in most stories that attempt this at least try to have some bullsh*t handwave excuse for the ponies' behaviour, be it to 'protect the harmony of their land' and that the 'changelings are too dangerous to left'. As it's presented here, as Dwarvish Pony pointed out 7005775, there's no real excuse offered other than... just because; genocide for genocide's sake.
I mean, the ponies' goal could've simply been to defeat the changeling kingdom and depose Chrysalis, so they can then rebuild better relations with whoever takes over. Given what we know of ponies in canon, it would've easily fit. But no, their 'friendship' is nothing but lies they tell themselves, they want to wipe out changelings because... again, just because. It's a straightforward way of solidifying the ponies' status as the black hats, leaving us little choice but to support the changelings whether we feel truly obligated to or not.
After all, who in their right mind is gonna back the side committing genocide---OH WAIT.
Bravo! This was awesome!
i hope this gets a sequel soon
7008283 Looking back I may have given the ponies too much of the black hat, as you say. Part of the problem may have been that I wrote the first half of this a few months back and the other half just recently, so the motivation of the ponies is likely something I skipped over without realizing. I was focusing more on the changeling side of the story, and combined that with the fact that is was originally going to be just a one shot. In the sequel I plan to delve into more of the motivation on both sides that lead up to the war.
While they do it to survival nothing says they much feel bad about it. In fact they would have no reason to feel guilt for doing something that comes naturally to them, at least that's how I see it.
7005820
Definitely. The "Everyone is the hero of their own story" thing the author keeps throwing around is zilch when they literally had the ponies go into a hatchery and destroy all the eggs. That's basically mass, forced abortion for the sake of it. Yeah, because when a pony thinks of heroics, that's the thing they think of. And basically in retaliation for crashing a wedding. Really?
In the end, authors have to realize that there just is no way to realistically portray ponies committing genocide... Period. End of discussion. Only someone evil would come to such a decision to wrought on another people, and such a label simply doesn't fit either princess.
They are a nation who constantly preach the values of harmony, love, and tolerance, so there is no way they'd decide to kill a species off, murder their children, and slaughter the straggles who don't even want to fight.
For the portrayal of ponies being evil just because, I have to downvote this. Perhaps if there are some massive edits that try and grey things up a bit, maybe I'll reconsider, but honestly, it's unlikely unless all notions of genocide are removed. Going to war is believable, but that? Never.
7008434
I can understand both sides of the coin here. From a changeling perspective, feeding off of love is natural. The methods employed in the Canterlot invasion don't paint this as a simple matter, seeing as there's the whole rounding up and kidnapping the populace thing that the changelings are doing during this time. It's definitely not a nice way of doing things, and changelings can easily be viewed as "bad" by their victims.
I can understand the need for a counterattack by the ponies. Chrysalis was the one leading an invasion, and can definitely be viewed as the primary reason Equestria would attack the changelings. America's invaded countries to depose of leaders deemed a threat to national security after all.
I think the problem some of the readers have been having are that the ponies are wiping out all the changelings without stopping and asking if this is the right thing to do. Ponies ever even considering genocide just seems too out of character for a kingdom literally based on harmony.
Chrysalis' reaction seems completely in character. I feel like she would go to any lengths to stop the changelings from dying out, even if it meant she dies in the process. I rather liked some of the characterization in the story there. She genuinely feels like a character who would go to extreme lengths.
I'm torn on whether or not I should rewrite parts of the story like giving more detail on why ponies are attacking, as well editing out the genocide parts or just leave it as is. I thinking of trying to justify the genocide in the next story but it may be more trouble then its worth. Thoughts?
7008512
Lets see:
Invasion of a nation
Attacking, harming, Kidnapping, and impersonation of high ranking nobility and neice to ruling principality (Cadence),
Harming and Mind controlling of High Ranking Official of the Royal Army (Shining Armor),
Attacking the ruling principality and imprisonment (Celestia),
Attacking local national heroes (Elements of Harmony)
Intent to feed upon the ponies.
Intent to conquer nation to forcibly enslave inhabitants to use as food.
...Do people really just want to gloss over what the Changlings were doing and planning on doing? It's not like they came as wedding crashers to steal cake and spike the punch with corn liquor.
7008553
7008515
7008512
In retrospect, I think the problem boils down not to that it can never, ever work and no one should ever attempt it, but rather something exceptionally difficult to do well, and that is largely in part that we are dealing with a kingdom, the foundations of which are genuinely built on friendship and harmony (it's the key theme of the whole damn show!).
On top of that, it bugs me just how much people, be it fanfic writers or otherwise, seem to underestimate the gravity of genocide. It's the deliberate extermination of an entire race and their way of life. The most horrific moments in mankind's history are synonymous with that word. And it's just so hair-pulling when I see it used in books/movies/tv shows/fanfiction as nothing more than a blatant means to an end, the end in question often being to tug at the heartstrings and manipulate the readers/viewers. E.g., "LOOK AT HOW EVIL THE BAD GUYS ARE! DON'T YOU JUST HATE THEM YET?!? DON'T YOU FEEL SOOO SORRY FOR YOUR HEROES?!!"
For a story to successfully sell Genocidal Equestria to me, it would need to require much more time, skill and gravity than its depiction here. For example, if the ponies came to the decision that they have to commit genocide as an absolute last resort , after exhausting every other peaceful or less damaging option already. That it's not something they jumped to at the first opportunity and that they feel they're at a point of desperation where it's "either them or us". And that the gravity of the 'necessary evil' they feel they're being forced to do is felt throughout.
7008612
I was more trying to point out it was an over reaction on the part of the ponies. Does total war and genocide really seem like the proper response to a horribly planned invasion that didn't seem to leave any lasting damage on ponydom and only lasted a few minutes? None of the main cast was killed, or even injured besides Celestia getting a booboo on her horn, Cadance being dirtied in the caves (She was in perfect health for the wedding after all), and Shining having a headache. You say they were harmed, but no, they really weren't beyond mental damage, and again, it wasn't too bad.
Heck, even when the Main6 was beating the tar out of them, the changelings retaliated with non-lethal, non-injuring force. Not one of those mares had a scratch on them after they were captured, and they were fighting back, so do think changeling were beating the civilians who coward away? No, probably not.
And in retaliation to this, murder on an unmatched scale was the decided response. You can talk about how bad the changelings were all you want, but at least it was to save their species and not out of sheer evil intent. In the end, genocide is inarguablely worse and should not have been what the ponies resorted to.
7008626 You make a good point, and I believe that having a Genocidal Equestria will end up working against me with the sequel I have planed. And while I may be able to justify genocidal, in the long run it would likely divert the plot.
7008626
I'm in complete agreement here. Its not that this idea can't work, its just one of those topics that requires a lot of time and writing to make it feel natural, considering the setting and characters involved. I think that if any of the princesses were to lead this sort of attack, Luna would be the most likely candidate. I think that ponies could be capable of such a horrible thing if they had absolutely no other options available. I would even go so far as to say that not all ponies are what we seen in the show with the happy attitudes and the good intentions. I could totally see a few corrupt advisers feeding the princesses over-exaggerated information to further their goals of escalating a war.
I have no problems with the story itself. I just think that a topic like this needs more explaining. Its hard to pick up the story mid-slaughter and feel like the story is natural.
7008648
This is why I tend to hate changeling stories. This is always used as a qualifier to make their invasion 'not as bad'. I mean, if some guy broke into your house with the intent to hold your family hostage, and botched it up, revealing his identity and getting thrown out. What do you do? "Oh well since nothing really bad happened i guess it wasn't so bad." or are you going to call the cops and make sure he's locked up forever (can be worse than death or about the same thing as being dead, depending on perspective) so he can't try it again and get it right a SECOND time.
For that matter, if we use that logic then ponies are actually right to smash the eggs. If they are the prey of Changelings, and the Changelings got desperate enough to try and take over their country and turn them all into livestock and slaves, then preventing more Changelings is saving ponykind. We've seen what happens in an Equestria where Chrysalis wins at Canterlot.
All that aside, my problem with these stories is it's always Changelings not so bad, ponies are evil and mean to them for no good reason. Seems that might be something of the case here, too. Thanks for pointing these things out.
7008553 It's good, it just needs some proofreading for punctuation and grammar.
7008688 I understand what you're saying, but murdering children is wrong. Regardless of their race. They could have taken them in and taught the next generation to live peacefully with them.